What does the in-laws think of your Ering?

[junebug17]

When I reset my one carat stone into a three stone with two 0.50 carat sides, I could tell my MIL thought it was a bit excessive. She has worn her original e-ring (a small marquise solitaire) for the last 40 years, so she doesn't really 'get' upgrades and resets, even though she could easily afford to upgrade herself. FIL complimented it and said he kept noticing how much it sparkled.

Neither of them said much about the original e-ring.

I find that very cute!

 

[Laila619]

When I reset my one carat stone into a three stone with two 0.50 carat sides, I could tell my MIL thought it was a bit excessive. She has worn her original e-ring (a small marquise solitaire) for the last 40 years, so she doesn't really 'get' upgrades and resets, even though she could easily afford to upgrade herself. FIL complimented it and said he kept noticing how much it sparkled.

Neither of them said much about the original e-ring.

I find that very cute!

Thanks Junebug. He's always such a dear!

 

[secretagentlaura]

My mother-in-law was thrilled that my engagement ring was of a size that in no way would out-shine the one that her own daughter would receive a couple of months later. That's the way things work with my in-laws. Ten years later, my husband no longer talks to them!

Huh. I would think she would be pleased that her son was doing well enough in his career that he could afford to buy you a nice stone. That sort of puts her son in competition with her future son-in-law.

It's bizarre, no? My SIL is the significantly favoured child and my MIL figures that she and her family somehow deserve nicer things in life than my husband (and his family, by extension) does. Needless to say, my MIL has no idea about my new anniversary ring from WF

 

[Sparklelu]

I've been married 34 years so the memory should be hazy but no, when we got engaged I has a pretty 1.17 ct pear in the HW classic w/baguette sides. Very simple. SIL had gotten engaged about 6 months earlier with a .25.( my guess) heart!
When we showed my Inlaws, MIL says oh that's nice but I think diamonds are Ugly.
Nice!!! My SIL turns to me and says.. She told me that too! Lol. Now she did have a tiny diamond ring herself, I guess my FIL forced it on her??

 

[TracyBear]

my MIL said "Wow, now its big enough, you don't need any bigger!"

I think all MIL share this sentiment.

It sucks, but when feelings are involved, things seldom unfold in rational ways.

Wise words indeed!

I have a younger sister of whom I am very protective. However, when she found the man she wanted to marry (and I introduced them as he was my friend) I wasn't thrilled as I didn't feel he was "good" husband material. I kept my mouth shut because he isn't a bad person and he makes her happy.

I wish that I had your wisdom growing up. I have a baby sister too, whom I treat like my child because I help raised her. She's intelligent, beautiful inside and out, so naturally I thought that the perfect guy for her would be someone equally intelligent, generous, handsome, well-established, basically someone who's worthy of the greatness that is my baby sister. In the beginning, I openly told her which guys weren't good enough. Later on, she started weeding them out herself because my expectations for her was so deeply ingrained in her head. Now she's passed her mid-twenties and has 1 year left before she's a physician herself, YET still not even ONE relationship thus far. I feel so responsible. My over-protectiveness might led her down to spinsterhood. I tried setting her up with handsome guys in my specialty, but two of them turned out to be closeted gays. She told that if I set her up with one more guy, she'll kill me. Recently she became interested in a colleague who's frugal, short, has all sorts of health problems, but he's extremely kind. The old me would be like, "WTH?!" But now I sit back and watch it all unfold. My partner is not a looker and he's far from perfect, but we're so happy together. I hope she finds someone who can bring her even greater joy.

your sister in law sounds over protective / jealous of you.She thought my original engagement ring was 'a splurge' of my husbands money, thinks my new pear is 'very beautiful but each to their own' but also openly acknowledges that I am from a different 'breed' to her.

A different breed huh? How petty.

Hence my love for all things sparkly is clearly proof of my utter shallowness and "rich" family, lack of correct priorities etc.

It's a blessing that you came from a well off family so at least they can say that it's your natural lifestyle. I'm from the middle class so when I wear nice things, his side of the family think that I'm a golddigger.

