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What is the most traumatic and/or stressful thing or event you have ever experienced?

missy

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This thread holds so many heartbreaking stories. Hugs to all. I know we don't KNOW each other in real-life, but if you were close enough, I would want to hug each and every one of you.

Personally, my worst was homelessness shortly after leaving an abusive marriage. I had parental malfunction issues as a child too. My mother was never a mother that was there for us in a deeper sense. The story is very long, but looking back almost 20 years later, I am so grateful for those that supported me when I was the most fragile. Those that took time to help me restore balance, safety, resources, mental health.

Some of it I wish never happened. But some of it (in my situation) was partly my fault because I wasn't making wise choices. Until I learned this little part, I was constantly in turmoil, depression, and conflict. The Universe seemed to have a short period of throwing everything at me. I found the serenity prayer. I measured everything carefully to try to figure out what I could control and let go of what I couldn't. It did bring me peace and healing in time. I still have scars that show up sometimes, but I accept those too, as well as I can and move through the best that I can. This just works for me.
Sending you gentle (((hugs))) @moneymeister. You got through it and that is what matters. Blame (I find) is useless but just having the bravery to get out of that situation when you did, that is what matters. I am so glad you have found peace and healing. Scars are what makes us who we are and part of the human existence. (((Hugs))).
 

missy

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I've had quite a few, but the most transformative happened when I was a teen. I had a close friend and a boyfriend betray me, with each other. I ended up hurting myself and it kind of shocked me. After that I no longer held other people above myself. I started to put myself first. It's the worst/best thing that ever happened to me. I basically turned my life around and that was the beginning. I've had a lot of unusual traumatic things happen since then but I've always pushed through.
It was your aha moment. And kudos to you for realizing it and turning it around and not only making it through but successfully making it through and coming out better for having gone through that ordeal. And as for unusual traumatic things yup the best thing we can do is just push through. So easy to say but so challenging to do. (((Hugs))).
 

missy

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My father's death was the first most traumatic event. He was 52, I was 23. It was a shocking thing, and it took me 10 full years to come to terms with it. Two years later I had an extremely traumatic childbirth with my first daughter. Lots of doctor error and it's a miracle she survived. Later, my mom died, then my brother. I have a ton of trauma and stress. I do have a therapist though. I've been seeing different ones since I was 30. It's great to have a mostly neutral person to talk to, who of course knows exactly what they're doing too.
Lyra, I am so sorry for the loss of your father and mother and brother and the extremely traumatic birth of your DD. So glad you were able to find help and support. It really can make all the difference sharing with a professional and making sense (there is no really making sense of it but just making peace with it I guess) And thank goodness your DD survived childbirth.
 

missy

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I have shared here before about the horrific & sudden death of my ordinarily fit & healthy father back in 2001, so I won't go over it again as even to this day, it's very raw & can bring me to tears in a jiffy. But hands down for me it was that. I wouldn't have wished that experience on my worst enemy.
Alex, I am so sorry. We never really get over the death of such a beloved family member. Fathers are special people for many of us. Sending you gentle hugs and love across the many miles.
 

missy

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I've had my "life isn't fair" moments. Some of them were over things that actually mattered.

What gets me through without actively nursing resentment and anger is conviction that "the universe" has enough sentience to ensure that those who wrong me - and mine - and any other people and animals who can't defend themselves... will get what's coming to them, whether by my hand or not. I need to believe that some authority will remit justice as deserved, and I'm grateful, for my own sanity, that I don't feel any compulsion to be that entity.
I like the way you think @yssie and hope this is the way it works. But in any case I also agree that there is no need to be the one who gets back at those who have wronged us. That hurts us more. Moving forward and having a happy and joyous life filled with love is the best revenge. And bling of course. Hehe.
 

Tekate

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Event: when my grandmother died in 1965.

Life: growing up with alcoholic, opioid addicted parents.

I made it!
 

moneymeister

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Sending you gentle (((hugs))) @moneymeister. You got through it and that is what matters. Blame (I find) is useless but just having the bravery to get out of that situation when you did, that is what matters. I am so glad you have found peace and healing. Scars are what makes us who we are and part of the human existence. (((Hugs))).
Missy, you are always so kind and loving. Thanks for being in the universe. It is infinitely better with you in it.
 

whitewave

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Two things 1) when DH had cancer and we were late 20s with a 6 month old baby and 2) last year when my BIL killed himself and we were looking for him

Other than listing them, I really don’t feel like discussing them again. What I tell people is you don’t have to be strong. Cry, acknowledge your feelings, be sad, take lonely walks in the rain. Whatever it takes to get through it.
 

bludiva

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Ugly family dysfunction (immediate and extended family) growing up and having to sue the builder of my house. In all cases, people being so selfish or greedy that they create an emotional or financial hole for many other people, not just me, that took years to dig out of.

