What do I do with this kid!?

[oobiecoo]

Since becoming a new mom a few weeks ago, I constantly find myself in situations where I'm just not sure what I am *supposed* to do.

For example... we live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. I occasionally need to load quite a few things into the car before leaving the house. Can I just leave my daughter in a safe place inside the apartment while I load the car and then bring her down last? Or should I somehow find a way to carry her AND my stuff down to the car when I make the 2 or 3 trips to load the car?

When I go get the mail, do I need to get her carseat out and bring her with me? I park right in front of the mailbox and am only out of the car maybe 30 seconds and can see the car the entire time. I know you aren't supposed to leave your child alone in a car but I feel like she is supervised the entire time.

Also... what about shopping carts in a store parking lot? Lately I've just been leaving the cart by the parking space instead of returning it because its difficult to carry the baby with me to the cart return and back to the car... plus I usually end up forgetting that I have to return it until after the baby is already buckled in the car. Obviously I can't just leave her in the car to hunt down the cart return, right?

So... what am I *supposed* to do in these types of situations?

ETA:
Do you hold your baby anytime it cries or sometimes put it in its swing, bouncer, whatever? I know people are different with this but I'm just looking for experience and opinions here!

 

[fieryred33143]

Haha I love your use of the word "it" Gave me a giggle.

Re: the car issue. I live on the 2nd floor. If I had a bunch of stuff and couldn't safely carry that plus her then I leave her in the apt and move like my butt is on fire. I rather leave her somewhere safe in the apt than in the car.

I'm not sure about the mail? Are you going into a building? I have mailboxes outside. I park my car in front, grab the mail, and hop back in. Now if I had to go inside then I would take her.

Cart return: I try my very best to park near one so that the walk back and forth isn't a big deal. In some cases I'll offer it to a person next to me or I leave it in an area where it can't damage other cars. It's easier now that she's older because I can carry her without lugging around a big car seat.

As for crying, I'm all about using your resources. If I knew the swing could calm her down (and it did, that thing was awesome!) I would place her in there. When she was really little, I would hold her more often.

All that said, you're doing fine It's tough figuring out all the stuff that comes with having a baby. Things you never thught you'd have to think of

Also, the mommy thread has a lot of info and chats on all kinds of things. It's worth a read when you have time (ha!)

 

[oobiecoo]

Thanks for the reply Fiery! That mommy thread does have a lot of good info but man it moves so fast! I'll try to read there more though

The mailboxes are outside... they are in a sort of cabana thing so its open air but has some walls and a roof. I've been leaving her in the car with the windows halfway down but DH thought I was horrible (or maybe he was just giving me a hard time?).

Sometimes she'll just cry and cry and nothing seems to help... she has a full tummy, clean diaper, been burped, etc and holding her won't console her anyway so I'll just leave her in her swing for a while to cry. I feel so bad that I'm not trying to console her more but she's just inconsolable anyway. I feel like I'd be much more frazzled and stressed if I just held her the entire time so I kind of look at it like I'm doing us both a favor... less stress for me and a cooler, calmer mom for her later. I still feel horrible for it though.

 

[packrat]

Huh, I never stopped to think about what people do when they live in an apartment building! Yeah, I guess I'd leave her someplace safe in the apt rather than run up and down w/her several times.

The mail, I'd probably do what you're doing. I've run in to pay for gas or get the paper quick and left them in the truck right in front-especially when the weather is bad. We did get into the habit of having JD run out and do stuff and then I'd just stay at home w/the kids, so it rarely happens that I need to run in quick myself.

The crying..jeez that just sucks doesn't it?? London didn't do it as much, but Trapper..wow was he a crier. It's hard when there doesn't seem to be anything wrong and they keep on with it. Sometimes babies just cry. They can't do anything else, so if she's overstimulated or bored or anything at all, she's gonna let you know about it. I also found that when Trapper would cry (and he was also a screamer, and had tenacity like no child I've ever experienced before in my life), sucking in all that air would make his tummy ache and give him gas. So then I'd feel horrible if I'd let him cry for a while and then pick him up and rub his back and he'd burp. One thing that worked for him then and works now at 3 1/2 is music..and crazily enough the song that worked for him best is The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Don't ask me why but from probably just a few weeks old until now, that song would calm him down. I'd put it on youtube and rock him in the computer chair. He even liked me singing, which is really odd. I think it was the rumble feeling in my throat/chest he liked. It's ok to let her cry, Oobie! You can try different things and if they don't work, it's not going to cause damage for her to cry.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I don't have a baby, but I would have your husband check the mail on his way home, and I would leave the baby in the carrier in the apartment while I load the car.

 

[pennquaker09]

I also giggled when you referred to your daughter as an it. It makes me thing of the new Katherine Heigl movie. So cute.

We live in a house, so whenever I'm loading my car it's within the safety of a closed garage. Now, if we lived in a apartment. I would be inclined to leave my baby inside and load the car as fast as I could. It goes without saying that I would lock the apartment door even if I had to make more than one trip.

