What Were the Deal BREAKERS?

[ponder]

DH and I have been together since I was 16, so no personal deal breakers but my good friend was on a first date last year where the guy asked if he could ejaculate on her later . She got up and left the restaurant.

how do you respond to that request?? I can't imagine too many women getting through the meal with a guy like that, let alone.....

She was flabbergasted. When she realized he wasnt kidding, she didn't know what to say. So she said "sorry, I dont think so" and got up and left. In retrospect she said that she didn't think he was actually interested in sex with her, just some weird fetish.

 

[princesss]

Oh boy!

Let's see (these were all first dates, btw):

One guy said his geography was bad "east of New England." Yeah. I grew up in Asia, and want to travel around the world. Next.

One guy was late because he was buying a pack of cigarettes, and then smoked through the whole date (coffee date, outside, but still!). Next.

There was the guy that tried to get me drunk on our date, the guy that kept pushing for an invitation into my apartment, and the guy that couldn't seem to figure out an appropriate amount of personal space.

There was the guy who referred to the bathroom as "the little boys' room." He also had me meet him inside CVS while he was picking a few things up, and had a printed list of potential date ideas for me to pick from. No. I am not a chore so don't lump me in with them, and if you ask me out, you decide what we're doing. (Plus, his research was bad, and every place we tried was closed!)

 

[missy]

When I was in college I encountered my first "deal breaker" trait- my college bf at the time was afraid of bugs! I found out one night when we came back to the dorms and there was a huge bug in the doorway (ewwwwww). Anyway I screamed in my fear (I'm a girl so that is generally acceptable IMO) for him to kill it and he screamed like a little girl!! Can we say bye bye to that relationship LOL

I really cannot think of any others that I have personally encountered. I have been pretty fortunate regarding relationships as in my past I have dated stand up guys. I would have to say looking back that a deal breaker would have been (but never encountered it) if a guy hated animals.

 

[soocool]

I really did not date much, but a couple guys I dated felt the need to tell me how I should dress and how I should wear my hair, how much make up was appropriate, etc.

My DH, on the other hand, whenever I ask for his opinion, always says I look great no matter what. I don't know if it is his way of trying not to upset me if he doesn't like what I am wearing, etc., but he will point out when I have stuff on my teeth, smeared eyeliner etc.


There was this one guy in college however who was the photographer for the college yearbook when I was a freshman. I later found out that my photos were plastered all over the yearbook.... Something like 20 and possibly more. One of them showed me the yearbook and yikes, pictures of me everywhere. It was creepy. He asked me out once and I said No!

 

[gem_anemone]

I've been waiting for a thread like this since I joined PS! I've dated a lot of losers and a couple that were OK but just not right for me. I dumped every single one of these guys. Bear with me because I was a serial monogamist who really tried to make it work with the guys I was with, but just couldn't do it. I consider myself to be a catch (with some minor issues of course we all have them! ), but I was never treated like I should have been. My major dealbreakers and how long I tolerated them:

1. High school boyfriend with self-esteem issues. Nice guy, but just plain boring and blah with no motivation. We were young and I needed to see what else was out there. This is super mean, but I felt like I could do better. (1.5 years)

2. Drug addict loser who went through 4 cars and 7 jobs in the time we dated and lived together. He always seemed to love me when it was convenient for him like when he needed me for a place to live, a ride, or money, but otherwise he didn't think of me or really give two s--ts about me...I learned in this relationship to NEVER move in with a guy until I was married. That stuck until I met my DH! (On and off for two years maybe?)

3. Clingy, jealous guy who didn't have a lot of friends of his own and wouldn't make nice with my group of friends. He didn't want me to have my own life and tried to get me to agree to move away with him from my friends and family. He didn't want me to go to college and better myself because then he would lose control in the relationship. He had a kid too, which complicated the situation and honestly I think he just wanted a wife (any wife) to stay home and take care of her. (2 years)

4. I was single for a year here and I had dated a bunch of losers. The worst were ones were seeing other people and not telling me. On the flip side one guy anonymously sent me a dozen roses to my house the day after I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship. I also dated a guy who wanted to be with a beauty queen. His family was very wealthy though, so I sometimes imagine my bling I would have if I had married him! I'm more of a casual type of girl though, so I thought he'd be too high maintenance for me! Plus my best friend hated him.

5. College boyfriend was a momma's boy. His mom had a lot of problems with me because of her judgemental attitude and frankly they culminated into me realizing that my boyfriend did not see a future with me anyway so I broke it off (2.5 years).

