what do you do after the wedding is over?

[pannini]

I am suffering from post partum depression with the wedding. What do I do now? What did you do? How do you still indulge in all these exciting wedding planning details when they are ultimately irrelevant to you now?

How do you deal with regretting parts of the wedding day that you can't change? Mine was a bit disastrous. You can hear the details in

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/post-wedding-blues.151405/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/post-wedding-blues.151405/[/URL]

 

[Amys Bling]

Look forward to home projects, the wedding album, the wedding video, enjoying married life

 

[vc10um]

pannini, I am SO sorry to hear that your perfect day (and your DRESS!) were spoiled buy thoughtless guests.

I found writing my thank you notes was actually an excellent way to relive the wedding: thinking about seeing those people on our wedding day...how they had traveled, or taken time out of their busy lives, to come see us on our wedding day, to celebrate with us, to join in us starting our own family.

Now we're moving on to planning the next phase of our life: transitioning to working from home and moving half-way across the country. It's certainly keeping us busy!

 

[Gypsy]

Honey you've got to let go.

Are you still angry about the guy and the red wine? I had a VERY similar problem. My dress's zipper broke completely and I spent a good hour and a half in the bathroom with a whole host of characters offering both sound advice and drunken ramblings and even had someone try to take PICTURES of the whole thing saying "you'll want this chronicled" ... thankfully my drunk SIL told them to get bent. I love her for that, and we still laugh about it. But yeah, I did missed out on visiting each table and didn't get pics with about 50% of our guest. Plus if you REALLY want to get technical about it : our DJ flubbed a bunch of major stuff... you could NOT hear our first dance song (we knew it by heart and danced anyway), he switched the music for the father/daughter dance and the mother/son dance, the caterer insulted my photographers so BADLY my day of planner had to come and get ME, the wrong cake stand was used and it's in every cake picture (but no one noticed but me and by then I didn't care), and there was not anywhere near enough food for the cocktail hour since I listened to the idiot caterer (who served fabulous food other than these two flubs).

And you know what... unless it's something like your post that sparks those details all I remember is the ceremony and how much those words meant to me, like they were engraved on my heart, and how wonderful it felt to be under that blue sky and in the sunshine with my best friend and love celebrating our commitment to each other. I remember all the special touches that I spent so much time on: the memory table, the flowers, and so many other little things. How touched and emotional our families were. My uncle acting completely out of character and getting all gooey on me. The feel of my grandfather's hand in mine as he walked me down the aisle (especially as he has since passed). And dancing until my feet hurt! And I certainly don't consider my wedding disastrous! In fact it was one of the best days of my life. And that's how I tell the story to myself and to anyone who asks... yeah, maybe I'll throw in the dress bit as a cautionary tale or as a funny sidebar. But it's a footnote to the event. It didn't define my day at all, because *I* didn't let it.

You need to let go of the bad and just accept it as part of life and focus on the good. To be quite honest the person that ruined your day is you, not the guy with the wine. It was a dress. You changed out of it. Heck, you could have kept it on and cried TIE DYE!

The issue is perspective. Namely yours.

Here's what I suggest. You need to re-write the day in your mind. Grab whatever works for you and tell the story of your wedding day on paper or type it out... writte from a different perspective than the one you have now. Be impartial and truthful but upbeat and then share it with yourself, like you would to a girlfriend. And make sure you include all the little special things that happened that were positive, cause I know you had some. And then every time you feel the blues, you tell yourself the new story until it's the REAL story. The facts stay the same but the way you view them is different and it will make the experience different for you when you think about it.

Okay? And then maybe once you do this you can get over your upset, regret, hurt and anger-- all of which your depression is rooted in.

 

[Gypsy]

Also honey... you have pictures of the wedding day right? SO POST THEM FOR US! Share and CELEBRATE your wedding with us! Show us your dresses, the veil, your jewelry, your hair... the groom, your flowers your venue. ALL OF IT! Come and re-write with US too. Tell us about the funny and touching things that happened. Tell us about the weather and the ceremony. Relive the day with us and see through OUR eyes what a fabulous day you had and let our joy for you help you heal. Okay?

 

[mrscushion]

Pannini, I'm so sorry your absolutely amazing dress was ruined and that as a result the last two hours of your reception weren't good for you.

But I'm with gypsy. It's a matter of perspective and you need to rewrite the story of your wedding day in your head to reflect everything that was great about it.

