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What is your housework split with your SO?

Lanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2008
Messages
1,793
I think I'm getting the short end of the stick...we have a 9 month old, so that takes up beaucoups of my time. When you answer, say how much you work and how much your SO works bc I think that plays into it.

ME -- I'm a teacher and I am away from home 9 hours a day M-F, and I tutor about 3 hours a week at nights/weekends
pick up baby every day from daycare
all vacuuming
all sweeping
all dusting
cleaning counters in bathrooms
clean kitchen
clean up after dinner
take trash to our dumpster in garage
load/unload dishwasher
general clutter patrol (esp toys)
all laundry
90% of the grocery shopping
clean all baby bottles/cups/highchair
change 90% of diapers
bathe baby every other day
feed baby all meals when I'm home

HIM -- an architect and he's away from home 10 hours a day M-F:
takes baby to daycare every morning
cleans toilets when I tell him
takes out trash to street once a week
handles all bills
files paperwork
gets mail
helps with folding once in a great while
starts or does dinner bc i'm usually feeding baby at that time
 

stephbolt

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 11, 2008
Messages
1,072
We don't have kids yet, and I feel like we have a somewhat even split of housework, though I probably do a bit more. I do all the laundry/folding/ironing/bills and DH does all the litterbox/garbage. For cooking we split pretty evenly and we usually grocery shop together. For household cleaning, DH will do any of it *if* I ask him to. If I don't, he doesn't notice that it needs to be done. Doesn't see clutter, dust, dirt, mildew, any of it. I end up doing more of it than him because I'll clean things when I notice they are dirty and he's not around. Some cleaning I have to do because if he does it I'll feel like it's still dirty afterwards...bathrooms especially. We are both away from home about 10 hours a day - me from 7 to 5 and him from 9 to 7.
 

NewEnglandLady

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
6,299
I do all indoor chores. Including the cooking. I don't think D even understand half of the chores I do, and I know he doesn't think the majority are necessary.

D mows the lawn, which is a pretty big chore. I tend to be the queen of weed-killing though.

There are times I'm overwhelmed and he's completely on board with getting a housekeeper to help out every couple of weeks. And to be fair, he pays the majority of the mortgage, so there's that.
 

Lanie

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2008
Messages
1,793
NewEnglandLady|1318300330|3037454 said:
I do all indoor chores. Including the cooking. I don't think D even understand half of the chores I do, and I know he doesn't think the majority are necessary.
D mows the lawn, which is a pretty big chore. I tend to be the queen of weed-killing though.

There are times I'm overwhelmed and he's completely on board with getting a housekeeper to help out every couple of weeks. And to be fair, he pays the majority of the mortgage, so there's that.
Are you married to my husband too? :cheeky:
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
DH definitely gets the short end of the stick in our house. HOWEVER, he does things that I wouldn't choose to do (such as certain elements of the raw diet for the dogs) and that's his choice. He's okay with the split.

ME -- I'm a FT community college instructor and I am away from home 6 to 7 hours a day M-Th.
30% of dog walks (I leave first every morning, so whoever gets to sleep in walks the dogs in the AM)
30% of vacuuming
50% of sweeping
all dusting
clean counters in bathrooms
clean toilets, mirrors, everything but the floors in the bathrooms
clean dishes in late afternoons
50% of clean up after dinner
50% general clutter patrol (we're both meticulous about this, we don't leave anything out)
my own laundry
30% shared laundry--bath, table, and bed linens
80% of the grocery shopping
handles all bills
files paperwork
gets mail
cook all meals
clean the stovetop and other kitchen surfaces after use

HIM -- a muscle specialist, he's away from home 6 to 7 hours a day M-F, 4 hours every Sat
all seasonal/occassional home maintenance--insulating things, recaulking tiles, shampooing our one carpeted room, etc.
mops the kitchen floor a couple times a week
take trash to our dumpster in garage
load/unload dishwasher (I don't do it *correctly* so I'm not allowed ;-)
takes out recycling and trash to street once a week
Shops, prepares, and organizes all food for pets (this is a huge job, it includes butchering chickens and weighin everything and even blending a veggie/oil mix and freezing it. It's insane.)
All outdoor chores--mowing, leaf blowing, window sealing, deck sealing, etc. etc. etc. It never ends.
Cars--Wash, maintenance, etc.
70% of dog walks
70% of vacuuming
50% of sweeping
50% of clean up after dinner
50% general clutter patrol
his own laundry
70% shared laundry--bath, table, and bed linens
20% of the grocery shopping

There is so much that DH does that I'm sure I'm forgetting. I basically keep the humans fed, and the house pretty. DH does everything else. He's amazing, and he never complains.

