What was the most difficult decision you have had to make?

[missy]

And how did you come to that decision?

@Dancing Fire this question popped into my head this morning and I thought perhaps you would like to see it posted here in HO so here you go. Looking forward to seeing what everyone is willing to share.

 

[missy]

This is a thought provoking question and I have been thinking about it since posted it earlier. I think the most difficult decision I’ve had to make so far was when to retire. I had been feeling it might have been time for a few years but I was reluctant to make that final decision and quit my career. I worked hard to get to where I was and I got a lot of joy and satisfaction from helping others doing my job. However I realized that doesn’t have to stop when I retire. I would just find new ways to help others with different skills but helping nonetheless. It was time when I gave notice to my clinic that I was retiring. Health care has changed so much and I felt no longer able to meet the needs of my special needs population. Time I could spend with each patient was too limited due to funds being drastically cut and I felt more stress than joy and felt I could no longer perform to my max ability. It was time to let others take the reins.

Surprisingly in hindsight I don’t miss it at all. My days are filled and I still feel satisfaction and joy helping others in a different way. And more time to spend helping the rescues. And more time to enjoy being in the moment and to enjoy my loved ones in a way I couldn’t do before. So turns out retiring was an excellent decision for me.

 

[Ally T]

Immediate response would be the decision to turn off my father's life support. He was 58. Although he would never have recovered, at least he was THERE & warm & with us. Turning off that machine & watching life leave his body was a bloody big burden & lt's a decision I hope others never have to face.

 

[missy]

Immediate response would be the decision to turn off my father's life support. He was 58. Although he would never have recovered, at least he was THERE & warm & with us. Turning off that machine & watching life leave his body was a bloody big burden & lt's a decision I hope others never have to face.

I’m so sorry @Alex T. What a heart wrenching and gut wrenching decision. I’m so sorry for your loss.
If it’s ok to say you I think you did the right thing. The brave thing. The most unselfish thing a person can give to another. You gave him peace. The ultimate gift. ((((Hugs)))).

 

[bludiva]

My hardest decisions have been about jobs so far but as much as I agonized over that I feel the most difficult decisions will come in the future dealing with my parents' needs as they age. My siblings and I don't have a plan and I worry about it.

 

[strawrose]

Immediate response would be the decision to turn off my father's life support. He was 58. Although he would never have recovered, at least he was THERE & warm & with us. Turning off that machine & watching life leave his body was a bloody big burden & lt's a decision I hope others never have to face.

I am so sorry you were met with that decision.

 

[Ally T]

@missy & @strawrose Thank you. It was some 17 years ago now - I had turned 27 the day before he was diagnosed. And you are completely right in that it was the best decision to have made. My father was super fit & active. He was an Engineer & worked for an Insurance company, investigating elevator crashes & crane collapses all over the world, climbing lift shafts & crane jibs. When he was diagnosed with leukemia, he was SO fit & healthy that his Haem Professor decided to blast the crap out of him with chemo. Four weeks later a lumber puncture showed he was in remission & he was feeling pretty great! The next day he started to suffer from bleeds on his brain. A CT scan that night showed 13 seperate, big bleeds. He was in intensive care by this point on a ventilator. He would never have recovered & if he did, what life would he have had? It was a 4 day process for myself, my mother, brother, 2 sisters, brother in law & sister in law to discuss all options & outcomes. That Professor dedicated herself to us over those days. And as much as we selfishly wanted to keep him, we decided to switch off. Two hours & 58 minutes later he was gone. We were all with him & he very much left this Earth enveloped with love.

I still miss him (i’m crying now just telling you this) & I get upset that he is missing all of these beautiful grandchildren & fantastic technologies that he would have embraced. He was a good guy, the kind of man who literally made you laugh until a bit of pee came out!

So on the back of this decision, I live my life & I live it good! Nothing else that happens can ever compare - they are just events that have solutions & answers. My husband says I am the most positive person he has ever met & my children join in when i dance back along the lane to our house or in the car. They think i’m the most bonkers mummy ever, all because I had to help make that decision.

And as a side note, when I wanted to try for a baby I was referred to a Haematology Professor to undergo tests & clotting infusions first, due to my Von Willebrands. Would you believe it was the same Prof?! She promised faithfully to get me through those pregnancies & c-sections. They weren’t without drama, but she did it

 

[Dancing Fire]

TBH...I haven't had any difficult decisions to make in my life.

