When you were a child **sensitive topic**

[missy]

What type of punishments did your parents (and if you are old enough, teachers) employ?

Did they hit you? Spank you? Wash your mouth out with soap? Send you to your room for a time out? Take away your toys? Take away your mobile phone/computer etc?

I think this is going to be divided along generational lines but just curious to see what experiences we all had with punishments when we were little.

 

[missy]

I'll start. I got spanked twice. Once I remember was because I crossed the street (busy street) without my parents and I was very young. I got a good spanking for that one. Scared the bejesus out of my parents.

Another time because I was playing tag in the house with my friend who hit into a glass zebra my mom cherished and it broke into many pieces. I was not supposed to be playing tag in the house and despite it being Rob's fault I got punished. Spanked.

These are the only 2 times I remember getting hit by my parents. The first time was fair IMO but the second time was not a spankable offense IMO. Now though I know nothing is a spankable offense. Should it be? I am against physical abuse of any kind and I think there are better ways to deter bad behavior if you will. IMO.

What are your thoughts?

 

[Austina]

When I was a child, everything seemed to be my fault. I would get hit, not spanked, but beaten. Today it would be classified as child abuse. I vividly remember a time when my father beat me with a hard brush on my back (I don’t remember what I was supposed to have done) to the point he actually broke it.

I often wonder why they bothered to have children, because I really have no happy memories of being a child.

 

[missy]

When I was a child, everything seemed to be my fault. I would get hit, not spanked, but beaten. Today it would be classified as child abuse. I vividly remember a time when my father beat me with a hard brush on my back (I don’t remember what I was supposed to have done) to the point he actually broke it.

I often wonder why they bothered to have children, because I really have no happy memories of being a child.

I'm so sorry @Austina
And it goes to show how even having an unpleasant and punishing childhood one can overcome and go on to have a wonderful life and successful marriage and a happy family. Kudos to you for having overcome so much and being a wonderful human being and raising a truly lovely family. (((Hugs))).

 

[Rhea]

Boardlined Gen X - Millennial here. I was spanked, put in time out, or had privileges taken away.

My father believes in physical punishment. My mother less so but would happily slap hands. There were a few times that my father got out of hand with spanking and my mother had to intervene. I can't count or recall any particular instances in specifics, it happened fairly frequently.

My sister (millennial) snapped when she was in teens and shoved my father very hard. That more or less put a stop to spanking, I guess when we were about 13 and 15 years old.

I was a pretty good child, I think. I'm a rule follower and hate being in trouble, it really stresses me out. My sister spent her teenage years breaking curfews and using the phone or tv when she'd been banned. But I think she was right to stand up to my father. I remember once my father chasing me around my mother so he could spank me and everyone was yelling. I remember once my father spanked so hard while holding my sister's arm that she fell over and hit her head on the counter. They all kind of run together though. It wouldn't be abuse then, it would be now. I don't consider myself to have been an abused child.

I think there are other solutions to spanking. My parents lashed out in anger and frustration and it didn't have the effect that was intended. I do not respect or fear (or even particularly like) my father. I think he's a weak, angry man and I wouldn't want my children around him. His temper has calmed with age, but his viewpoints, including those about physical punishment, are scary.

 

[missy]

Boardlined Gen X - Millennial here. I was spanked, put in time out, or had privileges taken away.

My father believes in physical punishment. My mother less so but would happily slap hands. There were a few times that my father got out of hand with spanking and my mother had to intervene. I can't count or recall any particular instances in specifics, it happened fairly frequently.

My sister (millennial) snapped when she was in teens and shoved my father very hard. That more or less put a stop to spanking, I guess when we were about 13 and 15 years old.

I was a pretty good child, I think. I'm a rule follower and hate being in trouble, it really stresses me out. My sister spent her teenage years breaking curfews and using the phone or tv when she'd been banned. But I think she was right to stand up to my father. I remember once my father chasing me around my mother so he could spank me and everyone was yelling. I remember once my father spanked so hard while holding my sister's arm that she fell over and hit her head on the counter. They all kind of run together though. It wouldn't be abuse then, it would be now. I don't consider myself to have been an abused child.

