What is the most brainless thing your spouse has done?
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Erin
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A couple in their nineties is having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?
Italiahaircolor
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About two weeks after we got married I called my husband to pick up tater tots on his way home from the train...he''s grocery shopped before and had always managed to get simple orders right, so I thought nothing of this small task.
He walks into the house with chicken nuggets.
I was dumb founded...he proceeded to tell me there were no tater tots and so he figured he''d subsitute the order.
I asked how chicken nuggets were a subsitute for tater tots
He told me they were the same shape.
He walks into the house with chicken nuggets.
I was dumb founded...he proceeded to tell me there were no tater tots and so he figured he''d subsitute the order.
I asked how chicken nuggets were a subsitute for tater tots
He told me they were the same shape.
somethingshiny
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I''m sure it''s not the MOST brainless thing he''s done, but it''s fresh in my mind....
I was sitting in the dining area cutting up meats and cheeses for a little snack with DH. I asked him to go in the kitchen and grab a saucer.
He heads off immediately (excited for the deli plate, of course) and comes back with a fancy tea cup. I roll my eyes thinking he''s trying to be funny. Ya know, I ask for the saucer and he brings me the cup. I say again , "please grab a saucer from the kitchen."
Again, he heads to the kitchen. I hear him rooting around in the cupboards and finally emerges with a fancy fluted bowl!! By this time I realize that the first mistake WAS a mistake and not a joke. Now, I''m holding a bowl that belongs in a 7 course dinner!
I take him to the kitchen and show him what a saucer is (thinking I''ve not let him in the kitchen nearly enough over that past 10 years!). I pull out the saucer and he stares at it and says, "Oh, you should have said you wanted a cup plate." A cup plate?? Apparently that''s what his mother calls it.... So, I say "what is a saucer then?" Calmly, he replies, "something to put sauce in."
Yup, that''s my man!!
of course, I asked my dad and my friend''s husband what a saucer was, thinking to show my DH that men know these things...and they both replied, "a sled."
I was sitting in the dining area cutting up meats and cheeses for a little snack with DH. I asked him to go in the kitchen and grab a saucer.
He heads off immediately (excited for the deli plate, of course) and comes back with a fancy tea cup. I roll my eyes thinking he''s trying to be funny. Ya know, I ask for the saucer and he brings me the cup. I say again , "please grab a saucer from the kitchen."
Again, he heads to the kitchen. I hear him rooting around in the cupboards and finally emerges with a fancy fluted bowl!! By this time I realize that the first mistake WAS a mistake and not a joke. Now, I''m holding a bowl that belongs in a 7 course dinner!
I take him to the kitchen and show him what a saucer is (thinking I''ve not let him in the kitchen nearly enough over that past 10 years!). I pull out the saucer and he stares at it and says, "Oh, you should have said you wanted a cup plate." A cup plate?? Apparently that''s what his mother calls it.... So, I say "what is a saucer then?" Calmly, he replies, "something to put sauce in."
Yup, that''s my man!!
of course, I asked my dad and my friend''s husband what a saucer was, thinking to show my DH that men know these things...and they both replied, "a sled."
fieryred33143
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Here''s one from last night:
At around 10:30AM FI gets a call from his mother requesting that we go to his aunt''s house for some Mole. Mole is a Mexican sauce that is very popular and used with enchiladas, chicken, etc. I do not like Mole at all. I didn''t like it in Mexico and I don''t like their version of it either (they are chilean). Normally I can just eat something and pretend to enjoy it but I can''t do that anymore. It''ll send me straight to the restroom to...well you know.
Anyway, FI gets off the phone and asks if I want to go and I said no. They get really offended if we don''t eat and based on what I wrote above, I didn''t want to go through that. He didn''t want to go either so great.
At around 8PM I asked if he had called his mom to tell her we weren''t going (dinner was at
. He says no because "she''ll be really angry." And I say "angry? Why? They''ve cooked before and we have said no and she was fine" And do you know what his response was?