 

[ecf8503]

Mine was just this past summer. I am a veterinarian, and I LOVE animals. We have been a cat family since the mid 90's, the only dogs belonged to my parents. Well my 11 year old son decided he wanted a dog. We talked and talked, pros and cons. We found ourselves at the humane society, and fell in love with the sweetest little girl - a 7 month old pit bull mix. We brought her home, and the cats disappeared. She wanted to chase the cats, not in a mean way, just in a curious way. But we couldn't trust her off leash (plus she wasn't fully potty trained yet), and so she spent 2 weeks indoor and out , on a leash. We can't have fences in our sub, so even outside she was on a stake. Our cats were terrified, and wouldn't even come out to eat any more. We all realized it just wasn't working - it wasn't fair to our cats, who were there first, and it wasn't fair to her, as she really couldn't be a dog. She needed a fenced yard she could run in, with doggie friends, etc. So.... I took her back to the humane society. It was by far the hardest thing I've done in my adult life. And it wasn't her fault - she was as sweet as can be. It just hurt knowing that we couldn't give her the life she deserved. The humane society put her picture back up that day on the adoption page, and a day later when I refreshed it, she wasn't there. I have to assume, for my own peace of mind, that she was adopted immediately and is now living her best life in a loving home. It still hurts. *tears*

 

[Bron357]

Whether or not to have a pregnancy termination (medical).
And I’ll just say that I believe any women’s choice to terminate a pregnancy (or not) is her own private and personal decision and doesn’t have to be explained or justified to anyone ever!
I fell pregnant late, 39, so it was necessary to have various testing done. We had a new type test done at 9 weeks (Choroic Villus sampling) and the test returned as Double mosaicism which is often incompatible with life. We were devastated. I then had to wait until 16 weeks to have an amniocentesis to confirm / clarify the abnormality, if I didn’t miscarry in the meanwhile.
At the same time two things were happening to my body. I had had a fall very early on in the pregnancy and had damaged my knee. I had the swelling drained and it caused autoimmune infective arthritis. I wasn’t able to take any strong medication (being pregnant) so it was very very difficult. And my thyroid function also started to fail (antibodies activated by pregnancy) we found out later on. So there I was in physical pain from my knee which had swelled enormously and was “on fire”, feeling like “death warmed up” and living in absolute dread that I would miscarry while waiting until 16 weeks to have more accurate genetic testing done.
I was told I needed to either commence drug treatment (Methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug) for my knee (100% not compatible with pregnancy) or have an operation to try and remove the infection lest it turn septic. So the question was “should we terminate” for my health so I could start treatment as it was probable the baby was seriously genetically compromised. I didn’t want to make such a decision, not then. I felt this pregnancy “a gift” so I struggled both physically, mentally and emotionally for 7 weeks, waiting to be able to have the anmnio, to not miscarry and to not become septic. The anmnio didn’t show any abnormality so I decided to opt for the operation, while still a risk for a baby I felt it the right decision.
The operation went well, the pregnancy continued and at 36 weeks I went into early labor.
An emergency caesarean later (we found that due to a horse riding accident in my teens I had “fused my tailbone” so it wouldn’t bend and a natural delivery compromised) I delivered a beautiful baby girl who seemed 100% healthy and normal but was still whisked off to neonatal intensive care for extra testing and monitoring given what had preceded her birth.
Not quite out of the woods I then suffered a rare type of “post pregnancy eclampsia” and with blood pressure off the graph I was whisked off to Intensive care as well.
Poor Husband, both wife and baby in intensive care units and him just waiting for more news in an empty hospital room.
It was a pretty rocky couple of first days for everyone but I was discharged 4 days later and DD remained in neonatal care another 10 days.
Fast forward 17 years and DD is an only child (my autoimmune woes continued, I needed a 12 month course of Methotrexate to suppress my immune system which caused premature menopause- oh the joys of womanhood) a STEM student (whoever said “old eggs don’t produce quality” was SO wrong) and is a joy, delight and light of my life even though she doesn’t like bling.

