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What is the most traumatic and/or stressful thing or event you have ever experienced?

House Cat

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
3,693
Just read this article and thought it might be of interest.

There is a phenomenon called flooding where a person with PTSD will talk about their trauma and everything will rush back on them (including other traumas) in full, vivid detail. This is very dangerous for people with PTSD because it leaves them vulnerable to flashback episodes, nightmares, and suicide. Yes, there are absolutely times when it is not ok to talk about your trauma unless in the presence of a highly qualified therapist. Even then, flooding can occur and leave the person in total disarray.

PTSD is a complex disorder that physically changes the brain. It kills.

Speaking from my personal perspective, if you truly want to help a person with PTSD or C-PTSD here is my advice.

First, evaluate whether or not you can handle hearing their story. Understand that if you open yourself up to this possibility, you will hear it in full, vivid detail. This person has been having flashbacks of the event several times per day for years, they know every detail, smell, right down to every grain of dirt on the floor of the event. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to hear this story.
Second, if you feel you can hear this person’s story, are you capable of formulating a response that is not alienating? So many times, I have shared my story, only to get a pre-boxed response or shock and i felt more alone than if I had not shared at all. You must ask yourself if you are able to respond with true thoughtfulness and empathy and compassion, without trying to solve anything. As I said before, PTSD is complex, it won’t be solved by talking to a friend...although I wish it could be.

If you find that you can’t hear the person’s story or respond appropriately, it’s ok, because PTSD causes a person to isolate. Just being there and treating the person like they are normal is a gift in itself. This is my preferred method of contact anyway. I don’t want to talk about my trauma. I have a therapist for that. I want to have meaningful interaction with another person. Sometimes just being in the presence of another person who genuinely cares is good fuel for fighting off the terrible negative thoughts that come with PTSD. Knowing that others care can keep someone out of the danger zone. I know that is dark, but that’s the reality of PTSD for a lot of people.

I’ve become cynical in my PTSD journey and have begun to realize that more people say things to make themselves feel better, rather than to make me feel better. I’ve really tuned in to what they say because frankly, I’m starving for meaningful interaction and I can’t seem to find it. People want to be superficial. I think the biggest thing people who are hurting need is connection...genuine connection. That’s where I’m at, anyway..

Narcissistic alcoholic mother who invented ways to abuse me on a daily basis
2 abusive relationships
Homelessness
Son almost died
Rape
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
27,347
There is a phenomenon called flooding where a person with PTSD will talk about their trauma and everything will rush back on them (including other traumas) in full, vivid detail. This is very dangerous for people with PTSD because it leaves them vulnerable to flashback episodes, nightmares, and suicide. Yes, there are absolutely times when it is not ok to talk about your trauma unless in the presence of a highly qualified therapist. Even then, flooding can occur and leave the person in total disarray.

PTSD is a complex disorder that physically changes the brain. It kills.

Speaking from my personal perspective, if you truly want to help a person with PTSD or C-PTSD here is my advice.

First, evaluate whether or not you can handle hearing their story. Understand that if you open yourself up to this possibility, you will hear it in full, vivid detail. This person has been having flashbacks of the event several times per day for years, they know every detail, smell, right down to every grain of dirt on the floor of the event. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to hear this story.
Second, if you feel you can hear this person’s story, are you capable of formulating a response that is not alienating? So many times, I have shared my story, only to get a pre-boxed response or shock and i felt more alone than if I had not shared at all. You must ask yourself if you are able to respond with true thoughtfulness and empathy and compassion, without trying to solve anything. As I said before, PTSD is complex, it won’t be solved by talking to a friend...although I wish it could be.

If you find that you can’t hear the person’s story or respond appropriately, it’s ok, because PTSD causes a person to isolate. Just being there and treating the person like they are normal is a gift in itself. This is my preferred method of contact anyway. I don’t want to talk about my trauma. I have a therapist for that. I want to have meaningful interaction with another person. Sometimes just being in the presence of another person who genuinely cares is good fuel for fighting off the terrible negative thoughts that come with PTSD. Knowing that others care can keep someone out of the danger zone. I know that is dark, but that’s the reality of PTSD for a lot of people.

I’ve become cynical in my PTSD journey and have begun to realize that more people say things to make themselves feel better, rather than to make me feel better. I’ve really tuned in to what they say because frankly, I’m starving for meaningful interaction and I can’t seem to find it. People want to be superficial. I think the biggest thing people who are hurting need is connection...genuine connection. That’s where I’m at, anyway..

Narcissistic alcoholic mother who invented ways to abuse me on a daily basis
2 abusive relationships
Homelessness
Son almost died
Rape

@House Cat yes completely agree. We must all do what works for us and we are all different. Just sharing that article for those who might benefit. PTSD is way more complicated I agree than one rule fits all. What you have gone through is unconscionable and there are no words. Just to say I am so sorry.
 