Beyond chore-type things, I will say that I am the glue that keeps our extended family together. I keep in touch with everyone, I send out all the birthday cards, plan and cook for the holidays we host, and basically keep us all in regular communication as a family. We have regular Sunday night family dinners, and that would never happen if it was up to DH. He loves them, but he wouldn't initiate them. I think that adds a lot of value.
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
I work 40 hours a week, he does as well.

He takes care of food-either cooking or picking up food. He also throws out the garbage and handles any heavy work. I take care of pretty much everything else. We do my have a yard.

With our daughter, again he's on food duty. We both entertain. I am the only one who gives her a bath. He does bedtime routine probably twice a week. Ideally on the weekends we take turns getting up but lately he wakes to get her and gets her morning milk. I wake after and entertain her while he sleeps in another hour or so.
 

Lanie

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Joined
Feb 20, 2008
Messages
1,793
fiery|1318301379|3037467 said:
I work 40 hours a week, he does as well.

He takes care of food-either cooking or picking up food. He also throws out the garbage and handles any heavy work. I take care of pretty much everything else. We do my have a yard.

With our daughter, again he's on food duty. We both entertain. I am the only one who gives her a bath. He does bedtime routine probably twice a week. Ideally on the weekends we take turns getting up but lately he wakes to get her and gets her morning milk. I wake after and entertain her while he sleeps in another hour or so.
That's another thing I forgot to list which is HUGE! I always always always always get up to get the baby on weekdays/weekends. He sleeps in a little. ERRRRRRGGHHH. This thread is making me more mad. :angryfire:
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Lanie--What does your DH say when you talk to him about this and how you feel about it?
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
Oh Lanie a lot of couples have their issues. Mine is not one to write home about. It took a bit to get there.

Would your DH be ok with taking turns? Maybe let him pick the day he would like to sleep in. For ex., FI usually does his thing on Friday evenings so I would take Saturday mornings. He's not going out anymore on Fridays but that is what we did before.

Do you get any you time? I think that makes a big difference.
 

Sha

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 27, 2007
Messages
2,329
Me - Full time, DH - Part time, but when he was FT it was the same thing:

Me
98% childcare (feeding, bathing, cuddling etc)
cleaning on weekends
some laundry
bills/paperwork/budgeting

DH
99% cooking and food prep
some laundry
taking out garbage on weekends

So I still do more stuff than he does.
 

PilsnPinkysMom

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 11, 2008
Messages
1,878
We both work F/T but I tend to work "more"... longer hours, work on weekends, tutoring after school, etc (I am a teacher, DH a pharmacist)

ME
Most of the floor cleaning (sweep and steam)
All dusting
All bathrooms
All kitchen clean-up
All organizing
Gardening

DH
Cleans up after dinner
Does most of the laundry (I taught him how to fold :wink2: )
Litterbox duty
Half of pet exercise
Bill pay/managing finances
Mows lawn

He is a great help to me, and I sincerely appreciate all that he does... but the reality is that I am bananas about cleanliness and he does not "deep clean" like I do. It would never cross his mind to wipe down our ceiling fans, IYKWIM. And so I don't ask him to do those things.
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Aug 12, 2005
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17,924
Lanie, an easy fix to your issue would be to hire someone to assist you with cleaning a few times a month. Have you explored this option? Both of you are busy, both of you want to spend time with each other and your child...is there a reason you're not paying someone to come in and clean for you?

SO and I have a pretty fluid division of labor around the house and outside. He picks up my slack and I pick up his when we're able. We do not yet have children, but that time in our lives is within sight. We both spend equal amounts of time outside our home. We've never had an issue over feeling like one of us is getting the short end of the stick, and I just don't see that happening. We met each other when we were in our 30's, though, and both of us were used to doing the majority of the household labor, so that may have something to do with our amicable and unspoken agreement on how we go about dividing up the chore list. I hope you and your DH are able to reach a resolution.
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
The only thing I can add is with a 9 month old you need to lower your standards for a "clean" house. The fact is neither of you have time for all the dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, tidying, etc. that you were able to maintain before you had a baby. You will run yourself ragged and resent your DH for not doing the same.