I got the biggest diamond he could afford and when they all saw it they knew that he was really serious about me because he was the King of Cheap.

Your comment made my day!!! "King of Cheap!"

It is odd your SIL seems to have chilled her relation towards you once your got the ring; maybe hers is fake?

She would never wear a fake.

My in-laws, who are fairly well off, are jealous any time we do something that they perceive as "better than them." My MIL was jealous of my e-ring (about 1/2 ct. bigger than hers), and actually told me so after a few drinks.

And this is exactly why I don't drink alcohol.

My husband's illness has had a great impact on our lives and I have been a carer for a few years, in addition to now being thousands of miles away from my terminally sick mother. That's REALLY hard. I could have married someone who wanted to stay put in England. In addition, with all the time that has passed in treating my husband, it might also be more difficult for me to have our own child now.

These are tremendous sacrifices on your part. Your inlaws should really appreciate them.

I take great pains to ensure that my in-laws don't think the sun shines out of my husband's a*se. Although they never treated me unkindly, they started out thinking he was a golden boy who could do no wrong, but have since realised that he is just a fallible human being like the rest of us and, furthermore, that he'd be totally lost without me.

My man has really sweet and relaxed personality. I'm vocal and dominant to the point of almost being domineering. Naturally my MIL assumed that I coerced and manipulate her son into every bad decision that he's made. Recently he decided to go from internal med to oncology. His mother and I tried our best to persuade him to stay, but he made the switch anyhow because internal med no longer excite him. After that, his mother realized that he's his own person and won't take orders from anyone, including me.

I think this is incredibly silly and childish; however; when it comes to diamonds and competitive or really frugal families...look out...opinions &/or gossip are gonna' fly !!

You best believe it!

When we showed my Inlaws, MIL says oh that's nice but I think diamonds are Ugly

Perhaps she thinks that diamonds are ugly because hers is so small that she can't see all of its beautiful qualities .

 

[Missy]

I have a younger sister of whom I am very protective. However, when she found the man she wanted to marry (and I introduced them as he was my friend) I wasn't thrilled as I didn't feel he was "good" husband material. I kept my mouth shut because he isn't a bad person and he makes her happy.

I wish that I had your wisdom growing up. I have a baby sister too, whom I treat like my child because I help raised her. She's intelligent, beautiful inside and out, so naturally I thought that the perfect guy for her would be someone equally intelligent, generous, handsome, well-established, basically someone who's worthy of the greatness that is my baby sister. In the beginning, I openly told her which guys weren't good enough. Later on, she started weeding them out herself because my expectations for her was so deeply ingrained in her head. Now she's passed her mid-twenties and has 1 year left before she's a physician herself, YET still not even ONE relationship thus far. I feel so responsible. My over-protectiveness might led her down to spinsterhood. I tried setting her up with handsome guys in my specialty, but two of them turned out to be closeted gays. She told that if I set her up with one more guy, she'll kill me. Recently she became interested in a colleague who's frugal, short, has all sorts of health problems, but he's extremely kind. The old me would be like, "WTH?!" But now I sit back and watch it all unfold. My partner is not a looker and he's far from perfect, but we're so happy together. I hope she finds someone who can bring her even greater joy.

Hi Tracy, don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. You are not responsible for your sister being single. She is so young still and not even finished with her training yet and she has plenty of time to find the love of her life. I understand how you feel because as her big sister you want the very best for her and you feel that if there is anything you can do within your power you will. I get that cause I am like that too. Just be there for her and listen to her and don't worry. Your sister is smart and beautiful and will have a great career and is going to be able to take care of herself just fine and will find love. No need to rush into anything and I also think the older you are when you find the LOYL (love of your life) the wiser the choice may be. The older you are the more you know what you really want and need in a life partner. She'll find someone who is perfect- perfect for her that is.

 

[SB621]

My MIL I'm extremely close with- she is truly the mother I never had. She actually started my love of jewelry. She has no issues with my rock but she also likes much more modern contemporary jewlery then I do. She appreciates my taste but we are not jealous of each other's collection. We both joke that my daughter will inhereit well though We borrow pieces from each other all the time.


