When you see butt-ugly diamond rings . . .

[kenny]

. . . and the owner asks for your opinion, what you say?
Are you honest or not?

This happened to me today.
While walking our dogs I ran into woman who had heard I'm into diamonds and she held out her arm and shoved her hand in my face.
She said, "Oh, so and so told me you are into diamonds and my husband just gave me this anniversary gift. What do you think?"

I almost puked.
It was 4 or 5 different uncomplimentary cuts, maybe marquise, round, princess, heart, with an enormous tapered baguette as the center diamond.
The designer had to be on LSD.
Even without a loupe it was blatant that they were all bottom of the barrel cut, clarity and color.
The ring design was, uhm, not a design at all, it was just like random dice that were just tossed on a craps table.
It immediately brought to mind that PS thread of hideous rings.
I suppressed my desire to ask to photograph it to post in that thread.
A couple of the stone were sticking up in the air like the antennae of an insect.
Against my conscience, I told her it was lovely.

I hate stuff like this, being fake and nice and dishonest - but I did it.
I try to be NOT a artificially-nice person, but I was.
It took every fiber of my will power to not be honest.

What do you do when confronted for your opinion on a diamond ring from HELL!???

 

[junebug17]

Ya know what Kenny, I lie - I know others will disagree, but I just don't see the point in hurting someone's feelings over something like this. If I told the truth, the person would remember my words every time she put the ring on, and I don't think that's a nice thing to do to somebody, especially if that person seems happy and excited about their piece. As long as the person likes it, does it really matter what my true feelings are about it?

Eta: I don't view it as being artificially nice - I view it as being considerate of someone's feelings.

 

[Dancing Fire]

. . . and the owner asks for your opinion, what you say?
Are you honest or not?


What do you do when confronted for your opinion on a diamond ring from HELL!???

you tell the truth...tell her it is BUTT UGLY

 

[Autumnovember]

I lie unless its my best friend or someone I am very close to. But then again, I intervene before the bad decision is made.

 

[mary poppins]

OMG, Kenny, your description is hilarious and that ring sounds so atrocious. I wish you had gotten a picture to post!

Luckily, I haven't been in the situation where someone asks my opinion about their yucky ring. If I were in the situation, I'd just say it's nice just to spare the owner's feelings.

My friend's friend has a huge diamond ring which is very noticeable, as is the poor quality. My first thought upon seeing it was, "Wow, that's huge." Second thought immediately after was, "Wow, that's not pretty, at all." Very little sparkle. I feel bad for her. Thankfully, nobody has asked what I think about it. It makes her happy, so that's fine with me.

 

[Haven]

I smile and say something like "it's lovely" or "what an interesting design!" I don't outright say I it's beautiful if I don't think it is beautiful.

My eye doctor has a huge but hideous princess cut solitaire. The ring is really difficult to look at because I think of what a shame it is that she spent money on such a terrible diamond.

My best friend wears a 3 ct RB that belonged to her grandmother. It is very large, but dull. I would be completely honest with her if she asked me what I thought of it, because I think it is a PERFECT candidate for a recut. It could be stunning! Her husband set it in a really heavy, masculine setting as well, so every time I see that ring it just makes me feel sad for the beautiful diamond that is waiting to come out of that poorly cut stone. She always says something about how much my ring sparkles, and asks me if I just cleaned it. I say "No, it's just the cut" but I can't bring myself to say more, even when she says hers doesn't look that sparkly, even when it's clean. I just can't. She'll have to ask me outright for some feedback, first.

Kenny--Your description of this ring has me laughing over here! I would love to see your descriptions of an entire catalog of ugly pieces!

 

[Circe]

If it's pre-purchase, I'm honest about quality and price - but I keep my trap shut about design, as, hey, subjectivity is subjective.

If it's post-purchase? Like Haven, I try to be nice, but to tell the literal truth to preserve my own sense of honor, i.e., "Wow, I've never seen a ring like that! He must know your taste so well!"

If anything, I have to say, I go out of my way more to find something nice to say about the odder pieces I see - they're almost always conversation pieces, either because they're emotionally significant, or because the owner is expressing who they are with them, and kudos to anybody who wants to step outside of the whatever-is-currently-in-fashion box.

