What do you question now that you didn't before?

[CJ2008]

In my other thread about taking pets in to their annual exam, JDDN thought it was interesting that I said how I things I used to just do I question now...and she also thought it might be interesting to see if others find themselves doing that too.

So I thought it actually could be something to think about - maybe we don't notice it unless we think about it.

For me some things are:

-Paying so much to color my hair
-Paying so much for a haircut
-Whether it's always best to let my inner annoyance show - I feel like I get annoyed with people fairly quickly and easily. And I've always let it show. Now I try to be a bit more...strategic in how I go about talking to people and what I say. I still get to do what I really want to do but come off a little more...friendly. Just makes it easier for me instead of feeling like I always stick out like a big sore thumb. It's been working for me.

What things do you question now that you didn't before?

 

[kenny]

More than ever before, I question caring (too much) what others think of me.
These days I'm no so approval-seeking.

It's liberating.
It's nice.

 

[Dancing Fire]

-Paying so much for a haircut

I only pay $9 for my haircut + $2 tip...

 

[kenny]

I pay (and tip) zero, so does my SO and ditto our doggies.

The clipper was $125, but we've saved thousands of dollars using it.
Cheaper clippers could not cut through our dogs' thick under-fur.

 

[Jambalaya]

I used to just assume that no-one was judging me by my background, wealth, weight, accent, or anything except what I've made of myself now and how good a person I am.

I assumed that everyone absorbed kindergarten/parental lessons that it isn't how much money we have, or what we look like, or what connections/power/status we have that matters, but only who we actually are, and the good or bad actions that we take.

I assumed that everyone knew that thinking someone is better because they're well-connected or have prestige or wealth or looks or whatever, is so clearly wrong, and snobbish. I really thought that everyone knew that. I assumed that everyone knew to judge people on such criteria was so wrong that anyone would be embarrassed to be caught doing so.

As I got older I realized how untrue this is, and how many people are very snobby, and how many are absolutely judging you on what school you went to or who your parents were or how much money you have, or how slim and beautiful you are. I mean, not anyone I'm close to, but yeah. Big shock to piece together the way that so many people think.

So what's changed is that now I'm aware that people might be judging me, for better or worse, depending on those things.

Here is an example. The person wasn't judging me so much as judging my ring (although I guess that translates to judging my taste, and my spending power and therefore background, if she didn't know me as well as she did). I used to have a really beautiful step-cut deep aquamarine ring, surrounded by a halo of diamonds. It was gorgeous. However, it wasn't very expensive because I got it from a Chinese jeweler in Chinatown, in a city I was visiting. When I say not very expensive, it was a fair price, not an inflated price, but still gem-and-diamond kind of money. The jeweler was legit and it was all real, 14k gold, from a permanent long-established store, etc. The aquamarine was also the most desirable hue.

So my friend sees this ring and says how beautiful it is. I was excited and was all like "Oh, thanks! I got it from a jeweler in Chinatown."

Well, you should have seen her reaction. Her entire face fell, she dropped her eyes, stared at her plate, and said "Oh," in a very low voice. It was pure snobbery. The ring was beautiful, real, legit, and cost quite a lot of money. If I'd told her it was from a designer like Kiki McDonough she would have loved it.

Small example, but things like that have opened my eyes over the years to the judgements people make regarding prestige, money, status, etc.

So the difference is that now I don't assume that people will judge me on my own merits.

 

[kenny]

Everyone judges.
Everyone.

 

[packrat]

I pay (and tip) zero, so does my SO and ditto our doggies.

The clipper was $125, but we've saved thousands of dollars using it.
Cheaper clippers could not cut through our dogs' thick under-fur.

Is this a pretty quiet one? Ours is getting old, but it's pretty quiet. We got a new one a few years ago and tried it once and it was so loud it scared the crap out of the cats. Not that they like it anyway, but if it's somewhat quiet they don't spaz out so bad.

 

[kenny]

I pay (and tip) zero, so does my SO and ditto our doggies.

The clipper was $125, but we've saved thousands of dollars using it.
Cheaper clippers could not cut through our dogs' thick under-fur.

Is this a pretty quiet one? Ours is getting old, but it's pretty quiet. We got a new one a few years ago and tried it once and it was so loud it scared the crap out of the cats. Not that they like it anyway, but if it's somewhat quiet they don't spaz out so bad.

Gosh, I think it is more quiet than the cheaper ones.

