What if you hate your coworker more than you like your job?

[sonnyjane]

Long, but you'll have the right to flame me afterward so that might entice you to read it all

I have a question. Actually I've HAD a question. I've been thinking about posting this here for at least six months but I'm finally at a point now where I am seriously considering going beyond just whining about my situation and now possibly leaving. If you think I just need to put on my "big girl panties" and suck it up, I give you permission to say so. I need to hear the truth.

I have a great job. I have a terrible co-worker. Lately the balance has really tipped and my co-worker is overshadowing any joy derived from my job. I have worked with her now for 18 months, but 4 of those months, she was out on maternity leave. Prior to her having her baby, she made a lot of mistakes at work, but my boss and I attributed that to "pregnancy brain". Unfortunately, since she returned 9 months ago, the mistakes didn't stop. If anything, they have increased. I am constantly having to go behind her and correct her mistakes, some of which are pretty major. I tell her when I notice something (it's my opinion that if I don't tell someone they've made an error, they won't know to fix it). She tells me that she feels I'm critical of her. I walk on eggshells with my delivery to make sure that I don't come off that way, but she still gets very defensive. I get it, I don't like hearing that I've made mistakes either...so I try VERY hard not to! And if I do, I learn from it, whereas she just repeats them over and over. My boss has also had many sit-downs with her to explain how her abilities are lacking and that there needs to be improvement, so I know it's not just my opinion. The problem is that we are members of a union, and you literally have to do something involving serious injury or death to get fired, so despite my boss' personal opinions of this girl, she is here to stay.

Not only do I not trust or respect her professionally, but I also just clash with her on a personal level. Our personalities are very different. She is a somewhat lazy brown-noser, only doing things when it benefits her personally, whereas I am a "show up and do your job" type of person. She is very emotional, regularly crying and swearing at work when frustrated, something I've frequently told her makes me uncomfortable. I, again, prefer to avoid drama and just keep to myself.

The real issue is that there are only two people working each day, so 2-3 days a week (depending on the schedule), I am attached to the hip of this girl for 8.5 hours a day. Everything about our job requires working in close contact with very regular communication. Even lunch is spent together, just the two of us, right next to each other at our little table. I try to just sit quietly and read a magazine but then she confronts me about not talking with her. I'm kind of at my wit's end. I have worked with difficult people before, but the staff had at least 8 people, so I could always just socialize with the people that I did like and keep contact to the professional minimum with those that I don't. This situation is totally foreign to me. I love my other co-worker and on those days, I practically jump out of bed to get to work. On the days I share with this woman, however, I literally feel a knot in my stomach as I pull into the parking lot and have to prep myself with a countdown before I leave the car.

She has made it clear that this is her long-term job and that she plans to stay there for many, many years to come. I guess I'm just at a point where I want to know, is dealing with 2-3 days of misery a week enough to pursue work elsewhere, or should I suck it up and deal? Have any of you ever dealt with something like this? I'm open to anything Thanks...

 

[Dee*Jay]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

In my opinion, life is far to short to be miserable--IF the situation can be remedied. I'm not saying you should quit your job TODAY or anything like that, but CAN you get another job in your field? Will it provide you with the same level of comfort that you have now? What about other positives or negatives that might come with finding another job (change in benefits, longer or shorter commute, etc.)? Is it possible to go to the union people (and honestly I have no idea how that sort of thing works) and say this person is not peforming well, or something like that, and begin the documentation process for ultimate dismissal (perhaps your boss needs to do that)? Is there a way to get reassigned to another group that she is not a part of?

I know these are all questions and not answers, but they are the things that came to mind as I was reading your story.

I'm sorry your work scenario is unhappy (some of the time). We spend A LOT of time at work and if it's really miserable it will definitely have an overall negative impact on your life.

 

[missy]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Oh, I'm so sorry you are in this very unpleasant and difficult situation. Is there anyway you can change your schedule so you don't have to be with her for so many hours/week? Or can you be transferred to another location? In short, is there anyway you can keep this job and not have to work with her? If not, could you just tell her you respect her but you just want to do your job and not make small talk or socialize and leave it at that? She will be miffed but what can she do if you don't engage her except to work? Why do you have to spend your lunch hour with her? Get out, do anything else but stay there and eat with her. I would hate for you to have to leave a job because of this person. Good jobs are hard to come by and if there is anything you can do besides quitting I vote for that! But I agree with DeeJay and if absolutely nothing else can make the situation better perhaps start looking for a better situation. Good luck and sending PS dust your way!


