what's your love language?

[sillyberry]

Another thread is discussing the 5 Love Languages, and it got me thinking - what's yours?

For those of you who are unfamiliar, here is the website discussing the languages - you can do the quick assessment if you're interested. I found it really helpful in thinking about my relationship at a low point.

As for me, I generally rank high in Quality Time and Physical Touch. I had my guy read it and it helped him understand why exactly it bugs me when he thinks it is no big deal to text during dinner ("but it only takes a few seconds!") or why I insist on having my head on his shoulder, my feet in his lap, or his arms around me more than he would prefer. We're currently long-distance, though, so I find myself craving gifts to make up for the near impossibility of my preferred languages!

FI is much more about Acts of Service. So when I pack him lunch or run errands for him, he's a happy camper. Fortunately I (usually) don't mind doing those things, even though they aren't how I receive love.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Interesting! I ranked really high on Quality Time as well, and tied on Affirmation and Physical Touch as runners-up.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Interesting! I ranked really high on Quality Time as well, and tied on Affirmation and Physical Touch as runners-up.

Me too - but I better not let anyone know how low helping with chores actually is

 

[Autumnovember]

I got:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Which is very very true for me, but SO gives me this kind of love:

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous–so would the absence of everyday gestures.

He has a hard time expressing his love verbally besides the usual "I love you" and physically so giving gifts is his way.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I am definitely affirmation and my husband is definitely physical though he tries to woo me with whichever the ones is where they do things for you. I'm going to talk to him about it later and see what he thinks. It actually opened my eyes to exactly what I want from him that I don't get. I hadn't put words on it because he's generally a really good husband. He definitely wants to be physical lol

 

[monarch64]

Gifts. I've been through this before.

ETA: he wants me to make sure that i let you all know that he is all about every single love language there possibly is.

Thanks.

 

[reader]

I'm Quality time and Physical touch. John was touch phobic. It's taken every bit of strength he had to get used to hugs, and it still surprises me whenever he initiates any sort of touch. He has realized, how important physical contact is to me, and will cuddle for hours on end. I know it doesn't seem like much, but a person with Asperberger's has different ways of reacting to love.

 

[zoebartlett]

Here's mine:

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Three others ties for second place, but the one that talked about gifts was in third.

The ones in first and last place don't surprise me but I thought the others would be spread out a bit more.

 

[rosetta]

Physical touch then acts of service for him (that sounds vaguely rude hee hee)

Receiving gifts then acts of service for me. But physical touch is a very close third.

FI knows it, and brings me flowers for no reason, will do any chore I ask of him.

And then we cuddle.

It all works for us and I feel very loved.



Edit: I'm a firm believer in learning to express your love in the way that makes your OH feel loved.

 

[Steel]

As usual, my internet connection is too slow to download anything...

But I totally agree with this

Edit: I'm a firm believer in learning to express your love in the way that makes your OH feel loved.

 

[elrohwen]

I rank high on quality time and acts of service - luckily DH is excellent in both of these areas! I can't complain.

I haven't asked DH, but I would guess his highest would be physical touch, just because this is often how he most expresses love. He's constantly climbing on me, pushing me, touching me, jumping on me, etc etc, kind of like a labrador puppy I think we should take an assessment together and talk about it and see where we both are! If anything, I could probably do a better job of meeting his needs, since I'm not as physical as he is and I don't think I respond with as many words of affirmation as he would prefer, but I can't be sure since I've never asked.

 

[stephbolt]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

 

[packrat]

Quality Time was first for me, then physical touch, words of affirmation (one less point on that) and then gifts and acts of service got a couple points each. I'm guessing acts of service and physical touch as top ones for him. I'll have him take it tonight when he's home from prestaking.

 

[geckodani]

Acts of Service was my top score with Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch tying for second. Interesting.

Edited.

