What is it with people?

[nail_polish]

Okay, I hate complaining so I'm going to try to keep it succinct but I need to voice this and see if any other LIW's are feeling this way.

As I mentioned in the V-day tips thread; I have a close friend who recently got engaged and now lives on top a pedestal. Their relationship is superior. And she talks nothing except bragging about the fact that they are engaged... There is a constant comparison to my boyfriend and I's relationship and she is convinced theirs is better because well, she got a ring.

Now, on the other end of the spectrum - I just found out another close friend of ours, who has been single for as long as I can remember is having a birthday bash for single girls only... so, now I am discriminated against because I have a boyfriend. I was really surprised that she hadn't brought anything up and I just asked her about it and that's why she hadn't invited me...

I am really shocked.. and hurt.. It's like.. JUST being boyfriend isn't good enough for some, and yet, having a boyfriend is too much for others!

And there we go, excitement and anticipation that I was filled with is killed

 

[katica]

I would be shocked too.. you''re not all in grade 7 are you? Because frankly, your friends are acting like immature kids.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 2/12/2009 6:28:20 PM
Author: katica
I would be shocked too.. you''re not all in grade 7 are you? Because frankly, your friends are acting like immature kids.

Ditto katica--how old are they, 5? Your friend who is engaged needs to stop acting all high and mighty because it''s really immature and unattractive.

As for your other friend, maybe she just wants some commiseration with other girls going through the same thing? I can understand that a bit more. Maybe you could tell her that you''d like to celebrate her birthday with her, so maybe you two could do something else since she wants to keep her party to single girls only?

 

[katica]

Date: 2/12/2009 6:31:00 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 2/12/2009 6:28:20 PM
Author: katica
I would be shocked too.. you''re not all in grade 7 are you? Because frankly, your friends are acting like immature kids.

Ditto katica--how old are they, 5? Your friend who is engaged needs to stop acting all high and mighty because it''s really immature and unattractive.

As for your other friend, maybe she just wants some commiseration with other girls going through the same thing? I can understand that a bit more. Maybe you could tell her that you''d like to celebrate her birthday with her, so maybe you two could do something else since she wants to keep her party to single girls only?

Yeah on second thought your single friend might be having the party for single girls only because Vday is coming up so maybe it''s like an anti-Vday party? But it''s her birthday so really she should invite all her friends

 

[LaraOnline]

Don''t worry sweetheart,
the engaged girl is excited, and that''s great... but sooner or later she has to grow up like all the married ladies before, and discover that getting married is like having to eat your cake...

as for the single girl, well, she''s obviously jealous of you! Or, more likely, she''s having issues with her own lifestyle and wants to inject a little joy into her ambivalent situation, by celebrating her (celibate) lifestyle?

erm, perhaps you have to see the funny side and write them both off!!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Very childish.

You know, you might want to consider doing the rocking chair test . . . you are 110 years old and are rocking happily in your chair on your porch thinking about your life. Is this something of which you would even have a memory? If not, then, forget it!

[spoken from the perspective of an elder]

Hope this helps.

D.

 

[jcarlylew]

i honestly believe the people who do this are just trying to make up for something they don''t have.

Its perfectly okay for people to drift in and out of their relationships, but to purposely do so becuase of ones status (or lack of) is lame.

 

[misskitty]

Date: 2/12/2009 6:28:20 PM
Author: katica
I would be shocked too.. you''re not all in grade 7 are you? Because frankly, your friends are acting like immature kids.

Ditto this! I hate when people decide that relationship status is a measure of whether you''re ok to hang out with. Like, I could kind of understand if your single friends didn''t invite you out to a meatmarket kind of bar to pick up guys because they assumed you wouldn''t be interested, but come on, it''s a birthday party. Laaaaame.

 

[nail_polish]

Everyone here is so right. Thank you all for listening and providing support.

Sometimes, I just need to vent it out and hear the truth - they are being immature.

I often feel left out because I don''t agree with these childish behaviours.

I tend to be the odd one out of groups because my main priority is school.. and it seems the general population of my school puts an emphasis on partying. It is really lonely. But I have always counted on these couple of girls and now, its just like a slap in the face.

The rocking chair test is interesting.. it reminds me a lot of a wise professor I have had that used to tell me to consider if I would remember things five years from now.

