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What to do with non-BM friend?

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Lil0818

Rough_Rock
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Apr 10, 2007
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I have a group of really good friends from college and have managed to delegate wedding responsibilities to ALL BUT ONE! My best friend is a BM and others are doing readings during the ceremony. But I cannot figure out what kind of special honor to give this last friend on the day of! I''d rather not give her a token job, so to speak - i.e. guest book attendant, standing by the gift table, etc. She means a lot to me, so I really want it to be meaningful, but I cannot seem to come up with any ideas. Anyone have any thoughts???
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Dec 29, 2006
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Hi Lil! Welcome to PS!

Would you consider adding another reading to your ceremony and asking your friend to do that? Does she play any type of musical instrument? If so, maybe you could ask her to play during the ceremony or cocktail hour if you''re having one. Maybe she could help you with your makeup or help you get ready beforehand. If this is something BMs usually do, maybe she could be there anyway and help out on an as needed basis. What about asking her to help decorate the church (or venue) before the ceremony. If you''re having a Catholic Mass, maybe ask her your friend to bring down the offering (I think that''s what it''s called -- I''m such a bad Cathlolic!). I have more ideas but I''m not sure what jobs you''ve already delegated to others.

Hope this helps!


Zoe
 

Tacori E-ring

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20,037
I think adding a reading is a good idea or maybe not have your BM do that. I have a close college friend and that is what we did. I think it would be horrible to have to stand by the gift table or guest book. I actually didn''t have anyone do that (well an employee from the CC was the watch keeper of the gift table but she was getting paid
)
 

labbielove

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2006
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862
I had similar problem, as I''m having only my 3 sisters as bms, and not a full mass, so it was hard enough to fit in all of our immediate family, much less my dear friend.
We are going to add a reading into the ceremony that I''m having her read. It''s not one of the bible readings, but rather a reading on marriage. I''m an older bride, and she got married right after high school and is still happily married with 3 children- I really respect their marriage and she was honored that I asked her to do this type of reading.

I was worried she would be miffed at not being a bm (we are like sisters) but she was honored to be the only non family member involved in the ceremony.

2 other good friends offered to do the decorations at the hall, and/or be of any help moving flowers from the church to the reception, and were more than happy to do a behind the scenes task.

If you are having a mass with communion, she could bring up the gifts.

Good luck, I know how hard it is to want to include a dear friend- you will think of something.
 

ladyciel

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Mar 24, 2007
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1,769
Do you have a wedding coordinator? She could be your day-of Lady In Charge to help make sure everything runs smoothly and on schedule on your big day.
 

zoebartlett

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Dec 29, 2006
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Hi Lil,

I woke up in the middle of the night and for some reason, a thought came to mind. My sister didn''t have any attendants at her wedding. Instead, she had one of her close friends be in charge of something that I thought was very nice.

My sister had read in a magazine that a nice thing to do in your first year of marriage was to have guests fill out a postcard and then have someone be in charge of sending them to the happy couple every so often. Instead of a guest book, guests could write personal messages to the bride and groom, wishing them well and all that. My sister asked her friend to be in charge of setting this up (including a pretty sign that was set up on a table at the reception to explain what it was). This friend was also in charge of making labels on the postcards and basically getting them ready to be mailed.

As guests filled out the cards, they put the cards in a basket and then after the festivities, my sister''s friend took the cards home and waited about two weeks or a month to begin sending the cards to my sister and her husband. Every so often, they now receive well wishes from people.

I thought this was a great idea and one that I wanted to pass along to you. It''s something that you could put someone in charge of, without needing that person to be standing guard at a table or anything. This could be a special way to include your friend if you''d like.

Sorry this was so wordy...it''s early...
 

kcoursolle

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Jan 21, 2006
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10,589
How about a personal attendant? She can be in change of bringing a few things like bobby pins, tape, pins, etc. that might be needed and in general just be helpful if the bride or the wedding party needs assistance.
 

rainbowtrout

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 2, 2005
Messages
2,105
My friend who has 6 sisters is having no friends as bridesmaids...I''m doing a reading and I think one or two others might be as well.