My younger brother is currently single and when/if he gets engaged I could care less about the ring and how it compares to mine. I just want him to find someone who will show him happiness and love. And if he asks me I would love to help him shop for the diamond so he can get the best bang for his buck

 

[msop04]

my MIL said "Wow, now its big enough, you don't need any bigger!"

I think all MIL share this sentiment. My MIL is the sweetest lady, so I seriously can't complain too much about her. However, when my DH bought my ring, he told her hold much he spent!! I was mortified, as I knew her jaw probably dropped to the floor (she still wears her original 0.50ish carat ering, and doesn't really believe in "upgrades") and she thought it was too much. She is always very complimentary and talks about how it "just sparkles all the time"... She has never said anything to either of us, but I can't help but think she feels I was a little too picky/demanding when it came to my ering. And I was.

your sister in law sounds over protective / jealous of you.She thought my original engagement ring was 'a splurge' of my husbands money, thinks my new pear is 'very beautiful but each to their own' but also openly acknowledges that I am from a different 'breed' to her.

A different breed huh? How petty. This is hilarious! I'm pretty sure I am this breed of which she speaks...

I got the biggest diamond he could afford and when they all saw it they knew that he was really serious about me because he was the King of Cheap.

Your comment made my day!!! "King of Cheap!" This is my favorite quote in the thread!! I literally LOL'ed!! My DH is a very level-headed, financially responsible person (thank GOD for that, because I need help!! ) and I am pretty sure his parents fell out when they saw it when it was being "hidden" at their home. They knew there is no way in HE** their son picked it out, much less spent that kind of money without a little... nudging on my part.

It is odd your SIL seems to have chilled her relation towards you once your got the ring; maybe hers is fake?

She would never wear a fake. This is a strange situation... Maybe it's not the ring that is fake, but her relationship. She may have a huge ring, but knows in her heart that she and her husband don't have the same loving relationship as you do... maybe the ring represents that love and is a reminder of what they are lacking. Just a thought.

I think this is incredibly silly and childish; however; when it comes to diamonds and competitive or really frugal families...look out...opinions &/or gossip are gonna' fly !!

You best believe it! Ooooohhhh yeah!! My SIL (DH's sister) got engaged about 2 months before we did with a 1.5ish ct family stone -- and it's really lovely. She had posted a million pics on FB, so I knew what hers looked like, but I didn't post pics of mine... well, not like a macro shot - just the usual smiley "just engaged" photo with left hand on fiance's chest type of thing. The first time she saw my ring, I was kind of hesitant to show her, so I just sort of held up my hand really quickly (we were in separate cars and just happened to in the parking lot when we saw each other...). She was all smiley and said "Oh, take it off! I wanna see it!" So I did. She and her fiance just looked at it all wide-eyed, studying it even! It was uncomfortable. Then she handed it back to me and complimented it (sincerely) and said, "you wanna see mine??!!" I really didn't too much care to because I'd seen at least 15 macro shots of every angle. I mustered up all the enthusiasm I could and said, Yes! Let me see that ring!!!"

When we showed my Inlaws, MIL says oh that's nice but I think diamonds are Ugly

Perhaps she thinks that diamonds are ugly because hers is so small that she can't see all of its beautiful qualities .

HAHAHAAAA!! Too funny!!

 

[TracyBear]

This is a strange situation... Maybe it's not the ring that is fake, but her relationship. She may have a huge ring, but knows in her heart that she and her husband don't have the same loving relationship as you do... maybe the ring represents that love and is a reminder of what they are lacking. Just a thought.

To be frank, I have no idea what her problem is. When I first dated my partner, I've heard stories of his past relationships and how she disapproved. She has a very particular personality so I didn't expect her to like me. Then one Christmas a shoebox from Nordstrom showed up at my doorstep with a lovely note. Not having a big sister myself, I thought that it's nice that she viewed me as her little sis and we got along great. When I had to move, my man really wanted me to know that our relationship will survive despite the long distance so he bought me a promise ring to say that he'll be faithfully waiting.

