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When it comes to your wedding what are your non-negotiables if any?

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Deelight

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 4, 2007
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5,543
JFF: I know I have a certain list of items (some more irrational then others) that I must have and baring like some great disaster or complete impracticality no if’s or buts I want
.


Mine are:

[*] Big cake – at least 3 or 4 tiers – I like cake and I always wanted a big cake, prefrably with a different flavour on each layer. I also want a small tier to be sugar free for my dad who is diabetic so he doesn’t have to miss out.
[*] Good food and wine.
[*] Baring it not being outlandishly expensive photography coverage of the whole night.


That''s all I can think off really
.
 

KatyWI

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
755
1) Food has to be great - when we were looking at houses, FI and I *had* to find one with a big kitchen, because we love to cook and bake and it''s where we spend 50% of the time that we''re home!

2) Photographer had to be crazy talented... and she is!!! I sort of wish I could be married already JUST to see what the pictures look like! Our engagement shoot is in a couple months and I can''t wait.

3) The band!! The 9 piece band is led by two of our good friends, who are playing for free, as is the business they run. The only price we''re paying is to pay the other 7 guys - which is still a pretty penny, but definitely a STEEP, STEEP discount!

Everything else was basically negotiable... although once I found something I loved (venue, dress, etc) I became pretty bullheaded in terms of getting what I wanted! Hahaha... Not bridezilla-ey, but I became really aware of what I was going to have to skimp on in order to have all of my "dream" elements.
 

tropiqalkiwi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 20, 2008
Messages
340
The only thing that I really needed to be stellar was the venue. I looked for months and once I found it I splurged.

Now that I think about it, the other non-negotiable for me is formality. I really want a formal black tie event with ballroom style dancing. So to meet that formality there are a few elements that are important:

- Invites: Classic & engraved to set the tone for the event.

- Dress: Custom made ballgown for me and a well tailored tux for my FI (his shoes actually cost more than mine did!)

- Drinks: We really want to purchase our own wine and have champagne available all evening.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Great food. That''s really all I care about.
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
hmmm.

1) THE VENUE!! we just signed last night and I am still in shock (mostly over the cost
)but FI and I LOVE IT!!
2) for my mom- the food, it has to be kosher...sadly also ups the price
3) My dress!
4) The photography, although I am really lucky that my FSIL is an amazing photographer and aside from the ceremony I am sure she will be busy taking tons of great pictures in addition to whoever we hire
 

elrohwen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 20, 2008
Messages
5,525
Mine are:
- good food and wine (wine doesn''t have to be expensive, just something I''ll enjoy drinking; most wine at weddings I''ve been to has been awful)
- string quartet at ceremony and cocktail hour (I played the cello for years and years and I want to have cello music during the ceremony)
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
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5,543
sba771 Congrats on signing how exciting
the sticker shock gets you but at then end of the day as long as you and your FI are happy and you can afford it within budget that is all that matters
.


elrohwen I have the same theory - the wine has to be good nothing is worse then undrinkable wine, (except maybe terrible food) I had a fantastic verdelho the other night but that is a whole other story
.

Can I also add a CLEAN venue with CLEAN linens and cutlery I swear I have seen more dirty venues then I care to imagine - scurrrrrry.

Nut free event (FI''s nephew is allergic
so that is a non-negotiable which is a shame because my friend had the best Jordan almonds at her wedding and OMG they were SO good and I was hoping to have them oh well but the little mite is much more important.

Peony rose bouquet if I can source them or if not - cabbage roses are my runner up.

Oh and the groom is pretty well a must
, don''t think the day would be the same without him.
 

neatfreak

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2007
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14,167
Mine were:

1. Close friends and family there
2. Great photographer
3. Great food/drink

I think we hit all three very nicely!
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
3,269
FI has notions of wearing a white suit.

There will be no white suits.

If I have to stand outside the church with a can of black spray paint, I will.
 

CDNinNYC

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 21, 2007
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2,216
Date: 3/26/2009 9:14:55 AM
Author: Porridge
FI has notions of wearing a white suit.


There will be no white suits.


If I have to stand outside the church with a can of black spray paint, I will.

Hahahaha! This made me laugh out loud. FI also had notions of a white suit.
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 13, 2007
Messages
5,720
Absolutely no tip jars...

The church and reception venues were already chosen in our heads, so they were a must.
Same minister that my sister's used.
 

modernsparkler

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 26, 2008
Messages
650
Date: 3/26/2009 9:35:31 AM
Author: CDNinNYC

Date: 3/26/2009 9:14:55 AM
Author: Porridge
FI has notions of wearing a white suit.


There will be no white suits.


If I have to stand outside the church with a can of black spray paint, I will.

Hahahaha! This made me laugh out loud. FI also had notions of a white suit.
My grandfather who is also acting as the MC for the event and by the way is an amazing toastmaster at the age of 85, is wearing his custom white tuxedo made for he and my grandmothers 50th anniversary 6 year ago. Yes, it is white but beautiful and he is the exception to the white rule!

