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What is it like not working?

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gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
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I didn't want to threadjack MsFlutter's thread about quitting her job, but I was just curious, does anyone stay home (and not because of raising small kids)? I work and go to school, and all of my friends either work full time, are students, or are home with young kids. So I'm wondering, what is it like not to work? Is it fun? Do you miss working? Do you feel you could go back if you wanted to? I fantasize about not working, but that's because I've never had a job that I truly love, and I have several hobbies that I DO truly love and don't have enough time for! But I wonder if the reality would be as good as what I envision. Oh, and this is all hypothetical for me - just wondering!

ETA: My mom stopped working to raise us, and did not go back (although she does a lot of volunteer work). I asked her the other day if she missed working and she said heck no, I'm having way too much fun!

Also, just want to clarify that I think staying home with kids is probably at least as hard as most jobs! (I don't have kids, but from what I hear!) In no way am I trying to imply that staying home with kids is leisurely, in fact I'm sure it's quite the opposite!
 

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robbie3982

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I was only out of work for a bit over 3 months and was job searching the whole time, but I wasn''t really satisfied. Granted if the situation had been different and I hadn''t felt the pressure to find another job (we had to use my savings to supplement FI''s income while I was unemployed since I couldn''t break my lease and had to go on a cobra health plan) it might have been different.

I was pretty stressed out about finding something and didn''t feel like I could volunteer or take classes or anything since I didn''t know how long it would be before I was working (not to mention we were trying really hard to live on a budget). I think if I''d had a schedule and my days had been fuller (not with job searching!) that I would''ve enjoyed it.
 

Cehrabehra

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Jun 29, 2006
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My plan was to not work until my youngest was in school and then I''d go back to school and he''s in school full time next year but we''re waiting for the dh to finish his masters. I don''t regret staying home with them, I know it would have been way harder for *me* to get through school and have to stop to stay home with the kids. I''m VERY VERY looking forward to it and I might go back next year and just take one class during the day.... my brain has atrophied over the past 10 years and I am soooo eager to get back into it. The whole baby thing was so wonderful and awesome, but I am definitely just doing the stay at home thing as a temporary gig. I am not a domestic goddess! And we''re not wealthy enough to hire someone to be my domestic goddes!!! lol
 

clammer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 3, 2005
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167
I''m not working and I HATE HATE HATE it. My situation is different than most people. We moved to a smaller town in China for my husband''s job. Since I''m not fluent in Chinese, about the only job I can get here is teaching English, which I tried and disliked.

It might be different if I lived in the U.S. but here I have nothing to do. There are less than 100 foreigners here and I have yet to find anyone that I really click with. That means that I spend a lot of time sitting around the house waiting for DH to come home. I also feel guilty because I don''t contribute financially even though DH doesn''t feel this way.

Although I am getting better and better at cooking


We actually sat down and figured out if it would be smarter to stay here longer or go home where I could work, but he would have a reduced salary. I would have to find a job that earned $10,000 a year to equal what he makes. Sounds easy and obviously I would make more than that. Then we factored in that we would have a mortgage, car payments, insurance, utilities, gas, etc.... and decided that I need to find a hobby because we''re doing pretty darn good financially here.
 

gailrmv

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Date: 12/18/2006 10:12:56 PM
Author: robbie3982
I was only out of work for a bit over 3 months and was job searching the whole time, but I wasn''t really satisfied. Granted if the situation had been different and I hadn''t felt the pressure to find another job (we had to use my savings to supplement FI''s income while I was unemployed since I couldn''t break my lease and had to go on a cobra health plan) it might have been different.

I was pretty stressed out about finding something and didn''t feel like I could volunteer or take classes or anything since I didn''t know how long it would be before I was working (not to mention we were trying really hard to live on a budget). I think if I''d had a schedule and my days had been fuller (not with job searching!) that I would''ve enjoyed it.
I hear you Robbie. About 4 years ago I was in between jobs and it was very stressful! As it turned out it was less than 2 months between jobs and I did get paid for about 3 of those weeks (accrued vacation time) but it was extremely stressful since I did not know how long I would be out of work. I tried to treat job searching like a job itself - I was up early, on the computer, etc job searching every day. I think being off work would have been fun if I had not been so stressed out about money and how long it would take to find a job.
 

gailrmv

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Date: 12/18/2006 10:15:18 PM
Author: Rebot
I''m not working and I HATE HATE HATE it. My situation is different than most people. We moved to a smaller town in China for my husband''s job. Since I''m not fluent in Chinese, about the only job I can get here is teaching English, which I tried and disliked.