 

[missy]

This was a difficult test because I agreed with every statement.
My scores were almost evenly divided b/w words of affirmation and quality time and acts of service and I was surprised at how low receiving gifts was on my list. They really aren't but compared to the others gift giving is low on my priority list I guess LOL
My dh was surprised at that one too

7 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
2 Receiving Gifts
8 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch

I had my dh take the test and he scored 8,8,3,4,7 so I guess we are closely matched in that regard. Except I scored high on acts of service and he didn't which works perfectly as he does most of the chores around the house and otherwise. Works out well for us both

 

[missy]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

I don't think it means that at all. I think it means that you value time and emotions over things. IMO.

 

[elrohwen]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

I think it just means you're especially accepting of any type of love! I got a similar score - 0 in gifts, high in quality time, and equal scores in everything else.

 

[stephbolt]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

I don't think it means that at all. I think it means that you value time and emotions over things. IMO.

That makes a lot of sense...I think because gifts is so not my language I always picked the other option, so that would explain having a lot of spread out answers. Unless one of them was gift based I often had a hard time choosing!

 

[stephbolt]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

I think it just means you're especially accepting of any type of love! I got a similar score - 0 in gifts, high in quality time, and equal scores in everything else.

Good to know I'm just well balanced

 

[missy]

Hmmm I got almost identical scores in 4 of the 5 categories, and a 0 in gifts. Does this mean I'm especially needy?

I don't think it means that at all. I think it means that you value time and emotions over things. IMO.

That makes a lot of sense...I think because gifts is so not my language I always picked the other option, so that would explain having a lot of spread out answers. Unless one of them was gift based I often had a hard time choosing!

Me too! Though I did choose gifts a few times more than you

 

[geckodani]

DH took the test and ranked first in Quality Time, and tied for Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. His comment:

"I am not being weird when I sit expectantly next to you and poke you and tell you you're pretty. It is my love language. <3"

 

[ImpatientOne]

Physical touch followed by words of affirmation for me. And here I thought I was just a highly-sexed woman, lol. Hubby scored highest in Quality time. The book has been a real eye-opener for both of us and we are hoping it will be helpful in meeting each other's needs.

 

[merilenda]

I've read the book. Quality time is first for me, followed by physical touch. It was interesting to read, because I guess I had never thought of Acts of Service as a way of expressing love. FI does though, so I've tried to adjust some. It was kind of the reverse for Quality Time. Neither of us rank Words of Affirmation very high, which fits with our relationship. We don't say "I love you" as much as some other couples, but I think we're both happy as long as we get it once in a while. And we know the other person really means it.

Oh, and Gifts was my third choice, which wasn't even on FI's radar. Since we talked about the book though, he will occasionally bring me home a little gift that he found. Like he was at the store, and he knew I was out of nail polish remover. So he'll get it without me even thinking about it. It's more than enough to make me feel loved!

 

[Haven]

My love languages ranked: Quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and gifts.

DH didn't take the quiz, but we talked about it and he ranked himself: Acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

My Scores
6 Words of Affirmation
11 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch

Its of no surprise to me that quality time ranked so highly! I really really enjoy any time we spend together doing anything at all

 

[PrincessNatalie]

His were:

6 Words of Affirmation
5 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts
5 Acts of Service
11 Physical Touch

 

[Bunny007]

I scored a whopping 12 for Words of Affirmation, which actually rings true for me.

I haven't read the book but I thought the basic premise was that a person tends to express love in the manner they'd like to receive it, right? If that's true, I must be an anomaly, because I have a really terrible time expressing my feelings. I can barely bring myself to say the "L" word, even to family members. If anything, I'd say I express my love through service and gifts.

 

[AdanaEsq]

I just found this thread. This assessment was really helpful and I thing accurate too. My results:
9 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
4 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

I definitely think this is true for me words of affirmation, quality time and physical touch are all very important to me. I like receiving gifts but honestly I like the meaning behind gifts more so when SO gives me gifts sometimes I think and I love giving gifts more than receiving them.

 

[princesss]

I got Physical Touch and Gifts as my two highest. Not a surprise to me at all!

 

[jstarfireb]

Quality Time and Physical Touch were both 10s for me, and the others were 2-3s.