What Were the Deal BREAKERS?

[iLander]

What were the deal breakers? Those things that past boyfriends or girlfriends (ex-husbands, ex-SO's, dates, whatever) did that made you say "Okay, no more of THIS".

Meant to be a fun, kind of gossipy, snarky thread, since it's Sunday, and I'm bored.

I have one that sticks out in my mind: a guy, let's call him John, had a huge crush on me, at least that's what I heard from friends. He really wasn't my type, but I believe in giving everyone a chance, since there is often more than meets the eye with people. A mutual friend set us up and we went out to lunch, at the fanciest restaurant in town, and he insisted I get the lobster. Sigh. Fine. We had a fairly pleasant lunch, parted ways, everything was fine. The next day, a dozen roses arrived at my office. Okay, nice enough. But then the card read "Because I Love You, John". I couldn't believe it. I called the mutual friend and told her never again, too weird for me. John insisted the florist mixed up the card and he had asked it to say "Thanks for lunch". Whatever. Deal breaker.

What about you?

 

[kelpie]

Talk about an extreme first date!

for me it became:
1) Selling amway
2) Addicted to heroin
3) Stealing my car/ATM card
4) Being "born again" into a religion, no problem with religious guys, those ones just tend to have hit rock bottom!
5) ground effects on his car, dead give away for a d-bag

 

[yennyfire]

Telling me he wanted me to have his children...on a first date...can you say "ewwww"???

 

[Rowan]

Boyfriend of two years back in high school. Pretty sure it turned out he's gay. I really don't know since he kind of fell off the planet but we dated two years, even got engaged. And he never wanted to get physical. Also one time he got mad at me and left me stranded down at the beach. I had to call his parents to come get me.

 

[justginger]

Not being capable of holding a job or paying bills. My 22 year old boyfriend had me paying for his electricity when I was 17! Upon attempting to add up his jobs between the ages of 16-22, his brother stopped counting around 40ish. One time he called me to pick him up from work because he wasn't feeling well - and he just never went back again! No calling, just didn't go back.

To be honest though, at 17 I was enamoured with the idea of a hipster, starving artist boyfriend, misunderstood by the world. The REAL deal breaker was when he threw a lamp at me.

 

[JewelFreak]

Ha, this is fun, going back to the multitude of losers I attracted!

One was the cousin of a friend. She set us up. After one date -- I don't even remember what we did -- he sent me GIGANTIC bouquets at work -- every day, day after day, for a week. Can't tell you the amount of teasing I took! He got all hurt when I asked him to s.t.o.p. pleeeze! Then kept calling & telling me he was gonna marry me, oh geeze. Took a little work to dump him.

 

[texaskj]

When my first husband decided he didn't need a job and didn't need to do anything around the house. (Actually he got this idea from watching his dad.) I quit feeding him. I ate breakfast and lunch at work and bought just enough for one meal or so at the store. I could tell things were coming to a head and bought a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter and informed him that would be all he ate until he got a job. He was employed within the next week.

kelpie, the ground effects on the car line is hysterical

 

[Maria D]

I once dated a guy who was a body-building freak. After workouts, he had to have his protein. One night he picked me up for a movie date after working out but hadn't had time to eat in between. He did however have time to pack a snack. In the theater, he took a container of tunafish, a can opener and a fork out of his coat pocket and ate tuna from the can. Oh the reactions of people wondering in the dark where that smell was coming from! I had to get up and sit somewhere else.

We did stay friends -- he was a great gym buddy!

 

[Amber St. Clare]

When I was single I lived in NYC} I dated a man from Ireland with strong Irish Republican sentiments and ties. Very strong. I was a little naive. One day at work one of NY's finest paid me a visit to talk to me about him and his associates. Nuff said. It was scary and knocked any romantic feelings I had right out the window. This was around the time of the Hunger Strike of the early 80s {right before I met Mr. St. Clare}. I dropped him like a hot potato and within months met my future husband.