It might be different if I lived in the U.S. but here I have nothing to do. There are less than 100 foreigners here and I have yet to find anyone that I really click with. That means that I spend a lot of time sitting around the house waiting for DH to come home. I also feel guilty because I don''t contribute financially even though DH doesn''t feel this way.

Although I am getting better and better at cooking


We actually sat down and figured out if it would be smarter to stay here longer or go home where I could work, but he would have a reduced salary. I would have to find a job that earned $10,000 a year to equal what he makes. Sounds easy and obviously I would make more than that. Then we factored in that we would have a mortgage, car payments, insurance, utilities, gas, etc.... and decided that I need to find a hobby because we''re doing pretty darn good financially here.
Rebot, that sounds like a frustrating and unusual situation! But very cool that you don''t have to pay living expenses while you are there. I hope you find a hobby that you enjoy! There''s always Pricescope, right?
If you were interested, maybe you could take classes from a US university through a distance learning program?
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 15, 2006
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7,485
I have been home for the last 6 months and school is online, so I don''t know if this counts as I''m not just staying home without kids, I spend anywhere from 20-40 hours a week working on school. But, I really enjoy being although I don''t think I could do it if I didn''t have school or something else to occupy my time as I am a fidgity, likes to be busy person. The plan, for now, is for me to earn my master''s and see if I can find a part time job teaching (team teaching, etc.) and if I don''t enjoy it than I can figure something else out. I''m very lucky that we''re in a financial position that allows me to do what I enjoy and have passion for as opposed to what I need to do to pay the bills.

My mom hasn''t worked in 11 years. She quit a job and didn''t seek other work when my parents moved so that they could spend more time together (he works shifts and has a very odd schedule, she worked in a medical office with typical office hours). She now, and has for the past seven years, taken care of her elderly (demanding) parents and wishes she had the ability to find a part time job but her life revolves around caring for them. She feels like she spends her life waiting, waiting for my dad to get up or get home, waiting for it to be breakfast or dinner time for my grandparents (she cooks for them), waiting for my sister to bring my nephew to visit (my sister lives 6 hours away, they don''t come often). It''s really quite sad.
 

Cind11

Brilliant_Rock
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I quit working when I had my oldest daughter (now 14). I had always thought I would go back but that hasn''t happened yet. Too bad I don''t have a teaching degree because that would be perfect. I like to be home in the summers because my girls are involved in a lot of activities. So, I really don''t want to work full-time. I also feel that I have been away from the "work world" for so long that I am kind of out of the loop. A friend asked me recently if I get bored being at home. Occasionally I do, but I seem to find enough things to keep me busy. To answer one of your questions, I really don''t miss it.
 

movie zombie

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actually, i don''t know how i found time to work now that i don''t work. no desire to return to the work force either.

movie zombie
 

Mara

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i wish that i didn't have to work and we could be independently wealthy and do whatever we wanted with our time but that's not realistic just yet soooo...i work...ideally when/if we have kids that won't NEED to be the case but where we live is so expensive, it's very hard to have a decent lifestyle (not even talking luxury here) with kids and one income here unless the sole breadwinner is pulling down some serious bank. so we talk about moving, we talk about not having kids, we talk about just sucking it up and having us both work and having kids, but there's no mental right for us just yet.

i have not worked for a few months there and there in between jobs and it's really nice if you can afford to not have to work. but really the downer i found was that all my friends had jobs and obviously my husband did too so i was kind of bored some of the time at home. and we don't have a huge house that needs decorating or a huge garden that needs tending or anything like that. and i did have hobbies but i couldn't shop as much as i wanted to and i loved to read but it was so solitary...so hanging out and being a housewife was really boring 1/2 the time. and fun the other 1/2 because i could go meet friends for lunch, or make a really awesome dinner for Greg, or catch up on my soaps and take the dog for a long walk. but i also felt a little isolated sometimes...kind of by myself since i really was by myself most of the day!!