ETA: can you work a modified work week so you can do less days for longer hours on the days she is not there? Or can you telecommute the days she is in the office?

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

If not, could you just tell her you respect her but you just want to do your job and not make small talk or socialize and leave it at that? She will be miffed but what can she do if you don't engage her except to work? Why do you have to spend your lunch hour with her? Get out, do anything else but stay there and eat with her.

Thanks to you both. You have excellent suggestions and in most jobs, they would probably work, but I work in a weird field (at a zoo) lol so telecommuting isn't an option. We both have to be there during the same time frame and there are only 3 employees total, so there's no way to creatively shift schedules... no matter how you slice it, there will always be 2-3 days a week with just that one person.

Missy, we are currently at the stage you mentioned... I have told her that I'm not one for small talk and that I prefer to work solo on most of my projects. She was miffed, as you said, but I think as long as I'm civil toward her and professional, they can't punish me for not being "chatty" (can they?). I never know what is a reasonable expectation of friendliness in the workplace.

I actually like your suggestion about having lunch elsewhere. I haven't ever done that now because well, it's a pretty obvious statement of "I don't like you so I'm going somewhere else", but maybe that's what I need to have at least a bit of an escape in the middle of the day. She has just as much tension with me as I do with her, so if I suggest it maturely, I could probably do so without making anything more tense than it already is. I was also thinking about suggesting that she and I take lunch at different times, since we just have to clock within a certain window, it doesn't have to be the same time always. Either way, it's going to be awkward to propose because it is, essentially, a big middle finger to her lol, but maybe the payoff would be worth it.

 

[LALove]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

In my opinion, life is far to short to be miserable--IF the situation can be remedied. I'm not saying you should quit your job TODAY or anything like that, but CAN you get another job in your field? Will it provide you with the same level of comfort that you have now? What about other positives or negatives that might come with finding another job (change in benefits, longer or shorter commute, etc.)? Is it possible to go to the union people (and honestly I have no idea how that sort of thing works) and say this person is not peforming well, or something like that, and begin the documentation process for ultimate dismissal (perhaps your boss needs to do that)? Is there a way to get reassigned to another group that she is not a part of?

I know these are all questions and not answers, but they are the things that came to mind as I was reading your story.

I'm sorry your work scenario is unhappy (some of the time). We spend A LOT of time at work and if it's really miserable it will definitely have an overall negative impact on your life.

I agree with this 100%. Life is too short to spend 40+ hours of your week being unhappy! If there's nothing else you can do and you just cannot work with her and be happy- find a new job. It is possible that she's emotional/touchy/making mistakes because she's #1. sleep deprived due to the newborn and #2. her hormones are all out of whack which is common after baby. Maybe she'll get better as time goes on. If you don't think so, I'd get a new job. I worked in an environment where I totally clashed with another employee and my unhappiness at work was spilling over into the other areas of my life making me just miserable. So not worth it.

 

[LALove]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

If not, could you just tell her you respect her but you just want to do your job and not make small talk or socialize and leave it at that? She will be miffed but what can she do if you don't engage her except to work? Why do you have to spend your lunch hour with her? Get out, do anything else but stay there and eat with her.

Thanks to you both. You have excellent suggestions and in most jobs, they would probably work, but I work in a weird field (at a zoo) lol so telecommuting isn't an option. We both have to be there during the same time frame and there are only 3 employees total, so there's no way to creatively shift schedules... no matter how you slice it, there will always be 2-3 days a week with just that one person.

Missy, we are currently at the stage you mentioned... I have told her that I'm not one for small talk and that I prefer to work solo on most of my projects. She was miffed, as you said, but I think as long as I'm civil toward her and professional, they can't punish me for not being "chatty" (can they?). I never know what is a reasonable expectation of friendliness in the workplace.