 

[Calliecake]

@Alex T , I’m sorry for your loss. What a gift you received by being raised by such a wonderful man. Please don’t ever feel like the “bonkers” mom. Those little memories you are making for your children are the best part of life. Life doesn’t get any better than this. I know this because I’m a “bonkers” aunt and know how much my nieces and nephews love those memories. I knew I did something right when my nieces who are pregnant or had a child have said they want me to treat their little ones exactly like I treated them. I have a lot of spoiling to do in my future LOL. Hugs, Callie

I’ve had a few really tough decisions in my life. One was very much like @alex T’s experience. I had to sign paperwork to not allow my FIL a feeding tube. He had suffered for years with Alzheimer’s and no longer knew how to swallow. He had not been able to talk for years and doubt he knew any of us toward the end. As long as we could hold his hand I felt he was still with us. My husband felt he had lost his dad two years prior to him dying. Even though I knew my FIL’s wishes and knew in my heart he would have wanted me to sign the papers, it still felt so awful to do so.

My FIL was a wonderful man. I loved him like he was my father. I’ve been thinking of him all day as his first granddaughter is about to have her first baby. This baby would have been his first great grandchild.

 

[Calliecake]

@Bron357 , Your story made me cry.

 

[Queenie60]

To send our son away to a therapeutic boarding school for 2 years. I felt as though I failed as a mother. We did the best we could.

 

[Bron357]

@Bron357 , Your story made me cry.

Hugs, dont cry it’s all good. Really good.

 

[Bron357]

Mine was just this past summer. I am a veterinarian, and I LOVE animals. We have been a cat family since the mid 90's, the only dogs belonged to my parents. Well my 11 year old son decided he wanted a dog. We talked and talked, pros and cons. We found ourselves at the humane society, and fell in love with the sweetest little girl - a 7 month old pit bull mix. We brought her home, and the cats disappeared. She wanted to chase the cats, not in a mean way, just in a curious way. But we couldn't trust her off leash (plus she wasn't fully potty trained yet), and so she spent 2 weeks indoor and out , on a leash. We can't have fences in our sub, so even outside she was on a stake. Our cats were terrified, and wouldn't even come out to eat any more. We all realized it just wasn't working - it wasn't fair to our cats, who were there first, and it wasn't fair to her, as she really couldn't be a dog. She needed a fenced yard she could run in, with doggie friends, etc. So.... I took her back to the humane society. It was by far the hardest thing I've done in my adult life. And it wasn't her fault - she was as sweet as can be. It just hurt knowing that we couldn't give her the life she deserved. The humane society put her picture back up that day on the adoption page, and a day later when I refreshed it, she wasn't there. I have to assume, for my own peace of mind, that she was adopted immediately and is now living her best life in a loving home. It still hurts. *tears*

I know how hard it is.
We had our first rescue greyhound killed while I was walking her with my daughter. It was absolutely horrific and during the attack i was covering my daughter lest the savage dog turn on us.
A few weeks later we adopted another rescue greyhound direct from the Pound (not a greyhound rescue). Within a few days I was noticing her behaviour was “odd” and was on the third day Windy “suddenly lunged” at my daughter to bite her, and just missed her. The next day Windy attacked without warning and nearly killed our other little dog, inside the house. I was trying to drag little Wiggles away to safety and Windy bit me as well. My husband managed to force Windy into the bathroom and as he rushed Wiggles to the vet I took myself to hospital (tetanus shot, clean up, stitches). I was at emergency for hours waiting my turn (I had a few holes in me but nothing life threatening). Meanwhile with Wiggles having surgery to sew her back up My husband decided to get Windy from home and take her to the vet and have her euthanasied, he felt her a dangerous dog. I didn’t find out about this til I got back home.
I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Both for poor little Wiggles and Windy. Why on earth would a greyhound be so unpredictable and vicious? They are normally very stable dogs. Like rock solid stable.
I rang the Pound afterwards to advise that we had Windy put down and why. It was only then that the lady told me then that Windy was a cruelty case, she had been found after being beaten badly, including her skull, and left for dead. They had rehabilitated her and thought her fine. Obviously and tragically not.
Poor poor baby, I wept and wept more.
Over 12 years ago now and I still feel sick to the stomach about her being euthanized when it wasn’t her fault at all.

 

[ecf8503]

