What is the state of your union?

[Dreamer_D]

Relationships vary in satisfaction and stability, and those two variables are remarkable independent of one another.

So you can be Happy OR Neutral OR Unhappy with your partner.

And you can also be Committed OR Unsure OR Foot Out the Door/Waiting for the End in your relationship.

Where do you stand in your current remantic relationship?

 

[galeteia]

I voted neutral and committed because I'm so angry with SO I'm about to clobber him into next tuesday.

Overall, we're very happy, there needs to be changes 'round these parts.

Edit: I'll change my vote once I calm down and/or murder him.

 

[Tuckins1]

I am absolutely over the moon about DH. I know it''s cheesy, but we really are so good together, and we truly enjoy our lives together! Of course there have been bumps along the road, but we try to take them in stride. No matter what, DH has always shown me that I am the love of his life, and vice versa.

 

[kama_s]

100% happy and committed here.

Interesting poll, Dreamer. I recently brought up his topic with my husband to get himto understand that the two are not always mutually inclusive. Hubby's older brother is getting married in less than a month and they seem very unhappy, yet are further committing themselves to this relationship... which makes absolutely no sense to me.

 

[princesss]

Happy and committed here! I love waking up and knowing I get another day with BF, and knowing that there are lots more days to come. Cheesy, sure, but life is good.

 

[luckynumber]

100% over the moon happy and more committed by the day

 

[RaiKai]

Happy and committed here. I really feel quite blessed to be with DH. By no means do I put responsibility for my happiness on him, however, I can say that having in my life is a very joyous thing. He is truly a wonderful person, and he tells me I am the same (ha) and together I just think we are a dynamic force...ha. Life was great before him...but somehow....it is enhanced a million times more. It's richer somehow. I am also quite committed to working through all the joys and lows in our lives together and I am equally confident in his own commitment - I was cynical enough about marriage before that I would not have married him if I was not quite sure that we were in it for *eternity*!

I have been in other variations in the past with other relationships...i.e. mostly unhappy or neutral and committed....and it was not a pleasant place to be. Often it was as much about my own state of mind than anything else. Then again, I have also found myself at times waiting for the end (happy or unhappy) or unsure or I knew they were either unhappy or waiting for it to end or with a foot out the door and so on which really just throws everything off. So really, I can relate to many of those choices (if not all of them!) though they do not fit for my experience with DH.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 6/8/2010 5:25:17 PM
Author: kama_s
100% happy and committed here.


Interesting poll, Dreamer. I recently brought up his topic with my husband to get himto understand that the two are not always mutually inclusive. Hubby''s older brother is getting married in less than a month and they seem very unhappy, yet are further committing themselves to this relationship... which makes absolutely no sense to me.

I have known a few couples like this. Often I see it happen when they are more concerned about ticking off the boxes in life (i.e. get good job, get married, have 2.3 kids) due to a combination of things and they rush to put the commitment before anything else.

I don''t usually see a very *happy* result. Sometimes they repeat the experience over again.

But who knows, maybe they have a low happiness quotient and are deliriously happy for their own standards!?

 

[katamari]

I am guessing you will see a selection effects with the responses here, at least in terms of those who comment.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/8/2010 5:50:32 PM
Author: katamari
I am guessing you will see a selection effects with the responses here, at least in terms of those who comment.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 6/8/2010 5:50:32 PM
Author: katamari
I am guessing you will see a selection effects with the responses here, at least in terms of those who comment.

Yup for sure. A few years ago, in some other relationship, I likely would not have answered!

 

[elrohwen]

We''ve only been married for 8 months, so thankfully we''re still firmly in the happy and committed camp.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I voted Happy and Commited for now. However, I''ve also been Neutral and Commited and Unhappy and Commited. I feel that marriage is for the long haul, and it''s a huge commitement that takes work, so no matter where I am on the Happy scale, I will stay commited, and hope that my husband feels the same way. I really saddens me when I see people who don''t have serious issues (such as abuse or infidelity), and they give up on their commitment because they simply fell out of love.....