I actually like your suggestion about having lunch elsewhere. I haven't ever done that now because well, it's a pretty obvious statement of "I don't like you so I'm going somewhere else", but maybe that's what I need to have at least a bit of an escape in the middle of the day. She has just as much tension with me as I do with her, so if I suggest it maturely, I could probably do so without making anything more tense than it already is. I was also thinking about suggesting that she and I take lunch at different times, since we just have to clock within a certain window, it doesn't have to be the same time always. Either way, it's going to be awkward to propose because it is, essentially, a big middle finger to her lol, but maybe the payoff would be worth it.

Um... I'd advise against that. You say she's emotional as it is and gets mad that you won't chat her up at lunch, well, if you tell her you actually don't even want to sit next to her.. LOL she'll probably get even more upset/offended and the whole work vibe will worsen. However, you COULD start "going out to lunch" even if that just means you eat in another area or your car. That'd give you a break and she doesn't have to know you didn't actually go to The Cheesecake Factory.

 

[lliang_chi]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Sonny, Re: the lunch hours, can you feign errands/appointments/meetings. Give her the ol' "You go ahead an take lunch, I'm going to work an extra 30 mins right now, I have a 1:30 meeting/appointment that I'm using for my lunch hr." If you do that for consistently for a little while, she'll get used to you not being around at lunch. Just a suggestion?

 

[rainwood]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

It doesn't sound like any of the usual solutions would work to minimize the tensions It's unpleasant to work with someone you don't like two or three days a week, but it can also be unpleasant to have a job you don't like five days a week or one that doesn't pay enough or has other undesirable aspects. You need to figure out whether you'd be making that kind of tradeoff by exploring the job market while you still have this job.

And is there any fallout for you if you just let her keep making the same mistakes over and over? She doesn't learn from them, she gets mad if you tell her, so maybe you should just let her make them. It doesn't sound like you could get fired if the union protection is as strong as you say it is. If letting her make mistakes doesn't make your job harder, you might want to let her fail on her own for awhile and see what happens. I can't believe I'm telling you to do that, but I'm not seeing a lot of other possibilities!

 

[decodelighted]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I have been in this position before & needed to keep the job until I could find something else. Here's what I did (w/the help of a good therapist.) I really thought about who else this person reminded me of. Usually if you have such a strong reaction to someone that you don't really know that well -- it's because they REMIND you of someone you are VERY CLOSE to but have problems with. (Like a mother or father figure etc.) Once I realized that one of my two bosses was very similar to my (somewhat narcissistic) mother -- it took away a lot of the magic power that woman had to annoy me so totally. When I stopped *reacting* & detached emotionally from the triggers (because they weren't even really about BOSS #2) - somehow the whole situation diffused. Eventually SHE transferred to another part of the floor & was assigned a new assistant -- and I was paired with an even more supportive boss than my original, adored, BOSS #1.

Hope you can find a way to flip the switch so they don't have power over your emotions & moods anymore. Can you stop correcting her work so her flaws/mistakes aren't as able to igonre?

ETA: During my "deal w/but detach" period I kind of played a game with myself where I killed her with kindness. I bent over backwards to be helpful and charming etc -- just to see if I could do it ... and because I knew it kind of annoyed her (because she'd tried to have me axed & failed.) Another thing happened that sort of put things in perspective for me too -- I got the call that her husband was in critical condition at the hospital & I had to find her & deliver that news. Seeing someone you dislike go through a hard time can also help you see them more as a person just struggling to try to make it through the day like yourself. Though I hope it doesn't come to that.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

About having lunch somewhere else, but not offending her -- I'm not sure if this would work, but can you pretend you're on some sort of mission to drop a few pounds or something like that and "set out for a brisk walk"... that conveniently ends somewhere nearby where you can have your lunch in peace?

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

The big question to me is what are your other options? Is the job market strong enough in your line of work so that you can get another job you really like? If the answer is yes, it seems like an easy decision. If the answer is no or I don't know, you need to find out, maybe by actively looking for another job while you still have this one.

It's unpleasant to work with someone you don't like two or three days a week, but it can also be unpleasant to have a job you don't like five days a week or one that doesn't pay enough or has other undesirable aspects. Is there any possibility of changing the situation by having your work schedule rearranged so your schedule doesn't overlap with hers as much or by applying for another job internally?