I wish i could share yssies pov but i see people do shabby things and get away with it and not care about the consequences way too often.

I don't have a great coping mechanism other than to keep living life and try to be a good human every day. It's really not hard to NOT be a jerk. You have to go out of your way to be that level of selfish.

My heart goes out to everyone reading and responding on this thread. <3
 

Daisys and Diamonds

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this thread needs a group hug

my dad got cancer when i was 20 and my sister 15
ive rewritten this post 5 times
now 6 times
7 times now
all i can say is it was very traumatic and ill never get over it
#8 attempt

hugs to everyone
i just dont know what to say to some of you but a group hug is needed

It breaks my heart the most to read about step parents not working out
im sure its hard but it should be looked on as a privilege and an honour to care for someone else's children and there are woundeful step parents out there and every child deserves a loving step parent

and i understand completly how stressful moving can be and i never really got that until we did it

so a group hug to all
lets gain strength and understanding from each other 063f6cdf82c50f4a2208f361e8d8bd90.jpg 063f6cdf82c50f4a2208f361e8d8bd90.jpg opps its gone on twice
but honesty lets just have another one anyway
 

dk168

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@dk168 wow. And goes to show the resiliency of the human spirit I guess. We take a picking but we keep on going.
Indeed.
No good waving my fist at whatever that is up/out there, just get on with it the best way I can.

At the end of the day, I am still alive, have a job, a roof over my head, no need to worry about when my next meal will be, and in relative good health, so I am grateful with my lot.

There are many a lot less fortunate out there.

DK :))
 

Gussie

Ideal_Rock
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At age 3 my son was diagnosed with leukemia 2 days after we moved to Houston. We knew no one and I was 8 months pregnant at the time. He had a life threatening gastric bleed due to chemo and went into hypovolemic shock, requiring emergency surgery while having zero neutrophils. He spent over 6 weeks in the hospital, 2 weeks in ICU. A week after he was released, my daughter was born. Over a $million in cost all on COBRA insurance. We made it, stronger as a couple and as a family, due to our faith. My son is cured and has minimal lasting effects.
 

stracci2000

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I'm so sorry for all the sadness so many have expressed here. My heart aches for you all.
Mine probably pales in comparison.
It was having to start all over again after a divorce. Moving to a new city with $600 to my name. Starting a new job and having panic attacks at work. Trying to re-invent myself, and stand on my own two feet.
Many changes have happened since then, and I am OK, but I'll never be well off financially.
 

icy_jade

Ideal_Rock
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May 1, 2009
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Hugs goes out to everyone... some are so traumatic I cannot even imagine.

I can’t express mine without digging up too many painful wounds but to quote from this lady who sums it up well
“Anne Wilson put it: ‘I didn’t fully understand how unkind my mother had always been. Then I had a son and experienced motherhood for myself.

‘What a revelation. I discovered parenthood to be about wanting the very best for your children, which was so different from my mother’s attitude.’”

And here and here

There are some childhood songs about mothers that I’ve only recently learnt to enjoy when my kids started to sing them to me (with love and gusto) so motherhood has been quite a journey and an unexpectedly healing experience
 

Arkteia

Ideal_Rock
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OMG how scary. Thank goodness your parents survived and that your dad figured it out before it was too late. It sounds like it should be on a Dateline or 48 hours Mystery special. Thank goodness it has a happy ending.
Well, there were some situations when I spoke about it. It is not for the Dateline. It was for a scientific presentation that, actually, was made, later, at a medical symposium.

I am very thankful to Agatha Christie, if it were not for her story “The Pale Horse”, detailing the symptoms of thallium poisoning, even dad might have not guessed what it was.

The symptoms are very strange, the poison is odd, and mostly, my parents had no enemies, so I believe that the vehicle merely changed hands. Why, is another question, but I fervently hope that karma deals with the person who brought it to us as a gift instead of sending for the toxicology, since he might have had some questions about that vehicle himself.

It was eons ago, in another, currently non-existing, country, just as it was descending into havoc.

The true story behind it will remain a mystery.
 

Arkteia

Ideal_Rock
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My biggest sympathy to those who lost their beloved ones to illness.

My biggest compassion to those who lost their close ones to suicide.

To those who are victims of childhood abuse, I am so sorry. (What can we even do about some parents? I started buying second-hand copies of the book “Between a parent and a child” by Chaim Ginott and giving it out to them.)
 