Well, she''ll be angry considering today is my grandmother''s birthday.
I was so embarrassed. We showed up late with no gift, just a card.
At around 10:30AM FI gets a call from his mother requesting that we go to his aunt''s house for some Mole. Mole is a Mexican sauce that is very popular and used with enchiladas, chicken, etc. I do not like Mole at all. I didn''t like it in Mexico and I don''t like their version of it either (they are chilean). Normally I can just eat something and pretend to enjoy it but I can''t do that anymore. It''ll send me straight to the restroom to...well you know.
Anyway, FI gets off the phone and asks if I want to go and I said no. They get really offended if we don''t eat and based on what I wrote above, I didn''t want to go through that. He didn''t want to go either so great.
At around 8PM I asked if he had called his mom to tell her we weren''t going (dinner was at
. He says no because "she''ll be really angry." And I say "angry? Why? They''ve cooked before and we have said no and she was fine" And do you know what his response was?Well, she''ll be angry considering today is my grandmother''s birthday.
I was so embarrassed. We showed up late with no gift, just a card.
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Date: 2/9/2009 3:47:33 PM
Author: fieryred33143
At around 8PM I asked if he had called his mom to tell her we weren''t going (dinner was at
Well, she''ll be angry considering today is my grandmother''s birthday.
I was so embarrassed. We showed up late with no gift, just a card.
No. No! He didn''t!
zoebartlett
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Elmorton
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Date: 2/9/2009 3:31:22 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I''m sure it''s not the MOST brainless thing he''s done, but it''s fresh in my mind....
I was sitting in the dining area cutting up meats and cheeses for a little snack with DH. I asked him to go in the kitchen and grab a saucer.
He heads off immediately (excited for the deli plate, of course) and comes back with a fancy tea cup. I roll my eyes thinking he''s trying to be funny. Ya know, I ask for the saucer and he brings me the cup. I say again , ''please grab a saucer from the kitchen.''
Again, he heads to the kitchen. I hear him rooting around in the cupboards and finally emerges with a fancy fluted bowl!! By this time I realize that the first mistake WAS a mistake and not a joke. Now, I''m holding a bowl that belongs in a 7 course dinner!
I take him to the kitchen and show him what a saucer is (thinking I''ve not let him in the kitchen nearly enough over that past 10 years!). I pull out the saucer and he stares at it and says, ''Oh, you should have said you wanted a cup plate.'' A cup plate?? Apparently that''s what his mother calls it.... So, I say ''what is a saucer then?'' Calmly, he replies, ''something to put sauce in.''
Yup, that''s my man!!
of course, I asked my dad and my friend''s husband what a saucer was, thinking to show my DH that men know these things...and they both replied, ''a sled.''
OMG, I am LMAO.
I tease DH all the time that I married him because I thought he was smart (and he replies "Well, that was stupid"). He does brainless stuff pretty much every day, but most of the time it''s just cute (note: I''ve only been married a little over a year - maybe it wears off). If I send DH to the store on his own, he''ll come back very proud and will tell me that he spent a lot less than I usually do - and that''s when I realize that he forgot half of my list, but did remember to get a new kind of beer that he''s been meaning to try.
The only brainless thing that sticks out in my mind right now is couple of months ago, when we''d just moved into our house and it was starting to get cold, I got a call at work from DH. He said "I just want you to know that there was a cat on our porch and cold and I didn''t know what to do because I had to leave for work and I couldn''t take it in because of our kitties, so I put out some food and a blanket for it, and I don''t know it will be there when you get back, but if it is, maybe we should call the humane society or something..." and I said "Hon, what did it look like?" - and then described our neighbor''s indoor/outdoor cat - who is well-fed, well-groomed, etc. DH responded with "Huh...I was wondering why he didn''t act like feral cats usually do..."
zoebartlett
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My husband and my dad don''t always have the best sense of direction. There have been times when they''ve both been driving somewhere (separately) and if they can''t find a building or particular landmark they''re looking for, they''ll insist that it moved. Of course because that happens all the time don''t you know!
fisherofmengirly
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I *love* this thread!!!