Try to lighten the load for both of you because spending time with each other and your baby is far more important than a clean house.
 

Laila619

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
11,614
Me: (stay-at-home mom)
Vacuum
Tidy up house
Child care
Pay all bills and balance checkbook
Run errands as needed

Hub: (office job M-F)
Mow the grass/tackle weeds
Rake leaves
Shovel driveway in winter
Scoop the litter boxes
Feed the cats
Do laundry for all three of us
Make dinner or pick up take-out
Load/unload dishwasher
Take out trash and recycling
Pick up his dry cleaning

We grocery shop together. Hub does all the diapers and child care when he's home at night so I can get a break. I think my hub has the short end of the stick. He really does a lot and he never complains.
 

tammy77

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2011
Messages
1,442
It's super late so I don't have time for a full rundown but DH and I both work 40 hrs/wk. I have to say that when we first moved in together it was a constant battle but it's pretty nice now (2+ yrs later, though it's been good for a while). Some weeks I pull more weight and other he does, but as a general rule we split things pretty darn evenly. I'm sure if asked separately we'd both say we do more than the other, but I read somewhere that in order to do your 50%, you pretty much have to feel like you're pulling 70% each.

I'm sure I messed that up, maybe someone else can say it properly. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, I'm sorry that you're struggling. It's frustrating and hard to feel respected and appreciated, trust me I've been there (10 yrs w/my ex). Hope it's sorted out for you soon and hugs!
 

Jennifer W

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Our approach is much like Monarch described, and it's kept us happy for over ten years now. I've edited this post a dozen times, because I don't want to come over as being smart assed or aggressive about it. It seems to be a thorny topic for a lot of people, although it's just never been an issue for us at all.

J works 35 hours per week (architect) and I work usually around 18 hours per week for the NHS and spend some time working at home for DBL each day. My hours vary according to workload in both jobs.

We don't really have set tasks for each of us when it comes to housework, we just do the minimum as and when it really needs done. We usually have a weekly cleaning service, but we've had a few problems with that, so we're going solo at the moment.

J probably does more than me, because I have a much higher tolerance of clutter, dirt and disorder (read: lazy). I do all the cooking though, because he's dreadful at it.

When it gets awful, he will usually initiate a cleaning frenzy by dragging out the vacuum cleaner, usually on a Saturday morning. I'll join in by maybe wiping down the kitchen cabinets and surfaces or cleaning the cooker. Sometimes I'll just pretend that I have urgent emails to deal with instead. ;)) We wipe round and clean the bathroom every couple of days, usually while were giving our kid her bath (since we're in there anyway). Whoever is standing next to the dishwasher when it needs attention will either unload or load it. We don't have 'rules' about who does what - we both know what needs done and will make more or less of an effort to do it. We shop together for groceries, clothes and stuff for the kid etc and reward ourselves with cake and coffee or lunch out when it's done. Nice family time as well as a way of doing a chore so no one gets dumped with it by themselves.

I don't view parenting in the same category as housework, but we do have a pretty even split with that too. J gets up with her every morning, because he's a morning person and awake anyway. Her daycare is in his office, so he takes her with him in the mornings and brings her home at night. We take turns making her packed lunch because for some reason that's a job we've both come to hate.

Bath and bedtime we do together and weekends we spend together as a family, so it's split pretty evenly then. J almost always does anything that involves poop or vomit, since both make me gag. He did way more than his fair share of diapers, because I never got over gagging at them. I did all the baby food and breastfeeding though. ;))

Totally agree with Swingirl though - lower standards are the answer. I want us to enjoy our family time and I want to relax in my me-time. We don't much care about how the house looks, as long as it isn't a health hazard. It's a pretty house, so even when it's at its untidy worst, it's still nice to be in. Our mantra when it comes to house work is more 'just leave it' than 'just do it' for sure. We're happier as a result. ;)) There are some small timesavers too, like paying all bills and savings etc by direct debit so no one has to do much in the way of money managing. Although we both manage our own finances, we do it all by direct debit, so all it really needs is an eye cast over it to check occasionally. We shop online a lot, so we don't go into the city so often.

