What would you do? HONESTLY...!

[BriBee]

So maybe this is a better topic for the Brides area since I''m not officially engaged yet, but I have to get some opinions. My Boyfriend (or soon to be fiance

) REALLY loves his last name and REALLY wants me to take it. I''m not so sure however and here''s why....his last name is....wait for it.....Beaver

I mean come on! I think a boy with that last name is OK...but it''s hard for a girl! And what about kids?
He is really proud of his name and would never take mine, and I wouldn''t ask him to, but I''m not sure about taking his. I always imagined that I would take my husband''s name, I guess I just never thought I''d fall in love with a Beaver

Thoughts, jokes, laughs...?

 

[KimberlyH]

Honestly, I''d take his name, especially if I''d always imagined doing so. Kids will find reasons to tease one another, whether they have last names that beg for it or not.

 

[BriBee]

That''s a good point. Kids are always going to be mean. I guess I''m just hesitant because I''ve been getting teased about this last name ever since we started dating. My name with his last name has a nice ring to it, in a comical way. I just hope I don''t start getting a bunch of Beaver paraphernalia...his grandparents have a giant beaver statue by their front door and a huge sign that says "The Beavers" with a beaver head and big beaver teeth...try saying that three times fast

 

[Mara]

one of my good friends just got married and her husband has the funniest name. lots of jokes around it too. everyone is basically telling her not to take his name, she also loves her name. she doesn't really want to...but she feels pressure from him just because he feels like she should. it will be interesting to see what happens.

 

[BriBee]

If I took his last name I could change my name here from BriBee to BriBeav..hehehe

 

[ladyciel]

I have a friend who married and kept her own last name for similar reasons. However, she''s always been pretty independent, I''m not sure she ever planned to take her husband''s name, and she is 1 of 4 sisters (so no brothers to carry on the name). I think my only reservation in NOT eventually taking my husband''s name is I want my kids and I to have the same name.

 

[musey]

I struggled with the EXACT same thing! FI''s name isn''t objectionable, just unpronounceable... I already have an apparently unpronounceable first name, but it''s balanced with a super-common, easy-to-pronounce last name. All the guys I dated before him had what I thought were great last names (Pierce, Payne, Peper... hmm, a lot of p''s... Townshend, Max, you get the picture) and his was not so appealing to me.

But, I''ve always wanted to take my husband''s name. I like that idea of unity. He didn''t present it as being super important to him, but I could tell that he wanted me to. In the end, it will flow well (when pronounced right) and I haven''t been able to find a single other person through google/etc. who has it.

So, even though I still don''t really love the idea of that particular name, it is what I want.


I bet that, even though the "beaver" thing bugs you know, you may learn to love it. I learned to love jokes about my maiden name, so you''ll likely embrace it in the end

 

[Haven]

Oh, Bri, this is a tough one. I never imagine not taking my husband''s last name, simply because I grew up with a lot of kids whose parents either hyphenated both names or didn''t take each other''s, and I just always found it distasteful for some reason.

HOWEVER, Beaver is a TOUGH last name. I''m a high school teacher, so I would NEVER take on that last name professionally (can you imagine?), but I think I''d still go for it and take it on officially.

My BF''s last name isn''t so hot either, and I really love my last name. However, I''m still going to go ahead and change it because I''d be uncomfortable doing anything else.

I think the others are right when they said you may learn to embrace it--perhaps it will become an acquired taste. (Oh the awful puns you could insert here, don''t even think about it, ladies!)

 

[sugarplum]

Bri, that is definitely a tough one. I think if you''ve always imagined taking your husband''s last name then you should go for it. I have the same issue but it''s more like musey''s where my future fiance/husband''s last name is not easy to pronounce. It''s ethnic so it''s spelled in a way where it''s difficult to pronounce. He gets his last name butchered all the time! I have a last name that''s easy to pronounce so I''m hesitant to take his when we get married even though I''ve also always imagined taking my husband''s last name. Oh well, guess I''ll have to correct everyone who mispronounces it! It''s so bad though...we took classes together in college and when the professors got to his name while calling roll on the first day, they choked--every time.