If you don''t want another reading...could you have her make a special toast during the reception, or maybe she instead of the bandleader could do the "may I introduce Mr and Mrs Lil0818?


Nothing can top the supreme bizarreness of my grandfather''s idea that we have the best man roast burgers and hot dogs during the reception!!
 

dtnyc

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Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,088
I think asking her to do a reading is a great idea. I was a reader in a friend''s wedding, I was invited to the rehehearsal and dinner and she gave me a sweet little gift and a VERY touching note, that actually made me cry. It was wonderful and I loved that I was able to wear what I wanted, sit where I wanted, etc. I actually PREFER it to being in the bridal party because you get to do all of the fun stuff but not have to buy the dress!

I think that a lot of these other jobs are just grasping at straws to in an attempt to make someone feel involved. She doesn''t have to do anything- giving her a card or a note on your big day letting her know how special she is to you and telling her how happy she is there for you on your wedding day is enough.

You will be very busy on your wedding day and if you give her a note and manage to spend some time w/ her at your reception, maybe boogy w/her on the dance floor? I don''t think she needs a job on the big day for her to know you value her friendship.
 

zoebartlett

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12,450
Date: 4/16/2007 9:53:17 AM
Author: dtnyc
I think asking her to do a reading is a great idea. I was a reader in a friend''s wedding, I was invited to the rehehearsal and dinner and she gave me a sweet little gift and a VERY touching note, that actually made me cry. It was wonderful and I loved that I was able to wear what I wanted, sit where I wanted, etc. I actually PREFER it to being in the bridal party because you get to do all of the fun stuff but not have to buy the dress!

I think that a lot of these other jobs are just grasping at straws to in an attempt to make someone feel involved. She doesn''t have to do anything- giving her a card or a note on your big day letting her know how special she is to you and telling her how happy she is there for you on your wedding day is enough.

You will be very busy on your wedding day and if you give her a note and manage to spend some time w/ her at your reception, maybe boogy w/her on the dance floor? I don''t think she needs a job on the big day for her to know you value her friendship.
I''m not sure I agree. I can understand Lil''s question. If someone wants to involve a close friend in an aspect of her wedding but isn''t sure how and would like recommendations and suggestions, I don''t think those jobs mentioned are grasping at straws. I think a nice card telling your friend that you''re so happy she could spend your special day with you is a lovely gesture. I don''t think anything else is necessary but if someone is looking for other ideas, that''s great too.


When one of my college roommates got married, she had her and her fiancee''s sisters in the bridal party. My friend wanted to acknowledge four other girls (myself included) who had become such close friends of hers during college. We didn''t know this before hand, but when we arrived at the church for the ceremony, my friend had one of the ushers give each of us a sunflower with a note attached. At the time, sunflowers were all of our favorite flowers. The notes were very personal and such a thoughtful way of including us in her day in a special way, although we weren''t in the bridal party. People were asking us what the significance of the flowers was, since it was just the four of us who received them. It was definitely a thoughtful gesture.
 

dtnyc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
1,088
Date: 4/16/2007 10:16:11 AM
Author: zoebartlett

Date: 4/16/2007 9:53:17 AM
Author: dtnyc
I think asking her to do a reading is a great idea. I was a reader in a friend''s wedding, I was invited to the rehehearsal and dinner and she gave me a sweet little gift and a VERY touching note, that actually made me cry. It was wonderful and I loved that I was able to wear what I wanted, sit where I wanted, etc. I actually PREFER it to being in the bridal party because you get to do all of the fun stuff but not have to buy the dress!

I think that a lot of these other jobs are just grasping at straws to in an attempt to make someone feel involved. She doesn''t have to do anything- giving her a card or a note on your big day letting her know how special she is to you and telling her how happy she is there for you on your wedding day is enough.

You will be very busy on your wedding day and if you give her a note and manage to spend some time w/ her at your reception, maybe boogy w/her on the dance floor? I don''t think she needs a job on the big day for her to know you value her friendship.
I''m not sure I agree. I can understand Lil''s question. If someone wants to involve a close friend in an aspect of her wedding but isn''t sure how and would like recommendations and suggestions, I don''t think those jobs mentioned are grasping at straws. I think a nice card telling your friend that you''re so happy she could spend your special day with you is a lovely gesture. I don''t think anything else is necessary but if someone is looking for other ideas, that''s great too.