Anyway, that's what we actually do - here's how we view it in theory, which I think is way more important than the actual tasks: housekeeping isn't my responsibility, my role, my talent or my interest and J doesn't help me or support me with it. It isn't for me to direct the work, allocate the tasks or even set the standard. I'm only 50% of the people who own the house and therefore need to keep it reasonably clean. It's shared 100% in terms of ownership, regardless of who actually does what. It's no reflection on me if it needs a good clean, it's a reflection on me and J and it speaks about our priorities. I'm ok with that.

I hope you find a balance that doesn't leave you resentful, but rather than battle to get your husband to do more, if it was me, I'd concentrate on getting me to do less (if that makes sense). I would do that by relinquishing control. It isn't down to you Lanie the person, it's down to Mr and Mrs Lanie, the couple.

Good luck!
 

zoebartlett

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2006
Messages
12,450
Me:

General clean up of random clutter
Change the litter and cleans the box
Clean the bathrooms
Dusts all surfaces in the house
Change the sheets on our bed and the one in our guest room
Gets the mail

My Husband:

Dishwasher (although he lets extra dishes sit out on the counter until the dishwasher's ready for another load and I HATE this. I may have to step in.)
Scoops the litter box
Vaccuums the house - but only when asked several times. Notice I didn't say "nagged." Ha.
Pays bills
Takes out trash


Both:

Laundry - we do our own
Clean kitchen counters and appliances
Take cats to the vet although sometimes one of us does this.

I probably work 9 hours a day, and my husband usually works 8-9 hours. Our hours are different though. I leave the house earlier and come home earlier, plus, I have a lot more time off during the year than he does.
 

canuk-gal

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Messages
21,160
HI:

I do everything. Odd occasion husband vaccums. Perhaps 2 or 3 evenings a week he makes a salad for dinner.

cheers--Sharon
 

Pandora II

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Messages
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Me - mainly SAHM but study and do some work from home as well.

DH - full-time, but works long hours... leaves house at 8am and generally gets home around 7.30pm. Works till 10pm or later 2-3 nights a week and is sometimes away for 3-4 days for conferences.

Our daughter is 2 and just starting in daycare for 2 days a week

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am not/never have been/never will be a domestic goddess. DH knew this long before we even got engaged and has no illusions. Jennifer W and I are somewhat similar in our feelings and approaches to housework.

We have a small house - 850sq ft, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, sitting-room and hallway.

We have a cleaning lady who comes for 3 hours once a week. She cleans the floors, kitchen and bathrooms.

I do almost all the laundry.
I do 90% of looking after our daughter - bathing, dressing, feeding etc. I do the majority of bedtimes. We all co-sleep and I deal with wake-ups, illnesses etc affecting our daughter at night.
I deal with all DIY/builders/general maintenance.
I deal with presents/birthday cards and general extended family stuff.

We share cooking, tidying up and emptying the dishwasher.
We both enjoy shopping so groceries etc are done as a family.

DH looks after all the bills and other finances - it's pretty much all direct debits so not too onerous.
DH deals with his dry-cleaning.

We're not neat-freaks and we have a lot of 'stuff' so I had huge numbers of cupboards built in and it all goes there so we can't see it and then I will have a blitz once in a while and sort through. Our mess is generally papers, magazines, post and books - what I call clean mess rather than 'single male student' type mess that involves producing new forms of antibiotics in coffee cups under beds...

DH does get in a 'I need to tidy everything' frenzy once in a while - which I hate as he puts on his 'I'm busy doing things' face to try and guilt me into being tidier. He has a strange fantasy that he is tidy and I am not - he is possibly tidier than me, but on a scale of 1-10, 10 being OCD tidy, I am a 4 and he is a 5...

On Saturday or Sunday mornings, DH will take our daughter and let me catch up on some sleep. I'm still breast-feeding and madam tends to wake up several times a night still, and although she doesn't wake up until 8am, I never get a full-night's sleep. He has always had a proper night's sleep - even when she was newborn - so I feel that it's perfectly fair that he takes her and gives me a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep.

