when you give money as a gift...

[charbie]

Do you expect to get the same amount back at your own wedding in the future to the couple you gave it to? Be honest! FI''s cousin who isn''t coming to the wedding sent a pretty fat check. More than we typically would give. His own wedding is next year. foes this mean we give the same amount?

I''m half joking.

 

[Maisie]

I don''t give to receive. If you are panicking about having to give the same amount back maybe you shouldn''t accept. I am sure they won''t expect you to match their generous gift though.

 

[Bjedifish]

I agree with Maisie, I would never "expect" someone to give me a big check just because I did. I always try to cover my plate, whatever that may be. But who knows I am probably "under" giving since I am a cash strapped teacher!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

FI and i went to a wedding last year and gave $100 ($50 each) towards their ''plasma fund'' we were going on a holiday the next day to Bali so we couldn''t really afford too much more and we met up with the couple on their honeymoon. The couple were very thankful for our gift and suprised that we gave so much since we were going on holiday etc, i would only hazzard a guess to what others gave if ours was a large gift! Anyhoo, for our wedding next year i wont be expecting them to give the same as we gave, partly because they thought ours was very generous and partly because our wedding is in the back yard!

 

[D&T]

agree with Maisie. A good friend of mine gave us a nice check, over five years ago, but when it came to her wedding, I''m pretty sure I couldn''t match that, but DH and I gave a nice gift card to them (more than we would typically give out to others), It wasn''t as much as her gift was to us, but we weren''t as financially stable as my friend was at the time.

 

[lulu66]

Date: 9/8/2009 8:38:44 PM
Author: D&T
agree with Maisie. A good friend of mine gave us a nice check, over five years ago, but when it came to her wedding, I''m pretty sure I couldn''t match that, but DH and I gave a nice gift card to them (more than we would typically give out to others), It wasn''t as much as her gift was to us, but we weren''t as financially stable as my friend was at the time.

i don''t think anyone expects to give/receive exact same dollar amounts! everyone is in different financial situations--what may be a lot of $$ to me, could be a drop in the hat to many of my friends/family.

 

[charbie]

FI traditionally gives all of his friends/family lottery tickets. usually a pretty significant amount. its kind of a joke now among his friends. he always gives cash too, but i''m fully expecting that we are going to get WAAAAAAY too many scratch-offs- hopefully we strike it big though! haha! he''s also been known to get backlogged on gift giving, then at one friend''s wedding its like he is handing out cards/lotto tickets/cash to all of his friends who were married in the past 6 months. luckily he has a great group of guy friends who are all super close and have been friends forever. they all like to mess with one another.

in response to my own question:
i honestly don''t expect anything in return when giving a gift either- just a thank you note-we were just joking about it since his wedding isn''t that far into the future that we can just save the check and mail it back.

i get nervous posting some questions/answers online since i don''t want my head chewed off and humor can be difficult to portray in a forum.

 

[cindygenit]

No, i think you should give what you''re comfortable giving. Everyone is in different financial situations.

 

[mayachel]

Who knows their logic? Just follow your own. Give what is in your heart AND ability to give and nothing more should be expected. For all we know, maybe they decided that since they weren''t traveling to the wedding and otherwise would have, they''d give you some of the ''extra'' they saved in travel expenses. OR maybe, they are having a flush year and just wanted to spread the wealth.

 

[LilyKat]

No, I wouldn''t. Everyone''s financial situation and life choices are different. Gifts are gifts and should be given without the expectation of return, other than making the recipient happy. If someone is going to grumble about not getting it back, they shouldn''t have given it in the first place.

Give what you can afford and feel is appropriate.

 

[honey22]

I don''t know if you were joking, but please don''t just mail the check back! I would be incredibly offended if I received a gift back, even if it were a check. They have given you that money as they want you to spend it on something you like/want/need. Please accept the money graciously and when it comes to their wedding, give what you can afford and feel comfortable with.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 9/9/2009 4:16:02 AM
Author: honey22
I don''t know if you were joking, but please don''t just mail the check back! I would be incredibly offended if I received a gift back, even if it were a check. They have given you that money as they want you to spend it on something you like/want/need. Please accept the money graciously and when it comes to their wedding, give what you can afford and feel comfortable with.

Ditto - for my best friend''s recent birthday I gave her a gift which I know she wouldn''t give me on my birthday because she isn''t financially able to. This is fine by me as I don''t see gifts as a competition or something you need to match financially

 

[Steel]

Yes.

Unless they have a significantly less disposable income.

Hell yes, if they are loaded

!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/9/2009 7:12:58 AM
Author: Londongirl1

Date: 9/9/2009 4:16:02 AM

Author: honey22

I don''t know if you were joking, but please don''t just mail the check back! I would be incredibly offended if I received a gift back, even if it were a check. They have given you that money as they want you to spend it on something you like/want/need. Please accept the money graciously and when it comes to their wedding, give what you can afford and feel comfortable with.

Ditto - for my best friend''s recent birthday I gave her a gift which I know she wouldn''t give me on my birthday because she isn''t financially able to. This is fine by me as I don''t see gifts as a competition or something you need to match financially

truth from both ladies...

 

[charbie]

Date: 9/9/2009 4:16:02 AM
Author: honey22
I don''t know if you were joking, but please don''t just mail the check back! I would be incredibly offended if I received a gift back, even if it were a check. They have given you that money as they want you to spend it on something you like/want/need. Please accept the money graciously and when it comes to their wedding, give what you can afford and feel comfortable with.

Haha- that''s why I underlined "we were joking"- i promise I NEVER EVER EVER would do that. it was one of those things where I said,
Me: "Andy, you opened the RSVP, but did you see they enclosed a gift? Were you about to throw it away?? They gave us a nice check!! That was so sweet of your cousin, you know, the one I''ve never met."
Andy: "Yeah, I agree, that was very nice of them."
Me: "Do you remember when they are getting married? Didn''t you tell me that their wedding is next year?"
Andy: "I think so. Hey! We can just save the check and give it back for their wedding!"
Me: "SURE! That''s a great idea." eyes roll.

Promise- never even crossed my mind. Again, it''s difficult to portray my humor online.

 

[zipzapgirl]

This question is one of the reasons I don''t like to give cash gifts. It seems like too much of a monetary exchange and I''d rather pick out something I can imagine the couple using/something meaningful/something fun. Just my two cents...

 

[Bia]

No. You give what you can. When I have more to give, I do.

That''s not to say some people aren''t cheap - and while that''s annoying, it''s unavoidable. My brother and SIL received very generous monetary gifts from almost every family member/friend/ etc., EXCEPT my SIL''s very wealthy uncle (twice removed or something like that - don''t know what that means exactly). I think he gave $75 from his whole family (a family of 4). Bro/SIL laughed it off, because it the grand scheme, it''s not about the money. But, let''s just say, now we know how the man stays rich...

 

[cleokizzy]

Date: 9/8/2009 9:04:33 PM
Author: charbie
i get nervous posting some questions/answers online since i don''t want my head chewed off and humor can be difficult to portray in a forum.

charbie... i think most (if not all) of us here in PS are pretty good people... we don''t bite!!! haha.