When one of my college roommates got married, she had her and her fiancee''s sisters in the bridal party. My friend wanted to acknowledge four other girls (myself included) who had become such close friends of hers during college. We didn''t know this before hand, but when we arrived at the church for the ceremony, my friend had one of the ushers give each of us a sunflower with a note attached. At the time, sunflowers were all of our favorite flowers. The notes were very personal and such a thoughtful way of including us in her day in a special way, although we weren''t in the bridal party. People were asking us what the significance of the flowers was, since it was just the four of us who received them. It was definitely a thoughtful gesture.
I think what your friend did was awesome- giving each of you a sunflower- that''s really cool- and it recognized her special friends w/o giving them a "job." I am just saying that sometimes these "jobs" the people create aren''t exactly an honor, but a chore.

Not that I regret anything at my wedding, but I wish I had had my sorority flower handed out to my sisters who came to my wedding as they came into the ceremony- a little detail I never thought of during planning.
 

Lil0818

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 10, 2007
Messages
46
Wow! So many great I ideas. Zoe, I love the postcard idea instead of having a traditional guestbook and I actually think that my friend would really enjoy doing something like that - she is very crafty and very organized - both important traits for a project such as that! I also love the idea of giving each girl a special note articulating how important each one of them is to me. I was plannning on including something like this with their thank you gifts for my shower this summer, but it might be a good idea to do something the day-of as well. I would love to include another reading, but we already have three AND two musical interludes and our minister thinks we are already pushing it timewise.

One of thing I thought of, but wanted to get everyone''s opinion: I have two flower girls who are pretty young (5 and 3) and I am a little bit concerned about getting them down the aisle (especially the little one!). My friend who we have been discussing is a teacher and is GREAT with kids. What about asking her to be in charge of the girls before and during the ceremony (i.e. helpig them down the aisle, getting them back to their mom and dad to sit during the ceremony, etc.). I know to some this job may sound totally unappealing.... but if I have one friend who would actually enjoy this, it is definitely her! Any thoughts?

Thanks so much for all your great ideas!!
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Date: 4/16/2007 1:16:22 PM
Author: Lil0818
Wow! So many great I ideas. Zoe, I love the postcard idea instead of having a traditional guestbook and I actually think that my friend would really enjoy doing something like that - she is very crafty and very organized - both important traits for a project such as that! I also love the idea of giving each girl a special note articulating how important each one of them is to me. I was plannning on including something like this with their thank you gifts for my shower this summer, but it might be a good idea to do something the day-of as well. I would love to include another reading, but we already have three AND two musical interludes and our minister thinks we are already pushing it timewise.

One of thing I thought of, but wanted to get everyone''s opinion: I have two flower girls who are pretty young (5 and 3) and I am a little bit concerned about getting them down the aisle (especially the little one!). My friend who we have been discussing is a teacher and is GREAT with kids. What about asking her to be in charge of the girls before and during the ceremony (i.e. helpig them down the aisle, getting them back to their mom and dad to sit during the ceremony, etc.). I know to some this job may sound totally unappealing.... but if I have one friend who would actually enjoy this, it is definitely her! Any thoughts?

Thanks so much for all your great ideas!!
Hmm, it could work. A few questions though -- do you think the flower girls (at least the 3 year old) would be reluctant to follow someone other than their parents down the aisle? If they''re shy, they might be hesitant. Do the little girls know your friend? What about having the flower girls'' mom(s) or dad(s) meet them at the end of the aisle and coax them along? That way you could include your friend in a different way and still have the girls make it successfully down the aisle.

One thing I just thought of also...although your friend is a teacher and she loves kids, maybe she would like to be a guest (doing something else to help you out) instead of being ih charge of someone else''s kids? If that''s her full-time job, maybe she''d like to not have to "worry" about kids that day. Just a thought.
 
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