I think there are other solutions to spanking. My parents lashed out in anger and frustration and it didn't have the effect it should. I do not respect or fear (or even particularly like) my father. I think he's a weak, angry man and I wouldn't want my children around him. His temper has calmed with age, but his viewpoints, including those about physical punishment, are scary.

I agree. There are better methods, more effective than physical punishment. Thanks for including your age range. I forgot to include mine. I am borderline Gen X/Baby Boomer.

I am sorry you do not enjoy a good relationship with your father. I am sorry your father was physically abusive.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

When I was a child, everything seemed to be my fault. I would get hit, not spanked, but beaten. Today it would be classified as child abuse. I vividly remember a time when my father beat me with a hard brush on my back (I don’t remember what I was supposed to have done) to the point he actually broke it.

I often wonder why they bothered to have children, because I really have no happy memories of being a child.

Im so sorry dear Austina

My mother had a quick uncontrollable temper that i wore the brunt of physically and emotionally
And tears were like a red rag to a bull, i remenber one night her and dad were going out and she yelled at me till i waw sick down my 1970s highly flammable nightie
Her brother - a wonderful uncle, was the same
Always a scene when someone was going somewhere, where it be a night out or a holiday or school camp
in latter life i kind of worked out that that family screamed and yelled their love to each other but im quiet like my dad and can't handle yelling and screaming
i still remember alot of the hurtful things my mother said to me in the heat of the moment
hurtful stuff like my having a messy room gave ny dad cancer
FFS !
Who says that ?
I remember my first birthday after dad died and she had woken up in the foulest mood and i went off to work in tears
She would completly trash my room
She lost her hand break after dad died
but even when he was alive she had uncontrollable and unreasonable rage locking me out of the house on the rain, ripping my books
I was never good enough, but if i did manage to do something good she would turn it around and find some angle to hurt me
Also the way she talked about me like i was the worst kid out - which was the exact opposite, i was on a very short leash and missed out on alot of normal teenage fun
I cringe when i hear people bad mounting their kids

I do now think she had some undiagnosed mental illness but its one of the major reasons i never wanted children because my wonderful sweet kind grandma did the same to her

My sister choses to not acknowkege this behabour as while i got it, she got away with murder
i remenber one time mum was out and my sister and her boyfriend came home drunk and the boyfriend was sick in the bathroom
my friend helped me clean it up and took the boyfriend home - but when mum got home i was the one who got in trouble - i had zero to do with it

i told my mum one time you hit me again ill hit back or ill walk out this door and never come back
i left with a backpack and my mountain bike
my mother wondered why we never visited ???
Also my sister got the education
i always got in trouble with school reports because i can't spell or right neat but in high school i was kinda doing ok academically but got zero encouragement only criticism
Once i got 2nd in English and mum wanted to know why i didn't get 1st
That's not encouragement

my first day of high school was horrible, i was split up from my friends and there were a few horrible boys in my class
i came home crying and mum slapped my face and told me i had to go back
The thing was she hated school so we had to also, she wouldn't let us enjoy school when things were good

my sister was the favourite and it was embarrising because everyone could see it
Anyway she was a lot like Bruce Springsteen's Dad, so i have an outlet
I try not to think of it, i found out at her funeral she had remorse about me not going to university but she never told me
i only hope my sister doesn't yell at her kids

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Beaten, pinched, hair pulled, objects thrown at, chased with a knife.

This was all mother.

Father was more manipulative. Ask for a pack of crayons? Get told that I was a worthless good for nothing who will bring the entire family down due to my crazy spending habits.

They collected unemployment benefits including a government allowance to raise me which they resented spending on me. I was forced to study and make it into selective high school so they could bask in the glory of having a smart child when they refused to drop a penny for tutoring. They were dumbasses and knew nothing themselves but would scream (mother) when I got less than 95%. There was hair pulling on the way home if she didn't like my school work. Not that she understood any of it.

