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When did you know your man was a keeper?

quaddio

quaddio

Brilliant_Rock
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Joined
Aug 13, 2011
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509
After dating for a short while my guy has started talking about marriage and children. Not in terms of 'setting a date' but discussion about what kind of relationship we both want in the future.

We're both religious and have similar beliefs but I'm surprised that the conversation has come up so fast and what it means. Maybe because we're in our 30's?

How long after you started dating did you know you had strong feelings for your partner? How did you know?
 
I made it pretty clear from day 1 that I was looking to date someone who I could potentially marry. I wasn't just dating to date. I know we had a discussion really early on (first few dates) about what we were looking for. My DH says he knew I was the one after a weekend trip we took after dating a couple of months. I probably knew within the first few months. For clarification, I didn't think he was THE one. I don't really know if there is just one person for everyone. I did know he was someone who I could spend my life with in terms of attraction, values, goals, etc.

ETA- DH and I were both 29 when we met. I'm sure that had something to do with our timeline.
 
My DH and I meant when we were 18 years old. We started to date when I was 19 almost 20 years old. I think a year after that I knew he was pretty much the one. My husband has very old school manners (perhaps this is why I like old cuts? :Up_to_something: ). He opens doors for all ladies and will not go through till everyone else has passed. He stands when women enter the room. He cooks, cleans and is active (my hubby is hunky :shock: :lol: ). He was really the first boyfriend that put me first in everything. After a year I knew he was the man I would marry though we didn't talk about it for an additional year after that. On year 3 we got engaged and year 4 we were married. Been very happily married for 7 years now.

And yes I think when you enter your late 20's thru 40's more poeple are direct when it comes to marriage. By then everyone has matured, you have a career, you know what you want and don't want in life. You are no longer a teenager or early 20's still trying to figure everything out.
 
We were friends for two years before we started dating (I was 21 and he was 22 when that happened) so we both had a pretty good idea of each others personality. After we started dating it took four months to know I love him and a year after we started dating we started talking about marriage and stuff. We are getting married as soon as we both graduate (M.Sc.).
 
I don't know if I had an exact moment- between moving cross country for me and back again, there have been many confirming moments.

But for my parents, there was one moment that sealed it for them. He got their gold stamp of approval one day back when we had been dating for approx 2 yrs.
I had moved out ahead of him, started the new job and got the apartment. He was cleaning and packing the last of the old apartment. My mom had gone over to help with the final clean. As she was leaving, she noticed part of her car (not sure if bumper or hose) had come down and was dragging. My future husband, the always engineer, got his zipties, duct tape and other essentials and secured it for her 30 min ride home. My mom was impressed he jumped to action and got under the car and fixed it up no problem. My dad was so impressed with his patch job, he didn't do much to fix it further. I got a gushing call about his keeperness that night.
 
Discovering that he has ticked a significant number of my boxes via instant messaging (not cam to cam, just written text) for nearly 2 weeks, and I have many boxes to tick being very fussy, for me to want to meet him in the flesh to take things further.

After the first meet, more boxes were ticked, and my ever reliable gut feel told me he is indeed a good egg :naughty: , discovering the feelings are mutual, so we decided to see each other exclusively from then onwards. :))

DK :))
 
We were best friends for years. Then we did the friends w/benefits thing for like 6 months. The plan was that we would date people, but we would always have each other to sleep with. I went on one date and spent the whole time wishing I was w/JD. He had one date set up and never went. We would go out w/our friends in a group and get testy when someone was flirting w/the other. One night we were just like sooowaaaaa yeah this whole friends w/benefits thing, let's scrap that and just date.
 
Where you're both in your 30s, I'm guessing he's figured out what he needs to be happy and he's smart enough to gut-check early on to make sure you want the same things he does. By the time you get to 30s, you realize that finding the right person is more about finding someone who already wants the same thing you do instead of hoping you can sway them to it. :naughty:

Good for him for doing the direct approach - I like it.
 
I don't think there was any specific moment where I did. I just decided I wanted to get married and have kids and he was a good guy who treated me well and put me first so why not him? Not very romantic, but there you have it. I don't really believe in The One, I think lots of people can be a potential match. He was the best of all the guys I dated.

Of course, I was eager to get engaged, but he had no clue. I thought it was a topic that the guy should bring up, and I didn't feel comfortable initiating that sort of talk myself. We'd been dating for 16 months and he hadn't ever brought up marriage or the future, so fed up, I basically told him I was done and moving on. He proposed two days later. I still have a lot of resentment that that's how it went down, but oh well.
 