 

[joflier]

I voted that I''m happy, but waiting for the end. Actually, the end has basically come. Hard to explain......we''re so happy together, but there were some major complications that just made it impossible to stay a couple.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I am happy and love my DH, but there are times there are things, like some problematic behavior that is not a huge deal when we are poor students, but I will not be comfortable with when we have more financial commitments and children. I don''t actually see us not staying together, but there are certainly times I wonder. When he is flighty, I sometimes wonder if a super serious, uber grounded woman like me will make him the most happy. I am commited, but sometimes I just don''t see me not killing him before we grow old for something.

 

[Lilac]

100% happy and committed. DH and I have gone through some absolutely incredible times and also some difficult periods in our relationship and marriage, but I don''t think I would ever characterize myself as anything other than happy and committed. Sure there are days (or weeks) when things can be hard or we go through stressful times, but even during those times I am just happy to have such a wonderful husband and I have been totally committed right from the beginning. I am so lucky to have him.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Very happy and very committed! I''m excited that our fifth anniversary is coming up next month . . . it''s hard to believe that we''ve been married that long already!

 

[bee*]

Happy and committed. We''re together 11 years and I think that we''re happier now than ever.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 6/8/2010 5:54:19 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
I voted Happy and Commited for now. However, I''ve also been Neutral and Commited and Unhappy and Commited. I feel that marriage is for the long haul, and it''s a huge commitement that takes work, so no matter where I am on the Happy scale, I will stay commited, and hope that my husband feels the same way. I really saddens me when I see people who don''t have serious issues (such as abuse or infidelity), and they give up on their commitment because they simply fell out of love.....

I see nothing wrong with this. To me, marriage (assuming there are no kids) is, to me, about the happiness of the people in the marriage. If they would be happier apart or with other people, then I think they should leave. Besides, if they are not in a loveless mariage simply for the sake of "commitment", they have the option of finding someone who they can stay married to because they want to.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Wherever I am on my day-tp-day emotions with DH, I am always committed to him. At the moment, I''m truly 100% happy, but there have been periods of time throught the last 10 years where I have been unhappy or neutral about our relationship. However, I always remain deeply committed to working through difficulties, and I think I remain happy because I know DH is just as committed.

 

[MustangGal]

I''m happy and committed, but DH is starting to drive me to the neutral and committed side

. Don''t go saying you''ll be OK with one child, then get all mopey and give me snide looks when I talk about no #2!

 

[sunnyd]

Being married only 7 months, we''re still happy and committed! At least I am...

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/8/2010 5:51:43 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 6/8/2010 5:50:32 PM
Author: katamari
I am guessing you will see a selection effects with the responses here, at least in terms of those who comment.

Good thing I do not plan to publish the results

. The actual survey is anonymous, though, for this reason.

 

[Kaleigh]

Well it''s hard to say. Yes happy and committed for the most part. BUT there are times that I am neutral and committed. Been married for 24 years, it''s not all sugar and spice. I would say I am totally committed, range between happy and neutral. Add pissed off to that and ya got me pretty well.

That''s the golf widow in me speaking!!!!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 6/8/2010 6:11:58 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 6/8/2010 5:54:19 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
I voted Happy and Commited for now. However, I''ve also been Neutral and Commited and Unhappy and Commited. I feel that marriage is for the long haul, and it''s a huge commitement that takes work, so no matter where I am on the Happy scale, I will stay commited, and hope that my husband feels the same way. I really saddens me when I see people who don''t have serious issues (such as abuse or infidelity), and they give up on their commitment because they simply fell out of love.....

I see nothing wrong with this. To me, marriage (assuming there are no kids) is, to me, about the happiness of the people in the marriage. If they would be happier apart or with other people, then I think they should leave. Besides, if they are not in a loveless mariage simply for the sake of ''commitment'', they have the option of finding someone who they can stay married to because they want to.