Last edited:

Daisys and Diamonds

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I'm so sorry for all the sadness so many have expressed here. My heart aches for you all.
Mine probably pales in comparison.
It was having to start all over again after a divorce. Moving to a new city with $600 to my name. Starting a new job and having panic attacks at work. Trying to re-invent myself, and stand on my own two feet.
Many changes have happened since then, and I am OK, but I'll never be well off financially.
have you made some new friends in your new city yet ?
someone nice to eat your lunch with
im so sorry about your panic attacks
i get them at the last place i worked
i would go and sit in a lovelly little park at the top of the street and i used to wounder if the bussiness next door had any nice girls who i could eat my lunch with
for 5 years rain, hail or sun id eat my lunch in that park and listen to my music
ive always had no trouble making friends at work so it was really horrible for a long time

so i hope you have nice warm welcoming work mates
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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@moneymeister your too kind and generous comments brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. And same to you or as we say in Brooklyn right back atcha. (((Hugs))).


F8CBFF07-4DBC-46A4-BD80-8F3D9143996E.jpeg
 

stracci2000

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have you made some new friends in your new city yet ?
someone nice to eat your lunch with
im so sorry about your panic attacks
i get them at the last place i worked
i would go and sit in a lovelly little park at the top of the street and i used to wounder if the bussiness next door had any nice girls who i could eat my lunch with
for 5 years rain, hail or sun id eat my lunch in that park and listen to my music
ive always had no trouble making friends at work so it was really horrible for a long time

so i hope you have nice warm welcoming work mates
This happened 20 years ago. I have more friends now than ever before. And a few I love very dearly. And even my neighbors are awesome people. In the long run it worked out because I was forced to become independent and self sufficient.
Daisy, I would eat lunch and dinner with you everyday, if you came here!!!
 
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AprilBaby

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1964. I was 5. My mother had been having lumps in her breast for a while and the dr kept telling her she was crazy. The lumps ulcerated and bled. At that point it had metastasized to her brain and liver. My sister was 2. She died a Sept 30 and was buried in her wedding dress ( which was an unusual design for the day, tea length, deep rose pink). Neither my sister or I can remember anything at all about her. We did not go to her funeral and hadn’t seen her for months before. To this day I have extreme guilt that I can’t remember my own mother. My father remarried within a year. My stepmother was lovely but same old story-don’t talk about it, it will hurt your stepmother. My mother was buried and never mentioned again, like she never existed. i like to see light come out of darkness so happy ending....we ended up moving out of the area, I met my hubby and have 4 wonderful kids, three grandchildren. If I didn’t move I would not have met them. At 60 I still carry the guilt of the lost memory.
 

icy_jade

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1964. I was 5. My mother had been having lumps in her breast for a while and the dr kept telling her she was crazy. The lumps ulcerated and bled. At that point it had metastasized to her brain and liver. My sister was 2. She died a Sept 30 and was buried in her wedding dress ( which was an unusual design for the day, tea length, deep rose pink). Neither my sister or I can remember anything at all about her. We did not go to her funeral and hadn’t seen her for months before. To this day I have extreme guilt that I can’t remember my own mother. My father remarried within a year. My stepmother was lovely but same old story-don’t talk about it, it will hurt your stepmother. My mother was buried and never mentioned again, like she never existed. i like to see light come out of darkness so happy ending....we ended up moving out of the area, I met my hubby and have 4 wonderful kids, three grandchildren. If I didn’t move I would not have met them. At 60 I still carry the guilt of the lost memory.
Oh pls don’t have any guilt. Childhood amnesia (CA) is real and very common (wiki). I did quite a bit of reading on this due to my past and trauma affects everyone quite differently. Most commonly causing “those with a history of early trauma might suffer from a lengthier CA and form their first recallable memories at a later age as compared to the general population”.

Absolutely not your fault that you cannot remember her.

For me it’s the opposite and I can replay some painful events quite clearly even after so many years. So from my perspective I think it’s better to forget.

Hugs
 

Arkteia

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1964. I was 5. My mother had been having lumps in her breast for a while and the dr kept telling her she was crazy. The lumps ulcerated and bled. At that point it had metastasized to her brain and liver. My sister was 2. She died a Sept 30 and was buried in her wedding dress ( which was an unusual design for the day, tea length, deep rose pink). Neither my sister or I can remember anything at all about her. We did not go to her funeral and hadn’t seen her for months before. To this day I have extreme guilt that I can’t remember my own mother. My father remarried within a year. My stepmother was lovely but same old story-don’t talk about it, it will hurt your stepmother. My mother was buried and never mentioned again, like she never existed. i like to see light come out of darkness so happy ending....we ended up moving out of the area, I met my hubby and have 4 wonderful kids, three grandchildren. If I didn’t move I would not have met them. At 60 I still carry the guilt of the lost memory.
So sorry. Not even photos?