 

[diamondringlover]

What was a deal breaker for me? when he screwed around on me...nope I was done with that...he was a controlling manipulative jerk..didnt realize it till it was over...I am so glad we didnt get married like I wanted to!!!

 

[Tuckins1]

I dated a super nice guy in college. He seemed a little bit more sensitive and sweet than most other guys our age, but I thought "hey, maybe this will be a welcome change". He worked at a flower shop and brought me flowers EVERY time I saw him. It was sweet... a little over the top, but sweet. But then I started to notice some strange things. He was 22 years old and still kissed his mother good night- Every night, no matter what time he got home. He still had his baby wall decor hanging in his room. He would break out into ballroom dancing with his mother in the middle of the kitchen/ living room/ etc (again, sweet, but sort of weird)... The very last "wuss" thing that sent me over the edge was the time I wanted him to go somewhere with me (I don't remember where) and he said he couldn't because he had to go play soccer (or something). I said "You suck" in a joking, manner (I was smiling and gave him a hug and a kiss) and he started crying. That was just too much for me. I like a little bit of sensitivity, but SHEESH! Grow a pair dude!!

 

[Circe]

He very seriously mimed a conversation with a bendy straw in the middle of dinner on the first date.

NEXT.

Slightly more seriously, I dated a musician for a year and a half. Nice guy, really into his band, was hugely excited when one of their songs was picked up for a movie soundtrack.

It was a porno movie.

But I was still a supportive girlfriend. I went to the "premier" party. I wandered around getting names for the mailing list. I even tried to watch the damned thing, but SO not up my alley.

A few weeks later, his kid sister's best friend was visiting the city to celebrate her 21st birthday (he was a good decade older at the time), and he mentioned some joke she'd cracked about the movie: a fairly specific joke about a scene that was (if you'll pardon the expression), fairly far in.

"So how MUCH of the movie did you watch together ...?"

Yeah, dumped him the next day. I don't think he was cheating, necessarily, but talk about SKEEVY. And as far as I'm aware, he still feels rather hard done by about my repressive close-mindedness.

 

[TooPatient]

Once dated a guy who started having his "ex gf" meet us when we got together so that he and she could have time alone to "catch up" since his parents didn't like her. Then he went on a family vacation for 6 weeks and when he got back had to tell me "the truth" before one of his brothers told me only "half the story" -- he hadn't done anything with this other ex-gf. They were "just friends". She liked to not wear any underwear. He heard her scream when she was in the bathroom at the park. So he, ever the gentleman , went in and found that she had zipped some rather delicate skin in her jeans zipper. Of course he had to rescue her.

Oh... then there was the guy who I was supposed to pick up at his apartment but was gone when I got there. I was super worried about him and tried to find out from other friends where he was. Showed up again about a week later. Claimed a friend offered to give him the wheels off his car. Just had to show up and take them off. Then when he got there, the friend called the police and claimed some guy was stealing his wheels. Ex spent a few days in jail. I'm not sure what actually happened, but the whole thing sounded fishy.

 

[kelpie]

I once dated a guy who was a body-building freak. After workouts, he had to have his protein. One night he picked me up for a movie date after working out but hadn't had time to eat in between. He did however have time to pack a snack. In the theater, he took a container of tunafish, a can opener and a fork out of his coat pocket and ate tuna from the can. Oh the reactions of people wondering in the dark where that smell was coming from! I had to get up and sit somewhere else.

We did stay friends -- he was a great gym buddy!

BUHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[orbaya]

While in college and living in the dorms, there was a guy in a fraternity that I went on a date with. He then found out where I lived on campus and would knock on my door any time, day or night, and call all the time. It was a bit much so I just started ignoring him and he went away.