You''re totally right about the "no kids" part. I just think that a too many people think only about their happiness, and forget that marriage is not always perfume and roses. Lately I''ve seen so many kids torn apart by their parent''s quest for personal "happiness" that I''m on an "anti-splitting up" mission to save marriages

. One of my son''s friends was abandoned by his dad because his dad took off to live in Hawaii with new found love. My daughter''s friend (6) told me this weekend that her parents were not getting along, so dad moved out. Her and her little sister (2) now live with mom, and only see their dad on the weekends. She was concerned because we had a sleepover at our place this weekend, and she was missing out on spending time with her dad. It was so sad to see her like that.

 

[Haven]

Super happy and committed, here.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am in the head over heals in love with my husband camp. My MIL has said, "I never said divorce, but I did not promise murder!" I have felt that way a few times over the years, but thankful once we work out the
kinks, I am back to the 100% happy camp. I feel blessed beyond measure to be married to this man, and I know there would never be anyone else like him for me. He is amazing. I however, could be easily replaced
I am sure!

We have had our share of problems, but what makes my DH so special is his committment to me and his unconditional love. He does everything he can to meet every deep heart need. I try to do the same for him.

Okay, this is getting too sappy, I will quit before I cry on my keyboard.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/8/2010 7:09:16 PM
Author: jaysonsmom

Date: 6/8/2010 6:11:58 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy

Date: 6/8/2010 5:54:19 PM
Author: jaysonsmom
I voted Happy and Commited for now. However, I''ve also been Neutral and Commited and Unhappy and Commited. I feel that marriage is for the long haul, and it''s a huge commitement that takes work, so no matter where I am on the Happy scale, I will stay commited, and hope that my husband feels the same way. I really saddens me when I see people who don''t have serious issues (such as abuse or infidelity), and they give up on their commitment because they simply fell out of love.....

I see nothing wrong with this. To me, marriage (assuming there are no kids) is, to me, about the happiness of the people in the marriage. If they would be happier apart or with other people, then I think they should leave. Besides, if they are not in a loveless mariage simply for the sake of ''commitment'', they have the option of finding someone who they can stay married to because they want to.

You''re totally right about the ''no kids'' part. I just think that a too many people think only about their happiness, and forget that marriage is not always perfume and roses. Lately I''ve seen so many kids torn apart by their parent''s quest for personal ''happiness'' that I''m on an ''anti-splitting up'' mission to save marriages

. One of my son''s friends was abandoned by his dad because his dad took off to live in Hawaii with new found love. My daughter''s friend (6) told me this weekend that her parents were not getting along, so dad moved out. Her and her little sister (2) now live with mom, and only see their dad on the weekends. She was concerned because we had a sleepover at our place this weekend, and she was missing out on spending time with her dad. It was so sad to see her like that.

Research actually shows that "staying together for ther kids" is more harmful to the kids than is divorce, in the long run. Hostility and arguments are worse for kids by far than having parents who live in different households. Many children are better off by far when their kids divorce.

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 6/8/2010 7:53:55 PM
Author: dreamer_d

Research actually shows that ''staying together for ther kids'' is more harmful to the kids than is divorce, in the long run. Hostility and arguments are worse for kids by far than having parents who live in different households. Many children are better off by far when their kids divorce.

All this talk about about kids, no kids, etc is kind of straying from what I''m trying to say. I guess to sum up how I feel is that: Marriage is a serious commitment that shouldn''t be taken lightly, and if you''re the type to move from one relationship to another just to have the a happy warm and fuzzy feeling all the time, then marriage is not for you, because most marriages come with highs and lows, and you have to be commited to weather through the low points.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I put neutral and committed because my dh is in the doghouse right now - he still is not getting how I feel about my birthday and he''s doing it in a way that hurts and pisses me off. We''re getting along fine aside from that but I can''t bring myself to put that I''m happy. It isn''t a deal breaker in any way though and I''ve been married long enough to know that how you feel changes a lot and it will change again.

Love and commitment go a long way in holding a relationship together, even when you disagree about a lot.