then i got a job the last 2 years where i was in sales and basically set my own hours. i loved that...the freedom that it brought me. i really had a great routine going, could sleep in, make my own breakfast, hang out...go into the office, come home at 3pm and go for a walk, make dinner, watch TV...but the money wasn't as good as it would be if i went back to marketing and doing full time, and it kind of came down to...well is this really important to me to continue to have this nice flexible lifestyle and make less or should i go and make more and work FT and help get us to a better place faster in case we DO want to have kids kinda thing. i could have continued on the way i was and it would have been okay..but not really lucrative. and honestly i thought, okay we don't have children yet, so why am i doing this flexible thing right now?

so i went back and am working ft again in marketing and making more money and hopefully if we DO decide to stay here and have kids we'll have enough socked away at some point to not worry as much if i needed to take a few years off. so we'll see. but i did love having 1/2 of my time to myself...even though i did still feel sometimes like i was a bit isolated. i could see how SATM's could feel cutoff a bit from the outside world and not having enough adult interaction. sometimes i felt like i was waiting too much for my husband to get home from work and entertain me or hang out with me or whatever. so going back to work FT has really kind of set that balance for me again, aka we get home at the same time in the evenings, i can still make dinner and we can still spend time together at night but it's not like 'when are you coming home, dinner is at 6' or whatever...where sometimes i felt like susie homemaker and that's not really me (just a portion). hehee.

gosh this is long. is this even what you asked? anyway...!! i think i would love not working but for a not too long period of time OR more realistically if we have kids, i'd like a PT job which isn't stressful where i can spend time at home with the children but also have my own kinda adult time away from them as well to keep me sane. hehee. i also have consulted in the past and i love doing that because again it's flex so you can make more of your own schedule. i like the idea of working 3/4 time or 1/2 time and making good $$ but not FT and struggling to fit it all in all the time. i don't know about entirely not working unless we were pretty wealthy and could do whatever we wanted including traveling and having a nice lifestyle and not working.
 

bookworm21

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Nov 17, 2005
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I''m not working right now. I haven''t worked for the past 2 years. Before that, I worked for a bank for 5 years, hating every minute of my job. But you know what I found out after I quit? I wanted to go back to work. Maybe not at the bank, but I missed working and still do. There''s the paycheck, but surprisingly, the biggest factor is the human interaction you get from working. That''s what I miss the most. It''s not the same to go out grocery shopping and talking to clerks and whatever; when you work, you develop a certain rapport with your colleagues, and work is also a place to meet new friends.

When I was working, I fantasized about what my life would be like after I quit. No more stress, more time to workout, to cook, and to do everything I wanted to do. The reality is that not working, for me, anyway, is extremely boring. There seems to be no purpose in life. Of course, I''m working out more, and I have ample time to do what I want to do, but there''s no sense of satisfaction in a job well done.

Don''t quit. If you don''t like your job, I''d recommend finding one you like before quitting. Of course, if you''ve worked for many years straight, then I recommend taking some time off. I was incredibly relieved immediately after I quit my job, but 3 months later, I was pulling my hair out because I was so bored. Not working isn''t as great as it can be. I can only see it working out if you have a huge inheritance that allows you to travel the world at your leisure.
 

WTNLVR

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I think unless you are a stay at home mom, you would need allot of structure in your day. The few times I have taken extended vacations (3 weeks) and stayed at home, I was bored out of my mind after the first week. I have plenty of hobbies, but after awhile I just felt like I didn''t want to do them. I got really lazy. But, if it was a longer period, I would take courses/classes in something, join a gym (yeah right
) or try to structure my days some other way. My MIL is retired and goes shopping everyday. She usually doesn''t buy anything, but she has her routine and goes to certain stores on certain days. Everyone is different.
 