Quick story about the ring: We had but a meager budget of $2K for this ring. You ladies know that you can barely get a well made setting for that price let alone have any nice stones. By good karma, we ended up with a custom piece, 1.6ct total G VVS1, 5 stones diamond ring. Years back when I was in college, I attended a court marriage between two friends. He was a guy from France who came to America in search of a mother who had abandoned him and she came from a hard family who didn't support her. He ended up going to army so that she could use that money to finish up her masters. It's really sweet, I was incredibly moved by the modest ceremony. Afterwards the whole entourage went to this cheap country buffet for their "reception." They literally had no money, she wore a $30 dress from Ross and he borrowed a suit from a friend. I felt so touched that I paid for everyone's meals. It didn't even exceed $200 total. Then I forgot about the incident. After complaining to my sis about how we could only afford a 2mm band, her best friend and roommate, the then bride, overheard and told me that her husband found his mother and she owns a jewelry store. Long story short, we visited the store and her MIL gave us our ring for $2K as thankyou for being there for children.

So we ended up with this impressive ring that my partner told me to never wear in the company of his family, which I understood. One evening out of the blue, we got this phone call that his BIL had bought his sister a 3 story home 10 mins from downtown as a present. His parent wanted everyone to come see the house so we all ran over in a rush. While at dinner in their luxurious new home, I noticed that his mother and sister kept looking at my hand. In all the excitement, I had forgotten to take off my ring. After that we got the pregnancy rumors. Had she kept it in the family, I wouldn't mind, but she spread it to all the relatives on her side and it got back to my very conservative mother. Mind you, the woman kept her virginity until the day she married my father so we had a very uncomfortable talk. I was furious. The next time I saw my SIL, I asked her if she truly thought that I was pregnant. She didn't know how to respond. Then I clearly stated that there are roles that all of us play in my partner's life and none of these roles are interchangeable. I don't want to be like a sister to him and she can't be his wife. One thing that we all have in common is that we love him so out of love, can't we just get along as a family? If she has any concerns she can talk to me, I'm very open. At which point she said that she thought that I manipulate him into a serious relationship. I told her that my man is quite stubborn, no one can make him do anything that he doesn't want to do. So we all got everything off our chest and I thought we resolved all that misunderstanding...UNTIL he got me the Ering. Now she's giving me the silent treatment once again. I come to her with open heart because I understand how protective a sister can be and it's ultimately done out of love. But she's just not in a place to receive me yet. That's ok.

Oh yeah, his mom asked me about the cost of my promise ring and felt relieved afterwards, but it wasn't as high as she estimated. I'm sure she asked my partner about the cost of our Ering as well. I think my SIL feels that our current Ering is too expensive. It's hypocritical because she has TWO pianos, a normal one and a grand one. Why would anyone who is not a professional musician need TWO? It's just a play thing and she can spend so much money on it, yet she find it frivolous that her brother spent money on something that represent our love AND that I'm wearing everyday. I don't understand her views at all. Perhaps, I never will.

 

[ruby59]

My inlaws said the same thing to my husband and I that they did with all their children. They looked at our rings adoringly, kissed us, and welcomed us to the family. They have 4 sons and we all became their daughters. I got lucky as my inlaws were/are nonjudgmental, very positive people who knew what to say and more importantly when to keep quiet.

 

[Laila619]

My inlaws said the same thing to my husband and I that they did with all their children. They looked at our rings adoringly, kissed us, and welcomed us to the family. They have 4 sons and we all became their daughters. I got lucky as my inlaws were/are nonjudgmental, very positive people who knew what to say and more importantly when to keep quiet.

Sounds like the perfect in-laws!

 

[MissStepcut]

I read this thread with great relish. I love in-law stories. Though of course I do wish the unhappier ones will have good endings!

My MIL is a rare breed: she wished my ring was bigger, and tried to commandeer the purchase process!

 

[jmarshall]

I'll let you know when they see it....