Amongst other random things they would sporadically ban me from going to the library because reading too many books would make me insane. I was regularly told that I was insane and they were just keeping my crazy in check.

My mother's favourite quote growing up was: Nobody will ever love you as much as I do.

They had my sister and left her for me to raise as soon as I got home from school. God help me if I missed a 3am wake up. Mother would get out of bed, scream, hair pull and start crying about why I was such a horrible child who couldn't help her with the baby.

When I turned 18 and went to uni I got a part time job and they could no longer collect the government allowance for me (at some point it was paid directly to me so they kept my bank card and had the PIN on it) so they made me pay them the same amount that the government would have given them from my part time salary.

Oh there are so many more stories I could tell.

The two things they did for me which has actually resulted in me having an incredibly wonderful life:

1. They gave me my sister
2. They pushed me to chose my husband

Ahh my husband. Sweet, kind, incredibly good tempered and rock solid. Everything they were not. They thought they could control him easily because he was so vague and easygoing. They failed to realise that when you start to spend year in, year out with an incredibly kind and sane person, you question the jarring toxic elements in your life and become freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Oh dear sweet @mellowyellowgirl
do we have a hug emogie
Despite my not being a huggie type of person (My mother wanted love and affection from me but that's not how im made)

But after reading your post thank goodness i had short hair

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My mother and I
Adam raised a Cain

 

[Austina]

I wonder if our parents read the same “How not to raise a child book”?

 

[kenny]

Under age 10 or so it was ... pull your pants down, get bent over mom or dad's knees, and get swatted on the bare butt a few times with a hairbrush as the other 3 siblings listened and giggled on the other side of the bathroom door.

After age 10, it was my drunken dad's fist when he got home from the bar and woke up the five of us at 2:30 AM.
But I wouldn't put those times in the category of punishment for doing something bad.
There's a whole different category for those last 8 years at home.

Some people should NOT have kids.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Under age 10 or so it was ... pull your pants down, get bent over mom or dad's knees, and get swatted on the bare butt a few times with a hairbrush as the other 3 siblings listened and giggled on the other side of the bathroom door.

After age 10, it was my drunken dad's fist when he got home from the bar and woke up the five of us at 2:30 AM.
But I wouldn't put those times in the category of punishment for doing something bad.
There's a whole different category for those last 8 years at home.

Some people should NOT have kids.

Would you liked to have been a Dad Kenny ?
I was 6 and knew i never ever wanted to be a mother if that's how mother's treated their daughters

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Oh dear sweet @mellowyellowgirl
do we have a hug emogie
Despite my not being a huggie type of person (My mother wanted love and affection from me but that's not how im made)

But after reading your post thank goodness i had short hair

Aww thanks honey!

I am truly fine I promise. I am incredibly lucky and have a wonderful life. If that's what it took to get here, it was well worth it.

Also I don't know if this will make you feel better but I can assure you I NEVER smack my son. I don't even yell. We actually had a looong conversation today about why he constantly feels like he needs my approval when I am such a hippy, dippy mother.

Him: But you're so good to me I want to make you happy

Me: I am very happy but it's not your job to make me happy little dude. Be wary of anyone who keeps blaming you for their unhappiness.

***
Funny tidbit. The kid knows about aspects of my youth. Sometimes when I do something for him he'll thank me and then say with a smirk: Nobody will love me as much as you do

He enjoys a bit of dark humour that one!

 

[kenny]

Would you liked to have been a Dad Kenny ?
I was 6 and knew i never ever wanted to be a mother if that's how mother's treated their daughters

Nope.
I'd be a crappy parent.
I'm too selfish, and too psychologically F-ed up from my abusive childhood.
Unfortunately my sister had a kid, who had two kids.
I'll just say, the pain continues.

Actually my sister had two kids.
The first was from when my father raped her when she was 16.
She ran away and gave that baby up for adoption.

 

[kenny]

mellowgirl, I'm so sorry.
I understand.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Nope.
I'd be a crappy parent.
I'm too selfish, and too psychologically F-ed up from my abusive childhood.
Unfortunately my sister had a kid, who had two kids.
I'll just say, the pain continues.