6. Another clingy, crazy bi-polar artist type person who was really stupid, I mean DUMB and he talked WAY too much. When he wasn't being a drama queen he was kind of sweet, so if he had talked less and been less embarrassing maybe he would have been tolerable...(a few months)

7. I dated a guy for a year who was just plain selfish and not in it for both of us, but for himself only. He is a nice guy, caring, etc, but never wanted to marry or have kids and the worst dealbreaker was that he was super addicted to **** and didn't realize how it was affecting our sex life. A lot of people I know like him, but in the back of my head I think they kind of feel sorry for him. I came off as the evil black hearted souless wench when we broke up because I didn't go around telling everyone exactly why we broke up.

8. Lastly we are finally to my dear hubby! There were no "signs" or anything when we first met. We moved in after three months (which was unheard of for me!) and at almost four years together we are married and still going strong! Love that man!

 

[iLander]

I'm enjoying this thread, ladies! Some of these stories made me laugh and some just made me go

We all seem to have kissed our share of frogs . . .

I hope those that are still unattached take some solace in this thread, we've all been through it: the weirdos, the clingers, the creepers, the (apparently) criminally insane, and the "Just not right" people for us.

It's all part of the learning process . . .

 

[iLander]

I've dumped a few guys over my long life.
Each of these is a different guy.
Time together is in parenthesis.

SEVERE alcoholism (2 months)
Control freak wanted to select my friends and the books I read (13 years)
Cheating, then lying about it when I had proof. (2 years)
Living WAY beyond his means. (2 years)
Immaturity (2 months)
Too rich, made me uncomfortable (6 months)
Slacker, loser, no motivation to go anywhere with his life (3 weeks)

I got dumped two times but was never told why.
My SO and I have been together for 12 years now, and let's hope the deal never gets broke.

I have never had the problem of being with someone too rich, but I would like the opportunity to feel uncomfortable in this way . . . .

 

[rainydaze]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Lol, well it could be more interesting than it was.... basically we worked together in dining hall (college). He seemed nice enough, albeit a little odd. I was in the frame of mind of giving most anyone a chance because you just never know, so when he asked me on a date I said yes. I was also naive because I was coming off of a three year relationship (my first) and hadn't really ever dated. Between the time he asked me and the date, we continued to work together and he became more and more odd.... wearing a black cape to and from work, pulling me to a corner and showing me his 'fangs', discovering a long, black, pointy pinky nail, asking me if I liked vampires and telling me that on our date he would dazzle me with some vampire-esque move! I called off the date but he wouldn't leave me alone at work, to the point that one time I actually hid from him... and he found me!!!! It was so awkward and scary! He actually came out and asked me what I was doing behind the door. Um, er, take a gigantic hint please!

 

[Autumnovember]

My first boyfriend ended it with me and I STILL don't know what his 'deal breaker' was. He never bothered to explain.

The one that I ended it with, the deal breaker was when he told me that he wished I had died in my car accident. And he called 27 times when I wouldn't answer. Crrrrrrraaaaaay.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Although the guy never had a hope, the telephone calls with a prerecorded Lionel Richie "Hello (I love you)" on the other end was positively Hitchcock. Oh and yes, a deal breaker.

cheers--Sharon

 

[kenny]

I've dumped a few guys over my long life.
Each of these is a different guy.
Time together is in parenthesis.

SEVERE alcoholism (2 months)
Control freak wanted to select my friends and the books I read (13 years)
Cheating, then lying about it when I had proof. (2 years)
Living WAY beyond his means. (2 years)
Immaturity (2 months)
Too rich, made me uncomfortable (6 months)
Slacker, loser, no motivation to go anywhere with his life (3 weeks)

I got dumped two times but was never told why.
My SO and I have been together for 12 years now, and let's hope the deal never gets broke.

I have never had the problem of being with someone too rich, but I would like the opportunity to feel uncomfortable in this way . . . .

He had a very lavish high profile lifestyle of a public figure.
Month-long vacations touring the world, staying at 5-Star hotels, etc. (I declined his generous offers to take me since I couldn't pay my way.)
Hobnobbing with Hollywood big shots.
I couldn't even afford the tip at some of those restaurants.

I really struggled with breaking up with him because he was an entirely wonderful guy.
I was just too insecure about being that far out of my element.
It would have been perfect if I was a groupie or gold digger type.
He probably liked me because I wasn't.

I ended the relationship because of a deficiency in me.
I didn't have the self confidence.
Weird, but there it is.

I will say this, a $500 bottle of wine can be TOTALLY worth every penny if you got that kind of dough.

 

[iLander]

I have never had the problem of being with someone too rich, but I would like the opportunity to feel uncomfortable in this way . . . .

He had a very lavish high profile lifestyle of a public figure.
Month-long vacations touring the world, staying at 5-Star hotels, etc. (I declined his generous offers to take me since I couldn't pay my way.)
Hobnobbing with Hollywood big shots.
I couldn't even afford the tip at some of those restaurants.