 

[TracyBear]

I got the biggest diamond he could afford and when they all saw it they knew that he was really serious about me because he was the King of Cheap.

I can not believe this but I think that guy my sis is seeing will give your husband a run for his money. He picked my sis up for a date and took her to a restaurant which he has a "groupon" for. After the meal, they saw a movie for free because he signed himself up as a previewer. She didn't even want to see that movie, but he didn't want to pay for a real ticket. THEN to finish off the date, he gave her........hold your breath.... a coupon for a FREE dozen eggs. She told that's ok, she didn't need it, his reply, "Cool, more eggs for me then."

 

[msop04]

I got the biggest diamond he could afford and when they all saw it they knew that he was really serious about me because he was the King of Cheap.

I can not believe this but I think that guy my sis is seeing will give your husband a run for his money. He picked my sis up for a date and took her to a restaurant which he has a "groupon" for. After the meal, they saw a movie for free because he signed himself up as a previewer. She didn't even want to see that movie, but he didn't want to pay for a real ticket. THEN to finish off the date, he gave her........hold your breath.... a coupon for a FREE dozen eggs. She told that's ok, she didn't need it, his reply, "Cool, more eggs for me then."

Wow. Just... wow.

 

[msop04]

This is a strange situation... Maybe it's not the ring that is fake, but her relationship. She may have a huge ring, but knows in her heart that she and her husband don't have the same loving relationship as you do... maybe the ring represents that love and is a reminder of what they are lacking. Just a thought.

To be frank, I have no idea what her problem is I know this is hard, but you may never be able to figure out what her problem is, much less please her. No offense, but she sounds like a bully and a raging beeotch -- the type that will always be miserable, no matter how much she has... But I think you already know this.

When I first dated my partner, I've heard stories of his past relationships and how she disapproved. She has a very particular personality so I didn't expect her to like me. Then one Christmas a shoebox from Nordstrom showed up at my doorstep with a lovely note. Not having a big sister myself, I thought that it's nice that she viewed me as her little sis and we got along great. When I had to move, my man really wanted me to know that our relationship will survive despite the long distance so he bought me a promise ring to say that he'll be faithfully waiting.

Quick story about the ring: We had but a meager budget of $2K for this ring. You ladies know that you can barely get a well made setting for that price let alone have any nice stones. By good karma, we ended up with a custom piece, 1.6ct total G VVS1, 5 stones diamond ring. Years back when I was in college, I attended a court marriage between two friends. He was a guy from France who came to America in search of a mother who had abandoned him and she came from a hard family who didn't support her. He ended up going to army so that she could use that money to finish up her masters. It's really sweet, I was incredibly moved by the modest ceremony. Afterwards the whole entourage went to this cheap country buffet for their "reception." They literally had no money, she wore a $30 dress from Ross and he borrowed a suit from a friend. I felt so touched that I paid for everyone's meals. It didn't even exceed $200 total. Then I forgot about the incident. After complaining to my sis about how we could only afford a 2mm band, her best friend and roommate, the then bride, overheard and told me that her husband found his mother and she owns a jewelry store. Long story short, we visited the store and her MIL gave us our ring for $2K as thankyou for being there for children. Very sweet story! Thanks for sharing!

So we ended up with this impressive ring that my partner told me to never wear in the company of his family, which I understood. One evening out of the blue, we got this phone call that his BIL had bought his sister a 3 story home 10 mins from downtown as a present. His parent wanted everyone to come see the house so we all ran over in a rush. While at dinner in their luxurious new home, I noticed that his mother and sister kept looking at my hand. In all the excitement, I had forgotten to take off my ring. After that we got the pregnancy rumors. Again, this is malicious behavior...

Had she kept it in the family, I wouldn't mind, but she spread it to all the relatives on her side and it got back to my very conservative mother. Mind you, the woman kept her virginity until the day she married my father so we had a very uncomfortable talk. I was furious. The next time I saw my SIL, I asked her if she truly thought that I was pregnant. She didn't know how to respond. Most likely because she's never been confronted.

