What''s your "freak out" price point?

[vc10um]

Hey ladies! I was talking with a friend today about rings (he''s shopping for one for his girl! yay!) and mentioned something about a point at which I''d be terrified of wearing the ring if I knew he''d spent that much on it. He was surprised to hear that, but glad to know what he planned to spend wasn''t above that. I was just curious if anyone else felt this way! I''d say that FF spending more than $7500 on an engagement ring would freak me out--I don''t know if I would feel comfortable (especially at the beginning, but possibly ever) wearing something that expensive.

How about you guys??? Or am I the only one who thinks there is such a thing as "too much"!?!

 

[suchende]

fun thread

for me it wouldn''t be a dollar amount but rather a size: anything that is over 8 mm in any direction, i would not feel comfortable in public. if it cost $20k but was, say, a 1.2 ct RB i would still feel totally comfortable in public, but a 10mm x 6mm pear that cost $5k, i would not want to wear around town.

 

[jjc]

I definitely know what you're talking about! A large chunk of my BF's budget was left to him by his maternal grandfather, and his mom asked that he not use it for anything practical (i.e. paying back loans, etc.), but rather for something he could always remember his grandfather by, and he decided to use it for the ring! It's definitely an amount that makes me go

, and BF is supplementing the budget on top of it, so if not for the fact that BF really wants to get me a certain ring and his mom gave her very happy blessing for using the money for the ring (I asked him to make sure his mom was okay with it, or else I wanted him to adjust the budget down) - I'd def freak out. Now I'm just extremely honored that I will be the first owner of a family heirloom that carries with it the memory of a very special person

 

[MagsyMay]

I think it depends on the guy''s financial situation when he buys it. If I knew my FI was going into debt for my ring, then whatever amount was in debt, would be too much! But knowing that he didn''t go into debt (thanks to money earned while on a 1 year deployment to Iraq

), I''m fine wearing the beautiful ring he got me! OH, and my ring wasn''t insured for the first 2 weeks and THAT part terrified me, but once insured, I''m good to go!

 

[jaylex]

Interesting thread. As far as freaking out is concerned:

i am a little.. our ring isn''t insured yet

as we still need to get it appraised. I BEGGED FI to have it done before he proposed (so I wouldn''t have to go ringless for a few days) but he x''d that idea

?

His freakout?
My solitaire is .81 carats.. very modest in ps terms but rather large where we live. my lil rb is bigger than all of my friends erings and even bigger than our mothers ering stones. A lot of my clients have larger stones tho.

FI is going through this weird phase (because of something his mother said) where he''s afraid my stone might be "too big". He won''t let me post hand shots of it on my myspace (lol) and he gets weirded out when people with smaller diamonds than mine look at my ring... friends especially... he''s afraid they may get jealous.. which has some merit.. one of my friends who just got engaged last month is already talking about her diamond being "too small" (prolly .25 ish)

It sux because he was perfectly happy with the size when he bought it. Now he''s freaking out a little. I hope it''s just stress related and that it''ll go away soon.

It also makes me kinda upset because I know that he didn''t go into debt at all for my ring. He stayed in the price range that he wanted to stay in. He worked hard for my ring and we were very careful in choosing the "perfect" diamond and "perfect" setting. It took us a full 6 months from the day we bought the diamond for the ring to be finished and we were both extremely happy with it. To see him be almost "ashamed" of it makes me kinda sad

.

sorry for the almost threadjacking mini vent?

 

[4ever]

My freak out point would be very very low. I''m a student, in debt and broke. The idea of wearing a several thousands of dollers worth of bling on my hand feels so rediculous! I have never worn that much $ worth of stuff before, if I''m all dressed up mabye the sum cost of my outfit might reach a few hundred. I let him spend the money on it though because a) he wanted to, b) I love diamonds and c) I''m sure there will come a day in my future when 3k on a bit of jewlery is not that big a deal. I''m just gonna be soooo friggen careful when I get it. I''m almost too scared to wear it.......almost

 

[jjc]

Date: 9/24/2009 12:55:58 AM
Author: jaylex
Interesting thread. As far as freaking out is concerned:


i am a little.. our ring isn''t insured yet

as we still need to get it appraised. I BEGGED FI to have it done before he proposed (so I wouldn''t have to go ringless for a few days) but he x''d that idea

?


His freakout?