I really struggled with breaking up with him because he was an entirely wonderful guy.
I was just too insecure about being that far out of my element.
It would have been perfect if I was a groupie or gold digger type.
He probably liked me because I wasn't.

I ended the relationship because of a deficiency in me.
I didn't have the self confidence.
Weird, but there it is.

I will say this, a $500 bottle of wine can be TOTALLY worth every penny if you got that kind of dough.

Okay, so Kenny isn't Elton John, he just dated him.

Just a joke . . .

I can understand feeling that way, I'm pretty similar. DH offered to run our company by himself many times over the years, so I could be a lady of leisure. I always said "No way!". I don't like feeling that dependent and vulnerable. We've always mingled all our finances into a single pile, but it's important for me to to know that I contributed to that pile.

 

[kenny]

Girlfriend, if I was Elton John you think I'd be getting all hard over 0.08 ct FCDs?

 

[missy]

Girlfriend, if I was Elton John you think I'd be getting all hard over 0.08 ct FCDs?

LOLOL
That's a good one Kenny.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Great thread!
The deal breakers for me are:
Poor to non-existent personal hygiene
Mean drunks
Crueley to animals
Ridiculing handicapped people
Ridiculing friends behind their backs
Trying to make me feel insecure in any way (Don't waste your breath or my time)
Deliberately trying to ruin my clothes or other things (One of them repeatedly tried it: "accidentally" spilling coffee, flicking cigarette ashes and then asking "Oops, did I get you?", trying to touch my $12K Hermes bag when his hands were covered with pie filling)
Telling me what they did in the sack with their exes - why do they think I would be interested?

 

[cookies]

When I was in college, I dated a guy from graduate school. He was a nice guy, but after dating for one semester or so, he wanted to confirm I was still "pure". I felt insulted, and wished him good luck finding a virgin who meets all of his standards. 10 years has passed, and I think he is still single.

 

[iLander]

Girlfriend, if I was Elton John you think I'd be getting all hard over 0.08 ct FCDs?

ETA: I laughed so hard, I think the water went up my nose!

 

[iLander]

When I was in college, I dated a guy from graduate school. He was a nice guy, but after dating for one semester or so, he wanted to confirm I was still "pure". I felt insulted, and wished him good luck finding a virgin who meets all of his standards. 10 years has passed, and I think he is still single.

And so he shall remain. . .

 

[iLander]

My first boyfriend ended it with me and I STILL don't know what his 'deal breaker' was. He never bothered to explain.

The one that I ended it with, the deal breaker was when he told me that he wished I had died in my car accident. And he called 27 times when I wouldn't answer. Crrrrrrraaaaaay.

Wow. . . . what a psycho . . .

And for the first one, who cares what he thought? So sort of douchebaggery on his part, I'm sure . . .

 

[iLander]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Lol, well it could be more interesting than it was.... basically we worked together in dining hall (college). He seemed nice enough, albeit a little odd. I was in the frame of mind of giving most anyone a chance because you just never know, so when he asked me on a date I said yes. I was also naive because I was coming off of a three year relationship (my first) and hadn't really ever dated. Between the time he asked me and the date, we continued to work together and he became more and more odd.... wearing a black cape to and from work, pulling me to a corner and showing me his 'fangs', discovering a long, black, pointy pinky nail, asking me if I liked vampires and telling me that on our date he would dazzle me with some vampire-esque move! I called off the date but he wouldn't leave me alone at work, to the point that one time I actually hid from him... and he found me!!!! It was so awkward and scary! He actually came out and asked me what I was doing behind the door. Um, er, take a gigantic hint please!

Wooooow . . . A cape? Really? Wow . . .

And what, exactly, is a vampire-esque move? One shudders to think.

 

[Haven]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Lol, well it could be more interesting than it was.... basically we worked together in dining hall (college). He seemed nice enough, albeit a little odd. I was in the frame of mind of giving most anyone a chance because you just never know, so when he asked me on a date I said yes. I was also naive because I was coming off of a three year relationship (my first) and hadn't really ever dated. Between the time he asked me and the date, we continued to work together and he became more and more odd.... wearing a black cape to and from work, pulling me to a corner and showing me his 'fangs', discovering a long, black, pointy pinky nail, asking me if I liked vampires and telling me that on our date he would dazzle me with some vampire-esque move! I called off the date but he wouldn't leave me alone at work, to the point that one time I actually hid from him... and he found me!!!! It was so awkward and scary! He actually came out and asked me what I was doing behind the door. Um, er, take a gigantic hint please!

Oh, this is hilarious! I'm getting the best mental images here.
You kind of have to give him props for being comfortable wearing a cape out in public, though.
You hiding behind the door, and him finding you? Priceless.