A couple months after we started dating. A guy I had dated came home on leave from the military. He was going to be stationed in Hawaii and asked me to marry him and go with him. I remember thinking to myself I would rather wait and hope it worked out with DH. I knew in my heart he was worth it.
 
A few months in. I'm certain no one believes me about this though. We had only been together for maybe 3-4 months when I started sending him e ring ideas, things like that. Now the reason I say no one will believe me is that we found out about our little surprise 6 months in.....

We didn't get married until a year later just because he didn't want anyone to think we were marrying for anything other than love.

Anyways I can't explain why. I dunno. I had been with people before for far longer. I had been in a 4 and 1 year relationships where I was like "im sure well get married that's the next thing you do after being together this long." But I didn't actually feel like I wanted to spend my life with them, or that I actually WANTED to take that next step, like I had with Dh
 
I was pretty sure within a few dates. His energy was healing for me: calm, quiet, kind.

I shared my traumatic past with him early on as I felt that should be on the table right at the start. He was accepting and non judgmental.

Been together 24 years now, with 2 sons.

Fortunately we had shared ideals about kids, finances etc without really talking about them. That was risky. Nowadays those kinds of things are discussed beforehand (rightly so) to prevent misunderstandings. I think that's what this fella is doing as well. Sometimes you gotta cut to the chase.
 
About ten seconds after meeting him.

Not because I heard birds signing or saw fireworks when he walked in, but because the man took one look at me like he'd won the jackpot and I instantly knew I wasn't get away from this one, no way no how :lol:

And I was absolutely right. Thank goodness I've come to adore him!
 
rosetta|1396858362|3648811 said:
About ten seconds after meeting him.

Not because I heard birds signing or saw fireworks when he walked in, but because the man took one look at me like he'd won the jackpot and I instantly knew I wasn't get away from this one, no way no how :lol:

And I was absolutely right. Thank goodness I've come to adore him!
Click to expand...

LOL me too. It took me 4 years to realize he was the one (OK maybe 3 and half) but from almost the beginning I think he knew. On our second date he said I cannot find anything I don't like about you (little did he know haha) and from thereon in it just took some time for me to realize the same about him. He hung in there through it all- on our second date he brought up the topic of marriage and kids and I was quite clear on the fact that I wanted neither. I was not ambivalent in any way. And he was quite clear that he wanted to marry but was ambivalent on the kid issue. Yet he still stayed with me knowing I did not want marriage. He knew me better than I knew me I guess and perhaps still does to some extent.

That's not to say we didn't have our rough times together. But through it all we were there for each other and when I finally knew that I couldn't live without him was when he left on Sunday nights and I started feeling sad and missing him terribly. When we were dating we spent weekends together and on Sunday nights he would leave to go back to his apartment on the UES and in the beginning I was happy to have my space back though I always enjoyed spending the weekend with him but when I started really missing him when he left, well, that's when I knew. And this is coming from someone who thought she wanted to remain single forever.
 
When he first kissed me and I got butterflies in my stomache. No one had ever made me feel like that!
 
We were both clear early in our dating that we were looking to get married and have kids. And I told him early on that I would not live with another man unless we were on the road to marriage (had lived with previous BF and I think it was a mistake). So we were dating with the intention of moving towards marriage, and that was clear from the start. We were 26 at the time. We said we loved each other after about 3 months, and we were living together after 9 months. There were no hiccups in uor path to marriage, we were both quite certain early on.
 
We met at a party my third year of college (his fourth). He thought I was a twit, I thought he was a party pooper of the highest order... definitely not a love at first sight sort of romance :bigsmile:

The dislike was instant and strong. We took great pleasure in needling each other... the fact that we both felt so strongly about the other should've been the first tip, whatever those feelings happened to be, exactly! He moved to the other side of the country for grad school, I stayed on the EC to finish school, and the needling became talking, which eventually became confiding... this was back in AIM's heyday and I have months and months of chat logs saved, and it's sorta surreal to read them now and watch the progression of conversation! He came east every couple of months to see family and friends and talk shop with his old labmates and professors... I think of the first time he came out to visit me as when we "got together". We'd known each other for almost two years.

I moved out to CA a couple of months after graduation, and we were engaged two weeks after that. I can't point to one defining moment or event - it truly was an emotional evolution.
 
After the first date. I went back to my mums & told her I'd met the man I was going to marry. For someone who never wanted to get married, this was a big declaration from me!

We bought our house 5 months later, were engaged 4 further months from that & married 8 months after that, so it was 17 months from our first date to wedding.

