What is the ideal age to get engaged?

[happydreams]

This is my first time posting, but I have been logging into this site non-stop since I discovered it a week ago!
So my question is, what is your ideal aged to get engaged? I always thought 28 was a great age, but I''ve already dipped into my thirties and looking back now, I''m glad I''ve had the single time to myself. And if you are engaged, what was your ideal age and what is your actual age?

 

[*Danielle*]

I never thought of an age that would suit me. i just figured that whenever I met the right guys I would know.

 

[Blackpaw]

that''s a really interesting question... im 25 now and with the right guy, we''ld be engaged already id say if i didnt have, ahem, ''extravagant'' taste in jewelery

that being said i always thought i couldnt be engaged before 25 because it just seemed to young to me. And now due to finances we''ll probably wait another year or two and its tough coz on the one hand there''s no reason to wait because ive found ''the one''...but on the other i prefer the idea of being engaged in my late twenties and married in my early thirties...

still i dont want children and i think for some people this might lower their preferred age to be engaged at/by...

yes this makes for a very interesting thread indeed

 

[trillionaire]

I always thought 27, but now that I am 26 and 4 mos... I am thinking maybe closer to 30. I have been with my SO for 5+ yrs, and though I would love to be engaged, I think that professionally and financially, it might be good to wait a few year before tying the knot. We''ll see. I really want to elope, so I am a little concerned that a long engagement is going to be hard, since people will be asking me about a wedding that I don''t want.

I''m not really a fan of protracted battles... But, seeing as how I am not engaged, no sense in jumping the gun

 

[happydreams]

Interesting! I live in NYC and people seem to be allergic to committment over here. I have obvserved that about half of the people my age (at least half, if not more) are single and looking, or single and unable to commit. Maybe people are bit too greedy about finding the "right" partner. I thought it would be an interesting question to throw out there, since I noticed a diverse audience is reading/writing in the website!

I always wanted to be engaged by late 20''s and married before 30. Obviously that boat has sailed for me. My new goal is to be engaged by mid next year and married by the end of 2009. Oh, I do have a special someone, which is why I''m posting in the "Ladies in waiting" section.

On a different note, I''m very confused about some of the terminaology written here.

What does FF, SO etc stand for? I get the idea - significant other- but I haven''t been able to figure out the actual words!

 

[tessari]

Welcome!

I'm 28 and should be (hopefully) getting engaged soon. This age is right for me--I could have gone one year or so earlier..but at this point I am entering year 3 of my career, I finished undergrad and postgrad, I've been in this relationship for over 3 years and I feel no desire to reenter the dating pool. Not many of my friends are getting married--but I think if I was the only unmarried one I would start to feel pressure.

 

[bee*]

I never thought of an age-I just wanted to be financially independent from my parents and be able to support myself. Obviously meeting a SO helps too

I got engaged at 25 and I''m happy with that. Any earlier would have been too early for me.

 

[AdiS]

The moment you feel that''s the right person for you and you''re both ready to take your relationship to the next level-that''s the ideal age, the actual number is irrelevant (as long as you''re not 15, that is

). IMO there''s absolutely no point in saying 26 is the perfect age to get engaged, for example, or that 20 is too early. You might turn 26 single and without even a vague chance for a serious relationship, let alone marriage; or you might find The One at 20. About one thing I''m completely positive - If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

 

[SuiteLady]

It depends on the person. I am glad that I had the experiences that I had in my 20s. I definitely wasn''t ready for marriage and I didn''t even THINK about marriage. Now I think that I have the wisdom and stability to be a supportive wife and mother.

 

[sammyj]

I used to dream of getting married by 25 and popping out 2 kids by 30. Now that I''m 26 1/2 and not yet engaged, my dreams are obviously not coming true!!! Truth is, I threw those dreams away years ago and realized that, like Adis said, age is irrelevant and it has more to do with whether or not I''m emotionally and financially ready. Although, now that I think about it, I wasn''t in too much of a different position a year and a half ago!!! If my BF and I continue to plan for a June 2010 wedding, then I''ll be 28...which I think is the perfect age to get married. Or just perfect in general!