Aren''t husbands wonderful?
Aren''t husbands wonderful?
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From the sound of it, we marry men for the entertainment value huh?
This thread totally cheered me up for the day, both because these stories are too funny and because I''m so happy I''m not the only one living with this! LOL!
This thread totally cheered me up for the day, both because these stories are too funny and because I''m so happy I''m not the only one living with this! LOL!
Courtneylub
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I laughed outloud at this one!!!Date: 2/9/2009 3:31:22 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I''m sure it''s not the MOST brainless thing he''s done, but it''s fresh in my mind....
I was sitting in the dining area cutting up meats and cheeses for a little snack with DH. I asked him to go in the kitchen and grab a saucer.
He heads off immediately (excited for the deli plate, of course) and comes back with a fancy tea cup. I roll my eyes thinking he''s trying to be funny. Ya know, I ask for the saucer and he brings me the cup. I say again , ''please grab a saucer from the kitchen.''
Again, he heads to the kitchen. I hear him rooting around in the cupboards and finally emerges with a fancy fluted bowl!! By this time I realize that the first mistake WAS a mistake and not a joke. Now, I''m holding a bowl that belongs in a 7 course dinner!
I take him to the kitchen and show him what a saucer is (thinking I''ve not let him in the kitchen nearly enough over that past 10 years!). I pull out the saucer and he stares at it and says, ''Oh, you should have said you wanted a cup plate.'' A cup plate?? Apparently that''s what his mother calls it.... So, I say ''what is a saucer then?'' Calmly, he replies, ''something to put sauce in.''
Yup, that''s my man!!
of course, I asked my dad and my friend''s husband what a saucer was, thinking to show my DH that men know these things...and they both replied, ''a sled.''
swimmer
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Thank you ladies! I felt like it was 1952 when typing it out, you know, "golly willikers, my man is all elbows in the kitchen" which is totally not the way we are, but soaking a crockpot with an electrical cord coming out of it? I''m over it, Target solves most problems right? Excellent to hear that others have had to deal with worse, so many adventures to look forward to in marriage.
I am bedridden with pneumonia right now so last night DH decides to take apart the humidifier so that it works "better." Guess what isn''t working at all anymore. He now has to go to Target on his own, from your posts, I''m not sure what he will bring home... His wonderful heart is in the right place, but I am wondering where the brain sometimes wanders.
I am bedridden with pneumonia right now so last night DH decides to take apart the humidifier so that it works "better." Guess what isn''t working at all anymore. He now has to go to Target on his own, from your posts, I''m not sure what he will bring home... His wonderful heart is in the right place, but I am wondering where the brain sometimes wanders.
redfaerythinker
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OMG these are so funny.
Fi does really stupid things all the time. Like for our first anniversary he buys me a present... and then proceeds to ask me if I want him to wrap it.
One night he calls me, and says that he''s making soup, and that he just realized that he can''t because he doesn''t have a microwave bowl. I ask him if he has gladware, and he says sure. Well I tell him to nuke the soup in that. And he proceeds to tell me that you can''t microwave gladware and even if you could that''s not a "microwave bowl" I would have whacked his head into a wall if I could have reached him. He''s 22 years old!
We were cooking one night and I thought that giving him the simple job of crushing cereal would be ok. Well the recipe calls for 2 cups, he comes back (after making a huge mess), and hands me 1/2 cup of cereal. Ummm no
And he ALWAYS does the I can''t find it and i''ve searched EVERYWHERE. I look for thirty seconds and come up with the item.
*sigh* it''s a good thing he''s cute.
Fi does really stupid things all the time. Like for our first anniversary he buys me a present... and then proceeds to ask me if I want him to wrap it.
One night he calls me, and says that he''s making soup, and that he just realized that he can''t because he doesn''t have a microwave bowl. I ask him if he has gladware, and he says sure. Well I tell him to nuke the soup in that. And he proceeds to tell me that you can''t microwave gladware and even if you could that''s not a "microwave bowl" I would have whacked his head into a wall if I could have reached him. He''s 22 years old!