My solitaire is .81 carats.. very modest in ps terms but rather large where we live. my lil rb is bigger than all of my friends erings and even bigger than our mothers ering stones. A lot of my clients have larger stones tho.


FI is going through this weird phase (because of something his mother said) where he''s afraid my stone might be ''too big''. He won''t let me post hand shots of it on my myspace (lol) and he gets weirded out when people with smaller diamonds than mine look at my ring... friends especially... he''s afraid they may get jealous.. which has some merit.. one of my friends who just got engaged last month is already talking about her diamond being ''too small'' (prolly .25 ish)



It sux because he was perfectly happy with the size when he bought it. Now he''s freaking out a little. I hope it''s just stress related and that it''ll go away soon.


It also makes me kinda upset because I know that he didn''t go into debt at all for my ring. He stayed in the price range that he wanted to stay in. He worked hard for my ring and we were very careful in choosing the ''perfect'' diamond and ''perfect'' setting. It took us a full 6 months from the day we bought the diamond for the ring to be finished and we were both extremely happy with it. To see him be almost ''ashamed'' of it makes me kinda sad

.


sorry for the almost threadjacking mini vent?

Aww I''m sorry you''re upset, jaylex! It sounds like he''s having a ''guy who''s completely over the moon in love with his girl and wants everylittlething to be perfect'' freakout moment

Which is a lovely thing that he wants so badly, but I understand that it''s upsetting for you too

I''m sure it will pass, and hopefully really quickly! Enjoy this time, and your gorgeous ring!!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 9/23/2009 10:09:47 PM
Author: jjc
I definitely know what you''re talking about! A large chunk of my BF''s budget was left to him by his maternal grandfather, and his mom asked that he not use it for anything practical (i.e. paying back loans, etc.), but rather for something he could always remember his grandfather by, and he decided to use it for the ring! It''s definitely an amount that makes me go

, and BF is supplementing the budget on top of it, so if not for the fact that BF really wants to get me a certain ring and his mom gave her very happy blessing for using the money for the ring (I asked him to make sure his mom was okay with it, or else I wanted him to adjust the budget down) - I''d def freak out. Now I''m just extremely honored that I will be the first owner of a family heirloom that carries with it the memory of a very special person

that''s a really awesome story. You get an "Heirloom" but you also get to start it''s history and story too, that''s really exciting!

 

[ckrickett]

I think in my head I would wear any budget.. I really could. And where I work the average diamond size is about 2.5-4 ct so I mean I would have to go large to feel silly at work. BUT practicality I do believe we should live within our own means and we don''t have the incomes these fancy ladies do where I work. That doesn''t change how special the ring will be to me but I would feel kinda silly wearing something large that put a financial hurt on us in our group of friends.

I am expecting a little over a carat (most of the budget is going into the setting anyways) but nothing over the 2.5ct mark or over 10k which ever comes first.

 

[purselover]

Honestly I don''t think I have a freak out price or size, we live in a very nice area and FI will have a very good job so I doubt there''s a price or size that would stick out.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 9/23/2009 10:10:11 PM
Author: MagsyMay
I think it depends on the guy''s financial situation when he buys it. If I knew my FI was going into debt for my ring, then whatever amount was in debt, would be too much! But knowing that he didn''t go into debt (thanks to money earned while on a 1 year deployment to Iraq

), I''m fine wearing the beautiful ring he got me! OH, and my ring wasn''t insured for the first 2 weeks and THAT part terrified me, but once insured, I''m good to go!

My thinking too. I think I''d be a little nervous about it (damage, theft, etc) if it was more than $7000

He is a bit different though. He turns pale at mention of $1200 (long story. Don''t get me started.)

 

[shertz1981]

Cool thread!

My freak out size/price point > budget, so no worries here!

 

[jjc]

Date: 9/24/2009 7:37:12 AM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 9/23/2009 10:09:47 PM

Author: jjc

I definitely know what you''re talking about! A large chunk of my BF''s budget was left to him by his maternal grandfather, and his mom asked that he not use it for anything practical (i.e. paying back loans, etc.), but rather for something he could always remember his grandfather by, and he decided to use it for the ring! It''s definitely an amount that makes me go

, and BF is supplementing the budget on top of it, so if not for the fact that BF really wants to get me a certain ring and his mom gave her very happy blessing for using the money for the ring (I asked him to make sure his mom was okay with it, or else I wanted him to adjust the budget down) - I''d def freak out. Now I''m just extremely honored that I will be the first owner of a family heirloom that carries with it the memory of a very special person

that''s a really awesome story. You get an ''Heirloom'' but you also get to start it''s history and story too, that''s really exciting!