Efe

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I haven''t worked FT in years. I work 2 days a week and only then when my boss is in town. He has another home in Florida so is there 3 weeks out of the winter months. I also handle all of his finances, so I do that from home. This gives me play money, keeps me from being bored, and gives me a great deal of free time. I have the best of both worlds and find that my marriage benefits from this arrangement. We live in the DC area with its hectic pace. I am able to take care of all of our errands and appointments etc. during the week. Since we don''t run around like crazy on the weekends, we get to enjoy one another, yet I get to have my alone time during the week. A great deal of stress is off my husband because I''m available to take care of most things. Since I was in the rat race for years, I know the realities of both working FT and being at home, and boy do I appreciate being at home.
 

phoenixgirl

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I''m a teacher and don''t work over breaks. It''s interestings how I view work at different times during the year. In theory, I''d rather be on break than working, so I look forward to summer vacation. But then when summer comes I get depressed and have to really struggle to wake up early every day and work out and stuff like that. I like my job and it''s good for my soul, even though sometimes all I do is count down the days until a break. Part of that is exhaustion though.

But my husband has that urge not to work. He''s always talking about how neat it would be. He wants to undertake a million projects and get a million degrees, but of course there''s never time.
 

jaz464

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Jul 11, 2005
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My situation is pretty unique. About 4 years ago when I was 23, my live in boyfriend who was 22 decided that he did not like me gone all day ( I worked about 25-30 hours per week and went to school full time) so he said I could quit my job if I wanted to. He owns his own business and works at home. I was working at a golf course and it was a crappy job to get me through college so I was thrilled to quit. I guess you could say I was a kept woman and I loved it. I finished school work-free about 2 years later, which is a dream as anyone knows who tries to balance college and a job. I had a feeling then I wouldn''t be going out into the workforce but I wanted the education anyway because you just never knows what the future holds. So, I haven''t worked in 4 years and have no plans to start. I would rather do the things I like to do (go to the gym each day, keep the house clean, care for my dogs) than have to work and answer to someone. I know most people do those things in addition to working a job but I love my freedom. I never thought in a million years I would get to live such a relaxed and carefree life. The thing is, when I first quit, I wondered what I would do with myself all day, but somehow the days manage to fill themselves. We don''t want to have any kids so I really do get to live what I consider the most perfect, laid back life. I know not working might drive some people insane after awhile but I really do love it. I am so thankful my husband is able to provide a lifestyle we are both happy with on a single income.
 

colorkitty

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Nov 28, 2006
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I''m a stay at home wife. It''s a stay at home mom without the kids. We don''t have, and never will have, kids.

I''m never bored. I spend most of my day writing (which I get paid for), going back and forth between that and whatever internet window I have open. I do all the cleaning and cooking and run most of the errands. I will acknowledge that I probably work much less than those who work outside the home or at home moms. But when we got married we had this weird notion that it would be selfish of me to take a job if we didn''t need the money when it could go to someone who needed it more. But the economy was much worse then. Maybe I''ll start looking.
 

nejarb

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Aug 3, 2006
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wow, what a timely topic for me. I''ve sort of been wondering the same thing, and I''ll find out pretty soon. I''ve always either been in school or working, at least pt w/ other things going on like moving or family issues that precluded me from working ft at the time. And now i''m not working or in school (just graduated a few days ago) and I have at least several days of things to keep me very occupied--you know, the things you put off until you''re "not so busy." But after that I will either not work or I''ll work pt. Probably the latter. I don''t need to work b/c I have trust income and my fi is well-paid. My trust income would be enough for alot of people to live off of if they were living by themselves, but if I was single I would surely work for many reasons, one of which is I''d need to make another 20k to 30k a yr to be comfortable and be able to build some savings. easy right? could do pretty much whatever I wanted. yes, I''m a very lucky girl!

While in law school for the last 3 years, I was constantly longing for the sort of leisure time I had in college. I don''t even know if I appreciated it at the time but undergraduate school was SO easy. It seems like I was always riding my bike or painting or reading interesting things or working out at the rec center. I sort of hope that having more time now will allow me to do more of those things. However, it just isn;t the same lifestyle. I don''t live in a college town with bike trails and a great rec center and all that. And I''m not 20 anymore.

so in a few days when all my errands are run and my place is clean and organized (okay, in about a week!) I''ll look around and say to myself "what''s next?" I love to cook, and I don''t mind cleaning, but this does not fill up the day. I guess I have 2 directions I can go in--if creative inspiration strikes, I can pull out my watercolors and paint some pictures, or try to start writing again (I wrote opinion editorials and short stories in college) OR I can find some pt work or volunteer work or both. I suspect it''ll be some combination of all of the above.