Again in college, I went on a date with a guy I had a crush on, and was excited when he asked me out. The dinner was nice and then we went back to his dorm room to watch a movie. He tried to kiss me and I told him I don't do that on a first date. He then kicked me out and I had to walk home across a dark campus to my dorm. A few weeks later, myself and a few friends ended up at a party on the same floor as his room. He had left it unlocked so we went in and toilet-papered his room from top to bottom! I wish i could have seen his face when he returned!

 

[Jennifer W]

Oh dear. I think my main deal breaker was meeting someone I liked better.

That, and an expectation I'd be changing my name on marriage. The phrase "over my rotting corpse" comes to mind...

 

[CJ2008]

1. One guy just had no spine, no ambition. Lost all respect for him. Next.
2. Another one told me during our first date he didn't like my short hair and that I needed to grow it long. And he made it clear that "the girls should call the guys" when they're dating, and not the other way around. Next.

I think looking back though there should've been more deal breakers, and sooner. There were times when I kind of "knew" the guy wasn't being 100% honest or gentlemanly or whatever and I stuck around too long. Man, if I were in the dating scene now things would be way different.

 

[kenny]

I've dumped a few guys over my long life.
Each of these is a different guy.
Time together is in parenthesis.

SEVERE alcoholism (2 months)
Control freak wanted to select my friends and the books I read (13 years)
Cheating, then lying about it when I had proof. (2 years)
Living WAY beyond his means. (2 years)
Immaturity (2 months)
Too rich, made me uncomfortable (6 months)
Slacker, loser, no motivation to go anywhere with his life (3 weeks)

I got dumped two times but was never told why.
My SO and I have been together for 12 years now, and let's hope the deal never gets broke.

 

[Haven]

Some of these are really funny! And some are sad.

For me the deal-breakers have been:

1) We had dramatically different ideas about what it means to be happy. This was a LTR that began in college. Our differences were fun in undergrad, but they became utterly intolerable in "the real world."

2) Too over-the-top. I'm talking a dozen roses and a gigantic teddy bear and other gifts after our first date. Talk about scary.

3) 45 minutes late picking me up. That date never happened.

4) One guy spent nearly an hour telling me how much he hates Chicago. I'm a Chicagoan. He knew that. He had just moved to Chicago from Michigan. Sorry--love me, love my city. And talk about a downer.

5) He couldn't have a conversation about anything that didn't involve working out, reality TV, or the weather. But boy oh boy, was he a sexy man. I might have dragged this one on a bit long, but everyone needs a fun little fling every once in a while, right?

6) He hated reading. He asked me why I wasted so much time reading books. Not the best question to ask an aspiring English teacher.

Now, I almost cut it off very early on in my relationship with my DH. We had been dating for about six weeks, so very early on in the relationship. I invited him to my parents' house for a Labor Day/birthday bash for two of my sisters who share a birthday. We're a raucous crowd, so I warned him that we might be a bit much to take in at first. (Think: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but replace all the Greeks with Jews. That's us.)

Well, my mom put up a projector in the backyard and put on some funny movie in the background of the party. We had a trampoline up, too, and everyone was kind of mulling around, laughing, jumping, etc. etc. Well, DH took a seat in a chair facing the movie, and then became irritated that he couldn't hear it over all the racket. After about ten minutes he came over to me and asked me why everyone was being so loud, and was I going to quiet them all down. I think I'd had a glass too much of wine, so I kind of just laughed at him, so he stalked off back to his chair. At that point I looked at my sister and her boyfriend and made the off-with-his-head motion across my neck. In that moment, I was sure it was over. This guy was not going to fit in with us.

Thankfully, I sobered up and realized that wasn't quite a deal-breaker. But it was close. Now, my sister and her husband, who was her boyfriend way back then, like to remind me of how I almost cut it off with the love of my life by making the off-with-his-head sign at me every now and then.

 

[Puppmom]

I've had only one deal breaker. I was 17 and my daughter was just born. Her biological father, my then boyfriend, called me fat and lazy because I wouldn't fetch him something. Done. Even at that young age, I knew someone who would use words to hurt you was NOT worth being with. I never looked back.