Thanks ckrickett!

 

[princesss]

I don''t have a freak out price point as much as I have a freak out size point. Anything much over 1ct. is just too big for me at this point in my life. Ideally I''d have somewhere between .75 and .9 - I love bigger stones, and they look good on my fingers (I''m a size 6/6.5 - downright chubby by PS standards), but for my life and my budget right now I just can''t see it. Plus, I want to be able to travel with my ring and not worry about it, and I feel like that size is perfect.

 

[nkarma]

Great timing for this thread because I am trying to answer that question right now. I have never had jewelry that cost more than a few hundred dollars. I think my freak out point is $1-2K, but the ring we are getting is much more than that. I could go smaller but it would literally save me a small percentage because of setting cost and because the stone is a lower color. I am kinda freaking out that once we buy the stone, one of us will lose our jobs...we live in CA with high unemployment and of course just the times in general and then I would have more piece of mind if that money was in the savings account. I work in a professional well paying but male dominated field so I don't see too many rings around here. I also have this insane worry that once I start wearing it and if there needs to be more layoffs, someone will say well nkarma has a very nice ring, she doesn't need a job. It's stupid but I have heard similar things about laying off younger people cause they don't have kids and mortgages. He is gonna bite the bullet though and just buy it. Thank god I am not the one who has to transfer the money!!

It is still so completely weird to me though to be wearing thousands of dollars on your hands or any other part of your body for that matter.

 

[absolut_blonde]

I''d say over 10k. For us, at this point in our lives and our social circle, anything beyond that would be a little OTT (that''s not to say I''m opposed to upgrades!).

I have no idea what DF spent on my ring though!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 9/24/2009 1:09:23 PM
Author: absolut_blonde
I'd say over 10k. For us, at this point in our lives and our social circle, anything beyond that would be a little OTT (that's not to say I'm opposed to upgrades!).


I have no idea what DF spent on my ring though!

Agreed. Though I think I will always feel that 10K+ is too much for a ring. I'm most comfortable in the 5-7K range. My center stone is 1ct, but a trillion, so people perceive it as noticeably large, and honestly, anything larger would make me pretty uncomfortable. I would go up to 2cts, depending on the cut, but only for ones that face up smaller. 7.0-7.5mm is about as much as I can handle... unless we are talking colored stones!

(and I have big fingers, by PS standards!)

I admire the lovely large rocks on this website, but I would feel 100% uncomfortable with a huge rock. I'm sure 7.0-7.5mm seems huge to some, so it's all in personal preference I guess.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I don''t think anyone should feel worried about wearing a ring of any value because the ring should be insured.

But I do have a size maximum even though I have been married a long time. I got a 1.6 ct. stone for an anniversary, and I still think it is a little large for me. I really think the ideal for me would be about 1.4-1.5 in a round. Between 7.0-7.4 mm is probably best for me. I wore a 6.4mm 1 ct. stone for many years, and that was a comfortable size as well.

 

[vc10um]

Thanks for all the responses, everyone! It's interesting that most people are actually more concerned with the size than the price, and I totally see where you're coming from! I think that's definitely a limiting factor for me as well...but if the FF buys a quality diamond like I'm trying to teach him about, he'd definitely reach the price limit before the size limit...I have size 7.5-8 fingers, so I can handle a lot of size!

jjc, I LOVE your story, and that you know you will have a piece with special meaning that can be passed through the generations!

jaylex, so sorry about the FI having diamond issues, and I'm EXTRA sorry that his mom is possibly the root of the problem. I think at some point, he'll come back around to knowing that you got the perfect ring for *both* of you, but it may take awhile...

diamondseeker2006, I know that rings should all be insured, and I intend to insure mine, but I tend to attach such sentimental value to things that losing/damaging/having stolen the ring he actually *PROPOSED* with would probably make me physically ill, even if I knew I could replace it with the insurance money...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

This is honestly something I never even thought about before you mentioned it....so I guess I don''t have a freak out limit.

 

[Haven]

Date: 9/24/2009 9:37:08 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
This is honestly something I never even thought about before you mentioned it....so I guess I don''t have a freak out limit.

Same here.

I don''t tend to walk around thinking about how much things cost or are worth, though.