I''ve heard all this about missing adult interaction or feeling isolated by being at home, and i''ve never been able to relate to that. I predict that this will never be a problem for me if I''m not working, but who knows?

I''m not sure what my short-term future holds or how I''ll feel about it, but I DO KNOW one thing w/ certainty: not working, even if it means sitting on a chair and staring out the window all day, is better than studying for the bar exam! (which is what I am doing right now in an alternate universe that I somehow managed to escape)
 

Maria D

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I''ve had times in my adult life where I was not employed and and had no kid to raise (or the kid I do have was in school most of the day). In a nutshell, it''s great but it''s also great that it''s temporary because it can be awfully isolating.

If I were really really rich I would LOVE to back to school as an undergrad and take all liberal arts courses I never took because I majored in chemical engineering. Oh, and throw in a maid and cook while we''re at it!
 

Sundial

Ideal_Rock
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Mar 14, 2005
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My situation is a little different because I''m older. I retired early last year at age 50. Prior to that I had worked ever since graduating from college. I was in banking for many years although I did go part time when my children were younger. Later I joined my husband in his business. I was worried that I might be bored not working anymore, but I am loving every minute of it! Of course I have developed many friendships during my years in the workplace that I continue to nuture and I am still involved with community service. Now I can sleep in until 7:00, I have taken up golf, and I can go to the gym during the day instead of after work. We''ve also done some traveling. So far I have had no regrets, but I''m not sure I would have been ready for all this free time when I was younger.
 

wifey2b

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Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
772
In short.... It''s not what is all cracked up to be!!!

Due to surgery in January, I had to quit my job, and another has not come up yet, and I am about ready to go off my rocker. Yes, I enjoyed it at first, but I sure miss the schedule...guess that was why I loved school so much
Still living home and being 40 isn''t the answer a lot of days...but one survives and I hope a job will soon come along :D
 

divergrrl

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Joined
Dec 9, 2002
Messages
2,224
I''ve actually had two stints in my life where I was not working and didn''t have a child.

The first time doesn''t really count, I got laid off of my job 6 weeks before my wedding, was collecting unemployment, and job hunting as well as continuing school part-time at night. So between my severance package and 18 months of unemployment, it was not boring or financially stressful(the job hunt consumes you, & it took 18 months to get a nibble--I had a pretty great job, and those aren''t plentiful) because I had school & job hunting that I worked on everyday. This is when my brand new husband & I decided to never live on two incomes in case one of us lost our jobs, because we didn''t skip a beat. (I didn''t live with him before marriage, so he & I never experienced dual salaries prior to my layoff & I had just moved out of my apt, and had no bills other than car & insurance.

The second time I quit my job because I was fed up with it and had to finish my thesis or I''d never graduate. I also wanted to change careers, so I figured I''d quit, graduate, and then start looking.

I quit with 6 weeks left to finish my thesis while taking 9 credit hours (and working full time). So I was super busy writing all day and night. Couldn''t figure out why I was so tired (pregnant) I graduated, went on a couple trips during the whole month of June visiting friends in California and really enjoyed myself.

As soon as I got home, I thought I''d DIE of boredom. Nothing to study, no job to go to, and no idea what sex of baby I was having, so I couldn''t even start shopping or decorating. (and I had to know, I wanted to do a themed nursery). Once I was 6 months pregnant and knew what I was having it was a little easier, but I have to admit I was bored to pieces.

I have a big house & yard, and can keep busy with that stuff, but even that is boring to me. All my friends assured me I''d be happier once he came & I was hoping so.

I''d decided not to go back to work once I found out I was pg, because I felt guilty taking a high paying job and then leaving when the baby was born -- since once I got pg I was shocked to discover I had no desire to let anyone else care for my child...so what was the point?