Honestly, it just gets me down sometimes and I feel like a loser. Like there is something wrong with me because I care more about school than partying, or more about my boyfriend than one night stands, or more about my mom than the latest gossip...

I don''t know

Okay.. no more pity party!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Eh you dont want to go to a singles only party anyway! Its not going to make them feel any better because if they werent obsessed about not having a boyfriend they wouldnt point out the fact that they were single with a party. You know they're just going to sit around and talk about how much they hate men but not really mean it

And as far as your engaged friend goes - forget her! She mustve felt inferior to other relationships and now she finally has something to brag about. As far as I'm concerned.. people who throw parades in their own honor do it because no ones throwing parades for them. See what I'm saying

 

[AdiS]

Date: 2/12/2009 7:51:09 PM
Author: SailorsSweetEh you dont want to go to a singles only party anyway! Its not going to make them feel any better because if they werent obsessed about not having a boyfriend they wouldnt point out the fact that they were single with a party. You know they''re just going to sit around and talk about how much they hate men but not really mean it

And as far as your engaged friend goes - forget her! She mustve felt inferior to other relationships and now she finally has something to brag about. As far as I''m concerned.. people who throw parades in their own honor do it because no ones throwing parades for them. See what I''m saying

haha ditto! I hate singles only parties almost as much as I hate couples get togethers. They just sit there repulsively content with themselves and haughty and talk about how happy their relationship is and then another couple tries to prove they''re even happier and then...

Anyway, the point is parties are supposed to be about people, not their social or marital status.

 

[PrincessLily2009]

I''ve also had a couple friends get engaged and turn into total snobs. (One of them is already divorced, so obviously, their relationship was not so superior.) Most had been dating for a shorter time than me and my BF, and they made some really condescending remarks that really hurt my feelings. So many people are just mean-spirited at heart. I think the best advice some ever gave me about marriage was, "it''s not about who''s first to the altar, but who''s still together at the finish."

As for "singles only" nights, I think she should have talked to you when she decided to have the party and given you the option of whether or not you wanted to go to a party focused on single people. Although, I still don''t see what difference it makes, unless they''re going out with the sole purpose of meeting guys.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Hmmm...the one who got engaged and is "constantly comparing" sounds like she''s jealous as all get! Yeah, she may have a ring, but no woman who is truly happy is going to feel the need to rub it in your face unless she feels what you have is better than what she has, AND she''s immature!

 

[tlh]

I used to go out w/ my single girlfriends ALL THE TIME on VDay. EVEN WHEN I HAD A BOYFRIEND. Well... maybe because I was never that serious with a lot of guys. I never wanted to get hitched. Because I was the best wingman. I mean, I never had anything to lose! And I am fearless w/ a couple quick $1 well shots in me! (wink!)

I think if your single GFs are excluding you because it is a "singles only" pity party.. eh, you''re not missing out. THEY ARE. Think about it. You being there would only INCREASE their odds... because there would be someone there NOT looking, but able to do the scouting for them, and help bring up good topics of conversation as any good wingman would. Their loss.

 

[ckrickett]

I think you will be ok. People have their immature moments and it sounds like you are kinda in the middle of your friends moments.

I can understand having a singles party, but for a birthday? That seems alittle off. I mean I would want to celebrate my day with all my friends. Not the ones who are single (and probably bitter). It''s like in grade school you play with all the kids at recess but when your friend throws a party and you don''t get invited because you''re a redhead and not a blonde, and your like whaaaaaat and it''s sad THEN because you can''t change anything. Then a week later your all playing again and it''s OVER. Still alittle immature, but I''m sure in a week or two it will all be behind you.

Now your engaged friend. this got me kinda angry when I read it. I hate it when people say that THEIR relationship is better because they got a ring first. That is UNCLASSY and UNCALLED for. Especially if she was rubbing it in. Obviously I don''t know the details, but if that were MY friend I would excuse myself from her wedding and wouldn''t go or acknowledge anything about it at all. That''s not just insulting your relationship, that''s outright insulting YOU and your FF. No one has that right. Now if she is just bragging that''s one thing, but I mean there is a difference between being so excited and happy you GUSH, and bragging/rubbing peoples faces in things. The latter is once again unclassy and uncalled for. (you can tell I have this pent up aggression towards this right...