 

[Lofi]

Date: 9/24/2009 11:02:41 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 9/24/2009 9:37:08 PM

Author: Italiahaircolor

This is honestly something I never even thought about before you mentioned it....so I guess I don''t have a freak out limit.

Same here.


I don''t tend to walk around thinking about how much things cost or are worth, though.

Agreed - Never crossed my mind that I would feel uncomfortable wearing a ring of a certain value - that''s what insurance is for! I do think however that the most size-wise that I would feel comfortable wearing is a 3 carat center stone (which I know is huge still, but that would probably be my max). Any bigger than that on me would feel a bit much on my hand. Never say never though...

 

[jaylex]

Thanks girls. He seems to be getting better.. but it''s just kinda hard because we are only 19 and 21 and so a lot of people have taken a look at my ring and said "wow! that''s huge! How do you hold your hand up?.... you got the first time what i had to wait 20 years for!... your ring is so much bigger than my little thing"... blah blah.

Even when it''s just innocent joking, I know it makes him uncomfortable because he''s not the braggy type and he doesn''t want people to think that we are "made of money" or frivolous with our finances.. He just wanted to give me something that would be my "forever ring" that I wouldn''t want to upgrade.

His mother saw it and said "wow. that''s pretty big. you didn''t use money from your savings or something did you? how much did you spend on that?" when FI''s stepdad said something like "hun.. that''s rude. you can''t ask him that"... then she said "well you paid what for mine?? $2, $3000?"

FI has a real problem with his mother and his finances. Every time he gets a new guitar or we go out to eat, I buy him a birthday gift, or whatever it is.. the first thing she asks is "how much was it?".

It drives both of us crazy and I BEGGED him not to tell her how much the ring was.. and he was determined not to.
But after she made her little comment he told me that there was a long pause and they just stared at him until he said "it was about that... ".
Followed by "wow! You spent $3000 on her!?"

That really made me angry for several reasons...
first of all because he gave in again and told her how much he spent on something pretty significant...
the second reason i''m upset is because he lied so that she wouldn''t get offended that he spent "so much" (about $5000?). I''m a little ticked that he made it sound so much less expensive than it was... $3,000 is a pretty big difference IMO and I don''t think he should be ashamed of what he spent.

Sorry to vent again

I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around "(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!" and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.
Why did i have to be one of "those" with the crazy MIL? lol

Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

 

[JustLikeYou]

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM
Author: jaylex
I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around ''(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!'' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.

Why did i have to be one of ''those'' with the crazy MIL? lol


Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Don''t worry about it! I know that''s hard advice to take, but really. I have a similar situation, and the best you can do is brush off your shoulders and not care. His mother was SOOO involved with him because she had no life other than him and a close friend. It got to the point there was so much hidden animosity (nice to me when he''s around, made snarky comments when he couldn''t hear) that we ended up breaking up because of her. He came back to me, and he had to prove that he was on my side and would defend our relationship. Well, he did, and she didn''t talk to him for 6 months because he told her that she had to stop. She said "You''re divorcing me" and then just stopped talking to him. Yes, mothers can be crazy... and ESPECIALLY if he was an only child. I''ve learned to ignore her and the things she says... and when she tries to tell me how he likes his shirts folded (mind you we''ve been together 4 years... i know these things) I just say "Mmm Hmm" and keep my comments to myself. Kill ''em with kindness and they will eventually break and subside.

As for a size or price point... I am a very modest person. I don''t normally like jewelry... and I don''t like big, flashy jewelry. I don''t think I''d even want a diamond for a center stone... I''d want something with color and personality to it... but small. Like, a carat or under. I''m just not the jewelry kind of person. Actions speak louder than purchases kind of mind set. That, and I''m absolutely no frills. I don''t know how I''d feel wearing something big and shiny, and I would FREAK about anything over probably $2k. What can I say... I guess I''m too much of an "island lifestyle" kind of person, lol.

 

[jjc]

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM
Author: jaylex
Thanks girls. He seems to be getting better.. but it''s just kinda hard because we are only 19 and 21 and so a lot of people have taken a look at my ring and said ''wow! that''s huge! How do you hold your hand up?.... you got the first time what i had to wait 20 years for!... your ring is so much bigger than my little thing''... blah blah.


Even when it''s just innocent joking, I know it makes him uncomfortable because he''s not the braggy type and he doesn''t want people to think that we are ''made of money'' or frivolous with our finances.. He just wanted to give me something that would be my ''forever ring'' that I wouldn''t want to upgrade.