Actually my sister had two kids.
The first was from when my father raped her when she was 16.
She ran away and gave that baby up for adoption.

Oh Kenny
That's awful


There are a million reasons why i never want kids but i would never risk turning into my mother
My cats get away with murder
I never ever growl at them

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I must say this thread took a dark unhappy turn

Didn't anyone get a tap on the bum because they were actually a naughty little shit ?

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

I’m a millennial. I feel lucky after reading these posts that my parents (one who grew up being hit by parents and one who didn’t) took a vow at a time where around me a lot of kids were getting hit by their parents that they would never, ever hit us and they never did.

There were definitely rules, but those rules were always explained to us as “this is why we do xyz, you can choose not to but then this is the consequence. So you only do something if you can live with the consequences.” FWIW this is the kind of parenting I remember even as a child - as young as 4-5yo.

I threw only one tantrum as a child - my mom picked me up, took me home, put me in a room with a half glass door and told me I had the right to scream and cry as much as I wanted, but no one needed to hear it. So I could cry as much as I wanted, and when I was done, to wash my face and come down to dinner. That was my first and last tantrum.

The rule in the house was that we had to each try one single bite of everything that was made. We could choose to not eat it, but that single bite was necessary. If we said we weren’t hungry, okay fine, we could always eat later, but no tantrumming. Dinner came before dessert always. Usually we had one “safe food” made alongside something new in case us kids didn’t like it.

We were rewarded for effort, not results per se. If I refused to sleep that was my problem - I still had to get up for school in the morning, do my homework etc. So I never broke my rough bedtime because otherwise I’d be tired the next day.

That isn’t to say I didn’t get scolded. I got the “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” talk a few times when I did something wrong. Like I stole a doll from a kid in school once. My mom sat me down, explained why stealing was wrong, told me to imagine how that kid must be feeling. I had to return it to the kid and apologise for stealing. Then my mom said that as a punishment for stealing, she would not buy me that toy. If I had just asked for it, she might have got it for me, but because I stole it I would not get the toy anymore. I felt so horrible, I cried for days and I literally never ever stole again. The idea makes me sick.

I have great parents. I only wish I could be as good parents to my kids in the future.

Edit: I’ve seen how hitting kids can screw them up when they’re older. When you hit a child it means that you can’t reason with them, and you’re teaching them that violence is the best way. The most well adjusted adults I know weren’t hit as kids even when they were being naughty little shits. I hate the message of “The stronger person wins”. I wouldn’t want to psychologically scar any child like that.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

My mother was always confiscating my sterio and taking away phone privalages
It was about total control not punishment

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I was born in '79, the only girl of three kids.

There isn't much I remember of my childhood which is probably a bad sign but I remember my father taking off his belt for punishment. I was sat in the naughty chair but wouldn't stay so they would belt me down but I don't remember ever being hit with it. Also my hair was long and usually in a pony tail and if I got in trouble would run and hide under the bed, well I would get pulled out by my hair. As a result I hate my hair being pulled now, even brushing it is unpleasant.

My parents used to fight physically, my father even hit my cat with a frying pain so I wouldn't be surprised if I was hit but I just don't remember it at all.

 

[chrono]

Caned, pinched, hit with a broom, belted, ear pulled and dragged out of the house - by my parents. If I cried too loudly or yelled, they will beat harder.

Hit with ruler - not done to me but this was pretty standard for school teachers. If it was serious, the headmaster or headmistress will cane the student.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I started writing it out but it’s just too much for early in the morning.

My dad was not great. My mom was, so I’m very lucky. Having a fantastic parent cannot be understated.

I just chalk it up to how he was raised, and I think his own father was not a nice person.

 

[Mekp]

I'm just a year or so older than millenials (born in 1980). I never know what that makes me.