 

[Fly Girl]

You did the right thing, Kenny. It happens, and I just smile and say it's very nice, and how much they must enjoy wearing it. Because, if they really thought it was ugly, they wouldn't be wearing it.

 

[Laila619]

Once it's already purchased, I just smile and say it's pretty or unique.

Haven, I would totally tell your friend about the recut! It sounds like she would be interested, especially when she makes comments about your ring being so sparkly and asks if you just cleaned it. I bet if you filled her in she'd be thrilled.

 

[Aoife]

I find "Wow, that's amazing!" covers that kind of situation really well.

Of course, the problem is that I sometimes say that when the stone/ring really is amazingly wonderful. Sort of an all-purpose comment.

 

[canuk-gal]

. . . and the owner asks for your opinion, what you say?
Are you honest or not?

This happened to me today.
While walking our dogs I ran into woman who had heard I'm into diamonds and she held out her arm and shoved her hand in my face.
She said, "Oh, so and so told me you are into diamonds and my husband just gave me this anniversary gift. What do you think?"

I almost puked.It was 4 or 5 different uncomplimentary cuts, maybe marquise, round, princess, heart, with an enormous tapered baguette as the center diamond.
The designer had to be on LSD.
Even without a loupe it was blatant that they were all bottom of the barrel cut, clarity and color.
The ring design was, uhm, not a design at all, it was just like random dice that were just tossed on a craps table.
It immediately brought to mind that PS thread of hideous rings.
I suppressed my desire to ask to photograph it to post in that thread.
A couple of the stone were sticking up in the air like the antennae of an insect.
Against my conscience, I told her it was lovely.

I hate stuff like this, being fake and nice and dishonest - but I did it.
I try to be NOT a artificially-nice person, but I was.
It took every fiber of my will power to not be honest.

What do you do when confronted for your opinion on a diamond ring from HELL!???

Try gravol......

 

[kindred]

I haven't had that happen to me, but I'm sure I would just find something nice to say. There is no point in making someone feel bad about their ring.

Haven, I would totally tell your friend about the recut! It sounds like she would be interested, especially when she makes comments about your ring being so sparkly and asks if you just cleaned it. I bet if you filled her in she'd be thrilled.

I agree! Your friend probably has no idea that a recut is even a possibility.

 

[slg47]

if it was already purchased...I would just bite my tongue and say something vague like "oh that's a really interesting piece"

although I really wish you had gotten pictures of this ring!!!

 

[Jennifer W]

It was a gift, she already owned it, she was obviously thrilled with it. IMO, that all adds up to it being a really lovely ring (or "really lovely gift" if you can't bring yourself to say it hehe). You don't have to change your own personal standards on diamond buying criteria, just accept that someone else has gone with a different set.

I don't see any merit in using my knowledge to make someone else feel bad or unhappy or make myself feel superior. I think we've had a thread along these lines before, and people have different (varied) views, but I'll stick with my original answer - if the question is "should I buy / return this ring..." there is room for discussion and education. If the question is "do you like this ring I own and love?" I personally think that anything negative is just spiteful.

 

[Gypsy]

I use the same rule off line as I do on line. If they haven't bought (if they are in RT) or asking because they have a return policy they are willing to use AND are genuinely concerned I will give my honest-- but diplomatic-- answer. I won't say: Holy crap that's the ugliest ring I've ever seen! I'll ask them what they think and if I hear doubt-- like if they say, "I'm not sure about the design"... I might say, "well it's very unique, perhaps the store has something you might prefer and the two of you can go together and pick a different piece out?"

But if they've bought it and love it and just want me to gush (SMTB) I can always say something WITHOUT lying that SOUNDS like I'm gushing.

My favorite ways of NOT lying are:

"What a thoughtful husband to surprise you!" Can't praise the bling, praise the gesture.

"WOW that is so unique!" I'm not lying. I really hope there's only ONE of those out there.

"I just love getting jewelry as a gift, don't you?" I do, when it's nice stuff. But there's no reason to get bogged down in specifics, is there?

"I love the setting" I think the rock is still trying to evolve from carbon into diamond but the setting is beautiful!