His mother saw it and said ''wow. that''s pretty big. you didn''t use money from your savings or something did you? how much did you spend on that?'' when FI''s stepdad said something like ''hun.. that''s rude. you can''t ask him that''... then she said ''well you paid what for mine?? $2, $3000?''


FI has a real problem with his mother and his finances. Every time he gets a new guitar or we go out to eat, I buy him a birthday gift, or whatever it is.. the first thing she asks is ''how much was it?''.


It drives both of us crazy and I BEGGED him not to tell her how much the ring was.. and he was determined not to.

But after she made her little comment he told me that there was a long pause and they just stared at him until he said ''it was about that... ''.

Followed by ''wow! You spent $3000 on her!?''


That really made me angry for several reasons...

first of all because he gave in again and told her how much he spent on something pretty significant...

the second reason i''m upset is because he lied so that she wouldn''t get offended that he spent ''so much'' (about $5000?). I''m a little ticked that he made it sound so much less expensive than it was... $3,000 is a pretty big difference IMO and I don''t think he should be ashamed of what he spent.


Sorry to vent again

I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around ''(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!'' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.

Why did i have to be one of ''those'' with the crazy MIL? lol


Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Jaylex, I just wanted to apologize, I don''t think I read your first post carefully enough and I somehow didn''t catch that all this was caused by something your FI''s mom said. If I came off as glib in my response to you, I''m really sorry. Obviously this isn''t a gloss-over kind of situation, and I just wanted to send you ((((hugs)))). I really hope your FMIL cuts this behavior out, it''s so unfair to you and your FI.

 

[jaylex]

Date: 9/25/2009 1:33:44 AM
Author: jjc

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM
Author: jaylex
Thanks girls. He seems to be getting better.. but it''s just kinda hard because we are only 19 and 21 and so a lot of people have taken a look at my ring and said ''wow! that''s huge! How do you hold your hand up?.... you got the first time what i had to wait 20 years for!... your ring is so much bigger than my little thing''... blah blah.


Even when it''s just innocent joking, I know it makes him uncomfortable because he''s not the braggy type and he doesn''t want people to think that we are ''made of money'' or frivolous with our finances.. He just wanted to give me something that would be my ''forever ring'' that I wouldn''t want to upgrade.


His mother saw it and said ''wow. that''s pretty big. you didn''t use money from your savings or something did you? how much did you spend on that?'' when FI''s stepdad said something like ''hun.. that''s rude. you can''t ask him that''... then she said ''well you paid what for mine?? $2, $3000?''


FI has a real problem with his mother and his finances. Every time he gets a new guitar or we go out to eat, I buy him a birthday gift, or whatever it is.. the first thing she asks is ''how much was it?''.


It drives both of us crazy and I BEGGED him not to tell her how much the ring was.. and he was determined not to.

But after she made her little comment he told me that there was a long pause and they just stared at him until he said ''it was about that... ''.

Followed by ''wow! You spent $3000 on her!?''


That really made me angry for several reasons...

first of all because he gave in again and told her how much he spent on something pretty significant...

the second reason i''m upset is because he lied so that she wouldn''t get offended that he spent ''so much'' (about $5000?). I''m a little ticked that he made it sound so much less expensive than it was... $3,000 is a pretty big difference IMO and I don''t think he should be ashamed of what he spent.


Sorry to vent again

I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around ''(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!'' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.

Why did i have to be one of ''those'' with the crazy MIL? lol


Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Jaylex, I just wanted to apologize, I don''t think I read your first post carefully enough and I somehow didn''t catch that all this was caused by something your FI''s mom said. If I came off as glib in my response to you, I''m really sorry. Obviously this isn''t a gloss-over kind of situation, and I just wanted to send you ((((hugs)))). I really hope your FMIL cuts this behavior out, it''s so unfair to you and your FI.

omg! no apology necessary! your first response was actually very helpful.
You''re absolutly right.. FI''s funk "seems" to be passing. He hasn''t made any more comments (at least within the last couple of days) about anything other than how much he loves our ring. I''m sure its mostly a "stressed about work, engagement, moving out, and wedding planning" thing. That''s a lot for anyone! and men don''t seem to be as good of multitaskers lol!

and I wanted to mention too how wonderfully special I think it is that your BF is using part of his inheritance to purchase your ring! What a legacy for his grandfather! Undoubtably your ring will be that much more special to you (and your future family!)!