My father has always been a bit unstable. He was pretty free with physical violence for no reason, although not to the degree some of these parents were.
I remember being little and he had his family over. I have no idea what I said but I remember clearly I wasn't being bad. He hauled off and hit me so hard across the face. I remember being so confused because I hadn't done anything.
Another time when I was little I was in the car with him and a friend (I think) who was a smoker. I now know I am allergic to smoke. The friend insisted the windows had to be up. I ended up vomiting. I got hit for embarrassing him.

We avoided being with my dad and my mom very rarely left us alone with him.

I think my mother spanked us occasionally but I don't remember it.

I do not hit my own children ever.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

This thread is so sad

 

[Bron357]

We used to get smacked on the back of the legs with a wooden spoon or hairbrush. I was rarely naughty, my brother was getting smacks everyday (he was really naughty). After about 10 our punishments were missing out ie not going to the zoo or the movies and having to stay instead with cranky grandma. After about 15 we got “grounded” ie no going out anywhere except school and seeing cranky grandma. That’s life growing up in the 70s!
My daughter, I smacked her just the once, she was 4. It upset me more than her as I lost my temper. After a stressful day at work picking her up from childcare She kept undoing her safety belt. I had to stop 3 times to put it back on. The third time As I did it back up again, she bit me. I smacked her on her leg. Left a red mark. I felt terrible, sick to the stomach actually.
She never undid her safety belt again nor did she ever bite me again.

 

[Arcadian]

Dirty words we got soap. Lifebuoy was not great tasting, but then again neither was Ivory (was easier to have in the mouth though!)

Bringing the projects in the house, you got soap.

Bad grades, you got a talking to, punished, (omg don't talk back you got ass tore up)

Yes we got spanked, dad was easy, 3-4 whacks and a "don't do it anymore". Mom...it was a sermon. When I say we got it, it was all ass and legs. Never in the face, never on the arms, never anywhere else. Ass and legs.

Anytime we got it, we knew why. It was never any type of surprise.

To be fair neither of my parents loved to do it, however 5 kids living in the projects...yeah you had to bust a little tail sometimes. But we got more "promise whoopings" than anything else...

My parents were not abusive doing what they needed to do and we were not ever hit in anger. But I tell you what, we had one time to do stupid shit. If the silly shit we did made them mad, they would make us go to our rooms and think about what we did, hour or so later we'd have "the talk". I assume they did this for themselves to cool down. Then there would be, "if you do that again Imma whoop your butt, you hear me?" (promise whooping) You had to be careful and not let too many of those build up....

My mother would go to her room and cry after she spanked us. Its not something she wanted to do but something that had to be done.

The last one I got was...a doozy. hurt like hell but yeah straighten my silly ass out (I was 13)

Our fear was not of our parents. It was getting that ass popped. We were allowed to freely think and express ourselves respectfully but they demanded we respect them and our siblings and the household at large. You have a fight with a sibling, you would have no choice but to hug it out and hold hands. And don't do no shady shit while doing it.

Every birthday I tell my parents, "thank you for getting in my ass when you needed to" and I truly mean it. I would not be the person I am without them.

 

[Begonia]

When I was a child, everything seemed to be my fault. I would get hit, not spanked, but beaten. Today it would be classified as child abuse. I vividly remember a time when my father beat me with a hard brush on my back (I don’t remember what I was supposed to have done) to the point he actually broke it.

I often wonder why they bothered to have children, because I really have no happy memories of being a child.

I'm so sorry to hear this! My heart is so sad for little Austina, if I could I would go back and scoop her away from them. Why indeed did some people have children.

I was spanked and struck, and screamed at and given the silent treatment for days. It was abuse. I asked them why they had me (last of 4, and Mom nearing 40) and was told it was the 60's and her birth control failed.

I lived with trauma for 20 years. Sometimes I get so angry and resentful. I was so busy trying to survive that I had no one to support me and cherish me. I'm living with the results of that now in a lot of ways (self esteem, mental and physical health, poor career choice).

 

[dk168]

Caning on my palm or buttock, however, they did not hit particularly hard, and I probably deserved to be punished.

DK

 

[missy]

I’m so sorry to all of you who have experienced abuse.

You overcame extreme and horrible circumstances. You all rock.

(((Hugs))).