Be sure to clean the blade per instructions and and oil it after every use with Oster oil.
Immediately after use I blow it out with compressed canned air.

Also I bought an extra blade. ($30 )
Mid-way through a dog grooming I swap.
They get hot to the touch and I don't like stressing our doggies out any more than necessary.

These clippers just glide through their thick undercoat like a warm knife through warm butter.
I'd never go back to cheapo clippers.

 

[OreoRosies86]

For the past few years I have questioned what it means to be reasonably happy. When I was younger I used to think that because I didn't get out of bed every day deeply content and fulfilled it meant I was profoundly unhappy/broken.

Now I find myself moving towards a realization that joy can be unearthed in random moments and the occasional big moment but there is probably not a wellspring of psychological and emotional fulfillment in existence.

I have been questioning what I want out of a relationship and if I am even the kind of person that needs to be in a serious relationship. This ties into happiness and not projecting expectations upon others or myself. I just think there might be deficits to my own view of the world which make it difficult to be in a relationship. I never questioned it before. You meet, you marry, you have kids. Now I'm not so sure.

 

[missy]

I question *almost* everything. That's just who I am and I have always been this way. I ask a million questions about so many things so much so my dh often ends up asking me "what am I google?" LOL. The only thing I don't question is my dh's love for me and mine for him but everything else is up for questioning.

Of course there are times I am too trusting and those times tend to bite me in the proverbial butt. When I trust the doctors even though my gut is telling me something else. When I trust someone to do the "right" thing. Yes I get burned and those times teach me to question more but I will never become hardened or too cynical because that would hurt me not help me. You know that wise saying "Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me" well I sort of go by that. I will trust you until you show me (and actions always will speak louder than any sweet words ever can) I cannot trust you. But I always believe the best until proven otherwise even though I might be questioning things I still hope for the best possible outcome and best possible character in everyone I meet.

Elliot I get what you are feeling and I have traveled a similar path. For me now happiness means contentment and peace and knowing my loved ones are safe and sound. It is not one moment, one experience, that defines my happiness but rather knowing I have love and laughter (that's a big one for me laughter) in my life and that my loved ones and I are healthy and in a relatively good place. I don't remember who said this but someone said life doesn't have to be perfect to be happy and I completely agree. If you wait for everything to be perfect you will never ever be happy. Imperfection is an important and big part of everyone's life IMO. Learn to be happy no matter what. Yes it can be quite challenging to be happy when certain things happen beyond your control but there it is. There really is no other good choice. Your happiness is under your control.

Don't let anyone tell you the way your life is supposed to be rather do what you feel is right for you. There is no one right path but many different paths and there are indeed different right ones for everyone. I won't go into it here but OMG we were pressured by friends about our decision not to have kids. Like we were committing some huge sin, like it was a huge tragedy we weren't having children when we have so much to give. Well that wasn't the right path for *us* though it is the right path for many. Just like marriage is not the right path for all. It is absurd that some people think this way.

The key is knowing yourself and knowing what is right for *you*. Enjoy the journey because that is really what life is...a journey. You might have a destination in mind but you know that saying "We plan, G-d laughs". Life is not an end destination but the journey. Live in the moment (as much as you can but still always looking towards the future it is a delicate balance I feel), enjoy, learn along the way, engage yourself in all you do, do the best you can with each new endeavor, adventure, experience and you will be happy.

Sorry CJ, I didn't mean to turn your very interesting thread into a happiness question but it is something many of us question I think so it relates a bit. Questioning what it means to be happy.

 

[iluvshinythings]

Religion. I was raised in a very religious home. We didn't just go to church, we lived our beliefs every day. There were tons of rules to follow. Don't say this, don't think that, don't EVER do that, people who do this are bad, we should do this certain thing a specific way... Now I question all of that and questioning violates every belief I used to have.

 

[Jambalaya]

Well, here's a particularly sad one.

As a teenager I obviously had little money and had some nice costume jewelry from the likes of Avon. I loved it at the time - studs in the shape of enamel red roses and matching pin, a gold lozenge-shape bangle that I adored, and more.

Then when I got older and had more money, I gradually started to buy real jewelry. I fell completely in love with jewelry. Over the years I found myself in a position to buy a lot of really nice real jewelry. I occasionally looked at fakes and they were so obviously fake - bad designs, chunky unrefined settings - nothing I'd ever wear. For almost twenty years I only wore real jewelry.