 

[jaylex]

Date: 9/25/2009 12:55:53 AM
Author: JustLikeYou

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM
Author: jaylex
I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around ''(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!'' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.

Why did i have to be one of ''those'' with the crazy MIL? lol


Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Don''t worry about it! I know that''s hard advice to take, but really. I have a similar situation, and the best you can do is brush off your shoulders and not care. His mother was SOOO involved with him because she had no life other than him and a close friend. It got to the point there was so much hidden animosity (nice to me when he''s around, made snarky comments when he couldn''t hear) that we ended up breaking up because of her. He came back to me, and he had to prove that he was on my side and would defend our relationship. Well, he did, and she didn''t talk to him for 6 months because he told her that she had to stop. She said ''You''re divorcing me'' and then just stopped talking to him. Yes, mothers can be crazy... and ESPECIALLY if he was an only child. I''ve learned to ignore her and the things she says... and when she tries to tell me how he likes his shirts folded (mind you we''ve been together 4 years... i know these things) I just say ''Mmm Hmm'' and keep my comments to myself. Kill ''em with kindness and they will eventually break and subside.

As for a size or price point... I am a very modest person. I don''t normally like jewelry... and I don''t like big, flashy jewelry. I don''t think I''d even want a diamond for a center stone... I''d want something with color and personality to it... but small. Like, a carat or under. I''m just not the jewelry kind of person. Actions speak louder than purchases kind of mind set. That, and I''m absolutely no frills. I don''t know how I''d feel wearing something big and shiny, and I would FREAK about anything over probably $2k. What can I say... I guess I''m too much of an ''island lifestyle'' kind of person, lol.

You''re right. and it''s not hard advice because I def. agree. In truth, I have been dealing with FMIL''s Shiz for 4 years as well. I don''t expect anything less from her... I''ve tried talking with her (we both have) to work things out in a way that doesn''t offend her.. nothing works. Some people! You can tell um something until you''re blue in the face and they still wont get it. In all honesty, I feel bad for her. She''s pushing her son away and I think that''s terrible. I don''t care what she says about me or what she thinks of my ring... I am just glad that FI and i love it. But I do hate the way she treats him and makes him feel.

Love the shirts folded thing... everytime FMIL makes a comment to me about what FI likes to eat, or what his favorite movie is, or she tries to embarrass him by talking about the pair of boxers he left out on his bedroom floor ect.. I can''t help but laugh inside. "Those boxers looked MUCH better on my floor!

".. ha ha! if only i had the guts to say that to her! too bad i''m not disrespectful lol.

But nope.. kill um with kindness it is!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/25/2009 1:57:13 AM
Author: jaylex

Date: 9/25/2009 12:55:53 AM

Author: JustLikeYou

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM

Author: jaylex

I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it''s really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn''t get what she wants. Most of them center around ''(Miss) Jaylex doesn''t want you to tell me anything! It''s all HER fault we aren''t close anymore!'' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.


Why did i have to be one of ''those'' with the crazy MIL? lol



Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Don''t worry about it! I know that''s hard advice to take, but really. I have a similar situation, and the best you can do is brush off your shoulders and not care. His mother was SOOO involved with him because she had no life other than him and a close friend. It got to the point there was so much hidden animosity (nice to me when he''s around, made snarky comments when he couldn''t hear) that we ended up breaking up because of her. He came back to me, and he had to prove that he was on my side and would defend our relationship. Well, he did, and she didn''t talk to him for 6 months because he told her that she had to stop. She said ''You''re divorcing me'' and then just stopped talking to him. Yes, mothers can be crazy... and ESPECIALLY if he was an only child. I''ve learned to ignore her and the things she says... and when she tries to tell me how he likes his shirts folded (mind you we''ve been together 4 years... i know these things) I just say ''Mmm Hmm'' and keep my comments to myself. Kill ''em with kindness and they will eventually break and subside.


As for a size or price point... I am a very modest person. I don''t normally like jewelry... and I don''t like big, flashy jewelry. I don''t think I''d even want a diamond for a center stone... I''d want something with color and personality to it... but small. Like, a carat or under. I''m just not the jewelry kind of person. Actions speak louder than purchases kind of mind set. That, and I''m absolutely no frills. I don''t know how I''d feel wearing something big and shiny, and I would FREAK about anything over probably $2k. What can I say... I guess I''m too much of an ''island lifestyle'' kind of person, lol.