I probably don't have very high standards - but we have great immune systems! It seems a pretty fair split to me.
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 25, 2007
Messages
3,160
I'll keep this simple but DH:

does the dishes
90% of dog walking
trash
lawn care
gets DS ready for bed

I do everything else unless I ask for help. He's always willing to help but I have to ask. He doesn't take hints! :lol:
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
We have no kids and are currently in an apartment, so no lawn care or household repairs. We're also of the mindset that there are more important things than a spotless house. It's not filthy at all-of course we take the trash out regularly and do the dishes regularly. Here's our split:

ME: work F/T, away from home from 8ish-6ish M-F:
-feed cats in PM
-scoop litter boxes
-clean out cat's complicated fountain water bowl
-manage our finances and pay all bills
-shop for non-food household items (i.e. shampoo, etc.)
-vacuum
-tidy up as needed
-go through mail
-do laundry as needed

HIM: work F/T, away from home from 8ish-6ish 4 days during the week and Saturday:
-feed cats in AM
-does the dishes 85% the time
-does vast majority of cooking
-shops for groceries
-deep cleans bathrooms and kitchens
-tidy up as needed
-pick up mail
-do laundry as needed
-takes trash out

I think we're pretty much even. If anything, he does more of the physical household chores, which I think balances out with me being completely responsible for all finances.

If I were you I would definitely tell him he needs to pick up some slack, and assign him more chores so you have an even split. If you both work full time there's no reason why you should be doing the majority of the chores and childcare. I have no kids but I realize moms end up doing more childcare no matter what. To me that means the dads should do more chores!
 

Lauren8211

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
11,073
DH: (Works ~50 hrs week)

Mow the lawn
Kill spiders
Take out the garbage
Scoop kitty litter (I'm pregnant)

Me: (SAHW)

Everything else
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 18, 2008
Messages
6,689
Lanie, I thought about you (well this topic) last night. I’ve been talking a lot about relationships with many of my friends and family members. My best friend said something that I think makes a lot of sense. Relationships don’t have to be equal as long as they are equitable.  Meaning you and your DH don’t have to do 5 chores each to be equal or an equal amount of bedtime and morning time or spend an equal amount of time cleaning/cooking. But you both should feel like the relationship is fair. You and your DH just have to find that balance. Doesn’t have to be tit for tat, just fair.

I will also say to be very careful when doing comparisons to others. I very recently went through a hard time in my relationship because I had a person from the outside looking in and commenting on how we were not a united couple. This person came to that conclusion because in THEIR relationship, they literally do things equally.  If she is cooking rice, he is cooking meat at the same exact time. If he is mowing the lawn, she is watering the plants. If she is cleaning the bathroom, he is cleaning the kitchen. That is their balance. That is not ours. This person also constantly brought up the fact that my FI’s cousin, who is also a working mom, does everything in the house both before and after work. Her husband barely does anything at all and I’m not an adequate partner/mother because I do not do the same. I allowed this person to pollute my mind with thoughts of us being a terrible couple because that is not how WE do things. If he is cooking, I’m watching our daughter so that she is not running around the kitchen interrupting him. If I am doing laundry, he is entertaining our daughter for the same reason. When I put her to bed, he is getting our room ready for bed. When he puts her to bed, I’m washing dishes. And sometimes one is doing something while the other is enjoying a tv show or taking a nap because sometimes being lazy for a moment really goes a long way with productivity (as long as you don’t live a lazy life ;-) ). We don’t do things completely equally but that’s what works for us. Doing ALL of the cooking, cleaning, and childcare would make ME very unhappy.

So find the balance with your DH that makes YOU and HIM happy. It’s ok to ask to get ideas but don’t confuse what seems like a better routine with a better relationship, you know?
 

ChinaCat

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Aug 17, 2007
Messages
1,829
Well said Fiery. I don't think it matters much what everyone else around here does (though it's fun to read!) if YOU aren't happy with your split. I do think that once babies arrive, things that seemed fine or fair before all of sudden feel very unbalanced. Especially in the first year, the mom just does more, esp if nursing. My DH does more than most guys- not because I insist or anything, it's just his nature. He's a clean freak and used to taking care of himself. That being said, even with all of the 50/50 split of household chores, it FELT like it was so unbalanced that first year because I felt so responsible for the baby. Now that O is 2, it's much more even.