As for splurging, Flowers were a big important aspect of our wedding, as well as good food and wine, an awesome band, and decor- the chivari chairs we are using are way more pricey than chair covers but for me I had to have them!
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Date: 3/26/2009 8:09:59 AM
Author: Deelight
sba771 Congrats on signing how exciting
the sticker shock gets you but at then end of the day as long as you and your FI are happy and you can afford it within budget that is all that matters
.
Thank you! It is since it was the only time I have seen FI get excited about anything relating to wedding planning. It is just a hard pill to swallow right away, but I will hopefully have some amazing photos so it will be worth it! (and after being engaged for 2+ years I get to be a MRS.!)
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
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3,255
Who is not invited


I was a complete and total bridezilla when it came to that. I don''t care who I offend, who gets mad, or what members of the Vietnamese community will talk. There are some people who will not be invited. PERIOD. I would rather NOT have a wedding then have those people there.

Other then that, I don''t really care about anything else.
 

NuggetBrain

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
206
Both me and FI had one non-negoiable each. His was an open bar - he was adamant about not having a cash bar at our wedding. Mine was the photographer - I was adamant that we have fantastic pictures since those will be all that's left in 25 years.

We also, of course, want the food and cake to be great and the venue to be awesome, but those two are the only ones that we refuse to budge on. Luckily, the open bar is pretty cheap at our venue and I think we found a good photographer at a good price.
 

Lanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2008
Messages
1,793
1) Pretty venue (that went out the window when ours went bankrupt, so I''m still upset about our new place. Oh well)
2) String quartet!
3) Really good photography

But I wish I could change our food/wine. Our new place''s food/wine is just so-so. Nothing spectacular. But it''s not bad.
 

Deelight

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 4, 2007
Messages
5,543
Lanie I am so sorry to hear about your venue going bankrupt.


I have had a bunch of friends get married recently and one of my favourite weddings wasn''t at the most impressive venue it was still a beautiful place but the bride and groom put so much of their personalities into the place that it made a wonderful event.
 

tessari

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2008
Messages
166
Drinkable champagne. I am very picky when it comes to champagne and I want to be able to toast one without gagging. Strangely enough I don''t care at all about the wine....
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
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19,456
Date: 3/26/2009 9:14:55 AM
Author: Porridge
FI has notions of wearing a white suit.

There will be no white suits.

If I have to stand outside the church with a can of black spray paint, I will.
Hahahaha!!!! This brought to mind my brother''s tux. He''s 6''6, and was super skinny when he got married. He wore the lovely white tux, and looked like a beanpole. It was BAD. His wife looks back on those pics (she had a huge poofy sleeved thing--this was around 19 years ago) and hates them.
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Date: 3/26/2009 10:11:59 AM
Author: allycat0303
Who is not invited


I was a complete and total bridezilla when it came to that. I don''t care who I offend, who gets mad, or what members of the Vietnamese community will talk. There are some people who will not be invited. PERIOD. I would rather NOT have a wedding then have those people there.

Other then that, I don''t really care about anything else.
Oooo....good one! I''m very picky about the guest list as well. My dad and I went to dinner last night to discuss this in fact...It went better than I thought.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
For me it''s definitely the venue and the food. Anything else I''m not hugely fussy about.
 

Inanna

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 14, 2008
Messages
565
Date: 3/26/2009 12:27:02 PM
Author: tlh
The groom. I didn't want to change that.
Hahahaha! Very true, tlh!

My non-negotiables:

1. Private Venue! No busy hotels, resorts, restaurants, public parks, etc. Just us, family, guests, and vendors of MY choosing.
2. No bland, boring food whatsoever - I'm not making the rest of my guests suffer because of 1 or 2 picky eaters.
3. GOOD Alcohol.
 

PilsnPinkysMom

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
1,878
Only two things...

1) Open bar!!!!!
2) Great, whole-night photography

Somewhere down the line garters, flowers, centerpieces, lighting, and other things began to seem like ''essentials''... But after the whole fertile-myrtle incident & starting our home search, the wedding budget has returned to its former, sensible self.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Non-negotiables

Within budget
Attended by only close friends and family
Good food and wine
OUR list of music.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
1) The venue - I wanted somewhere historic that wasn''t a hotel and as atheists, we wanted a ceremony site that looked like a church but wasn''t one. I''d had my eye on my venue for at least 10 years so I didn''t even go to look round before it was booked.

2) Invitations - hand-engraved and very traditional (my major splurge that meant a huge amount to me but probably wouldn''t to most people)

3) My dress and accessories - didn''t actually cost that much but a lot of time and effort went into them and everything was either custom to my design or antique. My veil was expensive (£250) but as it is handmade lace from 1880 it was actually very cheap since it is in perfect condition and I hope that my daughter and possible grand-daughters will wear it one day.

4) DH''s outfit and what guests wore - I wanted as many of our male guests as possible to wear morning suit and the women to wear hats, which almost everyone did. It wasn''t something I could control, but it was important to me. DH was happy to wear whatever I wanted him to and actually loves his suit which should last him a lifetime (my father wore the same morning suit that both he and his father had worn for their own weddings which meant a lot to me)

Cake, favours, flowers etc were all DIY so I knew I''d get what I wanted.
 
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