 

[princesss]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Lol, well it could be more interesting than it was.... basically we worked together in dining hall (college). He seemed nice enough, albeit a little odd. I was in the frame of mind of giving most anyone a chance because you just never know, so when he asked me on a date I said yes. I was also naive because I was coming off of a three year relationship (my first) and hadn't really ever dated. Between the time he asked me and the date, we continued to work together and he became more and more odd.... wearing a black cape to and from work, pulling me to a corner and showing me his 'fangs', discovering a long, black, pointy pinky nail, asking me if I liked vampires and telling me that on our date he would dazzle me with some vampire-esque move! I called off the date but he wouldn't leave me alone at work, to the point that one time I actually hid from him... and he found me!!!! It was so awkward and scary! He actually came out and asked me what I was doing behind the door. Um, er, take a gigantic hint please!

Oh, this is hilarious! I'm getting the best mental images here.
You kind of have to give him props for being comfortable wearing a cape out in public, though.
You hiding behind the door, and him finding you? Priceless.

In my head, he found her and said, "You've been behind the door for 3 seconds! 1 - 2 - 3, ah ah ah ah ah!"

 

[rosetta]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Lol, well it could be more interesting than it was.... basically we worked together in dining hall (college). He seemed nice enough, albeit a little odd. I was in the frame of mind of giving most anyone a chance because you just never know, so when he asked me on a date I said yes. I was also naive because I was coming off of a three year relationship (my first) and hadn't really ever dated. Between the time he asked me and the date, we continued to work together and he became more and more odd.... wearing a black cape to and from work, pulling me to a corner and showing me his 'fangs', discovering a long, black, pointy pinky nail, asking me if I liked vampires and telling me that on our date he would dazzle me with some vampire-esque move! I called off the date but he wouldn't leave me alone at work, to the point that one time I actually hid from him... and he found me!!!! It was so awkward and scary! He actually came out and asked me what I was doing behind the door. Um, er, take a gigantic hint please!

Oh, this is hilarious! I'm getting the best mental images here.
You kind of have to give him props for being comfortable wearing a cape out in public, though.
You hiding behind the door, and him finding you? Priceless.

In my head, he found her and said, "You've been behind the door for 3 seconds! 1 - 2 - 3, ah ah ah ah ah!"

Bwahahahahaha!

 

[Echidna]

My deal breakers so far:

1. Trying to control my life (including but not limited to my family, friends, job, university study, the list goes ooooooonnnn...)
2. Being shocked that I was moderately intelligent and well-read (after being completely patronising- I think that's what actually aggravated me)
3. Treating others (especially waitstaff for early dates) badly
4. Calling me 20+ times a day. Nope, I have other stuff to do and I'm not going to drop everything.
5. Coming to my workplace to sit and watch me work. NO NO NO.
6. No chemistry (which made me feel awful, because they were truly nice guys!)

 

[Autumnovember]

My first boyfriend ended it with me and I STILL don't know what his 'deal breaker' was. He never bothered to explain.

The one that I ended it with, the deal breaker was when he told me that he wished I had died in my car accident. And he called 27 times when I wouldn't answer. Crrrrrrraaaaaay.

Wow. . . . what a psycho . . .

And for the first one, who cares what he thought? So sort of douchebaggery on his part, I'm sure . . .

Oh, I used to care a lot about the first and why I was never given some closure. Over that and over the psycho ha!

 

[Mrs.W 514]

"Forgetting" Valentine's dinner plans that we made and instead going out and getting drunk with all of his loser friends. I went to bed at 11 when he still hadn't shown up and when I got up in the morning he had eaten the entire lasagna pan of eggplant Parmesan, passed out on his brand new really nice suede couch and pissed himself. I was gone before he woke up! It wasn't so funny then but now I find it hilarious (and a little embarrassing, I actually dated this person.) Only 6 months though, I was 19 and he was 26

I don't have an issue with religion but when my ex picked up a pineapple in the grocery store and started petting it and saying he saw God in its perfect shape, I was done.

 

[LAJennifer]

A box of Valtrex sitting on his bathroom countertop.

 

[Gypsy]

Huh.

Well. My longest term BF and I had a very mutually abusive relationship. And neither of us could seem to break free. I put him through a lot at the start because I resented him for trapping me into a relationship I didn't want and decided to make him pay for it. Then at the end he decided to make me pay for it all in spades. I can't say I was wise enough to get out on my own. But once I was across the country from him for graduate school I had good friends and support and just... gained perspective.

It was very unhealthy all around. There wasn't one deal breaker. But there were many of them that SHOULD have been dealbreakers for us both along the way.

 

[sonnyjane]

A box of Valtrex sitting on his bathroom countertop.

That'll do it...

 

[LAJennifer]

A box of Valtrex sitting on his bathroom countertop.

That'll do it...

Yep, that was an immediate bolt out the door. Totally relieved because I had just gotten nekkie, then saw the box. Um, no.