What was the most difficult decision you have had to make?

[Tacori E-ring]

Probably to end my marriage. That was not an easy situation. Going back to school and changing careers is a close second.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Getting a divorce was a 2 year ordeal that, while emotionally and mentally necessary, was chock full of really gut-wrenching decisions. The hardest being whether to stay put in a city I loved close to my ex, or move extremely far away closer to my family. In the end I realized I could let my family help me with more than I was capable by myself at the time. I am now happily self sufficient and in a wonderful relationship but I deeply miss my old home and friends, my old job, the beautiful scenery. I miss it every day.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Getting a divorce was a 2 year ordeal that, while emotionally and mentally necessary, was chock full of really gut-wrenching decisions. The hardest being whether to stay put in a city I loved close to my ex, or move extremely far away closer to my family. In the end I realized I could let my family help me with more than I was capable by myself at the time. I am now happily self sufficient and in a wonderful relationship but I deeply miss my old home and friends, my old job, the beautiful scenery. I miss it every day.

I also moved to be by family and left a city I loved. It was tough but also the right decision for me.

 

[missy]

My most difficult decision, to date, was when Home Hospice sent me paperwork to make decisions on how to handle my mother’s final hours on Earth.
I already knew what she wanted; she talked to me about it, often, and she signed a DNR.
What she didn’t tell me were the details. Pain meds? Feeding tube? Antibiotics?
Being judge, jury & executioner concerning my mother was heart-wrenching.
I called my brother, who lives over 2000mi. away, and I made him suffer with me...lol!
I think that paperwork took me 2 days to complete & return.
I had to take a deep breath & know that the choices we made were the most merciful.
Thankfully, she’s still with us....

Glad your mom is still here @Matthews1127.

 

[missy]

Probably to end my marriage. That was not an easy situation. Going back to school and changing careers is a close second.

@Tacori E-ring I am so sorry you went through such a stressful situation and glad you are thriving and doing well. You are a strong and wonderful person. (((Hugs))).

Getting a divorce was a 2 year ordeal that, while emotionally and mentally necessary, was chock full of really gut-wrenching decisions. The hardest being whether to stay put in a city I loved close to my ex, or move extremely far away closer to my family. In the end I realized I could let my family help me with more than I was capable by myself at the time. I am now happily self sufficient and in a wonderful relationship but I deeply miss my old home and friends, my old job, the beautiful scenery. I miss it every day.

(((Hugs))) @Elliot86. I am very sorry for all you went through. You are a courageous woman and making it work each and every day. Kudos to you.

 

[Matthews1127]

Glad your mom is still here @Matthews1127.

Thank you, @missy!! Every day is a blessing!!

 

[Matthews1127]

This is a thought provoking question and I have been thinking about it since posted it earlier. I think the most difficult decision I’ve had to make so far was when to retire. I had been feeling it might have been time for a few years but I was reluctant to make that final decision and quit my career. I worked hard to get to where I was and I got a lot of joy and satisfaction from helping others doing my job. However I realized that doesn’t have to stop when I retire. I would just find new ways to help others with different skills but helping nonetheless. It was time when I gave notice to my clinic that I was retiring. Health care has changed so much and I felt no longer able to meet the needs of my special needs population. Time I could spend with each patient was too limited due to funds being drastically cut and I felt more stress than joy and felt I could no longer perform to my max ability. It was time to let others take the reins.

Surprisingly in hindsight I don’t miss it at all. My days are filled and I still feel satisfaction and joy helping others in a different way. And more time to spend helping the rescues. And more time to enjoy being in the moment and to enjoy my loved ones in a way I couldn’t do before. So turns out retiring was an excellent decision for me.

Fabulous!! So many get lost after retirement!! So glad you found new purpose!!!

 

[missy]

Fabulous!! So many get lost after retirement!! So glad you found new purpose!!!

Thank you @Matthews1127. I wouldn't say it is a new purpose so much as a continued and renewed sense of purpose if that makes sense. I was always somewhat involved in volunteering and giving back to our community even when working.

It's funny how we are all so different. A good friend of ours has been on work leave since the government shut down and he is already bored out of his mind. I don't get that at all. When I broke my leg I was worried I would be bored being off work for 6 full months and basically housebound for most of that time. But somehow the time flew by and I was rarely bored. I think I am pretty good at keeping myself entertained no matter what I am doing and that is a big plus for sure. Especially in the winter when I am stuck inside more often than not because I cannot tolerate the cold weather at all. My mind is a pretty active place I guess.

 

[House Cat]

My most difficult decision was whether or not to stop talking to my mom. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is an alcoholic. At the end of our relationship, I was really put through the ringer with all of her manipulation and abuse. Finally, she made it easy. She drank and drove with my five year old son in the car. My son told me about it. When I confronted her, she showed no remorse whatsoever and actually attacked me. That was our last conversation.