We were cooking one night and I thought that giving him the simple job of crushing cereal would be ok. Well the recipe calls for 2 cups, he comes back (after making a huge mess), and hands me 1/2 cup of cereal. Ummm no
And he ALWAYS does the I can''t find it and i''ve searched EVERYWHERE. I look for thirty seconds and come up with the item.
*sigh* it''s a good thing he''s cute.
iheartscience
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This thread is hilarious! I can''t think of anything good but I''m loving everyone else''s stories! I really love Starset''s Subway one...amazing!
trillionaire
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On our 5th anniversary, SO threw a jewelry box of earrings at me, because he didn''t want me to think he was proposing. REALLY?!?! Did you just THROW the box at me? And no, he didn''t toss it, he threw it.
I swear the man doesn''t deserve me...
I swear the man doesn''t deserve me...
LGK
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Oh man, some of these are hilarious. The "ovaries give me the ability to find things" thing is soooo true!
My husband does NOT operate any of the appliances in the house except TV and microwave. Let''s see: he tried to make coffee a few weeks ago (for the first time ever!) and this huge mess came spewing out of the coffeemaker like the second coming of Mount Vesuvius except with coffee grounds rather than lava. Hmmm. What could have happened? Oh wait, those white thingies are coffee filters? What are those for?
He occasionally cooks dinner. This involves, invariably, toast and the toaster oven, or possibly sandwiches. He does usually manage this OK. However he did try to boil water a while ago- maybe a year ago?- and completely forgot he''d put it on the stove, probably because he never uses the stove. I immediately smelled burning metal when I came home, and the aluminum pot had actually gotten red hot and melted. Didn''t even know you could manage that on a stove top!
He can''t set the alarm clock. Or program his cell phone. Or set up a computer.
When I first met him, he had no idea one was supposed to change the oil in a car.
My husband does NOT operate any of the appliances in the house except TV and microwave. Let''s see: he tried to make coffee a few weeks ago (for the first time ever!) and this huge mess came spewing out of the coffeemaker like the second coming of Mount Vesuvius except with coffee grounds rather than lava. Hmmm. What could have happened? Oh wait, those white thingies are coffee filters? What are those for?
He occasionally cooks dinner. This involves, invariably, toast and the toaster oven, or possibly sandwiches. He does usually manage this OK. However he did try to boil water a while ago- maybe a year ago?- and completely forgot he''d put it on the stove, probably because he never uses the stove. I immediately smelled burning metal when I came home, and the aluminum pot had actually gotten red hot and melted. Didn''t even know you could manage that on a stove top!
He can''t set the alarm clock. Or program his cell phone. Or set up a computer.
When I first met him, he had no idea one was supposed to change the oil in a car.
butterfly 17
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I used to light candles around the house before I had kids and one night I had lit a big candle in my living room on the buffet by the wall.
I was watching TV so I asked my husband when he got up, to blow the candle out.
Apparently, he had never blown out a candle before and thought you had to blow it out really really really hard.
So he did and he got the candle wax everywhere. On the walls, the floor, on the new cloth runner the candle was on top of, the picture frames next to it, etc.
I was kind of pissed and kept asking him, "Don''t you know how to blow out a candle, who doesn''t know how to even do that?"
My husband is pretty unhandy with many things. He never makes the important phone calls, can''t fix a thing in the house, does not know how to program or read the manual for his cellphone. Can''t figure out a thing about the computer, except to turn it on. Can''t even remember to shut if off when he''s done.
BUT, I LOVE HIM AND HE''S ALL MINE, I THINK!!
I was watching TV so I asked my husband when he got up, to blow the candle out.
Apparently, he had never blown out a candle before and thought you had to blow it out really really really hard.
So he did and he got the candle wax everywhere. On the walls, the floor, on the new cloth runner the candle was on top of, the picture frames next to it, etc.