I tried taking a retail job for fun, but having been in my former career, I felt weird and didn''t enjoy it. Nothing against retail, but it didn''t fit for me.

So my long blabbering here mounts to this: If you have the money to quit and support tons of hobbies....it might be ok to stay home and not have kids. For us, having one income is ok, but we have to budget, so its not the same as being independently wealthy. Budgeting can make for some boring choices...LOL.

Or if you LOOOOOVE yardwork you can make a career of working in the yard (me? not so much...hate bugs)

But my home life got better once I had that baby. OMG, he''s so much FUN work. I''ve never loved being so tired. It takes a lot of structuring for me (my personality type) to keep my home neat, clean, and my baby happy, healthy, and fed.

But if I were childless, I''d have to do SOMETHING productive or I''d lose my mind. When my child goes to school full time I''ll start working again, hopefully either flex time or on a contract basis so I can be home afterschool. Its nice to be home with the babies, but I want to be home with the teenagers too, just to provide some guidance & structure.

Jeannine
 

monarch64

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I had a few months off between jobs about 2 yrs. ago...it was nice being able to stay home and have a spotless house for that time, but I also got pretty bored.
 

psaddict

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Dec 9, 2006
Messages
105
I had about 4 months where I wasn''t working while between jobs, and taking part-time night classes. I was bored out of my mind!!!! Maybe if you have friends who also don''t work or have kids, you might be able to do stuff with them, but I didn''t know anyone who didn''t have a job. I think having rediculous amounts of free time just made me lazier than usual, and it was harder for me to get things done than when I had a fixed schedule because of work.
 

ladykemma

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Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
we have no kids, and no hopes of having any. we were "sinks" (not DINKS). I had a career that was in the toilet, and one day was so miserable that he said quit. so I quit in 1997 (another story).

for several years i did not work. i kept a beautiful home, decorated, sewed, traveled (with hubby on business), putttered. i liked it. i had a home based business that became successful.

my hubby does not like it when I work. he comes from a family where women do not work.

for a while i worked part time 8-12, in the chemical plants helping out where needed in the lab. this worked out best for both of us. the house was clean and well kept, meals were served, we ate healthy, i got time outside the house and something scientific to keep my brain from turning to mush.
(edited and both of us were really happy)

right now i am in a full time teaching career i love, hubby doesn't like it, but he puts on the modern man "it's ok that you work hunney" face. at this point he has/had mental illness and is a newly recovering cancer survivor, it would be incredibly imprudent of me not to have a means of supporting myself should something happen (or to let him off my health insurance at this point)

i want to earn my teacher retirment and then i want to resurrect my home business and I also want to be a counselor/social worker when i'm 65.
 

TravelingGal

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Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
My stint of not working was a bit different. I saved up, also by contract got 9 months paid even though it was my choice to quit, so I was financially in a great place.

I went to Europe for 4 months and just relaxed for 5 months at home. I was never bored. I exercised, watched food channel, and learned how to cook. I think it was more of a sabbatical I enjoyed as I knew it would come to an end. I also felt proud of myself because it was time off on my own terms and I wasn''t reliant on anyone.


Date: 12/19/2006 8:40:00 AM
Author: jazmine
My situation is pretty unique. About 4 years ago when I was 23, my live in boyfriend who was 22 decided that he did not like me gone all day ( I worked about 25-30 hours per week and went to school full time) so he said I could quit my job if I wanted to. He owns his own business and works at home. I was working at a golf course and it was a crappy job to get me through college so I was thrilled to quit. I guess you could say I was a kept woman and I loved it. I finished school work-free about 2 years later, which is a dream as anyone knows who tries to balance college and a job. I had a feeling then I wouldn''t be going out into the workforce but I wanted the education anyway because you just never knows what the future holds. So, I haven''t worked in 4 years and have no plans to start. I would rather do the things I like to do (go to the gym each day, keep the house clean, care for my dogs) than have to work and answer to someone. I know most people do those things in addition to working a job but I love my freedom. I never thought in a million years I would get to live such a relaxed and carefree life. The thing is, when I first quit, I wondered what I would do with myself all day, but somehow the days manage to fill themselves. We don''t want to have any kids so I really do get to live what I consider the most perfect, laid back life. I know not working might drive some people insane after awhile but I really do love it. I am so thankful my husband is able to provide a lifestyle we are both happy with on a single income.
I actually have a question for jazmine and others who don''t have to work while young. First of all, I will say I''m jealous.
Even though it''s great that you finished school, doesn''t it ever concern you that you are dependent on your mate for financial health? What if something happens, and you have no substantial job experience? I ask this question because a couple women whom I now hang out with are "kept" women, and didn''t finish school (college). Not the happiest of marriages and we wonder how she would survive if something were to happen to their marriage, or worse, him. It would scare me to death to be that dependent on someone.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
Date: 12/19/2006 5:15:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal


I actually have a question for jazmine and others who don''t have to work while young. First of all, I will say I''m jealous.
Even though it''s great that you finished school, doesn''t it ever concern you that you are dependent on your mate for financial health? What if something happens, and you have no substantial job experience? I ask this question because a couple women whom I now hang out with are ''kept'' women, and didn''t finish school (college). Not the happiest of marriages and we wonder how she would survive if something were to happen to their marriage, or worse, him. It would scare me to death to be that dependent on someone.
yup. " judge judy" says the smartest insurance women can have is their talent,education, skills and job training. she wouldn''t see what she sees on the bench if women wouldn''t put themselves in bad situations.

even though i didn''t work for a few years, i had marketable skills, experience, and talent.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
thats a good point TG...it's funny because when we were engaged my mom was all over me about not quiitting my job and making sure i kept working even if i didn't have to. she was a single mom and she was really into women being able to take care of themselves. i reassured her that even if i took a few years off i would still be able to get back into it, because i have such a long work history...and i honestly don't see myself taking like 10 years off or something then trying to re-enter in the same industry...i'd probably want to do something entirely different at that point if i did that. anyway i have been working since i was 15 and most of the time i like it. i like the schedule...i just don't like being overly stressed out or working too many hours because i flat out am not THAT into my job and i don't need to climb the career ladder to be really high-powered one day. i just like getting a nice salary, doing my job and being kind of middle of the road. because i have a life and family outside of that whole thing and they are what is really important to me. i work to live.

in any case the time i was not working after we got married, when i was looking around and trying to figure out what i wanted to do next...and when i had the sales gig that was flex time...both times i was not dependent on Greg for anything. when our team got dissolved i got a 4 month package. so we went off, got married, were traveling for 3 weeks, came back and i had 2.5 more months of 'severance' to cover me. so everything was still paid the same as before etc. then when i was working the sales gig i brought enough in cover my 'expenses' for the household and my personal spending etc, so again nothing changed. there was only one time in my life when i was dependent on a guy for my well-being, and it's when i was living with a long term ex and going to college FT and he was fine with it and never did anything to make me feel bad, but *I* always feltlike i never was 'contributing'. it was a tough situation mentally for me and eventually i got a PT job.

because i have been working and independent for so long i think it will be hard for me to ever not work entirely and be dependent entirely financially on my husband. we are still trying to figure out how to best 'merge' our finances so that we both feel like it's okay (we are both pretty independent mentally about that kind of stuff) but it's a tough thing to figure out i think when you are both a little older and used to doing your own thing. it would be hard for me to be entirely dependent and feel like i wasn't bringing much to the 'table'. maybe if we had a child...who knows. i also find the longer we are together the more open i am to feeling a bit more reliant...like i don't feel as fiercely independent as i did the first few years. but i do think it's smart for women to always have that option to work again if they find them in a situation where they need to be able to support themselves OR if something happens to someone in the family and you have to support them.
 

divergrrl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2002
Messages
2,224
Date: 12/19/2006 5:21:14 PM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 12/19/2006 5:15:25 PM
Author: TravelingGal