My life has steadily improved since I cut contact with her. It has been five years. There are still times when I mourn the mother I should have had, but that isn’t her. The mother I did have was a nightmare.

 

[MarionC]

My most difficult decision was whether or not to stop talking to my mom. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is an alcoholic. At the end of our relationship, I was really put through the ringer with all of her manipulation and abuse. Finally, she made it easy. She drank and drove with my five year old son in the car. My son told me about it. When I confronted her, she showed no remorse whatsoever and actually attacked me. That was our last conversation.

My life has steadily improved since I cut contact with her. It has been five years. There are still times when I mourn the mother I should have had, but that isn’t her. The mother I did have was a nightmare.

I am so sorry, House Cat. Even if you get a mother from hell it’s complicated to disengage. I’m glad you had the courage to end things.

 

[kmoro]

@missy & @strawrose Thank you. It was some 17 years ago now - I had turned 27 the day before he was diagnosed. And you are completely right in that it was the best decision to have made. My father was super fit & active. He was an Engineer & worked for an Insurance company, investigating elevator crashes & crane collapses all over the world, climbing lift shafts & crane jibs. When he was diagnosed with leukemia, he was SO fit & healthy that his Haem Professor decided to blast the crap out of him with chemo. Four weeks later a lumber puncture showed he was in remission & he was feeling pretty great! The next day he started to suffer from bleeds on his brain. A CT scan that night showed 13 seperate, big bleeds. He was in intensive care by this point on a ventilator. He would never have recovered & if he did, what life would he have had? It was a 4 day process for myself, my mother, brother, 2 sisters, brother in law & sister in law to discuss all options & outcomes. That Professor dedicated herself to us over those days. And as much as we selfishly wanted to keep him, we decided to switch off. Two hours & 58 minutes later he was gone. We were all with him & he very much left this Earth enveloped with love.

I still miss him (i’m crying now just telling you this) & I get upset that he is missing all of these beautiful grandchildren & fantastic technologies that he would have embraced. He was a good guy, the kind of man who literally made you laugh until a bit of pee came out!

So on the back of this decision, I live my life & I live it good! Nothing else that happens can ever compare - they are just events that have solutions & answers. My husband says I am the most positive person he has ever met & my children join in when i dance back along the lane to our house or in the car. They think i’m the most bonkers mummy ever, all because I had to help make that decision.

And as a side note, when I wanted to try for a baby I was referred to a Haematology Professor to undergo tests & clotting infusions first, due to my Von Willebrands. Would you believe it was the same Prof?! She promised faithfully to get me through those pregnancies & c-sections. They weren’t without drama, but she did it

@Alex T so sorry you went through this. I had to do the same for my mother after a massive stroke ... but she was 85 and so there is somewhat less tragedy than for someone middle-aged. *hugs!*

My next hardest decision would have been to leave someone I deeply loved. He was abusive so this should have been an easy decision, but it was so difficult. Difficult to make and difficult to stick with.

In both cases, I think I made the right decision, which makes the losses easier.

 

[kmoro]

Whether or not to have a pregnancy termination (medical).
And I’ll just say that I believe any women’s choice to terminate a pregnancy (or not) is her own private and personal decision and doesn’t have to be explained or justified to anyone ever!
I fell pregnant late, 39, so it was necessary to have various testing done. We had a new type test done at 9 weeks (Choroic Villus sampling) and the test returned as Double mosaicism which is often incompatible with life. We were devastated. I then had to wait until 16 weeks to have an amniocentesis to confirm / clarify the abnormality, if I didn’t miscarry in the meanwhile.
At the same time two things were happening to my body. I had had a fall very early on in the pregnancy and had damaged my knee. I had the swelling drained and it caused autoimmune infective arthritis. I wasn’t able to take any strong medication (being pregnant) so it was very very difficult. And my thyroid function also started to fail (antibodies activated by pregnancy) we found out later on. So there I was in physical pain from my knee which had swelled enormously and was “on fire”, feeling like “death warmed up” and living in absolute dread that I would miscarry while waiting until 16 weeks to have more accurate genetic testing done.
I was told I needed to either commence drug treatment (Methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug) for my knee (100% not compatible with pregnancy) or have an operation to try and remove the infection lest it turn septic. So the question was “should we terminate” for my health so I could start treatment as it was probable the baby was seriously genetically compromised. I didn’t want to make such a decision, not then. I felt this pregnancy “a gift” so I struggled both physically, mentally and emotionally for 7 weeks, waiting to be able to have the anmnio, to not miscarry and to not become septic. The anmnio didn’t show any abnormality so I decided to opt for the operation, while still a risk for a baby I felt it the right decision.
The operation went well, the pregnancy continued and at 36 weeks I went into early labor.
An emergency caesarean later (we found that due to a horse riding accident in my teens I had “fused my tailbone” so it wouldn’t bend and a natural delivery compromised) I delivered a beautiful baby girl who seemed 100% healthy and normal but was still whisked off to neonatal intensive care for extra testing and monitoring given what had preceded her birth.
Not quite out of the woods I then suffered a rare type of “post pregnancy eclampsia” and with blood pressure off the graph I was whisked off to Intensive care as well.
Poor Husband, both wife and baby in intensive care units and him just waiting for more news in an empty hospital room.
It was a pretty rocky couple of first days for everyone but I was discharged 4 days later and DD remained in neonatal care another 10 days.
Fast forward 17 years and DD is an only child (my autoimmune woes continued, I needed a 12 month course of Methotrexate to suppress my immune system which caused premature menopause- oh the joys of womanhood) a STEM student (whoever said “old eggs don’t produce quality” was SO wrong) and is a joy, delight and light of my life even though she doesn’t like bling.