OoohShiny

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 25, 2014
Messages
6,043
There is a phenomenon called flooding where a person with PTSD will talk about their trauma and everything will rush back on them (including other traumas) in full, vivid detail. This is very dangerous for people with PTSD because it leaves them vulnerable to flashback episodes, nightmares, and suicide. Yes, there are absolutely times when it is not ok to talk about your trauma unless in the presence of a highly qualified therapist. Even then, flooding can occur and leave the person in total disarray.

PTSD is a complex disorder that physically changes the brain. It kills.

Speaking from my personal perspective, if you truly want to help a person with PTSD or C-PTSD here is my advice.

First, evaluate whether or not you can handle hearing their story. Understand that if you open yourself up to this possibility, you will hear it in full, vivid detail. This person has been having flashbacks of the event several times per day for years, they know every detail, smell, right down to every grain of dirt on the floor of the event. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to hear this story.
Second, if you feel you can hear this person’s story, are you capable of formulating a response that is not alienating? So many times, I have shared my story, only to get a pre-boxed response or shock and i felt more alone than if I had not shared at all. You must ask yourself if you are able to respond with true thoughtfulness and empathy and compassion, without trying to solve anything. As I said before, PTSD is complex, it won’t be solved by talking to a friend...although I wish it could be.

If you find that you can’t hear the person’s story or respond appropriately, it’s ok, because PTSD causes a person to isolate. Just being there and treating the person like they are normal is a gift in itself. This is my preferred method of contact anyway. I don’t want to talk about my trauma. I have a therapist for that. I want to have meaningful interaction with another person. Sometimes just being in the presence of another person who genuinely cares is good fuel for fighting off the terrible negative thoughts that come with PTSD. Knowing that others care can keep someone out of the danger zone. I know that is dark, but that’s the reality of PTSD for a lot of people.

I’ve become cynical in my PTSD journey and have begun to realize that more people say things to make themselves feel better, rather than to make me feel better. I’ve really tuned in to what they say because frankly, I’m starving for meaningful interaction and I can’t seem to find it. People want to be superficial. I think the biggest thing people who are hurting need is connection...genuine connection. That’s where I’m at, anyway..

Narcissistic alcoholic mother who invented ways to abuse me on a daily basis
2 abusive relationships
Homelessness
Son almost died
Rape
Your signature seems very apt! I hope it brings you strength through the difficult patches.
 

Dancing Fire

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 3, 2004
Messages
30,456
When my mom passed away when I was 27 yrs old. :(sad
 
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canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
19,575
There is a phenomenon called flooding where a person with PTSD will talk about their trauma and everything will rush back on them (including other traumas) in full, vivid detail. This is very dangerous for people with PTSD because it leaves them vulnerable to flashback episodes, nightmares, and suicide. Yes, there are absolutely times when it is not ok to talk about your trauma unless in the presence of a highly qualified therapist. Even then, flooding can occur and leave the person in total disarray.

PTSD is a complex disorder that physically changes the brain. It kills.

Speaking from my personal perspective, if you truly want to help a person with PTSD or C-PTSD here is my advice.

First, evaluate whether or not you can handle hearing their story. Understand that if you open yourself up to this possibility, you will hear it in full, vivid detail. This person has been having flashbacks of the event several times per day for years, they know every detail, smell, right down to every grain of dirt on the floor of the event. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to hear this story.
Second, if you feel you can hear this person’s story, are you capable of formulating a response that is not alienating? So many times, I have shared my story, only to get a pre-boxed response or shock and i felt more alone than if I had not shared at all. You must ask yourself if you are able to respond with true thoughtfulness and empathy and compassion, without trying to solve anything. As I said before, PTSD is complex, it won’t be solved by talking to a friend...although I wish it could be.

If you find that you can’t hear the person’s story or respond appropriately, it’s ok, because PTSD causes a person to isolate. Just being there and treating the person like they are normal is a gift in itself. This is my preferred method of contact anyway. I don’t want to talk about my trauma. I have a therapist for that. I want to have meaningful interaction with another person. Sometimes just being in the presence of another person who genuinely cares is good fuel for fighting off the terrible negative thoughts that come with PTSD. Knowing that others care can keep someone out of the danger zone. I know that is dark, but that’s the reality of PTSD for a lot of people.

I’ve become cynical in my PTSD journey and have begun to realize that more people say things to make themselves feel better, rather than to make me feel better. I’ve really tuned in to what they say because frankly, I’m starving for meaningful interaction and I can’t seem to find it. People want to be superficial. I think the biggest thing people who are hurting need is connection...genuine connection. That’s where I’m at, anyway..

Narcissistic alcoholic mother who invented ways to abuse me on a daily basis
2 abusive relationships
Homelessness
Son almost died
Rape

Housecat:

You write eloquently and eruditely. It is a pleasure to read your posts. Keep well, my friend.

kind regards--Sharon
 

jordyonbass

Brilliant_Rock
Trade
Joined
Dec 6, 2014
Messages
1,630
Glad things are going smoothly and life is sweet again. I like to think (I hope) that if we can weather the proverbial storm it will pass and things will brighten. Of course that is not always the case and life doesn't always work out. But I guess we have to work towards the future, making the best of the present and learning from the past while always living in the moment. The human spirit is resilient and luckily it is because life can be challenging.
It's funny you mention the storm because I go to a nautical analogy to describe looking back on that; I was the captain of the ship with everyone relying on me to get us through the storm, and even though the ship needs repairs, we're battered and bruised - we've come out the other side, I'm still at the helm and all the wiser a captain for it. With each storm the nerves go away and I'll be ready to go head first straight into whatever comes my way.