You''re right. and it''s not hard advice because I def. agree. In truth, I have been dealing with FMIL''s Shiz for 4 years as well. I don''t expect anything less from her... I''ve tried talking with her (we both have) to work things out in a way that doesn''t offend her.. nothing works. Some people! You can tell um something until you''re blue in the face and they still wont get it. In all honesty, I feel bad for her. She''s pushing her son away and I think that''s terrible. I don''t care what she says about me or what she thinks of my ring... I am just glad that FI and i love it. But I do hate the way she treats him and makes him feel.


Love the shirts folded thing... everytime FMIL makes a comment to me about what FI likes to eat, or what his favorite movie is, or she tries to embarrass him by talking about the pair of boxers he left out on his bedroom floor ect.. I can''t help but laugh inside. ''Those boxers looked MUCH better on my floor!

''.. ha ha! if only i had the guts to say that to her! too bad i''m not disrespectful lol.


But nope.. kill um with kindness it is!

(((HUGS))) to you, jaylex...and you too, JustLikeYou...but I had to let you know that that little bit about the boxers CRACKED ME UP this morning. I kinda imagined your FMIL''s face of horror if you *had* said something like that to look something like this:

or

! Glad it sounds like he''s coming back around to loving the ring you guys spent so much time looking for, saving for, and choosing! Fingers crossed that FMIL comes back around to liking you eventually.

Is your FI an only child? the oldest child? her only boy? all of the above???

 

[jaylex]

Date: 9/25/2009 9:00:43 AM
Author: vc10um

Date: 9/25/2009 1:57:13 AM
Author: jaylex

Date: 9/25/2009 12:55:53 AM

Author: JustLikeYou

Date: 9/24/2009 11:33:12 PM

Author: jaylex

I know FI tries really hard to not give in to her control games.. but it's really difficult for him because she throws these crazy fits when she doesn't get what she wants. Most of them center around '(Miss) Jaylex doesn't want you to tell me anything! It's all HER fault we aren't close anymore!' and this lady is so crazy that no matter how many times he tells her that he chooses on his own free will to keep his personal information to himself, she ALWAYS turns it back around on me.


Why did i have to be one of 'those' with the crazy MIL? lol



Wow. I totally threadjacked.. Sorry

Don't worry about it! I know that's hard advice to take, but really. I have a similar situation, and the best you can do is brush off your shoulders and not care. His mother was SOOO involved with him because she had no life other than him and a close friend. It got to the point there was so much hidden animosity (nice to me when he's around, made snarky comments when he couldn't hear) that we ended up breaking up because of her. He came back to me, and he had to prove that he was on my side and would defend our relationship. Well, he did, and she didn't talk to him for 6 months because he told her that she had to stop. She said 'You're divorcing me' and then just stopped talking to him. Yes, mothers can be crazy... and ESPECIALLY if he was an only child. I've learned to ignore her and the things she says... and when she tries to tell me how he likes his shirts folded (mind you we've been together 4 years... i know these things) I just say 'Mmm Hmm' and keep my comments to myself. Kill 'em with kindness and they will eventually break and subside.


As for a size or price point... I am a very modest person. I don't normally like jewelry... and I don't like big, flashy jewelry. I don't think I'd even want a diamond for a center stone... I'd want something with color and personality to it... but small. Like, a carat or under. I'm just not the jewelry kind of person. Actions speak louder than purchases kind of mind set. That, and I'm absolutely no frills. I don't know how I'd feel wearing something big and shiny, and I would FREAK about anything over probably $2k. What can I say... I guess I'm too much of an 'island lifestyle' kind of person, lol.

You're right. and it's not hard advice because I def. agree. In truth, I have been dealing with FMIL's Shiz for 4 years as well. I don't expect anything less from her... I've tried talking with her (we both have) to work things out in a way that doesn't offend her.. nothing works. Some people! You can tell um something until you're blue in the face and they still wont get it. In all honesty, I feel bad for her. She's pushing her son away and I think that's terrible. I don't care what she says about me or what she thinks of my ring... I am just glad that FI and i love it. But I do hate the way she treats him and makes him feel.


Love the shirts folded thing... everytime FMIL makes a comment to me about what FI likes to eat, or what his favorite movie is, or she tries to embarrass him by talking about the pair of boxers he left out on his bedroom floor ect.. I can't help but laugh inside. 'Those boxers looked MUCH better on my floor!

'.. ha ha! if only i had the guts to say that to her! too bad i'm not disrespectful lol.