I was kind of pissed and kept asking him, "Don''t you know how to blow out a candle, who doesn''t know how to even do that?"
My husband is pretty unhandy with many things. He never makes the important phone calls, can''t fix a thing in the house, does not know how to program or read the manual for his cellphone. Can''t figure out a thing about the computer, except to turn it on. Can''t even remember to shut if off when he''s done.
BUT, I LOVE HIM AND HE''S ALL MINE, I THINK!!
butterfly 17
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Oh wait, I have one more.
We went to great adventure and they have an animal safari that you drive through before entering the rides area.
We were driving really slowly and this ostrich came close to the car and my husband wasn''t paying attention, he was looking at another ostrich on his side and my husband HITS the ostrich in front of us. I don''t think he hurt it because it was walking fine afterwards, but my husband, the ostrich doctor, decides he wants to see if it''s hurt.
He proceeds to try to get out of the car to see if it''s okay, but another ostrich starts pecking at the his door.
So I tell him I think it''s okay, don''t get out of the car because I see that the bird looks like it''s walking fine.
Of course, other drivers saw what happened and one car yells out the window, "BIRD KILLER!".
I was mortified......
We went to great adventure and they have an animal safari that you drive through before entering the rides area.
We were driving really slowly and this ostrich came close to the car and my husband wasn''t paying attention, he was looking at another ostrich on his side and my husband HITS the ostrich in front of us. I don''t think he hurt it because it was walking fine afterwards, but my husband, the ostrich doctor, decides he wants to see if it''s hurt.
He proceeds to try to get out of the car to see if it''s okay, but another ostrich starts pecking at the his door.
So I tell him I think it''s okay, don''t get out of the car because I see that the bird looks like it''s walking fine.
Of course, other drivers saw what happened and one car yells out the window, "BIRD KILLER!".
I was mortified......
Bia
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Ha! Does he have attention deficit???
My FI did the same thing when he met my brother for the first time. He got up from the dinner table and went to the couch to fiddle with his guitar.
Now my he and my brother are as thick as theives...go figure.
MichelleCarmen
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Okay, here are two of mine. . .Took me a while to think of a few examples. . .
1) My DH was driving down the road and there was a spray can in the road and he swerved to drive OVER it and when he did, spray paint sprayed out of it and onto my driver door!
2) I had a yummy cream blanket that was my favorite. I bought a brand new medium colored blue blanket of the same texture/fabric and my husband stuck both of them into the washer together and my creamy blanket turned a blotched blue and cream molt.
1) My DH was driving down the road and there was a spray can in the road and he swerved to drive OVER it and when he did, spray paint sprayed out of it and onto my driver door!
2) I had a yummy cream blanket that was my favorite. I bought a brand new medium colored blue blanket of the same texture/fabric and my husband stuck both of them into the washer together and my creamy blanket turned a blotched blue and cream molt.
MichelleCarmen
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My husband did the same thing with a candle. It was in our past home and after that happened, the next day, my son and I spent about an hour and used butter knives to scrap the wax off the bricks! Actually, my son grew bored of that after about ten minutes and I was stuck doing it.
LGK
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Date: 2/12/2009 10:58:10 AM
Author: butterfly 17
My husband is pretty unhandy with many things. He never makes the important phone calls, can''t fix a thing in the house, does not know how to program or read the manual for his cellphone. Can''t figure out a thing about the computer, except to turn it on. Can''t even remember to shut if off when he''s done.
BUT, I LOVE HIM AND HE''S ALL MINE, I THINK!!
That''s my guy too. I make all the appointments, phone calls, computer stuff, bills etc... I swear sometimes when I''m feeling irritable I feel like his secretary! But, he is the main house tidier/cleaner (which admittedly is a huge job, because I''m verrrrry messy), washes my clothes etc., so I happily take care of all our financial stuff and appointments and so forth.