Then I clearly stated that there are roles that all of us play in my partner's life and none of these roles are interchangeable. I don't want to be like a sister to him and she can't be his wife. AWESOME!! Good for you!!

One thing that we all have in common is that we love him so out of love, can't we just get along as a family? If she has any concerns she can talk to me, I'm very open. At which point she said that she thought that I manipulate him into a serious relationship. I told her that my man is quite stubborn, no one can make him do anything that he doesn't want to do. So we all got everything off our chest and I thought we resolved all that misunderstanding...UNTIL he got me the Ering. Now she's giving me the silent treatment once again. She is clearly pissed because her plan to scare you away didn't work!!

I come to her with open heart because I understand how protective a sister can be and it's ultimately done out of love. But she's just not in a place to receive me yet. That's ok. My opinion is to continue to be cordial, just don't acknowledge her tacky attitude or reciprocate her negativity in any way. By letting her get to you, she is getting what she wants. It's pretty clear she's trying to cause problems with you and your DF -- don't let her. If/when she starts, just walk away. Literally.

Oh yeah, his mom asked me about the cost of my promise ring and felt relieved afterwards, but it wasn't as high as she estimated. I'm sure she asked my partner about the cost of our Ering as well. I think my SIL feels that our current Ering is too expensive. What your SIL thinks is what she thinks. I wouldn't worry myself in the least. This is not the reaction of an overly protective sister who simply want the best for her brother. She has proven to act like some kind of "jealous-GF-mean-girl" when it comes to her brother's relationships.

It's hypocritical because she has TWO pianos, a normal one and a grand one. Why would anyone who is not a professional musician need TWO? It's just a play thing and she can spend so much money on it, yet she find it frivolous that her brother spent money on something that represent our love AND that I'm wearing everyday. I don't understand her views at all. Perhaps, I never will.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, TracyBear. She seems to be a miserable person, and no amount of real estate, bling, or playthings will make her happy. Sounds like she has some deep psychological issues, and it's not you that is causing her to act this way. Only she can change this. Period. I sincerely hope that you will be able to ignore her and keep focusing on on your love for FH. I truly wish the best for you!!

 

[blingymo]

My mother-in-law was thrilled that my engagement ring was of a size that in no way would out-shine the one that her own daughter would receive a couple of months later. That's the way things work with my in-laws. Ten years later, my husband no longer talks to them!

Huh. I would think she would be pleased that her son was doing well enough in his career that he could afford to buy you a nice stone. That sort of puts her son in competition with her future son-in-law.

It's bizarre, no? My SIL is the significantly favoured child and my MIL figures that she and her family somehow deserve nicer things in life than my husband (and his family, by extension) does. Needless to say, my MIL has no idea about my new anniversary ring from WF

My husband's family is that way too. There are 5 boys and then a younger girl. She is the princess. She designed her e-ring, and my MIL was so mad that it was made with tiny stones. I have rarely seen my SIL wear it. She wears her grandmother's diamond band as a w-ring and that's it.

 

[blingymo]

I read this thread with great relish. I love in-law stories. Though of course I do wish the unhappier ones will have good endings!

My MIL is a rare breed: she wished my ring was bigger, and tried to commandeer the purchase process!

I LOVE this. I want my son to be able to buy a spectacular ring someday. I would be so happy for my DIL to have a honker. You are lucky to have such a great MIL that is not worried about you doing better than her. Makes me think of the Joan Rivers line, "Let me see the ring. How'd you do?"

 

[msop04]

I read this thread with great relish. I love in-law stories. Though of course I do wish the unhappier ones will have good endings!

My MIL is a rare breed: she wished my ring was bigger, and tried to commandeer the purchase process!

I LOVE this. I want my son to be able to buy a spectacular ring someday. I would be so happy for my DIL to have a honker. You are lucky to have such a great MIL that is not worried about you doing better than her. Makes me think of the Joan Rivers line, "Let me see the ring. How'd you do?"

+1 -- Love all of this! I want my future DIL to have an awesome ring! And I'd love to be in on the process!!