Funny you should post this topic today because my coworker sent out an email this morning with the subject "when not to hyphenate your last name" and it contained last names of brides and grooms that really shouldn''t be combined. It''s pretty funny but some of it''s pretty bad...maybe even inappropriate to post on this forum!

Ha ha!

 

[zoebartlett]

Someone I work with is engaged to a guy with the last name of Butt (yep, really). We were talking about whether we''d take our FI''s last names or keep our own. I hate to say it and I don''t mean to be mean, but if I were my coworker, I would definitely keep my own name. I''m torn with this myself. My FI and I have last names that we both like. I''m sort of attached to my last name for a few reasons, one of which is that if I did change my name, my dad wouldn''t have anyone in our immediate family to carry on our last name. I have male cousins on my dad''s side who can pass the name on but it would be nice if I could pass it on or at least keep it in the family. I could take my FI''s last name and it wouldn''t sound bad but I''m not sure I want to. We''ll see.

It is a tough call though. You should do whatever you feel comfortable with.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Hmmm that is a toughy. I am dreading giving up my last name as it is on my college degrees etc and its just a cool last name although future fiance''s last name is as common as Smith

But at the end of the day I love him and I will take his last name!

Good luck!

 

[Steel]

Very interesting question...

I cannot comment too specifically as I don''t want to identify myself, but I hated my maiden name. I also but to a lesser extend didnt like DH''s name so to cut a long story short we changed his last name (to an old one in his family) and have a name we both love love love.

Take a few mins and consider a last name you do like, eg, Pitt. Imagine how you would feel if that were your last name when you married your SO. If that feels ok then perhaps changing your name to a neutral option may be a possibility, after all whats in a name? However I suspect it might feel as if you are not connecting with your SO on that level. If so you may really want his name. Maybe? Maybe not?

If you keep your name, traditionally some folk may think it odd, like for reservations or airline tickets. People assuming your names are the same and if they are not, also your kids would have your name not his and some tongues might wag.

Regarding bullying, kids can be stupid and cruel but you cannot protect your kids from everything and shouldn''t attempt to.

Really what does it matter what others think, people talk and people bully.

What do you want? Do you see the name as an extended part of your SO (no pun intended

), if so you might want it out of sentimental reasons. If not perhaps you want a neutral name for the two of you to have a fesh start, his mothers or grandmothers maiden name for example.

Good luck!

 

[Steel]

I hope admin dont mind this;

Your thread reminded me of an old card game.

Beaver really is a cute name, not very usual here and if you look at the list below could be so much worse depending on your job!

Here is the info from Wikipedia:

Happy Families is a traditional card game played, featuring illustrations of fictional families of four, most often based on occupation types. The idea of the game is to collect whole families. This is done by asking another player whether they have a certain card. If they don''t have it, it is their turn to ask. If they do, they have to pass it to the first player, who can ask again. Play continues until a player matches all of his or her cards into family groups. The game can adapted for use with an ordinary set of playing cards.
Family members
The names of the family members are structured in a forma

l way:
• Mr X the Y
• Mrs X the Y''s Wife
• Master X the Y''s Son
• Miss X the Y''s Daughter
Family names
Family names, which vary from edition to edition, include:
• Hearty, the Captain
• Snuffet, the Undertaker
• Hardwatch, the First Mate
• Snoot, the First Class Passenger
• Deck, the Swabhand
• Stiches, the Sailmaker
• Bacon, the Butcher
• Block, the Barber
• Block, the Builder
• Bones, the Butcher
• Brush, the Artist
• Bud, the Florist
• Bun, the Baker
• Bung, the Brewer
• Chalk, the Teacher
• Chip, the Carpenter
• Chop, the Butcher
• Constable, the Policeman
• Dose, the Doctor
• Dip, the Dyer
• Field, the Farmer
• Green, the Grocer (most likely a greengrocer)
• Grits, the Grocer
• Hose, the Fireman
• Mug, the Milkman
• Pint, the Milkman
• Sole, the Fisherman
• Soot, the Sweep
• Stamp, the Postman
• Tape, the Tailor
• Tuckin, the Chef
• Pots, the Painter

 

[decodelighted]

Just start pronouncing it "Bev -ee- yea" Kind of like Jackie BOUVIER Kennedy.