HappyAnniversary
Shiny_Rock
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My hubbie walked behind me and started reading this thread. I told him my Valentines day present to him was to not write anything about him. . . but more importantly I couldn''t even remember anything he''d done that was dumb enough to put in to it, then he hugged me and walked away and I yelled after him "where''s the toast??""
Allisonfaye
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My DH is the opposite. I ask him for two things, he brings home ten. Most of it, dishwashing liquid. I could fund a small country on the amount he spends on it. He is the one who does the dishes. I would put HIM in the dishwasher if I could shove him in. He has a touch of OCD and he uses WAY too much dish soap. He is currently on a moratorium and not allowed to buy anymore until the year 2012.
Gailey
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This thread is hysterical.
Now my husband ......
I don''t think he''s ever done a brainless thing in his life. When God was handing out common sense, my hubby got the mother load.
Me, on the other hand - I''ve done enough brainless things in my life to write the bible on brainless things.
So I guess the most brainless thing he''s ever done in his life was to take me on.
Gailey
PS: UDATE: I''m laughing so hard I''m in danger of splitting my stitches. As I was writing this he walked into the living room with a giant bag of chips. He complains I''ve lost the TV controller (how on earth could I lose it, I''m never allowed to lay hands on the damn thing!). So he stomps about looking for it. When he eventually finds it, he sits down with a thud (all 225 lbs of him) straight on top of his bag of chips - they''re everywhere!!!!@!!!!!!@!!
Now my husband ......
I don''t think he''s ever done a brainless thing in his life. When God was handing out common sense, my hubby got the mother load.
Me, on the other hand - I''ve done enough brainless things in my life to write the bible on brainless things.
So I guess the most brainless thing he''s ever done in his life was to take me on.
Gailey
PS: UDATE: I''m laughing so hard I''m in danger of splitting my stitches. As I was writing this he walked into the living room with a giant bag of chips. He complains I''ve lost the TV controller (how on earth could I lose it, I''m never allowed to lay hands on the damn thing!). So he stomps about looking for it. When he eventually finds it, he sits down with a thud (all 225 lbs of him) straight on top of his bag of chips - they''re everywhere!!!!@!!!!!!@!!
Brown.Eyed.Girl
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Boo just lost my post!
Anyway, BF asked me tonight 1) when we got the coffee maker (we''ve had it for over a year, and it''s been in the same place; 2) placed the coffee pot on TOP of the coffee maker, where the plastic filter goes; and 3) held up the plastic filter and asked me what the heck it was, and looking at the coffee maker (with the coffee pot on top of it) where it was supposed to go when I told him it was the coffee filter!
Anyway, BF asked me tonight 1) when we got the coffee maker (we''ve had it for over a year, and it''s been in the same place; 2) placed the coffee pot on TOP of the coffee maker, where the plastic filter goes; and 3) held up the plastic filter and asked me what the heck it was, and looking at the coffee maker (with the coffee pot on top of it) where it was supposed to go when I told him it was the coffee filter!
Mr Honey has done so many silly things, I can''t even think of one right now.
But my Dad is a bit challenged when it comes to the kitchen. One time when my Mum was away on a business trip, Dad wanted toast but the butter was too hard. (In Oz we buy slabs of butter wrapped in greaseproof paper, so it''s not sealed totally).
Dad wanted to soften the butter to make it easy to spread, so he put it in the microwave. On high. For 5 minutes. And walked away........ He thought that should do it - and wondered why he had melted butter pouring out the front of the microwave, across the bench and down the cupboards
We have never let him forget it, and he giggles at himself everytime we remind him
But my Dad is a bit challenged when it comes to the kitchen. One time when my Mum was away on a business trip, Dad wanted toast but the butter was too hard. (In Oz we buy slabs of butter wrapped in greaseproof paper, so it''s not sealed totally).
Dad wanted to soften the butter to make it easy to spread, so he put it in the microwave. On high. For 5 minutes. And walked away........ He thought that should do it - and wondered why he had melted butter pouring out the front of the microwave, across the bench and down the cupboards
We have never let him forget it, and he giggles at himself everytime we remind him
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