february2003bride
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2005
- Messages
- 3,551
Long story short: DH is Indian (but is a US Citizen, very Americanized, lived in the states since 1982, etc. Doesn''t really relate to the Indian culture AT ALL.) I''m American. DH''s parents live in India and he has a brother who lives in IL.
Before we were married, the in-laws would stay with DH for 4-5 months and then BIL for 4-5 months. Then BIL got married (to an Indian women but a different religion which is a HUGE no-no) and has since had 2 children. But during these last 4 years, the last 4 visits have gone horrible for them to the point that the in-laws hated BIL''s wife and vice versa. But since BIL''s wife loves him and he misses his parents, she alwsays agrees to another round of visits.
We got married 4 years ago and during the time we dated, DH dreaded their visits. He absolutely hated it, was ready for them to leave after 2 weeks but put up with it to keep the peace. He swore that after we got married that their visits with us would be no longer than 2 weeks because he his mom wouldn''t want to stay with us because I''m American and wouldn''t let her run the house (a huge problem they were having at BIL''s house).
Anyway, we get married, had our first son together (I have a daughter from before DH, another issue between his parents and I) and suddenly DH''s tune changes. Their first visit here, we paid for an apartment for them for 11 months so they wouldn''t actually be living with us, gave them my VW Passat for FIL to drive, paid all of their expenses, utilities and did stupid mandatory weekend visits. FIL called every single night at 10:00 on the dot. If DH didn''t answer the FIL would call DH''s cell. If DH didn''t answer THAT, FIL would call back at the house until someone answered. MIL has emotional issues with herself and towards everyone else. I get special issues with her because I''m not Indian and a host of other reasons.
So the apartment thing didn''t work out because I was sick of seeing out bank account being drained (they both had jobs, btw), fighting with DH that WE had to be on a strict budget to be able to pay for them, depsite each in-law having a job and a substantial savings. FIL would get upset if my mom was babysitting both kids; he would want my mother to watch my daughter (in our eyes and hearts, OUR daughter now) and he would watch our son. Finally, someone broke into their home in India so they went back 2 weeks later.
The next visit after that which we only hosted them for 10 days which DH and I fought like cats and dogs over, during, after.
There was another visit with the in-laws and BIL''s family.
It looked like this year they would not be visiting but BIL convinced them to come here anyway. So they''ve been in IL since the beginning of April and we have to decide about their visit with us. I dread their visits but since we''ve had our now TWO sons, DH is more determined to have them stay with us atleast a month. He just had a business trip to IL and was able to see them a couple of nights. They want to come down for 10-15 days but DH wants them not just stay longer, but then drive them back to IL ourselves with our three kids in our minvian van, stay in IL a week and then drive back.
I''m at my wits end. I hate arguing with DH, I hate his parents visits because of the extra baggage, and I don''t care for them personally.
So what do I do?? If there weren''t issues the visits would at least be bearable. One friend says I should suck it up and deal with it, another friend says to give DH strict guidelines about their stay since I stay at home with the kids and he doesn''t.
Also, BIL is resentful that he hosts the long visits and we only have short (10days or less) visits with them. But BIL and DH already don''t get along so this issue just magnifies that.
Before we were married, the in-laws would stay with DH for 4-5 months and then BIL for 4-5 months. Then BIL got married (to an Indian women but a different religion which is a HUGE no-no) and has since had 2 children. But during these last 4 years, the last 4 visits have gone horrible for them to the point that the in-laws hated BIL''s wife and vice versa. But since BIL''s wife loves him and he misses his parents, she alwsays agrees to another round of visits.
We got married 4 years ago and during the time we dated, DH dreaded their visits. He absolutely hated it, was ready for them to leave after 2 weeks but put up with it to keep the peace. He swore that after we got married that their visits with us would be no longer than 2 weeks because he his mom wouldn''t want to stay with us because I''m American and wouldn''t let her run the house (a huge problem they were having at BIL''s house).
Anyway, we get married, had our first son together (I have a daughter from before DH, another issue between his parents and I) and suddenly DH''s tune changes. Their first visit here, we paid for an apartment for them for 11 months so they wouldn''t actually be living with us, gave them my VW Passat for FIL to drive, paid all of their expenses, utilities and did stupid mandatory weekend visits. FIL called every single night at 10:00 on the dot. If DH didn''t answer the FIL would call DH''s cell. If DH didn''t answer THAT, FIL would call back at the house until someone answered. MIL has emotional issues with herself and towards everyone else. I get special issues with her because I''m not Indian and a host of other reasons.
![20.gif](https://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/20.gif)
So the apartment thing didn''t work out because I was sick of seeing out bank account being drained (they both had jobs, btw), fighting with DH that WE had to be on a strict budget to be able to pay for them, depsite each in-law having a job and a substantial savings. FIL would get upset if my mom was babysitting both kids; he would want my mother to watch my daughter (in our eyes and hearts, OUR daughter now) and he would watch our son. Finally, someone broke into their home in India so they went back 2 weeks later.
The next visit after that which we only hosted them for 10 days which DH and I fought like cats and dogs over, during, after.
There was another visit with the in-laws and BIL''s family.
It looked like this year they would not be visiting but BIL convinced them to come here anyway. So they''ve been in IL since the beginning of April and we have to decide about their visit with us. I dread their visits but since we''ve had our now TWO sons, DH is more determined to have them stay with us atleast a month. He just had a business trip to IL and was able to see them a couple of nights. They want to come down for 10-15 days but DH wants them not just stay longer, but then drive them back to IL ourselves with our three kids in our minvian van, stay in IL a week and then drive back.
I''m at my wits end. I hate arguing with DH, I hate his parents visits because of the extra baggage, and I don''t care for them personally.
So what do I do?? If there weren''t issues the visits would at least be bearable. One friend says I should suck it up and deal with it, another friend says to give DH strict guidelines about their stay since I stay at home with the kids and he doesn''t.
![38.gif](https://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/38.gif)
Also, BIL is resentful that he hosts the long visits and we only have short (10days or less) visits with them. But BIL and DH already don''t get along so this issue just magnifies that.