I agree! In this particular case, the devil I know is likely better than the devil I don't. I can apply for jobs internally, even my same particular job just in a different department, but I know girls that work there that seem just as unhappy there as I am where I am currently. I think what I really need to do is just learn some creative coping strategies, because if this girl didn't exist, I can honestly say that this is my dream job. If she left tomorrow, any qualms I have about work would be gone. Another position might get me away from her, but would leave something to desire professionally.

Thanks to all of you. I think talking this out is helping me gain perspective.

 

[rainwood]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I edited my reply when I saw your earlier responses. What's the fallout if you just let her keep making the same mistakes over and over? Does it make your job harder? If not, I'd say let her do her own thing (badly) and see what happens.

 

[LALove]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Hmmm.. I really like Deco's point of view. In my situation where I had a horrid coworker, the gal was pure E-V-I-L - I kid you not. It was not about her annoying me or just our personalities clashing. She was Cruella de Vil for real. So, if your coworker is actually a bad bad person who goes out of her way to hurt you, I'd look for a new job.

However, if that's not the case- AND you cannot easily find another job that suits your needs and desires then I'd try to change your point of view. I did a similar thing as Deco with my MIL. I've been with DH for 8 years now but the first 5 I spent in a never ending battle with MIL. It started because our personalities are SO different- she can be inappropriately vulgar (eg talking to my dad about BJs on our FIRST combined family dinner) and she's a bigot. She also thought I "stole" her only son. Anyways, it got so bad that I thought the only way out was to sever all ties to her. I tried that for a month but it created even more family drama and poor DH was caught in the middle. So, I decided to change my viewpoint. I decided to NOT let her affect me. After all, who is in charge of my feelings? I am. I don't have to be upset. Her craziness isn't my problem- it's hers. For ex one XMas she got all bent out of shape that we weren't spending the night on XMas Eve (hello we're married adults with our own home and KID!). So, instead of getting annoyed, I just looked at it like, "Wow. Look how irrational she can be. God I'm so happy I don't get all worked up like that over nothing. It must totally suck to be her." I just let it roll off my back. Shortly after I changed how I let her affect me, she stopped acting as nutso. But I think that's because I wasn't adding fuel to the fire by getting all pissy back. After awhile I also started "killing her with kindness" to the point where it'd make my stomach churn! LOL But WOW did it work! Just little things like going out of my way to text her pics of DS or spark up a conversation about a topic she's into and speak positively about it. After a few months of this she totally changed! I swear there is ZERO drama between us now. It's AMAZING. It's peaceful.

So, if your coworker isn't the devil- and if you can't get another job that's just as good if not better, I'd try Deco's advice.

Good luck!

edited for spelling

 

[missy]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Hmmm.. I really like Deco's point of view. In my situation where I had a horrid coworker, the gal was pure E-V-I-L - I kid you not. It was not about her annoying me or just our personalities clashing. She was Cruella de Vil for real. So, if your coworker is actually a bad bad person who goes out of her way to hurt you, I'd look for a new job.

However, if that's not the case- AND you cannot easily find another job that suits your needs and desires then I'd try to change your point of view. I did a similar thing as Deco with my MIL. I've been with DH for 8 years now but the first 5 I spent in a never ending battle with MIL. It started because our personalities are SO different- she can be inappropriately vulgar (eg talking to my dad about BJs on our FIRST combined family dinner) and she's a bigot. She also thought I "stole" her only son. Anyways, it got so bad that I thought the only way out was to sever all ties to her. I tried that for a month but it created even more family drama and poor DH was caught in the middle. So, I decided to change my viewpoint. I decided to NOT let her affect me. After all, who is in charge of my feelings? I am. I don't have to be upset. Her craziness isn't my problem- it's hers. For ex one XMas she got all bent out of shape that we weren't spending the night on XMas Eve (hello we're married adults with our own home and KID!). So, instead of getting annoyed, I just looked at it like, "Wow. Look how irrational she can be. God I'm so happy I don't get all worked up like that over nothing. It must totally suck to be her." I just let it roll off my back. Shortly after I changed how I let her affect me, she stopped acting as nutso. But I think that's because I wasn't adding fuel to the fire by getting all pissy back. After awhile I also started "killing her with kindness" to the point where it'd make my stomach churn! LOL But WOW did it work! Just little things like going out of my way to text her pics of DS or spark up a conversation about a topic she's into and speak positively about it. After a few months of this she totally changed! I swear there is ZERO drama between us now. It's AMAZING. It's peacful.