Once upon a time I used to rely on my parents to help me with things I needed help with and to have been able to be there when they both needed me at the same time has felt good, for sure. The only thing that really caused me trouble without knowing how to deal with it was the mental aspect after the car accident I had in May, I won't get into it but from Early May until Late June I was not my usual self at all. I don't know where I would be if Finn didn't come along when he did, but the moment he was born the burden of the accident was completely lifted off my shoulders.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
27,347
It's funny you mention the storm because I go to a nautical analogy to describe looking back on that; I was the captain of the ship with everyone relying on me to get us through the storm, and even though the ship needs repairs, we're battered and bruised - we've come out the other side, I'm still at the helm and all the wiser a captain for it. With each storm the nerves go away and I'll be ready to go head first straight into whatever comes my way.

Once upon a time I used to rely on my parents to help me with things I needed help with and to have been able to be there when they both needed me at the same time has felt good, for sure. The only thing that really caused me trouble without knowing how to deal with it was the mental aspect after the car accident I had in May, I won't get into it but from Early May until Late June I was not my usual self at all. I don't know where I would be if Finn didn't come along when he did, but the moment he was born the burden of the accident was completely lifted off my shoulders.
So glad you got through that challenging time and that awful car accident. Little Finn is a delight and has brought joy and energy and peace and contentment to your family. @jordyonbass I am so thrilled for you and your dw! :appl:
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,093
I just wanted to say you are all awe inspiring for your resilience and just plain goodness. I realized a long time ago that when you see people that seem to have it all...and look happy...or even mean.....you just don’t know their story. They could be battling something very deep. I always try to remember that and just be kind.
 

Mayk

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 12, 2011
Messages
4,508
Watching my mother die from Multiple Myeloma. Hospice didn't have anyone to send to us on a Sunday just before midnight when she started to show stress and was unable to rest. For five hours they coached me on the phone. When she passed blood came pouring out of her mouth. Her stress had been her inability to breath because she was drowning in her own blood. The woman I had been on the phone with for five+ hours showed up 15 minutes before she died, she wasn't a nurse she just knew I was in over my head and I had reached the end of my ability to manage the situation.
 
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missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
27,347
Dear @Mayk I’m so sorry :(

(((Hugs)))
 

Mamabean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
5,093
@Mayk I can’t even imagine...I’m so sorry...
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
19,884
@Mayk... I can't imagine.
B's grandmother passed peacefully a few weeks ago and I know how difficult even that was for B and his mother. I can't begin to imagine.
I'm so, so glad you weren't alone in those last minutes.
::HUGS::
 

Begonia

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 2, 2011
Messages
1,308
Dad shot Mom and killed himself - traumatic.

Mom dying of cancer - so so so sad. Broke my heart. Somehow managed to put it back together with killing myself.

Love you and miss you Mom.
 

JmeeMrie

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 12, 2016
Messages
294
Life in its infinite variations is the most stressful and traumatic thing any of us will experience. Life makes us and it breaks us. Life brings beauty, love, joy, compassion, appreciation, laughter, hope. It brings sadness, hate, loneliness, frustration, pain, fear, despair, death. Many lament that "life is not fair" as if it has sentience and ordains whose life will be easy and whose will be hard. Others search for "purpose" as though living the best life one can and being the best person one can be is insufficient. Life is a game of chance built upon trial and error, the flimsiness of personal experience, and the serendipity of unforeseeable behaviors and actions of others -- that's what makes it traumatic and stressful and the only thing we can control is how we adapt, and that's what makes it scary.
This is one of the most true and beautiful sentiments I have read. Thanks for putting this into words.
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
19,575
Watching my mother die from Multiple Myeloma. Hospice didn't have anyone to send to us on a Sunday just before midnight when she started to show stress and was unable to rest. For five hours they coached me on the phone. When she passed blood came pouring out of her mouth. Her stress had been her inability to breath because she was drowning in her own blood. The woman I had been on the phone with for five+ hours showed up 15 minutes before she died, she wasn't a nurse she just knew I was in over my head and I had reached the end of my ability to manage the situation.

MayK, I am so very sorry you lived this experience. Healing vibes across the miles.......

kind regards--Sharon
 

Gussie

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 20, 2017
Messages
2,394
I just read through this whole thread. You ladies and men are strong and resilient. Big hugs and prayers for y'all.
 

AV_

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
2,464
There is a line in the sand between then & now - it drew itself & I feel it as it is said miracles do so there isn't much to tell.

I have a long list of thanks to give, certainly private, nevermind the not thanks!
 
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