What do you think about Scandinavian engagement rings

[artdecogirl]

While not my style, I like the idea of being more 'low key' about being engaged. It's not about the bling you get, the big fancy princess wedding, or the expensive honeymoon. It's about joining lives. Americans and others have gotten very hung up on status symbols, and usually not for the better. We've all seen posts on here about women having the 'smallest' ring of their friends, and how badly they are made to feel about it. It sucks, when it should be a very happy time in your life, you're playing the comparison game. Not fun. A surefire way to be unhappy about everything you do have is to compare yourself to someone who has even more.

Very well said Rubybeth.

 

[Blackpaw]

I Scandinavian jewellery designers so had to chime in! I dont really know any Swedish designers (will be checking out your recs, Natascha) but have a few Danish faves, particularly Marianne Dulong, im saving up for a pair of her Kharisma earrings. And i like Julie Sandlau and Jewelscph too for more casual looks. Ive always loved fusion and magic by Georg Jensen, and that cool watch design they have too (its a round face on a half bracelet i guess you'ld say), though a lot of their stuff is a little austere for me.

Theoretically that is, im yet to buy any, but im definitely working on it.

 

[Circe]

Ha, timely! I just got back from a trip to Sweden (Natascha, I thought about giving a shout-out but worried it might be creepy ... Now I am second-guessing myself!), AND my SIL got engaged, so I've been thinking a lot about the aesthetic differences and their implications.

My SIL got a beautiful ring with three rows of rounds going vertically spaced across the front: when she showed it to me, she said she was thinking of getting a solitaire as a wedding ring ... "but not like THAT," she added hastily, gesturing at my ring. Made me remember how people reacted when I first showed up in Sweden: scrupulously polite, as Swedes always are, but almost ... Incredulous? Just because big diamonds are so outside the norm (happily, at this point they're used to me mixing diamonds and antique pastes and whatnot, and nobody twitches a brow: I'm not sure if that's because they assume they're fake, or because, as my little nephew replied when asked if he remembered who I was - "duh, of course! That's the sparkly lady!").

It intrigues me in two levels - class and gender. For one thing, as far as I've been able to discern, Sweden is almost the opposite of an aspirational society. Everybody wants to fit in - I'm trying to remember the word for it. Ja.......? Ah, bless Google: Jante's Law! http://www.waste.org/~xtal/red/jante.html

And the other thing is that Sweden is wonderfully egalitarian. I am SO JEALOUS of the gender policies and legislation. But, on the other hand ... My husband was nosing about to see how I'd feel about moving there, and the answer is, uncomfortable! At first I thought it was because of the homogeneity (five years, and I've yet to meet a Swedish Jew), but after spending two weeks squinting at people in the street, I realized it was also a gender presentation thing. I'm a raging feminist, but I'm also pretty femme, and I felt like a big weirdo a lot of the time. Shallow reason to resist moving to feminist Shangri-La, but ....

Anyway, to get back on topic, I feel like the "identical rings for both genders" thing helps to reinforce egalitarian notions - though, curiously, not across the board, since other cultures with similar traditions can be very old fashioned when it comes to gender roles. It'll be interesting to see if the alternate extreme represented by America will catch on in those, or if they'll be influenced by that subliminal suggestion to construct themselves in opposition and leapfrog us ....

P.S. - to actually answer the question about style? I think it's very elegant! I live the look of a plain band paired with an eternity - when I'm there, that's how I wear my set, with my e-ring on my right hand. But I can't give it up altogether, not even for two weeks - I like shiny things too much.

 

[natascha]

Ha, timely! I just got back from a trip to Sweden (Natascha, I thought about giving a shout-out but worried it might be creepy ... Now I am second-guessing myself!), AND my SIL got engaged, so I've been thinking a lot about the aesthetic differences and their implications.

My SIL got a beautiful ring with three rows of rounds going vertically spaced across the front: when she showed it to me, she said she was thinking of getting a solitaire as a wedding ring ... "but not like THAT," she added hastily, gesturing at my ring. Made me remember how people reacted when I first showed up in Sweden: scrupulously polite, as Swedes always are, but almost ... Incredulous? Just because big diamonds are so outside the norm (happily, at this point they're used to me mixing diamonds and antique pastes and whatnot, and nobody twitches a brow: I'm not sure if that's because they assume they're fake, or because, as my little nephew replied when asked if he remembered who I was - "duh, of course! That's the sparkly lady!").

It intrigues me in two levels - class and gender. For one thing, as far as I've been able to discern, Sweden is almost the opposite of an aspirational society. Everybody wants to fit in - I'm trying to remember the word for it. Ja.......? Ah, bless Google: Jante's Law! http://www.waste.org/~xtal/red/jante.html

And the other thing is that Sweden is wonderfully egalitarian. I am SO JEALOUS of the gender policies and legislation. But, on the other hand ... My husband was nosing about to see how I'd feel about moving there, and the answer is, uncomfortable! At first I thought it was because of the homogeneity (five years, and I've yet to meet a Swedish Jew), but after spending two weeks squinting at people in the street, I realized it was also a gender presentation thing. I'm a raging feminist, but I'm also pretty femme, and I felt like a big weirdo a lot of the time. Shallow reason to resist moving to feminist Shangri-La, but ....