I actually have a question for jazmine and others who don''t have to work while young. First of all, I will say I''m jealous.
Even though it''s great that you finished school, doesn''t it ever concern you that you are dependent on your mate for financial health? What if something happens, and you have no substantial job experience? I ask this question because a couple women whom I now hang out with are ''kept'' women, and didn''t finish school (college). Not the happiest of marriages and we wonder how she would survive if something were to happen to their marriage, or worse, him. It would scare me to death to be that dependent on someone.
yup. '' judge judy'' says the smartest insurance women can have is their talent,education, skills and job training. she wouldn''t see what she sees on the bench if women wouldn''t put themselves in bad situations.

even though i didn''t work for a few years, i had marketable skills, experience, and talent.
Well, by the time I stopped working the first time I was 31, educated and had 7 years in my field and was making the same as my DH. The second time I stopped working I had 11 years in my field (telecommunications product marketing) and was making a little more than my DH.

We''ve always known that if we wound up with him out of work, but we are together, our investments would get us by until I got a job and I could support our household (although we have disability insurance on him). He''s rather unique in his job, so he''d be ok if he got laid off, like I said, we have emergency funds we can tap into if need be.

If he left me or if God Forbid we got divorced, I''d go back to work. I do some freelance projects a few times a year in marketing and "lunch" with my old colleagues often. Keeping my contacts open.

If he passed away (God Forbid) we have enough insurance that I wouldn''t have to go back to work if I didn''t want to (i.e. if our kids were young)

My "insurance" beyond those other things is the fact that I have an education, I had a strong career, and I still network a bit, just to keep my options open.

There is a lot I could do, but being the eldest daughter of a single mom, I know how to take care of me. I may be home, but I''m in charge of the money, the house, everything.....

Smart cookie!

Jeannine
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
i did have to job retrain when i re-entered the job market. i trained to be a chemistry teacher, instead of working in a chemistry lab. it''s not a big deal if you have to do it.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 12/19/2006 5:28:44 PM
Author: Mara
thats a good point TG...it''s funny because when we were engaged my mom was all over me about not quiitting my job and making sure i kept working even if i didn''t have to. she was a single mom and she was really into women being able to take care of themselves. i reassured her that even if i took a few years off i would still be able to get back into it, and i honestly don''t see myself taking like 10 years off or something then trying to re-enter...i''d probably want to do something entirely different at that point if i did that. anyway i have been working since i was 15 and most of the time i like it. i like the schedule...i just don''t like being overly stressed out or working too many hours because i flat out am not THAT into my job and i don''t need to climb the career ladder to be really high-powered one day. i just like getting a nice salary, doing my job and being kind of middle of the road. because i have a life and family outside of that whole thing and they are what is important to me.

in any case the time i was not working after we got married, when i was looking around and trying to figure out what i wanted to do next...and when i had the sales gig that was flex time...both times i was not ''dependent'' on Greg for anything. when our team got dissolved i got a 4 month package. so we went off, got married, were traveling for 3 weeks, came back and i had 2.5 more months of ''severance'' to cover me. so everything was still paid dthe same as before etc. then when i was working the sales gig i brought enough in cover what i typically paid so again nothing changed. because i have been working and independent for so long i think it will be hard for me to ever not work entirely and be dependent entirely financially on my husband. we are still trying to figure out how to best ''merge'' our finances so that we both feel like it''s okay (we are both pretty independent mentally about that kind of stuff) but it''s a tough thing to figure out i think when you are both a little older and used to doing your own thing. it would be hard for me to be entirely dependent and feel like i wasn''t bringing much to the ''table''. maybe if we had a child.
Well having met you Mara, you can tell your mom she did a great job raising you.

I still remember when I was 25, my boss (who was 10 years older) and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lotto. She said she would quit. I said I would work for a few more years and I really meant it. I didn''t feel like two years out in the job world really made me very marketable and wanted to be promoted a couple times at least before I left the workforce. Even though my entire self worth isn''t tied to my career, certainly a chunk of it is.

But as I get older, that chunk definitely gets smaller! If I won today, I''d quit. Like Mara, I''ve come to a position where I am happy being "middle of the road." TGuy says I should push to get promoted and get even bigger bucks, but I like flying under the radar. I have a great job title, no one reporting to me, great salary, I work from home, and have a life.

Life balance is a sweet, sweet thing.
 
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