So, if your coworker isn't the devil- and if you can't get another job that's just as good if not better, I'd try Deco's advice.

Good luck!

Yes, I totally agree with this. If you don't let her have power over you it's amazing how much better you will feel. But I also think you need lunch away from her-use whatever excuse necessary but get some "me" time to rejuvenate!

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I have been in this position before & needed to keep the job until I could find something else. Here's what I did (w/the help of a good therapist.) I really thought about who else this person reminded me of. Usually if you have such a strong reaction to someone that you don't really know that well -- it's because they REMIND you of someone you are VERY CLOSE to but have problems with. (Like a mother or father figure etc.) Once I realized that one of my two bosses was very similar to my (somewhat narcissistic) mother -- it took away a lot of the magic power that woman had to annoy me so totally. When I stopped *reacting* & detached emotionally from the triggers (because they weren't even really about BOSS #2) - somehow the whole situation diffused. Eventually SHE transferred to another part of the floor & was assigned a new assistant -- and I was paired with an even more supportive boss than my original, adored, BOSS #1.

Deco.... interesting!

I have been wondering for months why I have such a visceral reaction to her. My boss has often asked me "is there anything (this girl) could change that would make the situation better?" and the answer was honestly no, or at least I can't think of anything. I think it's just water and oil and I can't figure out exactly why. I'm curious... I'll try to think if she reminds me of anyone close to me that would trigger me like she has. I have also considered seeing a therapist to help me deal with the situation, but I wasn't sure what type of therapist I'd really be looking for? Any tips, Deco?

 

[decodelighted]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I have been in this position before & needed to keep the job until I could find something else. Here's what I did (w/the help of a good therapist.) I really thought about who else this person reminded me of. Usually if you have such a strong reaction to someone that you don't really know that well -- it's because they REMIND you of someone you are VERY CLOSE to but have problems with. (Like a mother or father figure etc.) Once I realized that one of my two bosses was very similar to my (somewhat narcissistic) mother -- it took away a lot of the magic power that woman had to annoy me so totally. When I stopped *reacting* & detached emotionally from the triggers (because they weren't even really about BOSS #2) - somehow the whole situation diffused. Eventually SHE transferred to another part of the floor & was assigned a new assistant -- and I was paired with an even more supportive boss than my original, adored, BOSS #1.

Deco.... interesting!

I have been wondering for months why I have such a visceral reaction to her. My boss has often asked me "is there anything (this girl) could change that would make the situation better?" and the answer was honestly no, or at least I can't think of anything. I think it's just water and oil and I can't figure out exactly why. I'm curious... I'll try to think if she reminds me of anyone close to me that would trigger me like she has. I have also considered seeing a therapist to help me deal with the situation, but I wasn't sure what type of therapist I'd really be looking for? Any tips, Deco?

For me, my situation seemed so dire (trying to get me fired) that I called my co's Employee Assistance Program which triggered a whole bunch of stuff - including emergency, fast-track fully paid therapy. So I was pretty lucky. I tried out one therapist that reminded me too much of my mother (older, purple leather pants, judgy!) & then clicked with the 2nd therapist I tried. I believe it was through a Marriage & Family Therapy teaching program & she was a newbie Clinical Social Worker. Seemed more like a peer than a "mother" figure, which was important for me based on issues I didn't even know I had! Only mentioning that so you don't get discouraged if you don't click w/the first person you meet with. Though I hope you do, if you try one out. Therapy is a WONDERFUL way to learn coping mechanisms for ALL SORTS of situations. I think of it like Emotional Graduate School. Plenty of people get on w/o it -- but, if you have the opportunity & desire - why the heck not get an "edge" in life! LOL!