Oh, Lordy. Then, via the royal style blogs, I discovered this company that sells the most beautiful fakes, and apparently many people from royalty to red-carpet stars rocks these lovely things. The designs are pure vintage, the settings are delicate, and the stones throw colored fire.

Now I'm thinking, why the hell did I spend all that money on the real thing!

So now I question whether I need quite so much real jewelry.

I do love it still, though.

 

[Jambalaya]

I used to value friends over family, and for me it's the other way round now. It's taken a lot of deaths for me to see that, and the way family stands strong in the storms while friendships buckle under the strain.

 

[Jambalaya]

Everyone judges.
Everyone.

Yes, but I assumed they were judging by character, good deeds, bad deeds - by who you are in other words, not those other shallow values I was talking about.

 

[CJ2008]

Don't have a lot of time right now but just wanted to jump in and say I am loving this thread...turned out to inspire some deep thinking...so much deeper than my questioning paying too much for a haircut.

Love it.

JDDN, hope you catch this thread and participate!

So now I question whether I need quite so much real jewelry

Jambalaya are you trying to get banned from PS?

 

[JaneSmith]

Religion. I was raised in a very religious home. We didn't just go to church, we lived our beliefs every day. There were tons of rules to follow. Don't say this, don't think that, don't EVER do that, people who do this are bad, we should do this certain thing a specific way... Now I question all of that and questioning violates every belief I used to have.

My heart goes out to you. When an ideology or institution stands only because its tenets and dogma remain above question and critique, and it's followers choose willful ignorance, it shows how removed from reality and freedom it is. It can be extraordinarily rigid and claustrophobic to live under these rules, especially when one is taught that to question or even doubt means you are wrong and sinful.
I have a couple of book recommendations for you.
http://www.amazon.com/Godless-Evangelical-Preacher-Americas-Atheists/dp/1569756775/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1WVR3AK3XBN12CBJ5NDH&dpID=51p1NlU%2Bs6L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL70_SR70%2C70_
http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Atheist-Help-Other/dp/1939578191/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1444158619&sr=1-1&keywords=Coming+out+atheist
You are not alone.

 

[Kaleigh]

I am in a tough situation. Divorce and all. Judge ruled for me to get support. Ex lives a very high life. Private planes, multiple vacation homes. I live a simple life. I don't ask for much... BUT Now, I after 3 years need to get on with my life. My personal life is awesome. In a very committed relationship. But the order of the court is that he pay me support... He refuses saying he can't afford it. I ask this... How can you summer in Nantucket, play golf every day and go out for fancy dinners... And the same in FLA...

I have paid beyond for 3 years... He has ruined all, and if he goes to Jail so be it.. I am done...

I should have questioned what the hell I was getting into, and should have been a fighter. Than a giver...

I don't please anyone now... I have to protect myself and my family...

 

[JDDN]

Hi CJ!! Very cool thread, I'm totally intrigued by everyone's diverse responses and how honest and heart felt people have been. Of course I love the jewelry love and camaraderie here on PS, but I'm always struck by how genuine people are and how there's a very real community feeling.

Something I question now that I used to just "do" is spend time and energy on things that I could easily make simple for myself. For example, when my husband I were traveling in Tokyo I decided we should walk some ridiculously long route to get to our hotel instead of taking a taxi. He just laughed at me and said that our time and the convenience of not taking up 2 hours of our time was more than worth the cost of a taxi ride. I see what he's saying. In essence, sometimes the trouble of doing something the "cheap" way isn't worth the money saved. I think I always just thought that way because in part it's the way I was raised and second, because I had been a starving student for so long. I just didn't have the extra funds to enjoy small luxuries like taxi cabs, lol. I will never be intentionally wasteful, but I'm trying to allow instances of making things easier for myself. It's been kind of nice.

 

[dk168]

I spent over 4 years to clear my 5-figure non-priority debts, and learnt how to manage money the hard way.

Nowadays, I would ask myself whether I really need something, and whether I can afford it, before I would buy it.

In the past, I would take out the credit card and bought things without hesitation.

I will not have another credit card, unless it is pre-paid/loaded ones.

DK

 

[isaku5]

Hi CJ!! Very cool thread, I'm totally intrigued by everyone's diverse responses and how honest and heart felt people have been. Of course I love the jewelry love and camaraderie here on PS, but I'm always struck by how genuine people are and how there's a very real community feeling.