Almost 7 years on we are blissfully happy with 2 very beautiful little girls :love:
 
I knew the moment I met my husband that he was a keeper. We met on a blind date and instantly sparks happened for me.
I had been engaged to someone else right before I met my husband but it felt wrong. I just had more in common with my husband and he had everything I had been looking for in a husband. Everything just felt perfect. I remember telling friends and everyone that he was perfect and they told me not to say that or I would be disappointed later because nobody's perfect. We have been married 8 years and though it's not always perfect, I am still so in love with him. Right after we got engaged I had to have my appendix taken out and he laid in my hospital bed with me and slept next to me the entire time I was at the hospital. He is just so caring and sweet. I think that was one of the moments I knew I had to marry him. We got engaged 8 months after we met and got married exactly one year after our blind date.
 
These stories are adorable, so grateful to those who've shared. It's fun to read about different paths to commitment. Age seems to factor. For me, it's been much easier to find what I'm not looking for with experience.

I think it's a sign my man who knows himself that he's upfront about his intentions, he has clear goals in life/career like me. He's more intentional with wanting a traditional family.
 
Love this topic - so many sweet stories! :love:

I knew very quickly. It was instant attraction and after I went to Sydney to visit him (about 2 weeks after we first met) by the end of that trip I just KNEW he was the one. Apparently it was mutual! We moved in together after 3 months, engaged after 5 and married by 2 years. That was a decade ago and I still absolutely adore him. I think it was because he is such a "renaissance man" - he is sporty, musical, enjoys reading, cooking & photography and even wrote me poetry. Such diverse interests and skills really impressed me. There is almost nothing he cannot do once he decides to do it (except washing up... :lol: ).
 
When I told him I don't date for the heck of it, and that our relationship had to have the intention of advancing to marriage.

And he agreed! :love:
 
I knew he was a "keeper" about a couple of months in. However, it took me a long time before I realized *I* wanted to keep him ;)) He had wanted to talk about getting married early on, but I was always a little skeptical of getting married and/or living with someone else. I had lived alone for a long time and commitment was kind of scary for me. It was probably about 5 years in before we talked about getting married and moved in together. I remember one day he had left me three HUGE sunflowers in a vase in my kitchen, and when I got home they made me smile. I think that day I just knew I wouldn't find anyone else like him and I had better tell him so before someone else did!
 
I think my story is irrelevant here. My husband and I only dated for 9 months before we decided to get married (but I'd known him since I was 5 and married him at 21).

I will say though, in your 30's, that whether you're actually discussing whether you will or won't get married etc., it's a great idea to discuss what the two of you *want. If you *want the same things, then you can move forward. If during the discussions you realized you *don't want the same things, it's best not to waste a lot of time on the relationship.

I would encourage the discussions... the decision doesn't need to come quickly.
 
After my freshman year in college. We had already been dating 3.5 years by then. When I realized that I had no desire to even become friends with other guys, I knew he was the one. That and the fact that he actually WANTED to marry me. I'm kind of a nightmare, so anyone who knew me so well and was still willing to take me on... ;))
 
We met on a blind date and we instantly liked each other. We saw each other the next day and have been together ever since the 1980's.
 
No one may believe me, but knowledge that she was a keeper (I'm a guy :bigsmile:) and the strong feelings came years before we even went on our first date.

We met online and be came friends. Early on I was interested in dating her, but she wasn't interested in a serious relationship. So I filed it. We ended up becoming really good friends over the following years. While this was going on I was dating other people and so was she. At some point I realized I was basically in love with her and I wanted more. So after a trip to europe in 2011 I sent her an email telling her that I needed her to know how I felt, and if she was interested because I wanted to move one from the feelings. I wanted and expected a easy let down. But I knew (and put in the email) that if she was interested it would be really serious.

Turns out she had been feeling the same way as I was for at least a year before the email.

We're getting married next year. :appl:
 
Nice story, Blackprophet! :)

DH and I went on our first date in the middle of February. By the third date, I fell in love with him. Madly, head-over-heels, breathtakingly in love.

We were married by December.

We've been married 30 years now, and I love him even more every day.

I wasn't looking to get married, I had no intention of getting married, I figured that was years away. But I think a lot of the posters are very thinky and consider all ramifications before doing something. I'm not that way :bigsmile:
 
Thank you so much for continuing to share. These stories are so interesting and personal.

I'm in awe of those who knew straight away or very soon after starting a relationship. I tend to talk myself out of it when good things happen. What are us overly analytical 'thinky' types to do? My tactic is to focus on being present, which sometimes works.
 
Keep an open mind. Cupid often shoots an arrow when you least expect it. I didn't expect what happened to me. ;)
 
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