I''m KINDA kidding ... kinda not. I have a VERY similar situation going on with the ol'' "married" name ... My DH''s family name is - uh- amusing. And laughed at by schoolkids etc. They have a teacher in the family and she DID "alter" the pronunciation at school. Just added a sound in there that changed it.

I hyphenated. Mostly for professional reasons -- I have a teensy "reputation" under my maiden name & I wanted to still use it, and I''m an older bride so I''ve identified with MY family name for so long it was hard to nix it altogether.

It''s particularly sticky for US -- as my DH is the "last of the line". And we don''t plan on having kids. He''d be the last male XXXXXXXXX.

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, changing my name was never a live option for me. I''ve been Indy Gal for too many years! Plus, I have a professional reputation under that name. Plus, I''m already well and goodly freaked out about the idea of "losing my identity as an individual" when I marry (which I know is mostly irrational) so I''d probably just pass out from panic if I would lose my name!

But if you were going to change your name anyway, I say don''t NOT do it because it''s Beaver! Just make it into an actively fun / funny part of your life!

Ever hear of "Beaver College"? It was actually a WOMEN''S COLLEGE!!! I think they just recently changed their name to "Arcadia College" or something like that because application rates were so low. So maybe you could all just change your names to "Arcadia" too. Haha!

 

[BriBee]

Thanks to everyone for all the great feedback! I think in the end I will just take his name. My friends have already taken to using it on me anyways

I had thought of having us both change to a new and neutral last name like what was suggested here, but SO would have none of it! He loves his last name and I think that''s great. I also considered telling people that it''s pronounced "Bo-vair" and that we''re French, but that would be a COMPLETE lie.

Well, it''ll be a while until this is all official, but when it comes down to it, I''ll try and remember to update on what happened.

 

[FireGoddess]

Could you legally hypenate and then just....not use his so much?

I hyphenated, but at work I use my own last name. Everywhere else I use the hypenated name, which is long and ends up being shortened to just my name a lot of the time. But legally I did *add* his to placate him.

 

[blueyes157]

Embrace the last name! A good friend of mine, her last name is Rich, and her family''s lake cabin has all these corny sayings for Rich. "The road to the Rich''s" "A family RICH with love"... and many more!

I think it is cute, it might take some getting used to, but there a lot worse names you can get stuck with. Two friends growing up, one was a Heiney and the other was a Hickey!

 

[jcrow]

was he teased much growing up?
makes me wonder if he didn''t b/c he loves his name so much. or maybe that has nothing to do with it.
yes, kids do get teased and it can be so unpredictable sometimes. some kids i knew had crazy names but were popular. sometimes it''s to do with personality whether or not they get teased. it''s so random. so i wouldn''t base your decision on that (not saying that you are- just throwing that out there).

 

[*RubyRN*]

Just do it! As long as your first name isn''t Reaver or Cleaver or something else that rhymes.. hahahaha

Seriously, that would be the only case when I would advise someone NOT to take the last name.. if their first name rhymes with it. My best friends gynecologist is Dr. Beaver (no joke). If he can keep that name with his line of work, anyone can do it!

 

[loveforfire]

i feel your pain. my boyfriend [hopefully soon-to-be fiance''] has a less desirable last name too. niswonger. yes, you pronounce that (nice - wonger). but i''ll be happy to take his last name

 

[InlovewithJHK]

I say if you have always wanted to take it... take his last name. I''ve heard much worse and who is really going to tease a grown woman about her last name (unless its your closest friends

)

I LOVED taking my husbands last name. I know many would disagree with me but that change really made me feel married when I first tied the knot, instead of just living together like we were before. i''m fully used to my new name and couldn''t be happier. Then again, my old last name was majorly U-G-L-Y!

 

[phoenixgirl]

I''m a teacher too, and I think I would use my maiden name at work instead of going by Beaver. Another teacher''s married name sounded a little like "crotch" so she went with her maiden name.