Anyway, to get back on topic, I feel like the "identical rings for both genders" thing helps to reinforce egalitarian notions - though, curiously, not across the board, since other cultures with similar traditions can be very old fashioned when it comes to gender roles. It'll be interesting to see if the alternate extreme represented by America will catch on in those, or if they'll be influenced by that subliminal suggestion to construct themselves in opposition and leapfrog us ....

P.S. - to actually answer the question about style? I think it's very elegant! I live the look of a plain band paired with an eternity - when I'm there, that's how I wear my set, with my e-ring on my right hand. But I can't give it up altogether, not even for two weeks - I like shiny things too much.

A shout out would definitively not have been creepy! I would have loved to hear from you, I always wish I could join the wonderfull GTG in the US. Of course I would have enjoyed chatting about other stuff apart form jewlery too , I often find your posts very interesting and thought provoking. What area in Sweden where you visiting?

I would so have loved to see how your family in law reacted to your bling the first time . I do think you may have affected your SIL a bit already. When I read about the three rows of pave I was expecting it to be a wedding ring, not an e-ring. What size of solitaire was she thinking about then?

On the surface Jante' law is quite prevalent. However beneath the surface class and wanting to excel is very common. I am in a bit of an awkward position socially as I mainly come from a blue collar background but my education and desired career are anything but that. There is no issue in my family since we strongly believe in doing what you want with your life and don't really believe in class differences. However with other people it can be uncomfortable, some feel that I am trying to be better than them and others don't know how to deal with me taking a different path that they don't really understand. With people that I have met through school, etc I have a bit of a funny issue. They don't realize that I come from a different "class" then them. My interests, dress sense and manners, etc, which used to make me the butt of jokes, now makes me fit in .

Class over here focuses on less obvious things. Living in the right place (that does not mean big ostentatious mac-mansions), eating the right things (what you eat often clearly defines your social status) and where you travel are all strong indicators. Those with money and power are rarely showy, they will shop in the right places and will wear expensive brands but it will be those without clear logos. Mulberry for example is very popular and for white tie events ballgowns are very understated, without beading and crystals, and those are very expensive since the cheaper brands are all blingy. Of course everything is about who you know (tough luck getting the internship when the girl against you went skiing with the recruiter last month), what school you went to, etc.

I am definitively a raging feminist but at the same time I am very femme. I regularly get confused for being part of a gay couple if I am with one of my girlfriends . It even happens if I am out with my sister. Being a feminist is not about what you can't wear or do, it is all about doing what "you" feel like, independent of gender roles. So what if I want to wear feminine dresses, paint my nails and love my cute lavender laptop. I do that because it is what "I" like, not because of preconceived notions (eg I loved pink as a child while my sisters favorite color was blue, ergo I would get everything in pink and she would get everything in blue). A lot of gender presentation is because of comfort and the Scandinavian style. Most girls wear flats and pants because it is more comfortable (I went from wearing heels all the time, to falling twice on the ice and then converting to flats for at least half of the year). Also fashion over here is less colorful and more androgynous, just look at our interior design and our jewelry. So please come over here and be a complete femme and show us how it is done! I bet you will inspire many woman. I truly think that Sweden is a great place to raise children. How would your work situation be over here? I am guessing that your husband is in finance?

Oh I really love the plain band plus eternity combo. I have been holding out on getting a "proper e'ring" since I want to wear a plain gold band as my wedding ring (I am the eldest of my generation on both sides so I have a several old wedding rings that I want to melt down for that).

 

[natascha]

I'm Swedish so I have to comment on this topic!

As Natasha said we exchange gold bands when we get engaged, and at the wedding the woman gets a second ring. Traditionally, the wedding ring is identical to the engagement ring. This is what my grandmothers rings look like and this is the traditional syle. (Sorry, the picture is so big)

Today the wedding ring is often the same as the engagement ring with some added bling. You usually want the same profile and a very low ring that is comfortable to wear. This is my set that is 0.28 ctw. This is not considered small here. Maybe even a bit larger than average, at least where I live. And it probably looks very 1999 . The diamonds in my earrings are bigger than the stones in my wedding ring, but most people probably think they are fake.


A solitaire or a three stone ring is considered a RHR, so I can see why people asked Natascha where her ER was when she didn't wear a gold band.

As for Scandinavian designers, I love my Ole Lynggaard pieces.

Yay for another Swede!

I don't think it looks very 1999, I have seen several couples choose that style during the last couple of years. I think it is gorgeous by the way. I love the combo of your plain e-ring with your blingy wedding ring. I agree with you that for Sweden it is definitively on the larger side.

AGBF- Thank you for the link! I remember seeing your original e-ring before, I think it is really lovely. If you don't wear it so much, have you thought about re-sizing it to fit your pinky?

Part Gypsy- well they are usually stack-able up to a point. More than two usually doesn't work since it becomes too wide.

Blackpaw- I think you will like the Swedish designers. I feel so silly not knowing which ones are popular right now, but my favorities stopped working in the 1930s . That watch is really cool, I tried it on but it is not really my style.