We both work FT jobs in high pressure environments so the one thing I insisted upon was cleaning help. I can't do it all and I'm ok with that. We have a cleaning lady come in once a week to do full cleaning, and then we keep things up. That way, we don't spend our weekends cleaning. We relax, hang out with O, etc. I know it can be expensive, but it's so worth it to me. Even someone coming in 2x a month to do floors and bathrooms would help. Just a thought.
 

Logan Sapphire

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 5, 2003
Messages
2,389
DH and I both work full-time out of the home. I'm out of the house from 5.45am to 5.45pm (if I do daycare pickup, otherwise home at 5.15pm). DH is out of the house from 6.15am to either 5.15pm or 5.30pm (depending on daycare pickup duties), but he has to get a 1.5 and 3 year old up and to daycare by himself.

To be honest, he does way more of the chores; it's something I'm working on. But the main thing is that while some things seem to be solely the purview of one person or the other (for example, he always pays the bills and manages the checkbook while I give both kids baths), most of the time all the chores get done because we know what it takes to run the household and we just want it done as quickly as possible. With two young kids and parents out of the house 12 hours a day, no one has time to mess around. Stuff needs to get done so it doesn't matter who does it as long as it's done.
 

amc80

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
5,765
We both work 40 hour weeks, but he has a longer commute which means he's gone for about an hour more on work days.

I basically do everything, except he does the laundry. The only reason he does that is he's ridiculously particular about it (he does 4 separate loads- hot whites, cold whites, hot darks, cold darks).

I have that problem where I can't relax if the house is a mess, it just stresses me out. He is big on "when I'm not working I want to relax." Yeah, no kidding. It's definitely something we are working on.

Part of the problem is he moved into my place and still feels like it's my place, not our place. So his stuff sort of had to fit around my stuff, all of his furniture is in storage, etc. We are moving early next year and I think that will solve some of this.
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
DH and I both work full time. Same hours, similar pay - I make a bit more.

I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, making of beds, vacuuming, general tidying (DD's toys, kitchen at night, dusting,etc).

I would say we split the bathrooms.

I would say cooking is split but we do a fair amount of take out/restaurants to get us through it.

DH does all the heavy lifting chores - outdoor stuff, painting, hanging of pictures, appliance maintenance, lawn/landscape maintenance.

I am primary caretaker of DD - this means cooking for her, snack time, school stuff, doctor visits, bath time, bedtime, clothes,etc.

I do wish it was a bit more even with DD, but he gives in way too easy so I end up taking over. With #2 on the way, there may no be choice though!
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
ITA with Fiery. But from a personal perspective, it has long been a battle between me and DH. He does very little around the house -- cleans the litterbox most of the time, puts the trash down the chute most of the time, and washes dishes or unloads the dishwasher VERY occasionally. He will do laundry if there's something specific he needs (i.e. he's running out of undershirts) but not otherwise. No yard or maintenance work to do. The rest falls to me, and though I don't have very high standards, I spend ten times longer on household stuff than he does just cooking a single meal. It isn't sustainable, especially not if kids enter the picture. However, he has been traveling for work more or less since April, with a few days at home in between, so it hasn't really been an issue this summer. And now that we're moving and I will be (unwillingly) a SAHW for a little while at least, I feel like I should do the majority of the housework for the time being. I just worry that once I find a job, the precedent will have been set and it will be exactly like it has been, or worse...And yes, we've talked about it many times. He is usually more helpful for about a week. Or he will decide that the conversation means we need to stop whatever else we're doing and deep clean RIGHT THEN. I'd honestly be happy if he just did a load of laundry or sorted through the mail while I cooked dinner.
 

monkeyprincess

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Nov 24, 2009
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We both work a lot - me: about 10-11 hours M-F and him: 9-10 hours M-F, and we both usually work a few hours each day on the weekends

DH's office is only 5 minutes from our house, but I work about 25-30 minutes away, so he does the lion's share of the grocery shopping and dinner preparations. He also does the work outside and big projects around the house. He usually does his own laundry and cleans his own bathroom.

I do most of the dishes, and cleaning and tidying the house (other than his bathroom) and caring for the pets. I also do my own laundry and the miscellaneous laundry. I'm weird about clean sheets, so I wash them a few times a week, and I always make the bed every day.

All in all, I'm really lucky because DH does a lot.
 
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