"Look at that finger coverage!" Yes, it looks like Krypton's crystals are trying to take over your knuckles, but hey -- it's big!

I don't lie. But there are a lot of things I can say that have different interpretations. And they can't read my mind.

 

[Imdanny]

I don't see why it should be any different IRL than it is on PS. You don't insult someone's ring. It's bad manners. It might well hurt the other person's feelings.

I never see any engagement rings I like where I live except at the resorts. In everyday life, going to the grocery store, the post office, the bank, etc., women here have very inexpensively made settings with small diamonds that are cut so badly and/or of such low clarity that they look like glass.

I haven't had the experience of a woman other than my MIL showing me her ring. It this situation, I think it's pretty bleeping well implied that I'm supposed to compliment it. Which I did. Even though it was kind of a massive amount of ct weight to expend on having no sparkle whatsoever, not a single color glinting back at you, comprised of five hideous square cuts. She told SO and me her now husband paid $7,000 something for it and she was surprised he agreed to it. She picked it out with a friend. A friend that apparently also knew nothing about diamonds. She didn't tell us if she bought it in a mall but where it came from hardly matters now.

I had told SO that I was willing and more than happy to tell her what I've learned at PS after posting here for a few years, and having a very solid knowledge base or at least a forum where I could ask what I might not know. To no avail. I wanted MIL to have something that sparkled, something that was good quality. I wanted MIL not to be ripped off. In the end, MIL is the one who has to live with a hideous ring when for the same money she could have had something amazing.

I compliment women here on their rings. It makes them feel good. Yes, I know I'm lying. It's just that they already have these rings and they probably never knew anything about or even imagined that there could be a site like this one where they could learn about diamonds and become educated consumers.

 

[April20]

I wont lie, but i will say something along the lines of

How nice/thoughtful of your DH/FI/BF, etc....

Oh, i love jewelry (not neccessarily meaning theirs.

I dont want to hurt someone's feelings or offend them, but I'm going to dance around telling them the truth.

 

[swingirl]

Ya know what Kenny, I lie - I know others will disagree, but I just don't see the point in hurting someone's feelings over something like this. If I told the truth, the person would remember my words every time she put the ring on, and I don't think that's a nice thing to do to somebody, especially if that person seems happy and excited about their piece. As long as the person likes it, does it really matter what my true feelings are about it?

Eta: I don't view it as being artificially nice - I view it as being considerate of someone's feelings.

Me, too. "Unique" and "interesting" are too telling of one's real opinion. But really, I am rarely in the position where I am expected to comment about people's jewelry. But when I do "the truth" is irrelevant. If someone is proud enough to show-off their jewelry they are expecting a compliment and I am willing to lie. If someone called my Leon "unique" I'd be crushed!! Well, not really, cuz it IS!

 

[pregcurious]

You can say something like, "wow, you have such a sweet husband" and start talking about your diamonds. At the worst, they will think you are self centered and only want to talk about your gems.

 

[Tuckins1]

I would never tell someone that I thought their ring was ugly... If a friend was looking at rings (but hadn't purchased it yet) and I thought it was ugly, I may something like "It's not really my taste", or "I think a different style may compliment your hand better" or something like that. If its already purchased and they're showing it off, I would say "How lovely" and move on.

 

[Tuckins1]

Ya know what Kenny, I lie - I know others will disagree, but I just don't see the point in hurting someone's feelings over something like this. If I told the truth, the person would remember my words every time she put the ring on, and I don't think that's a nice thing to do to somebody, especially if that person seems happy and excited about their piece. As long as the person likes it, does it really matter what my true feelings are about it?

Eta: I don't view it as being artificially nice - I view it as being considerate of someone's feelings.

Me, too. "Unique" and "interesting" are too telling of one's real opinion. But really, I am rarely in the position where I am expected to comment about people's jewelry. But when I do "the truth" is irrelevant. If someone is proud enough to show-off their jewelry they are expecting a compliment and I am willing to lie. If someone called my Leon "unique" I'd be crushed!! Well, not really, cuz it IS!

Just want to say that sometimes a piece actually is unique and interesting, but still beautiful. (However, I think those words are the go-to answer when there isn't much else one can say...)