 

[MrsHToBe]

I always thought I''d be married by the time I was 25. SO, and I started dating when I was 18, so I figured that was a decent amount of time to grow together, etc..
I''m 26 now, without even a proposal, but we also have a 4-year-old DD that changed plans for us a bit, lol.

 

[fieryred33143]

There''s no such thing as an "ideal" age.

There are ages when you shouldn''t get married (i.e. under 1 but besides that, its up to you.

 

[purrfectpear]

When you know.

Given a choice I would say engaged around 27, married at 28, start family in early thirties.

 

[cammy85]

I never really had an ideal age, but I was engaged at 23, will be married at 24. I think mid-twenties is just fine with me

 

[neatfreak]

It depends on each person. What''s ideal for one might not be ideal for another. I think it''s more about your mindset and place in life. When you''ve had enough time to develop a sense of yourself, who you are as a person, where you want to go in life, and are flexible enough to allow someone else into the picture without losing sight of what YOU want, then I think you are ready.

 

[cbs102]

I am from Northern NJ and it seems like i am ''right there'' with the rest of my age group..i was 28 when i got engaged and i will be 29 when we get married.

 

[GoingCrazy29]

I will be engaged at 26, married at 27. By the time we get married we''ll have been together 5 years. I think that this is a perfect time line for us, but I think it really depends on how old you are when you meet your FF and how long you''ve been together before you can determine what is right for you.

To each their own

 

[Porridge]

When I was in my early 20''s I had vague notions that around 28 - 30 would be a nice time to get married. But now I''m 24 and the wedding is next December...so, I guess you just never know!

 

[Lauren8211]

I''d say there''s obviously no "Right" age, but for me, I''d like to be married by 28, family by 31.

FF = Future Fiance
So = Significant Other.

 

[laughwithme]

Short answer: it varies. I think based on an average person's maturity, engagement around mid- to late-twenties is best.

Long answer: I will (likely) be getting engaged at an age that actually, I think is too young... 22. We will (again, likely) get married when I am just shy of 24, and he will be just-turned 24. It's weird for me to admit that I think it's too young, but it doesn't change what we both want. I am very conscious of divorce statistics, the opinion of family members who have BTDT, etc., so maybe that's why I feel it's too young. Regardless, we are confident in our relationship and our future and we've passed the stage that many 22 year olds are in, in terms of FT jobs, financial stability, independence, and our general maturity. So for us, it works.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

when its right its right I think.....

But for me, I would say I am ready now and I am almost 24...

there is no ideal age...its a personal taste thing...

 

[trillionaire]

I''ll take the engagement anytime now (I am 26), and the wedding could be anytime after I lose, oh, say, 40lbs...

 

[Dreamgirl]

Well, I'm 27 1/2 right now.
FF told me back in the spring and I quote "28 sounds like a good age" (to get engaged) But I don't see that happening until he gets a better job and saves up more money......
Personally, I'd like to be engaged AT LEAST by 30. AT LEAST. So I'm thinking anywhere from 28-30....

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 12/17/2008 11:42:37 PM
Author:happydreams
This is my first time posting, but I have been logging into this site non-stop since I discovered it a week ago!

So my question is, what is your ideal aged to get engaged? I always thought 28 was a great age, but I''ve already dipped into my thirties and looking back now, I''m glad I''ve had the single time to myself. And if you are engaged, what was your ideal age and what is your actual age?

Chronological age has nothing to do with it, but I think that (in addition to finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, of course

) it''s probably a good idea to have some life experiences under your belt. I know most of my friends had lived on their own or with flatmates for a while before getting married, and some basic things like being able to wash your own clothes or pay the bills I''d want us to have experience with as well, since I''m not marrying anyone who considers me his lifelong maid and cook.

 

[tessari]

Date: 12/18/2008 11:09:04 AM
Author: trillionaire
I''ll take the engagement anytime now (I am 26), and the wedding could be anytime after I lose, oh, say, 40lbs...

You are too funny!!! I too want my BF to not propose too soon because I want to lose 12 lbs so I can try on wedding dresses immediately! Okay, so that''s 6 weeks if I am really good...