Something I question now that I used to just "do" is spend time and energy on things that I could easily make simple for myself. For example, when my husband I were traveling in Tokyo I decided we should walk some ridiculously long route to get to our hotel instead of taking a taxi. He just laughed at me and said that our time and the convenience of not taking up 2 hours of our time was more than worth the cost of a taxi ride. I see what he's saying. In essence, sometimes the trouble of doing something the "cheap" way isn't worth the money saved. I think I always just thought that way because in part it's the way I was raised and second, because I had been a starving student for so long. I just didn't have the extra funds to enjoy small luxuries like taxi cabs, lol. I will never be intentionally wasteful, but I'm trying to allow instances of making things easier for myself. It's been kind of nice.

I hear you loud and clear, Kaleigh. I want to send you lots of PS healing dust.

I'm older and somewhat wiser now and truly believe that 'the law is a game' where the lawyer with the best strategy wins. That said, strategy comes at a price. There's nothing fair about it, sad to say.

As Storm would say, "Prayers outgoing"...

 

[iLander]

I am EXTREMELY skeptical about everything.

I question everyone and everything, especially things thrown at me as fact. I will do my own research and find the truth, because this seems to be that age of lies. Lying politicians, slanted news, skewed statistics, everyone has an angle.

I am also skeptical about people I meet, I question their motives, especially when they're nice to me.

I didn't used to be this way. I used to be friendly and open, and DH, who is from New York, told me I was being too open and vulnerable. I ignored him and was friendly with strangers (neighbors) who ended up hurting me in various ways (one accused me of having an affair with her husband, another "dreamed I killed you, put you in a body bag, and moved into your house with your kids and husband. Haha!" )

So yeah, trust no one.

 

[packrat]

I question compliments. Always. I think people are liars.

I question religion. I've been on this fence now for many years. I like to talk about it, it's fascinating, but I teeter totter.

I question pretty much everything I say or do, was that right? should I have done/said that? Maybe I should've done this or that.

 

[jordyonbass]

As I have started to get older I have begun to question my ability to make choices. Not because I am not wise, educated, informed or advised duly on my decisions - but because of my track record of having made wrong decisions more often than correct ones in the past. Whether it be career, personal, family, anything at all - whatever I believe is the best choice to make has a very high probability of not being correct.

It's like a curse or bad luck, always zig when I should zag. I barely even trust myself to pick what to eat for dinner anymore

 

[kenny]

As I have started to get older I have begun to question my ability to make choices. Not because I am not wise, educated, informed or advised duly on my decisions - but because of my track record of having made wrong decisions more often than correct ones in the past. Whether it be career, personal, family, anything at all - whatever I believe is the best choice to make has a very high probability of not being correct.

It's like a curse or bad luck, always zig when I should zag. I barely even trust myself to pick what to eat for dinner anymore

Jordy, every morning post all your choices and we, the Hangout gang, will run your life for you.
No charge for our 2 cents.

 

[Gypsy]

So many things. The older I get, the less I realize I know.

One of the things I've really questioned is arguments, and apologies and making up and holding grudges.

I find it very easy to cut people out of my life if they anger or disappoint me. I'm also an introvert who is very selective about who I trust naturally, so I strongly prefer to have a small group of close friends to a large group of acquaintances. So it's never really bothered me to cut people out. And I find it hard to forgive and forget and 'get along' with people that disappoint me. And have always thought that it was better to cut people out than try to work through stuff.

But I recently had a very humbling experience where someone I had an argument with came over to me, just 20 minutes afterward, and acknowledged my viewpoint and apologized for the argument, without conceding her point, which she still felt strongly about.

Basically she apologized to me for harmony. Which I've always thought was ridiculous. But... she was sincere about the fact that it shouldn't have escalated to an argument. And I agreed too, that I too flew off the handle. Really, it was just the ease with which she let go of her anger and... it was eye opening. I've never been able to do that. And I think it's harmed me. So... I'm trying very hard to let go and learn to get along. At the ripe old age of 40.

It's a work in progress.

 

[missy]

I question feeding the feral kitties like I have been doing since we have been on vacation at our beach house especially after what happened in 2012 with Blu. I guess I never learn.

We are leaving in a few days and now these kitties are dependent on us for food and we are leaving. I ordered a gravity feeder and water thing for them that is coming today but not sure how/if that is going to work.

I also put a Kitty Tube shelter out on the porch but they have not touched it despite a Nor'easter we had here last weekend.

We cannot find/pay anyone to feed them while we are gone and while we will try getting back here once/twice a month it simply will not be enough.