But nope.. kill um with kindness it is!

(((HUGS))) to you, jaylex...and you too, JustLikeYou...but I had to let you know that that little bit about the boxers CRACKED ME UP this morning. I kinda imagined your FMIL's face of horror if you *had* said something like that to look something like this:

or

! Glad it sounds like he's coming back around to loving the ring you guys spent so much time looking for, saving for, and choosing! Fingers crossed that FMIL comes back around to liking you eventually.

Is your FI an only child? the oldest child? her only boy? all of the above???

thanks for the hug and the encouragement, vc10um. I am so sorry for threadjacking!
and ha ha! I've been SOOO tempted to do that. it happens so often that I'm afraid it may just slip out... and her reaction would DEF be more like this

. But times 70 that!

And to answer your question... he's kinda all three... only child in that he's the only child she and her ex had. Oldest in that FI has two half sisters (7 and 12). Onlly son in that... his sisters are girls. so yeah.
But it's pretty sad b/c the youngest who is a TOTAL sweetheart is ignored by her parents. She's such a smart little girl and she's so kind. It breaks my heart to see that she doesn't get any attention.. so I give it to her! lol.
But i guess that's better than being FI. EVERYTHING he does is wrong. They are never proud or supportive of him. It really hurts him. He's def the "least loved" of the three in the family. His mom says that it's ok b/c his sisters are more sensitive... thus need more love. But he is the most watched and controlled.

The middle child is EXACTLY like her mother. She is a mini carbon copy of her in every way. She gets all the attention in the family and she has been raised to think she is older than she is. When FI's parents used to go out and we were asked to babysit FI's mom would have the 12 year old (then 9) "watch us". Even if we held hands in the car in front of her, you better believe it got back to his mother.
Don't even ask about kissing!
Last year, FI's mom walked in on him giving me a kiss.. she said "I caught you!

" and then ran out of the room slamming the door behind her!
this woman is seriously disturbed

lol

 

[vc10um]

Date: 9/25/2009 9:48:18 AM
Author: jaylex

thanks for the hug and the encouragement, vc10um. I am so sorry for threadjacking!
and ha ha! I''ve been SOOO tempted to do that. it happens so often that I''m afraid it may just slip out... and her reaction would DEF be more like this

. But times 70 that!

And to answer your question... he''s kinda all three... only child in that he''s the only child she and her ex had. Oldest in that FI has two half sisters (7 and 12). Onlly son in that... his sisters are girls. so yeah.
But it''s pretty sad b/c the youngest who is a TOTAL sweetheart is ignored by her parents. She''s such a smart little girl and she''s so kind. It breaks my heart to see that she doesn''t get any attention.. so I give it to her! lol.
But i guess that''s better than being FI. EVERYTHING he does is wrong. They are never proud or supportive of him. It really hurts him. He''s def the ''least loved'' of the three in the family. His mom says that it''s ok b/c his sisters are more sensitive... thus need more love. But he is the most watched and controlled.

The middle child is EXACTLY like her mother. She is a mini carbon copy of her in every way. She gets all the attention in the family and she has been raised to think she is older than she is. When FI''s parents used to go out and we were asked to babysit FI''s mom would have the 12 year old (then 9) ''watch us''. Even if we held hands in the car in front of her, you better believe it got back to his mother.
Don''t even ask about kissing!
Last year, FI''s mom walked in on him giving me a kiss.. she said ''I caught you!

'' and then ran out of the room slamming the door behind her!
this woman is seriously disturbed

lol

No worry about the threadjacking...it''s always interesting to see how one thing can lead to another, IMO!

I had a sneaking suspicion he was the "only" one...and the oldest. She''s never been through this before, and I''m sure that''s where part of this is coming from. Here''s hoping her daughters have an easier time. Sometimes I see and hear things and I send up a little prayer that I never become "that parent". Your FMIL is one of those that I hope I never become. It sounds like your FMIL is treating the middle child like the oldest child and simply ignoring your FI, which is really sad. Not that she should ignore the middle child by any stretch of the imagination, but I just can''t fathom treating my children how it sounds like she treats your FI in favor of the 12yo! And at least the youngest has you! At least you have one in-law with whom you can cultivate an excellent relationship!

And that last bit just makes me roll my eyes. My mother would do something like that, but in a joking way, and then set it up later so I "catch" her and her BF snogging.

I can''t imagine someone who''s the mother of a 20-something doing that for REAL.