 

[Circe]

A shout out would definitively not have been creepy! I would have loved to hear from you, I always wish I could join the wonderfull GTG in the US. Of course I would have enjoyed chatting about other stuff apart form jewlery too , I often find your posts very interesting and thought provoking. What area in Sweden where you visiting?

I would so have loved to see how your family in law reacted to your bling the first time . I do think you may have affected your SIL a bit already. When I read about the three rows of pave I was expecting it to be a wedding ring, not an e-ring. What size of solitaire was she thinking about then?

On the surface Jante' law is quite prevalent. However beneath the surface class and wanting to excel is very common. I am in a bit of an awkward position socially as I mainly come from a blue collar background but my education and desired career are anything but that. There is no issue in my family since we strongly believe in doing what you want with your life and don't really believe in class differences. However with other people it can be uncomfortable, some feel that I am trying to be better than them and others don't know how to deal with me taking a different path that they don't really understand. With people that I have met through school, etc I have a bit of a funny issue. They don't realize that I come from a different "class" then them. My interests, dress sense and manners, etc, which used to make me the butt of jokes, now makes me fit in .

Class over here focuses on less obvious things. Living in the right place (that does not mean big ostentatious mac-mansions), eating the right things (what you eat often clearly defines your social status) and where you travel are all strong indicators. Those with money and power are rarely showy, they will shop in the right places and will wear expensive brands but it will be those without clear logos. Mulberry for example is very popular and for white tie events ballgowns are very understated, without beading and crystals, and those are very expensive since the cheaper brands are all blingy. Of course everything is about who you know (tough luck getting the internship when the girl against you went skiing with the recruiter last month), what school you went to, etc.

I am definitively a raging feminist but at the same time I am very femme. I regularly get confused for being part of a gay couple if I am with one of my girlfriends . It even happens if I am out with my sister. Being a feminist is not about what you can't wear or do, it is all about doing what "you" feel like, independent of gender roles. So what if I want to wear feminine dresses, paint my nails and love my cute lavender laptop. I do that because it is what "I" like, not because of preconceived notions (eg I loved pink as a child while my sisters favorite color was blue, ergo I would get everything in pink and she would get everything in blue). A lot of gender presentation is because of comfort and the Scandinavian style. Most girls wear flats and pants because it is more comfortable (I went from wearing heels all the time, to falling twice on the ice and then converting to flats for at least half of the year). Also fashion over here is less colorful and more androgynous, just look at our interior design and our jewelry. So please come over here and be a complete femme and show us how it is done! I bet you will inspire many woman. I truly think that Sweden is a great place to raise children. How would your work situation be over here? I am guessing that your husband is in finance?

Oh I really love the plain band plus eternity combo. I have been holding out on getting a "proper e'ring" since I want to wear a plain gold band as my wedding ring (I am the eldest of my generation on both sides so I have a several old wedding rings that I want to melt down for that).

Realized when I answered your shopping post I'd never responded here - infant jet-lag is making me The Tardiest Correspondent, here and in RL.

So, first off, more fool I! Next time I'm heading over, I'll definitely give a heads up. My family is in Gothenburg, but this time we also hit Stockholm, and I think we're going to make that a regular feature.

I definitely agree with you re: feminism; what I find weirdly fascinating is how attitudes can influence aesthetics, and vice versa. I'm starting to develop the theory that societies subconsciously give a shout-out to the attitudes which affect them most via the chronological periods they reference in their consumer choices. The US? Big 'ole love affair with the '50s, as seen in the popularity of the boxy cars, the picket fences, and the consistently girly clothes: less salubriously, also the retrograde politics. In Sweden, I feel like the prevailing aesthetic is very '70s to '80s - stark decor (blond wood, white backdrops, etc.) and unisex clothes, with the politics to match (yay!), but with the result that *I* wind up feeling like even though I'm in step socially, I *look* completely foreign, and in a way that's deceptively old-fashioned. And, even more shallowly and unfortunately, the end result is that I always feel ... almost visually starved after a visit. I would love to move there, but I worry that I'd be depressed from the combined results of feeling like an outsider and missing the visuals I'm used to. On the other hand, maybe not seeing nonsense on the news every night would cheer me back up! (I say this in the wake of a political candidate opining that rape exceptions under restrictive abortion laws are unnecessary, since women's biology keeps us from conceiving from "legitimate" rape. Words fail me.) So ... yeah, still going back and forth.

My SIL is still definitely a true-blue Swede - her ring has three vertical rows of three diamonds apiece, broadly spaced. I'm guessing she wants in the ballpark of .20-.50, if the sorts of things she's mentioned liking before are an indication. And I see what you mean about food and vacation being big indicators! I was kind of fascinated by my in-laws' sudden love affair with weirdly fancy pre-dinner cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and travel photos, but if this is a thing ... duh, Circe!

I'm really enjoying this conversation about cultural differences. I feel like you think more like I do than my very straightforward, no-subtleties engineer spouse, so I'm getting more of an insight from two pages here than I have in 5 years of occasionally head-scratching visits!