So yes, I question not listening to my dh when the first kitten appeared the first night of our vacation almost 2 weeks ago. He begged me not to start feeding the kitten but I couldn't ignore the voice in my head/heart telling me the kitten needed food. And now there are at least 3 kittens (2 tiny ones) depending on me feeding them several times a day and we are leaving.

I am heartbroken and worried sick about these poor sweet feral kitties. Pics are of Sammy (top), Sprite (middle) and Squirt (last pic).

Gypsy, I am with you. The older I get it feels like the less I really know about what is the right thing to do. Sometimes (like right now) I feel like just giving up. Truly and sincerely just giving up. I wish I could close my heart to everything right now.

 

[tyty333]

I feel bad for you missy...that would break my heart too. I wonder if you could trap them next time you are there and get them
fixed (is there somewhere near by you can get it done?) At least that way there will not be more mouths to feed from those 3.

 

[tyty333]

I question trusting that doctors and dentist always have your best interest at heart. I've come across a hand full during my
lifetime that I feel were just trying to improve their bottom dollar. When I was young I always felt like what the doctors
said/did were always what was best for me. I don't feel that way any more and pretty much research/question everything.

 

[iluvshinythings]

Religion. I was raised in a very religious home. We didn't just go to church, we lived our beliefs every day. There were tons of rules to follow. Don't say this, don't think that, don't EVER do that, people who do this are bad, we should do this certain thing a specific way... Now I question all of that and questioning violates every belief I used to have.

My heart goes out to you. When an ideology or institution stands only because its tenets and dogma remain above question and critique, and it's followers choose willful ignorance, it shows how removed from reality and freedom it is. It can be extraordinarily rigid and claustrophobic to live under these rules, especially when one is taught that to question or even doubt means you are wrong and sinful.
I have a couple of book recommendations for you.
http://www.amazon.com/Godless-Evangelical-Preacher-Americas-Atheists/dp/1569756775/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1WVR3AK3XBN12CBJ5NDH&dpID=51p1NlU%2Bs6L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL70_SR70%2C70_
http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Atheist-Help-Other/dp/1939578191/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1444158619&sr=1-1&keywords=Coming+out+atheist
You are not alone.

Thank you for the book recommendations!!!

 

[Gypsy]

I question feeding the feral kitties like I have been doing since we have been on vacation at our beach house especially after what happened in 2012 with Blu. I guess I never learn.

We are leaving in a few days and now these kitties are dependent on us for food and we are leaving. I ordered a gravity feeder and water thing for them that is coming today but not sure how/if that is going to work.

I also put a Kitty Tube shelter out on the porch but they have not touched it despite a Nor'easter we had here last weekend.

We cannot find/pay anyone to feed them while we are gone and while we will try getting back here once/twice a month it simply will not be enough.

So yes, I question not listening to my dh when the first kitten appeared the first night of our vacation almost 2 weeks ago. He begged me not to start feeding the kitten but I couldn't ignore the voice in my head/heart telling me the kitten needed food. And now there are at least 3 kittens (2 tiny ones) depending on me feeding them several times a day and we are leaving.

I am heartbroken and worried sick about these poor sweet feral kitties. Pics are of Sammy (top), Sprite (middle) and Squirt (last pic).

Gypsy, I am with you. The older I get it feels like the less I really know about what is the right thing to do. Sometimes (like right now) I feel like just giving up. Truly and sincerely just giving up. I wish I could close my heart to everything right now.

I'm sorry honey. My heart goes out to you.

About the kitties. Can you trap and release them and at least make sure they are spayed/neutered? It will keep them safer and cut down on the number of kitties they can make.

How about something like this, for the food: https://www.google.com/shopping/product/9519925594892654988?q=automatic+pet+feeder&psj=1&biw=1093&bih=506&bav=on.2,or.r_cp.&bvm=bv.104615367,d.cGU&tch=1&ech=1&psi=wO4WVtfzPMmsogSPv7zoDw.1444343490750.3&prds=paur:ClkAsKraX1VtV4etHtJaraRBFJfm2uXNanKvLm-G8hKZbyW3egzBbOeR2BVpqD_ca6fJIy5CVa853SCldBkHuqExct2bbby40odVVoPlo1z8nuQbN41ptwU6JxIZAFPVH71J0z5UH3qOItWOj2b8NOJPOGsNOA&sa=X&ved=0CKEDEM1KMAJqFQoTCJ-M8uX2s8gCFQtaiAodkhYDrg

And automatic pet feeder?