What would you do?

[VRBeauty]

I had to choose a new doctor last year when my prior GP moved out of the practice. I really like the doctor I ended up choosing - I like his approach re preventative medicine vs. treatment, and how well he explains things. He's fairly young, and his profile mentioned two young children. During our initial appointment of course we went over family medical history. When I mentioned that my younger brother had been treated for non-hodgkins lymphoma as a teenager, he revealed that he was just returning to practicing medicine after having undergone treatment for the same condition (as it happens, in the same teaching/research facility that had treated my brother 40 years earlier). He asked how my brother was doing, and I told him the truth - my brother had just been treated successfully for tonsular cancer. This is a fairly rare cancer, and his contracting it was probably related to either the cancer he'd had as a teenager, or to the very aggressive treatment they had used to treat the lymphoma. I could tell that my doctor was somewhat shaken by this news. When my brother was treated for the NHL way back when we were told that his chances of contracting some other form of cancer had increased - but it's one thing to process that in the abstract; quite another when you're faced with a possible real-life example.

Fast forward eight months or so, and it's time for me to see the doctor again. In the interim, my brother was diagnosed as having a very fast-growing squamous cell cancer growing in his tongue and throat. The cancer was removed last month in a successful but brutal surgery: it involved removing his tongue and larynx, and a permanent tracheotomy.

I need to schedule an appointment for some routine stuff, and I'm having second thoughts about seeing this doctor again. I know there is no way to predict whether his cancer will recur or the course his treatment will take. I know that my brother's initial treatment was extremely aggressive for several reasons (I understand it was summarized in a journal article) and that the treatment has been refined a lot in the intervening years. For all I know, my doctor may have undergone a whole different form of treatment. And of course he's a doctor, so he's even more aware than most that what happened to my brother has nothing to do with his situation.

Still, I'm afraid he might ask me about my brother. I really don't want to saddle him with the thought of what has happened in his case.

So - I'd appreciate your thoughts. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

 

[TooPatient]

The treatment has likely changed some in 40 years. He should be aware of that or in a position to research.

If you like his approach, I would schedule with him and not worry about it. If it is relevant to your family history (I am not medical person so don't know specifics about what they need), I would mention the new cancer. If not, don't bring it up with him but be honest if he asks. You never know when hearing about someone else might make him look twice at something he had been putting off getting checked. If he doesn't want to know he won't ask. He might not even remember it was you he had that conversation with.

 

[Autumnovember]

I would go back. I am honest with certain patients about my own health conditions and I know some people may not agree with being open with patients about things like that but it hasn't been an issue. My patients are able to relate to me much more and are able to see me in a different light. That being said, he is a doctor and trust me when I tell you that he is definitely aware about the risks involved with having had cancer once already. Being in medical field is a blessing and a curse. We can make good, educated decisions about our health but at the same time we know too much just from being in the field when we get diagnosed with something serious. Also, you can just say your brother is doing OK if that's what you're comfortable saying. I think finding a good doctor that you like is difficult enough as it is and that alone would make me return. I've had tons of people in general tell me about someone they know who has my illness. Some are honest and will follow up with telling me the person isn't doing well and truly, it doesn't change my hope or faith that I will continue to do well.

 

[VRBeauty]

Thank you both for your thoughts. Autumnovember - best wishes to you!

 

[monarch64]

I would continue to see this doctor if you've had good experiences with him so far (seems you have.) I understand your concerns about not wanting to make him feel discouraged if he asks about your brother's situation and you give him a detailed answer. However, your brother did make it through this last surgery even though he lost things some would consider a very major detriment to quality of life. I think, from a cancer survivor's point of view, though (your doctor's), that even that particular outcome might not be perceived as discouraging. It all depends on an individual's attitude towards survival itself. When my dad had extensive amounts of organ and tissue removal years ago, and had a permanent colostomy, I think he was still just grateful to be living even though the way he lived had to change drastically and uncomfortably. As people who have not personally dealt with excisions of cancerous organs/body parts, you and I may see things as more discouraging than those who are looking at it from a life-or-death perspective, if that makes sense. (Sorry to assume you have not dealt with that personally, but I don't recall you mentioning any cancer or removal of, in your posts.)

Your doctor isn't a random human who isn't used to dealing with medical issues. He is someone who like AutumnNovember said, is aware and knowledgeable of all sorts of ailments and outcomes. It may actually help him to hear another case history such as your brother's as it's another possibility to explore or prepare for. Short answer: I would go back to your doctor and if he asks, I would tell him what you are comfortable sharing. I don't think he would ask if he thought he couldn't handle it.

I think I mentioned in the random things thread, but I'm so glad your brother is still with you. I think that is a true success, and it is encouraging to me (as to others, I'm sure) that the human species can adapt and continue to share here on this planet despite these sorts of extreme hardships.

You are a very kind person to think first of your doctor's state of mind over and above your own needs and wants. You deserve an A+ on the grade card of life, VRbeauty.

 

[VRBeauty]

As people who have not personally dealt with excisions of cancerous organs/body parts, you and I may see things as more discouraging than those who are looking at it from a life-or-death perspective, if that makes sense. (Sorry to assume you have not dealt with that personally, but I don't recall you mentioning any cancer or removal of, in your posts.)

That does make sense, and it helps. Thanks, Monnie!