I really liked my last name and didn''t really love DH''s. It''s got four consonants in a row in the middle. That''s a bit much. It''s also not his ancestral name, which was Anderson, but was changed by a great-grandfather whose paychecks kept getting picked up by another guy in the factory with the same last name. So they chose this random Scandinavian name that I guess somebody in the family had.

So my (only semi-serious) argument was, "You have three brothers to carry on your last name, and it hasn''t even been in your family very long. I only have one brother, and my ancestors can be traced back hundreds of years. We should take my last name!" But we live in a conservative place and DH has a conservative job, so I knew that wouldn''t fly.

He didn''t pressure me to take his last name, but as a teacher I know how confusing it is when you get a phone call from Kim Thomas or somebody and you have no student with that last name and don''t know who you''re calling about until you get on the phone. I worked in the attendance office of my high school last year, and it was even worse when "Kim Thomas" would write a note saying, "Please excuse Kenny from school early," and then would scribble her last name, which wasn''t even his last name. If we didn''t catch it when the kid turned the note in we''d have the darnest time figuring out who Kenny is. We have over 2,000 students! Write your child''s last name on your notes! Sorry, got sidetracked there . . .

I''ve gotten used to DH''s last name, and I''m pretty sure I''m the only one of my name out there, at least on the internet. There were a handful of other people with my first name and maiden name since they are of the same cultural origin. I do like being unique. And DH and I like referring to each other by our last name, or saying, "Good work [last name]!" and giving a hi-five.

 

[ice_princess]

Awww, that''s sweet really. I spoke to someone the other day whose surname was....wait for it....Pencil!! Isn''t that just the sweetest thing?!
My BF''s last name is von Horsten (with an umlaut on the o but I can''t do it on my laptop). It''s pronounced "fon hersten"...IT was fine while we lived in South Africa because there everyone have odd surnames because of all he mixed heritage over there but in England it''s pretty much...well...English and here and there you still find some anomosity towards the Germans so it''s a disaster, and you should hear them trying to pronounce it...it''s hillarious. Then I thought well there''s always a hyphen but that would be even worse because my surname is LE ROUX so the whole thing would be just tooooo long...

 

[diamondfan]

that is funny. I had an oral surgeon named Doctor Smiler and a pediatrician named Dr. Flesh. We have a Philly weather girl named Amy Snow. Beaver is a tough one. Not a great visual. A college near us which was called Beaver changed it''s name to Arcadia...you are a brave girl!!

 

[LazyDaisy]

Awww that''s not a bad last name! I knew a girl growing up whose last name was Beaver. Kids might have teased her a little, but I don''t know anyone who didn''t get teased about their name every once in a while. I wouldn''t let that stop me from taking his name. Everyone is entitled to her own decision, but I kind of think that, unless you''re keeping your name for the feminist reason (in which case you can teach your daughters about women''s rights-- very cool), it''s good for a family to all have the same name. Don''t not take it because it''s Beaver. One day you''ll like it

(I am slightly hypocritical though-- if the future Mr. LazyDaisy''s last name turned out to be Duke, we might have a problem )

 

[anchor31]

Hah, a friend of mine has a brother-in-law who''s last name is Gross. Her sister is now Dr Gross. Yep. So... Beaver doesn''t sound do bad now, eh?

 

[Dandi]

I once met a dentist called Dr Blood

Doesn''t paint a real good picture now, does it?

 

[Cassian]

BriBee, 2 things. first, i went to high school with a friend with the last name Beaver, and he did just fine. i don''t remember anyone teasing him.

second, it could be WAYYYY worse. at work, we keep a list of all the clients with funny or dirty last names. some of my favorites: Baltosser, Sackrider, Seman, ****, Hooker, Stoolmaker...etc.

see? it could be a lot worse. you could be mrs. sackrider.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

There was a teacher at my high school whose name was Chris Peacock... so of course the kids figured out that if you said it fast it sounded like Crispy Cock. I never understood why he didn''t go by Christopher or his middle name. Just be glad you don''t have an unfortunate first name!!