I'd like to see pics of your wedding...all those hours getting ready, before your ceremony, the ceremony, the reception, the first dance, the dress, the other dress, you, your DH....everything! Please post pics! And please, remember that everything was perfect until that guy spat on you!

As for what to do after the wedding -- well, DH and I moved to a new country, new city, new apartment, new job - so we had plenty to do. Actually furnishing our apartment on weekends (because we work so hard during the week) was pretty stressful, just as stressful as wedding planning (well, almost).

 

[junebug17]

Hugs to you pannini, I'm sorry you were so upset at the end of your wedding - but I agree with gypsy, you're going to have to work at changing your perspective a little. Focus on and think about all the things that went right, and that you feel good about. Look at pics of you in your beautiful dress and remind yourself you looked stunning walking down the isle (and let's face it, that's when people really notice your dress!).

You know, expectations for weddings can be so high- that it's going to be the most perfect day, the day is going to be like a wonderful dream - but life isn't perfect and sometimes things just go wrong, and then the whole wedding is viewed as a failure because a few things didn't go perfectly, and I just think that's such a shame. And I think many people can think of at least one thing that didn't go as smoothly as they would have liked on their wedding day.

It sounds like you were planning on changing into a different outfit anyway...just tell yourself you changed into it a little sooner than expected!

And I think you're being too hard on yourself about not spending enough time with everyone...it can be really hard to get to each and every person, escpecially at a large-ish wedding. I didn't get to some people at my wedding, too. I think people understand that weddings can be hectic for the bride, and I'm sure all your guests had a great time and didn't even really notice.

 

[rosetta]

Aw man what happened to you absolutely SUCKED. I would have been been just as unhappy about it as you.

But....

Weddings rarely go perfectly. Mine nearly didn't: my wedding dress had a mark on the front that I didn't see until I got to the reception. Luckily my MUA got it out completely and no one but us two knew. Other than that, it was great. So I've forgotten all about the incident and in my memories, it was all perfect. You've just reminded me that I need to post a thread in BWW about my wedding....

 

[pannini]

to mygypsy,

thank you for such thoughtful truthful words about the whole process of changing the perspective. i am embarrassed for my self-pity and negative spin on things. i guess, when it comes to the amount of time i spent altering the dress and making it perfect, it really burned me when the dress was ruined within a second. shortly after your kind supportive post (which i read the day you posted but got swamped with some errands so i couldn't respond), i found myself looking at some iphone photos friends posted on FB and other home photo shots of the wedding and i tried to remember that this was what it looked like to everyone, and that this was the happiness they felt and saw. i guess i felt deflated though, once the dress got ruined, because i put so much heart into it. and when it comes to financials, i spent a lot to make it the way it looked, and the shock of all the payments we made to the vendors really stung!

now that i've gone through the whole anger and regret phase, i think i can appreciate it for the truth of the occasion. i agree the exercise of posting photos and sharing with you and relaying the day to you will most likely turn tings around for me. you're good! are you a professional coach of some sort? love it.

i will spend some time to share my story as soon as i can organize it and present it to you all.

and to all the other responders of the post, thank you for your warmth and support as well! i will share my story very soon.....

 

[Gypsy]

I'm so happy honey that the post helped you. You made me smile.

I know what you mean about the bills! I was very fortunate that we had paid most everything off before the day of. But thanks to about half of the guests (which means only 30 or so people!) getting REALLY REALLY DRUNK we were hit with a HUGE bar overage charge we weren't expecting at all two days after the wedding. And I remember thinking: ALL THAT MONEY for WINE and neither my DH or I managed to drink even full glass the entire day! LOL. Crazy!

I am really looking forward to your wedding thread! Also about those FB pictures... ask your close friends what their favorite part of the day was, or their best memory. It should help you see it through their eyes even more. I'm so glad the FB pictures helped you though!

BIG HUGE HUG TO YOU!

And Rosetta, get cracking lady-- I want some new wedding pics to oooh and ahhh over!

 

[mrscushion]

Aw man what happened to you absolutely SUCKED. I would have been been just as unhappy about it as you.

But....

Weddings rarely go perfectly. Mine nearly didn't: my wedding dress had a mark on the front that I didn't see until I got to the reception. Luckily my MUA got it out completely and no one but us two knew. Other than that, it was great. So I've forgotten all about the incident and in my memories, it was all perfect. You've just reminded me that I need to post a thread in BWW about my wedding....

Yes, there's you and a number of other posters for whom we've yet to see pics....

 

[amc80]

Have a baby!