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

For me, my situation seemed so dire (trying to get me fired) that I called my co's Employee Assistance Program which triggered a whole bunch of stuff - including emergency, fast-track fully paid therapy. So I was pretty lucky. I tried out one therapist that reminded me too much of my mother (older, purple leather pants, judgy!) & then clicked with the 2nd therapist I tried. I believe it was through a Marriage & Family Therapy teaching program & she was a newbie Clinical Social Worker. Seemed more like a peer than a "mother" figure, which was important for me based on issues I didn't even know I had! Only mentioning that so you don't get discouraged if you don't click w/the first person you meet with. Though I hope you do, if you try one out. Therapy is a WONDERFUL way to learn coping mechanisms for ALL SORTS of situations. I think of it like Emotional Graduate School. Plenty of people get on w/o it -- but, if you have the opportunity & desire - why the heck not get an "edge" in life! LOL!

Love, love, love that. Thank you! I've been thinking about therapy for a while now... I had a lot of negative experiences with it when I was younger and was forced to go by my parents after their divorce, but now that I'm an adult willingly seeking advice, I think it would be a far different experience.

I'm going to look into it.

Many thanks to all of you!!!

 

[packrat]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Unions are pretty tough to get around, in my experience. Well, not mine exactly, just my husband's experience from this time at the packing house-you about had to kill someone or come close to it, to get fired. Can you just let her fall on her face? Let her make mistake after mistake. That's what I'd do. Fixing her crap enables her. I had a coworker at the office that took over my non-front desk related duties when I started only working one day a week and even after 5 years she just could NOT get it. One day, I spent the ENTIRE day fixing her mistakes, and the office manager and Dr. wouldn't do anything about it. So, I quit doing it. She also reacted badly when shown mistakes but what else can you do? Let it be wrong. It wasn't my responsibility to ensure that she did her job right. That's the responsibility of the office manager and Dr. and if they weren't going to do anything, well, then..it certainly wasn't going to fall on my shoulders. (Although, she was a coworker that I adored, probably the ONLY one in the office, but she was just..scatterbrained and wanted things to be done NOW not done RIGHT, and I can't function like that) So, yeah, that's what I'd do. Do your work and let her screw herself. Be civil and professional towards her and let it end there.

I hope it gets better for you!

 

[canuk-gal]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

HI:

You love your job--that is very important. How many of us can say that?

And of course there is no guarantee leaving would provide happiness or satisfaction elsewhere.

You have been given good advice. Put on the rose colored glasses and be selective in what you hear and how you hear it. You'd be surprised what "your perspective" can do for your situation. You will be an asset to your organization (that may be recognized) because you can work well in less than ideal circumstances.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Haven]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation, Sonny.

I wanted to pop in and say that I had a somewhat similar situation last year with my own job. I LOVELOVELOVE my job, and to be honest most days I cannot believe that I got it in the first place. However, I had a colleague who was actively trying to make me look terrible for an entire year. It was really uncomfortable, and there were days and sometimes weeks when I came home every day and wondered if I should leave this job that I love so much.

My difficult colleague and I had to work together very closely as we are the only two full-time people in our particular field. This means we co-chair committees together, create and give professional development sessions together, run meetings together. Her vindictiveness started last summer when we were doing some intensive studying in another state together. Without going into too many details, she was obviously trying to make me look bad at every turn, and so much so that others noticed and asked me directly about the situation.

For a number of reasons my only workable solution was to kill her with kindness. And so I did. I acted as if I didn't notice any of her antics, and I threw all of my attention into being as professional as possible and doing my job as well as possible. It wasn't easy, and I really considered my future many, many times. BUT, at the very end of the spring semester, she suddenly opened up to me and apologized for everything she did. She told me she was jealous and threatened by me, and that she was so ashamed of how she behaved. Even then I told her not to give it a second thought, I hadn't noticed, yadda yadda yadda. I still feel very uncomfortable around her, and I'm not sure if her apology came about because she had a sudden change of heart, or because someone with some authority over her told her to knock it off. Either way, my work situation is much more comfortable now.

I guess I'm just trying to say that I've been there, and the thing that worked for me was to pour all of my energy into doing my job well, and to give my colleague no control over my emotional state at work. I'm not saying it was easy. I really, really had some tough days with this person. I cried behind my closed office door more than once, which is something I've never done before--cry at work. But in the end I am so glad that I went about it that way.