 

[Tanzigrrl]

I have a friend with a hideous diamond ring. Think bad 80s cluster ring but with very poorly cut diamonds of ... varying color. And I don't mean "fancy" color either. Anyway, when she got the ring, everyone made a big fuss out of it, including me, I said things along the lines of "wow, that is very unique." Later some friends asked me what I REALLY thought of her ring and they stated that they thought it was ugly. I just said, "it's not to everyone's taste, but I'm super happy for her that she got a ring she loves." That way, even if it got back to her, it wouldn't be like I was saying her ring was ugly behind her back.

 

[Haven]

Haven, I would totally tell your friend about the recut! It sounds like she would be interested, especially when she makes comments about your ring being so sparkly and asks if you just cleaned it. I bet if you filled her in she'd be thrilled.

I agree! Your friend probably has no idea that a recut is even a possibility.

Yes, it does SEEM like that would be a great solution, right? Tell her about the recut, she gets an amazing stone out of it.
Alas, she is my best friend, but she is not at all rational. In any way. Making this suggestion without an explicit request for input on her diamond would be akin to launching a full-blown personal attack on her taste. In her opinion, of course. I love her, but she's explosive.

 

[KittyGolightly]

My favorite ways of NOT lying are:

"What a thoughtful husband to surprise you!" Can't praise the bling, praise the gesture.

This is usually what I say. For many women, a diamond is a diamond is a diamond. They're just happy and proud to say that their husbands bought them jewelry for their anniversary or birthday. No need to burst their bubble. That would just be mean.

 

[Novel]

I hope I'm not the only one who went back to her/his SMTB thread to look for subtext in the comments...

 

[bee*]

"WOW that is so unique!" I'm not lying. I really hope there's only ONE of those out there.

This is what I usually say. I agree with others that if it's prepurchase I'll tell them what I really think but if it's a done deal and they love it, the unique route is how I go.

 

[movie zombie]

you are a lucky woman to have such a considerate husband.
it looks lovely on you.
i can understand why you love it.
has he bought you jewelry in past for special occasions?
bye........


i am practiced at not saying i approve of something without saying its butt ugly.

 

[JewelFreak]

When somebody does as Kenny hilariously describes, she is not asking for an honest opinion. She's asking for a compliment on a piece she thinks is splendid. Urp. It's plain mean say her ring is a piece of dog spit. Why wreck her joy in a gift that thrilled her? It's no different from advice on PS often, regarding a less than optimal stone: if you love it, that's what counts.

I try to avoid an outright lie too, mainly because the words "Oh, that's beautiful" refuse to come out of my mouth. I'll marvel over what a sweet, generous present it was; oh, and it's such a nice size; and how fun for her to wear it. Sprinkle in an "oh my goodness" & the job's done.

After her divorce, a friend of mine asked me to help her find a new setting for her engagement diamond, which she said was insured for $12000 w/"certificate" of said value from original jeweler. I gawped when I finally saw it -- a small ugly marquise, so poorly cut it didn't have a sparkle to its name. I doubt it was worth $1000, even accounting for diamond inflation over 20 yrs. Was glad when she decided to wait -- the mounting doesn't exist that would make that critter look good. But she didn't ask, so I didn't tell her.

--- Laurie

 

[Haven]

you are a lucky woman to have such a considerate husband.
it looks lovely on you.
i can understand why you love it.
has he bought you jewelry in past for special occasions?
bye........
i am practiced at not saying i approve of something without saying its butt ugly.

I really like this one. I think I shall use it, should the need arise. Thanks, MZ!

I agree that it would be mean to tell someone her diamond or ring is ugly, especially when she's clearly looking for validation and not an honest assessment. It is just too hard to flat-out lie, though. I'm going to go MZ's route from now on.

 

[slg47]

I hope I'm not the only one who went back to her/his SMTB thread to look for subtext in the comments...

I thought of doing that but really...didn't think it was worth it. Novel the important thing is that you LOVE your ering. (Also it really is gorgeous...really.)

If someone posts something I don't like on SMTB then I just don't comment...however if someone stops you in person you kind of have to say something! I think MZ's "I can see why you love it" is a great option