What an amazing story! I hope all of your troubles are behind you! Yay for your daughter!

 

[Ally T]

@Alex T so sorry you went through this. I had to do the same for my mother after a massive stroke ... but she was 85 and so there is somewhat less tragedy than for someone middle-aged. *hugs!*

My next hardest decision would have been to leave someone I deeply loved. He was abusive so this should have been an easy decision, but it was so difficult. Difficult to make and difficult to stick with.

In both cases, I think I made the right decision, which makes the losses easier.

So sorry to hear about your mother. I honestly think that age has no bearing on whether these decisions are made easier, because you still have to mourn, adjust, adapt & move on. Whilst your mother was elderly & poorly, she was still your mum & a big part of your life. Big hugs back at you, sweetheart.

 

[cmd2014]

I struggle with the big decisions. All of them. What I find hard is accepting that when you choose one path, you have to let go of another, and I find the finality of that really hard. It's been this way for almost everything in my life. Whether or not to get married. Whether or not to have children. Whether or not to take a job. Right now I have to make a decision about a business opportunity, and I'm flip flopping like crazy because there is just no way to know whether it's better to stay put where I'm comfortable or to take the risk. Where I really freeze up is when there's no way of knowing whether or not a decision will work out. I don't mind change, but I don't like risk. And I'm finding that this is getting to be more and more the case the older I get.

 

[GliderPoss]

Getting a divorce was a 2 year ordeal that, while emotionally and mentally necessary, was chock full of really gut-wrenching decisions. The hardest being whether to stay put in a city I loved close to my ex, or move extremely far away closer to my family. In the end I realized I could let my family help me with more than I was capable by myself at the time. I am now happily self sufficient and in a wonderful relationship but I deeply miss my old home and friends, my old job, the beautiful scenery. I miss it every day.

@Elliot86 I'm sorry you went through this & can relate in a way. I've recently come home to my family who have been enormously loving/supportive but I grew up here and it sort of feels like "failure" to come back to this town after so long away in the world. I didn't even want to rent a flat or buy a car etc as it would mean I'd "settled here". Really struggling with the inner-judgement of myself (& maybe others?) about effectively running home...

 

[OreoRosies86]

@Elliot86 I'm sorry you went through this & can relate in a way. I've recently come home to my family who have been enormously loving/supportive but I grew up here and it sort of feels like "failure" to come back to this town after so long away in the world. I didn't even want to rent a flat or buy a car etc as it would mean I'd "settled here". Really struggling with the inner-judgement of myself (& maybe others?) about effectively running home...

I left home when I was a teenager, and couldn't wait to leave the state for warmer climates. I never thought I would move back. Now that I'm older though I really do love being closer to my family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being closer to loved ones, life is short and they won't be around forever! I hear you though, it feels a little like "never left my hometown" syndrome. Just have to remind ourselves, we DID travel and venture elsewhere which a lot of people never do at all.

 

[qubitasaurus]

@Elliot86 I'm sorry you went through this & can relate in a way. I've recently come home to my family who have been enormously loving/supportive but I grew up here and it sort of feels like "failure" to come back to this town after so long away in the world. I didn't even want to rent a flat or buy a car etc as it would mean I'd "settled here". Really struggling with the inner-judgement of myself (& maybe others?) about effectively running home...

I think I can understand how this must feel, as I have spent a long time away from home. And returning full circle might make it feel like I hadnt accomplished any of the things that have happened in between, or as if they didnt make any difference.

But it isnt true. Our lives are much richer for having our family arround us, so much so that nothing else really compares. Paradoxically I think I needed to go away to realize this.