She was very young indeed. Your poor mom.
 

missy

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1964. I was 5. My mother had been having lumps in her breast for a while and the dr kept telling her she was crazy. The lumps ulcerated and bled. At that point it had metastasized to her brain and liver. My sister was 2. She died a Sept 30 and was buried in her wedding dress ( which was an unusual design for the day, tea length, deep rose pink). Neither my sister or I can remember anything at all about her. We did not go to her funeral and hadn’t seen her for months before. To this day I have extreme guilt that I can’t remember my own mother. My father remarried within a year. My stepmother was lovely but same old story-don’t talk about it, it will hurt your stepmother. My mother was buried and never mentioned again, like she never existed. i like to see light come out of darkness so happy ending....we ended up moving out of the area, I met my hubby and have 4 wonderful kids, three grandchildren. If I didn’t move I would not have met them. At 60 I still carry the guilt of the lost memory.
I’m so sorry @AprilBaby. I get chills reading your story. Please don’t feel guilty. You and your sister were far too young. Your mother lives on in you and your children and your grandchildren. That is her legacy. (((Hugs))).
 

AprilBaby

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Yes my mother lives on in my children and grandchildren. We talk about her and we all have her coloring to remind us of her. My father was dark; dark eyes, dark hair, dark completion. As you see in my picture and my grandchildren on that thread we are all blonde and blue eyed. I have photo albums of my parents dating that were given to me after my father died. There are a few Photos of the end, right before she died. B/W photos but I can tell you what color the outfits were, but I don’t remember her at all. Childhood amnesia is real. I’m my case I don’t think it is better to forget. I want more than anything to remember. My legacy is to be the mother, grandmother she didn’t get to be. I tried counseling but no one understands unless they have been there. I would love to try hypnotherapy.
 

msop04

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The second trimester miscarriage of our son. I can't really talk about it.

This year, my husband lost his dad unexpectedly at only 64 years old, we had two miscarriages (one second trimester and another pretty early at about 6 weeks), and I lost my cat of 19 years. It's been a tough year for our family.
 

jordyonbass

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I think my head has gotten fuzzy with all that over the years. However more recently I had to house my father for 7 months as he was essentially homeless and my mother went into a state of Psychosis last year just after Christmas and was in mental health care for 6 months up until just before Finn was born. So I dealt with all that while my wife was pregnant as well as working two jobs and a serious car accident in May that was causing me some issues mentally, I was definitely feeling the pressure at that point of everyone relying on me and I thought at a few points I may have been near my breaking point. Especially the week before Finn was born.

I'm actually quite grateful for what happened though as it has given me confidence that I can deal with whatever I need to deal with in life and still be the best dad, husband and son that I can be. Everything changed when Finn came along and life has been nothing but great since. Finn's grandparents are both stable again in their own ways and I've been able to put to rest the issues I was having post accident.
 

missy

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The second trimester miscarriage of our son. I can't really talk about it.

This year, my husband lost his dad unexpectedly at only 64 years old, we had two miscarriages (one second trimester and another pretty early at about 6 weeks), and I lost my cat of 19 years. It's been a tough year for our family.
I'm so sorry @msop04.
 

missy

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I think my head has gotten fuzzy with all that over the years. However more recently I had to house my father for 7 months as he was essentially homeless and my mother went into a state of Psychosis last year just after Christmas and was in mental health care for 6 months up until just before Finn was born. So I dealt with all that while my wife was pregnant as well as working two jobs and a serious car accident in May that was causing me some issues mentally, I was definitely feeling the pressure at that point of everyone relying on me and I thought at a few points I may have been near my breaking point. Especially the week before Finn was born.

I'm actually quite grateful for what happened though as it has given me confidence that I can deal with whatever I need to deal with in life and still be the best dad, husband and son that I can be. Everything changed when Finn came along and life has been nothing but great since. Finn's grandparents are both stable again in their own ways and I've been able to put to rest the issues I was having post accident.
Glad things are going smoothly and life is sweet again. I like to think (I hope) that if we can weather the proverbial storm it will pass and things will brighten. Of course that is not always the case and life doesn't always work out. But I guess we have to work towards the future, making the best of the present and learning from the past while always living in the moment. The human spirit is resilient and luckily it is because life can be challenging.
 
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