I know how hard it is.
We had our first rescue greyhound killed while I was walking her with my daughter. It was absolutely horrific and during the attack i was covering my daughter lest the savage dog turn on us.
A few weeks later we adopted another rescue greyhound direct from the Pound (not a greyhound rescue). Within a few days I was noticing her behaviour was “odd” and was on the third day Windy “suddenly lunged” at my daughter to bite her, and just missed her. The next day Windy attacked without warning and nearly killed our other little dog, inside the house. I was trying to drag little Wiggles away to safety and Windy bit me as well. My husband managed to force Windy into the bathroom and as he rushed Wiggles to the vet I took myself to hospital (tetanus shot, clean up, stitches). I was at emergency for hours waiting my turn (I had a few holes in me but nothing life threatening). Meanwhile with Wiggles having surgery to sew her back up My husband decided to get Windy from home and take her to the vet and have her euthanasied, he felt her a dangerous dog. I didn’t find out about this til I got back home.
I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Both for poor little Wiggles and Windy. Why on earth would a greyhound be so unpredictable and vicious? They are normally very stable dogs. Like rock solid stable.
I rang the Pound afterwards to advise that we had Windy put down and why. It was only then that the lady told me then that Windy was a cruelty case, she had been found after being beaten badly, including her skull, and left for dead. They had rehabilitated her and thought her fine. Obviously and tragically not.
Poor poor baby, I wept and wept more.
Over 12 years ago now and I still feel sick to the stomach about her being euthanized when it wasn’t her fault at all.

Oh my gosh, Bron. What a terrible ordeal. I'm so sorry that those scenarios both happened to your family - I hope your daughter is ok emotionally; that's an awful thing to witness. Physical wounds heal with time, but the pain in our hearts seems to persist. I've had some past experience with greyhounds, not all positive, and I believe your husband made the right call. ((hugs))

 

[Tekate]

Deciding to end my first marriage. While it was way past time .. I had a very very hard time letting go of it, the failure I felt was overwhelming. Best thing I ever did for me but took years of thinking before I could really accept it and do it.

 

[Alexiszoe]

@Tekate, I had a similar situation as well. It took a bit of therapy before I was able to accept it has ended long ago.

Staying together would have meant continued misery, and deprived us both the opportunity to meet someone else who's a better fit. He's now happily married and I am with the most amazing and loving partner, planning our future.

 

[dk168]

Selecting a person from a team of good people for redundancy purposes.

I had to do that twice as their manager, not nice.

DK

 

[Tekate]

Hi Alexiszoe! yes I had counsling too.. I have been very happily remarried and as far as my ex goes it is the same for him! You know in the beginning I was so mad I stayed so long.. but it worked out the way it should have and I have a much better happies life.. I am so glad you do too! in all, all 4 of us are good people, it is just soo hard to make the cut! congrats to you and ME! for doing the right thing for ourselves

@Tekate, I had a similar situation as well. It took a bit of therapy before I was able to accept it has ended long ago.

Staying together would have meant continued misery, and deprived us both the opportunity to meet someone else who's a better fit. He's now happily married and I am with the most amazing and loving partner, planning our future.

 

[GliderPoss]

Ending my marriage. Probably should walk away but so difficult to actually do it when you still love them...

 

[Dandi]

Ending my marriage. Probably should walk away but so difficult to actually do it when you still love them...

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

[strawrose]

Whether or not to have a pregnancy termination (medical).
And I’ll just say that I believe any women’s choice to terminate a pregnancy (or not) is her own private and personal decision and doesn’t have to be explained or justified to anyone ever!
I fell pregnant late, 39, so it was necessary to have various testing done. We had a new type test done at 9 weeks (Choroic Villus sampling) and the test returned as Double mosaicism which is often incompatible with life. We were devastated. I then had to wait until 16 weeks to have an amniocentesis to confirm / clarify the abnormality, if I didn’t miscarry in the meanwhile.
At the same time two things were happening to my body. I had had a fall very early on in the pregnancy and had damaged my knee. I had the swelling drained and it caused autoimmune infective arthritis. I wasn’t able to take any strong medication (being pregnant) so it was very very difficult. And my thyroid function also started to fail (antibodies activated by pregnancy) we found out later on. So there I was in physical pain from my knee which had swelled enormously and was “on fire”, feeling like “death warmed up” and living in absolute dread that I would miscarry while waiting until 16 weeks to have more accurate genetic testing done.
I was told I needed to either commence drug treatment (Methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug) for my knee (100% not compatible with pregnancy) or have an operation to try and remove the infection lest it turn septic. So the question was “should we terminate” for my health so I could start treatment as it was probable the baby was seriously genetically compromised. I didn’t want to make such a decision, not then. I felt this pregnancy “a gift” so I struggled both physically, mentally and emotionally for 7 weeks, waiting to be able to have the anmnio, to not miscarry and to not become septic. The anmnio didn’t show any abnormality so I decided to opt for the operation, while still a risk for a baby I felt it the right decision.
The operation went well, the pregnancy continued and at 36 weeks I went into early labor.
An emergency caesarean later (we found that due to a horse riding accident in my teens I had “fused my tailbone” so it wouldn’t bend and a natural delivery compromised) I delivered a beautiful baby girl who seemed 100% healthy and normal but was still whisked off to neonatal intensive care for extra testing and monitoring given what had preceded her birth.
Not quite out of the woods I then suffered a rare type of “post pregnancy eclampsia” and with blood pressure off the graph I was whisked off to Intensive care as well.
Poor Husband, both wife and baby in intensive care units and him just waiting for more news in an empty hospital room.
It was a pretty rocky couple of first days for everyone but I was discharged 4 days later and DD remained in neonatal care another 10 days.
Fast forward 17 years and DD is an only child (my autoimmune woes continued, I needed a 12 month course of Methotrexate to suppress my immune system which caused premature menopause- oh the joys of womanhood) a STEM student (whoever said “old eggs don’t produce quality” was SO wrong) and is a joy, delight and light of my life even though she doesn’t like bling.