 

[ringless]

I don't think there is a set age, however I think when you're in your late teens and early/mid twenties you have a lot of growing up to do and it's a good time to be on your own somewhat (not single, but living on your own, doing your own thing) and establish some sort of independence. Girls often get lost in their relationship and have no identity.
I am 24 and my bf and I have been dating since high school, 7 years and some months... and I am now ready. I wasn't ready 2 years ago, but I feel we have both changed SO much just in that short amount of time. Our love for one another is so strong and we have a strong sense of commitment and talk about spending the rest of our lives together all of the time. When the time is right, you just know!

 

[musey]

Never occurred to me to think of such a thing.

What happens when you're 22 and with the absolute love of your life, but you always intended to get married at 28? I've never believed in waiting just for the sake of waiting. If there are other factors, sure, wait... but just because life isn't lining up with the timeline you dreamed up? No point, IMO.

Re: being glad to have had single time to one's self... I think that most people will be "glad" they had/did X, Y and Z no matter what that is (within reason, of course). If you'd gotten married at 22 and had a child at 26, provided that you're happy now, you'd probably be "glad" you did what you did when you did. That doesn't mean what one does or doesn't do is the "right" or "better" way to do it, it just means that that's what put you where you are now--so of course it's something to be "glad" about.

It's not like you're going to look back on your single life over the past however many years and say "gee, I wish I'd been married all this time, I'd be a much better/happier person for it."

 

[CNOS128]

Well, I got engaged at 28, and everything I do is absolutely perfect - so 28 it is!





I''m joking, of course.


I don''t think I, personally, would have been ready to get engaged much sooner than I did, simply because of where I was in life. My mom always told me it was a matter of the right time more than the right person (that is, the person might seem more "right" depending on where your head is), and I think she was right. The kind of guy I was interested in at age 20 is not the kind of guy to whom I''d want to be married.

It also depends on whether you want kids or not. I''d have been happy to date Joe for 5 or 10 more years without an engagement (the commitment was always there), except that I don''t want to have children without being married, and I would like to have children -- hopefully in the next 5 years.

 

[lala2332]

I"ve been doing a bunch of research lately on brain development and its really interesting when applied to this question. At around 18 your brain "trims the fat" so to speak of the things that you aren''t using. So, if you aren''t activly playing an instrument or something at around 18 your brain may trim a lot of that part away (I can''t remember if its nerve endings, or whatever).

My theory: So I think if you got married really young that your brain would help out in making that work for you, because your brain is adapting and changing and it would keep the things that you are actively using, so it might help you.

However, the brain doesn''t stop developing until around 25, when you truly become more who you are as a person. (Not to say that you have a drastic personality change.) Its just a more clear line. In school its pretty easy to tell who is 23 and who is 26 just by the way they interact with others. Its really interesting because I moved from 24 to 27 since being in law school and can really tell a difference.

My mom always said just wait til 25, just wait. And she was right, it really changed me. So, while I understand getting married younger is right for some people, maybe waiting until you are done with your brain development would allow more stability b/c you are and your SO are not still developing....in that way at least.

Just my .02. and as I''m not in med school I have no idea how true this is, just thought interesting when mixed with the tiny amount of research I''ve done.

 

[musey]

Date: 12/18/2008 2:14:32 PM
Author: lala2332
However, the brain doesn't stop developing until around 25, when you truly become more who you are as a person.

It's probably just a question of semantics, but I find it really difficult to believe that your brain "stops developing" (as in, you stop changing?) at 25. Good grief, the person my brother was at 27 is absolutely unrecognizable from the person he is now, at nearly 30. Whereas I have not changed very much, as far as my goals and ideals and the way I treat/interact with other people since I was 20. 19 was a big changing year for me, I became a much, much better/kinder/smarter person that year, and I actually attribute a large part of that to my now-husband. He was/is an incredibly good influence on me.

Just because I (as in, who I am as a person) haven't changed very much in the past few years doesn't mean I think I never will. I'm absolutely sure I'll change--quite a lot actually--with many years and events. Especially having children, I'm sure that will change me, but I don't think I should (have) wait(ed) to get engaged/married until I have children

People are always going to grow, change, evolve. I don't think that that's (by itself) a very good reason to purposely put off something that would otherwise happen sooner, if you were to just go with what felt right.