Fat? Lazy? Seriously? Who calls their girlfriend fat and lazy - let alone a girl who's just given birth!

PS - I'm liking these first date stories! I've never really *dated* so no funnies from me.

 

[rainydaze]

Thinking he was a vampire.

 

[Haven]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

 

[Enerchi]

First long time bf was a 'professional drinker' ( ) from a long line of 'professional drinkers' and every day/every event was worth celebrating to the max. This got old. No drive, no motivation, no goals... and me doing his degree homework AND mine at the same time... that got old too. The final thing - bouncing off the walls was the last straw. I was young and didn't have confidence or enough courage to be able to stand up for myself in that relationship. He just thought I was a bitch and too bossy, I just thought he was soooooooo immature! (Perhaps we were both right)

Now, if I were dating at this point in my life, lacking a sense of humour would be deal breaker for me. Lack of appreciation for the life experiences I have, no respect for what I'd bring to a relationship - those would also be things that would end it for me.

 

[kenny]

Thinking he was a vampire.

Okay, I am dying to hear the story behind this one!

Since I know people vary, if the blood thing is what I suspect I DON"T wan't to know any more.

 

[sonnyjane]

I once dated a guy who was a body-building freak. After workouts, he had to have his protein. One night he picked me up for a movie date after working out but hadn't had time to eat in between. He did however have time to pack a snack. In the theater, he took a container of tunafish, a can opener and a fork out of his coat pocket and ate tuna from the can. Oh the reactions of people wondering in the dark where that smell was coming from! I had to get up and sit somewhere else.

We did stay friends -- he was a great gym buddy!

I think I dated him after you did!!! I never wanted to see chicken breasts or egg whites again. One night we got back from a late night at the bar, and I heard him throwing up in the bathroom. I asked him if he was okay, and then he informed me that he was fine, and that after a night of drinking beers, he just likes to come home and throw up so that the "beer calories don't go to his abs"....

 

[Dancing Fire]

Thinking he was a vampire.

would you prefer an octopus?..

 

[imitcan]

Cad #1: Date number one, after meeting at a house party, was a movie, where in the cinema he proceeded to remove his shoes and put his sock feet on the back of the chair in front of him. Well, he could have been the one eating the tunafish!! Those feet smelled so bad! Date number 2 required him to come and pick me up and it was snowing outside so he was wearing ankle type boots which he removed when he came in to my apartment. I was starving and remember almost dry-heaving from the stench coming from those feet. We never had a third date because I was too busy...
Cad #2: My very charming, very handsome boyfriend of 3 years has an affair with a married co-worker and I only find out about it when another co-worker's wife tells me what she suspects, at a work party. When confronted about a week later he denied, denied, denied. But i had gathered and figured out enough evidence to believe his lies. I was young and naive and now, very thankful I didn't marry him.
Cad #3 On date number two told me he wanted to give full custody of his 8 year old son to his wife (they had shared custody of him for 4 years) because he was pretty sure I would get this job I had interviewed for just a few days before, in a city that was 5 hours away from we all lived. He said he had strong feelings for me and that he didn't want a long distance relationship. So I guess he had less strong feelings for his little boy and being 5 hours away from him was manageable!!!???

 

[ponder]

DH and I have been together since I was 16, so no personal deal breakers but my good friend was on a first date last year where the guy asked if he could ejaculate on her later . She got up and left the restaurant.

 

[Enerchi]

DH and I have been together since I was 16, so no personal deal breakers but my good friend was on a first date last year where the guy asked if he could ejaculate on her later . She got up and left the restaurant.

how do you respond to that request?? I can't imagine too many women getting through the meal with a guy like that, let alone.....

 

[Skippy123]

saying I love you or talking marriage waaaay too soon! Those things freaked me out!!!