I hope your situation gets better soon.

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Thanks for sharing your story, Haven!

I've been off the last two days, so I'm spending the evening prepping myself for tomorrow with her lol. I'm going to try the "kill her with kindness" tactic when communicating, but I'm also going to continue trying to keep to myself whenever possible, and I'm going to try to let some of her mistakes go. I'll only bring them up if it's something that negatively affects both of us.

 

[Haven]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Good luck, SonnyJane! I really feel for you. Sometimes I forget how miserable I was for a while, but the good news is that once I was able to move past it, I was able to forget! I hope you find yourself in a similar place very soon.

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Can't type much, I'm on phone... Just wanted to say there was an interesting development and I'm off to meet with my manager (boss' boss). I'll write more when I'm home!!!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Boy, you really know how to leave a girl hanging...!

Seriously, I hope it's a good development for you, and I'm eager to find out what's going on!

 

[iheartscience]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Boy, you really know how to leave a girl hanging...!

Seriously, I hope it's a good development for you, and I'm eager to find out what's going on!

Ha ditto! Keep us posted!

 

[decodelighted]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

TEASE!!


ETA: My guess is the co-worker was caught stealing!

 

[Enerchi]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

Define.. "interesting"

I hope it works in your favour - following along and have no advice to share but sure hope this ends well for you... and perhaps a reassignment for the lazy annoying worker!

 

[OneFifty]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

I hope this is a good thing for your work situation! Can't wait to hear.

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j

TEASE!!


ETA: My guess is the co-worker was caught stealing!

Ha I wish that would have been it!

Well, the fireworks haven't flown yet, but I anticipate they will.

So... the Clif's Notes version of our situation is that she and I were hired on the exact same day at the exact same level - we are absolutely equal so far as seniority goes. Actually, I am technically 4 months more senior that here since she was out on maternity, but I'm not holding that over here. My current lead is pregnant and due to go out in 6 weeks for her maternity leave. My lead was under the impression that for the months that she is out, no replacement would be needed and we will just continue status quo without a lead for those four months... we have supervisors and managers over us that can help and check in, but our job is VERY low-maintenance - we don't need to have our lead around regularly to oversee us.

Well, yesterday during one of my incredibly fun days of working with this girl alone, she made a rude comment to me about how she is becoming "acting lead" while my lead is out on leave. Um. UM? UMMM? So suddenly, all of the brown-nosing, secrecy, and tension between us has been because she's involved in a little bit of a power struggle with me (of which I wasn't aware lol). In fact, through discussing my issues with my lead, I've learned that this girl only does about half the work on days with me as she does on days with my lead because she thinks she has authority over me. In other words, she is totally taking advantage of me and treating me like an underling even though we are equals.

SO....today I requested a meeting with my supervisor (my lead's boss) to go on record of saying that this is an issue and it is affecting our work environment. I cited several examples recently of her not doing her job properly, taking advantage of me, and giving me attitude. I also mentioned that she was under the impression that she would be becoming the lead while my boss was out and that's when my supervisor kind of FREAKED and said "Oh, we need to have a meeting right away then. That's not acceptable". Apparently, unbeknownst to me, they actually HAD discussed choosing an interim lead, but they were going to pick me instead SO... he wisely could foresee that this situation was going to go to hell quickly.

Thursday is my next day working with this girl, so my supervisor and manager (my supervisor's boss) have scheduled a meeting for Thursday morning to have a little "conflict resolution". The good news is that I think I am totally going to come out on top, as I am the one being proactive about it and took it to them first, and my lead has had discussions with my bosses about problems with this girl also, so it's not coming out of the blue.

I don't know WHAT the resolution is going to be after Thursday... things will either get better or WAY worse lol, but I'll keep you posted after the meeting!

 

[Enerchi]

Re: What if you hate your coworker more than you like your j



that sounds VERY positive on your end! You were proactive and discussed the matter in a (hopefully) constructive way - and how wonderful to learn that they see it too!! Her plan may just be foiled----I'm rooting for you as the new lead - yeah sonnyjane!!! (ok, a tad premature, but still, I'm hoping it works out well for you!)