What a rough time period! I’m glad your DD made it through. Yes, most people don’t realize that many women go through a lot of heartache when they deal with this decision.

 

[strawrose]

Ending my marriage. Probably should walk away but so difficult to actually do it when you still love them...

*big hugs*

 

[Ally T]

Ending my marriage. Probably should walk away but so difficult to actually do it when you still love them...

This is awful. Sending you the strength to make the right choices & big hugs also.

 

[missy]

Ending my marriage. Probably should walk away but so difficult to actually do it when you still love them...

I'm so sorry @HotPozzum. Sending you (((hugs))) and best wishes.

 

[missy]

Deciding to end my first marriage. While it was way past time .. I had a very very hard time letting go of it, the failure I felt was overwhelming. Best thing I ever did for me but took years of thinking before I could really accept it and do it.

Letting go even a less than good relationship is never easy. Good for you for having the courage to make the changes and move forward in life despite the challenges. And you and your amazing dh are a wonderful team. He might not have been your first but he's your last and your one and only soul mate. And that's what counts. (((Hugs))).

 

[missy]

Mine was just this past summer. I am a veterinarian, and I LOVE animals. We have been a cat family since the mid 90's, the only dogs belonged to my parents. Well my 11 year old son decided he wanted a dog. We talked and talked, pros and cons. We found ourselves at the humane society, and fell in love with the sweetest little girl - a 7 month old pit bull mix. We brought her home, and the cats disappeared. She wanted to chase the cats, not in a mean way, just in a curious way. But we couldn't trust her off leash (plus she wasn't fully potty trained yet), and so she spent 2 weeks indoor and out , on a leash. We can't have fences in our sub, so even outside she was on a stake. Our cats were terrified, and wouldn't even come out to eat any more. We all realized it just wasn't working - it wasn't fair to our cats, who were there first, and it wasn't fair to her, as she really couldn't be a dog. She needed a fenced yard she could run in, with doggie friends, etc. So.... I took her back to the humane society. It was by far the hardest thing I've done in my adult life. And it wasn't her fault - she was as sweet as can be. It just hurt knowing that we couldn't give her the life she deserved. The humane society put her picture back up that day on the adoption page, and a day later when I refreshed it, she wasn't there. I have to assume, for my own peace of mind, that she was adopted immediately and is now living her best life in a loving home. It still hurts. *tears*

(((Hugs))) @ecf8503. You did all you could and you had no choice. You are a wonderful person and you save so many animals. This sweet dog is probably in a loving home now. Focus on all the good you do and remember all the animals lives you have changed for the better. Thank you for all that you do.

 

[ecf8503]

(((Hugs))) @ecf8503. You did all you could and you had no choice. You are a wonderful person and you save so many animals. This sweet dog is probably in a loving home now. Focus on all the good you do and remember all the animals lives you have changed for the better. Thank you for all that you do.

Thank you - that means a lot.

 

[Matthews1127]

My most difficult decision, to date, was when Home Hospice sent me paperwork to make decisions on how to handle my mother’s final hours on Earth.
I already knew what she wanted; she talked to me about it, often, and she signed a DNR.
What she didn’t tell me were the details. Pain meds? Feeding tube? Antibiotics?
Being judge, jury & executioner concerning my mother was heart-wrenching.
I called my brother, who lives over 2000mi. away, and I made him suffer with me...lol!
I think that paperwork took me 2 days to complete & return.
I had to take a deep breath & know that the choices we made were the most merciful.
Thankfully, she’s still with us....