)

You obviously have a wonderful guy that is waiting for the right time and when that time comes all the time you waited won''t feel as long and then you will have an awesome wedding to plan and the rest of your life to spend with him!

 

[Bia]

Well they''re wack...

But seriously, don''t let it get you down. Friend A (the engaged one) might just be someone who needs the world to know that her relationship is the best. When your relationship really is the best, you don''t have to shout it from the rooftop, because people around you already know. It''s called compensating.

As for friend B, some single girls have it tough. I have been with my FI for a long time so I have never really been the "single girl," but I have friends who are, and although some love the freedom of being single, a couple of my girlfriends HATE it...PITTY PARTY all the way. Try not to take it personal. She might, as LP said, want to commiserate with other single gals. Probably nothing against you.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 2/13/2009 10:07:46 AM
Author: Bia
Well they''re wack...

But seriously, don''t let it get you down. Friend A (the engaged one) might just be someone who needs the world to know that her relationship is the best. When your relationship really is the best, you don''t have to shout it from the rooftop, because people around you already know. It''s called compensating.

As for friend B, some single girls have it tough. I have been with my FI for a long time so I have never really been the ''single girl,'' but I have friends who are, and although some love the freedom of being single, a couple of my girlfriends HATE it...PITTY PARTY all the way. Try not to take it personal. She might, as LP said, want to commiserate with other single gals. Probably nothing against you.

Ditto to Bia. I''m glad you said that because I was going to say "they''re insecure and they suck!!!"

Take pride in the fact that you''re mature and secure in your relationship and your future, so much so that you don''t need to brag about it because it''s evident all on its own.

 

[Dreamgirl]

This example right here is why I'd rather hang out with FF or family in all my spare time instead of a bunch of crazy girls...lol (and that is precisely what I do)

 

[nail_polish]

Thank you, everyone!
I feel a bit better about it today. Thinking about it more and reading all your replies.
I don''t know about anyone else, but some times the loneliness just gets me.

I think everything that has been suggested here really rings true though; and besides, I much rather parades be thrown for us and our relationship shine on its own than have to throw our own parade and brag about it as SailorsSweet<3 and sammyj both mentioned!

PrincessLily2009
What you said really stood out for me. Especially since it hasn''t even been a year since my newly engaged friend met her fiance. I know when you know, you know.. but Gee. I really liked that marriage advice as well, it''s so true. I feel like sharing it with her!

ckrickett
I really enjoy your pent up aggression.. It makes me feel less guilty for feeling so much resentment!

 

[nail_polish]

Date: 2/13/2009 11:45:02 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
This example right here is why I''d rather hang out with FF or family in all my spare time instead of a bunch of crazy girls...lol (and that is precisely what I do)

See! You do it and no one thinks there is anything wrong with you!

I know I shouldn''t care what people think, but I often get the ''no friends'' comment becuase I too value family and my boyfriend more than these idiosyncrasies!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 2/13/2009 12:00:31 PM
Author: nail_polish

Date: 2/13/2009 11:45:02 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
This example right here is why I''d rather hang out with FF or family in all my spare time instead of a bunch of crazy girls...lol (and that is precisely what I do)

See! You do it and no one thinks there is anything wrong with you!

I know I shouldn''t care what people think, but I often get the ''no friends'' comment becuase I too value family and my boyfriend more than these idiosyncrasies!

lol Well, honestly any ''close'' friends I''ve ever had have ALWAYS stabbed me in the back and done something horribly wrong to me so........I kinda don''t need em! lol I mean, I''ve got friends but I just don''t hang out with them. lol

 

[gwendolyn]

First thought I had is that maybe the single ladies are going to have some male dancers or something for this party and that''s why you weren''t invited? Because they might be doing stuff to celebrate their singledom that a taken person would be uncomfortable with?

Maybe not, but it''s a thought anyway.

As for your friend who sounds superior because she''s now engaged--well, sorry to say, but she doesn''t sound like much of a friend if that''s how she''s going to be. People who act like her irk me, as they really know nothing at all of anyone else''s relationships (other than their own) so how can they judge? They can''t. Bleh.