It's very rare that I go out with the twins alone. Either their (other) dad is with us or the nanny. On the occasion that I'm out with them alone, I will secure them in the car and return a cart to a receptical, but one thing I do is part FAR away. For one, I don't mind the walking, it's good for me. Two, when I'm far away, I can take my precious time without having someone waiting for a parking spot. So, I pick a parking spot away from the builiding, and like fiery, I park next to a receptical. I feel like receptical has a clinical sound to it.

i know quite a bit about crying babies, and let me tell you: do not pick her up every single time she cries. You will come to regret in the future. I regret not taking advantage of the swing and bouncer a lot more. With my Savannah, crying wasn't an issue, but Gray cried ALL the time, and I would pick him up no matter what. It will start a never ending cycle.

I'm sure you're going great though!

 

[swingirl]

I picked up my newborns whenever they cried because they usually needed something. Once I checked everything out and tried the best I could to get them to calm down, if they kept fusing I put them down in their crib. One time I tried everything and could not get my little one to stop crying. It was driving me nuts. So I left her in the crib and took a long shower where I couldn't hear a thing. Whew!! I came out hot and squeaky clean and baby was sound asleep.

Since a few idiots have left their babies in the car while they get went to the bar or shopped for 6 hours everyone has gone crazy with what is a normal amount of time to be away from your baby. If your baby is safe, and you are a few feet away from the car, and it's not a 100° day, I think it's fine to drop off a letter to the outside mail slot, return a shopping cart or pay for gas. And leaving your baby in the apartment in a safe location, like the crib or swing, for a few minutes while you load or unload the car is fine.

I got a lot of use out of a front pack and then a back pack. I don't see many people using them anymore, well, I do see dad's with the front packs where the babies face out. But those were very useful for shopping trips. Arms are free, no stroller to lug around, can use stairs. It made shopping so much easier although it does take some time to get used to the contraption. I got very good at it.

Sounds like you are doing great!

 

[somethingshiny]

First off, don't worry so much! You're the Mama so your instincts will tell you what's right!!

As far as what I do,

I would leave baby in the carrier in the house while loading the car and come get him/her last.
I never leave baby in the car alone because I'm afraid my car will lock me out.
I covet the parking space by the cart corral! I grab the cart to put the carrier in and then it's handy to return it. Otherwise, I park my used cart in a relatively safe spot if I can't find someone who wants it. But, most of the time, someone will take it or offer to return it to the corral for me.
I pick up the baby when he/she cries to check things out. With JT, I held him a lot but he loved his bouncer and swing and was perfectly happy to sit in them. With Lily, she really wants people time so I hold her a lot. She's just now starting to tolerate the bouncer and swing at nearly 3 months. But, I was putting her in them when she was alert and content to get her used to them, not when she was crying and hated it.

Sometimes you HAVE to put a screaming baby in a safe place away from you. With JT, I would get so frazzled with the colic I would put him in his crib and sit on the front porch for a few minutes. Then, I could be a better mom when returning. Putting the baby down is an instinct you shouldn't ignore. That is your mind telling you that you've had enough and you need a break to recuperate. It's much better for your LO to scream in a swing or other safe place for 5-10 minutes than to have you losing your grip (not implying that you would hurt your child.) After just a few minutes you can feel so much better. And, the bottom line is "happy mom, happy baby."

And know this, babies change SOO much and SOO quickly, everything is really just a phase.

 

[sugarpie honeybun]

During the first year of my son’s life, we lived on a 2nd floor condo in the city. We also did not have designated parking, which caused a lot of stress, especially during the winter months. My husband worked a ton, and I was left to handle a lot on my own.

Here’s what I did-

Mail- our mailbox was located on the exterior of the building. Usually I would wait until DH came home, or I knew someone was coming to visit (in which case I would ask them to grab it). When that wasn’t an option, I would either a) carry DS downstairs with me, or, b) put DS in his crib and bring the infant monitor with me, just in case.

Groceries, etc- for the larger orders, I used a grocery delivery service (not sure if this is available where you live). For the smaller orders, I would figure out what could be left in the car without going bad, and just bring up the refrigerated/frozen items. DH would bring up the rest when he got home after work. I also didn’t worry too much about not being able to return the shopping cart. Sometimes there are just more important things

Additional- If I knew we were going out the next day, I always made a point to leave the diaper bag in my car the night before (either when someone was watching him, or I would take the baby monitor with me and leave him in his crib). That would at least help free up some strength and energy to carry the baby and car seat, my pocketbook, etc.


I was very much like you at first, but eventually, you just figure out what works best for you. Good luck! And congrats on your new addition!

 

[lyra]

Leave the baby in the apt. in a safe space and lock the door for trips to the car. Not sure about the mailbox thing, but if you can lock the car and set the car alarm that is okay. A weird suggestion for baby music is Leonard Cohen. He has such a soothing deep voice and is a bit of a monotone in his music. I've used his music to fall asleep myself.

 

[Mara]

oobie... lol i have to laugh because i thought a lot of these same things. there's no book that says what to do in all these crazy yet regular situations!

i leave the baby in his crib or playpen to run out to the car usually to drive it out of the garage and get it warmed up (or cooled off in the summer). better in the house IMO. we live in a really suburban neighborhood and i have a closed garage too. sometimes when i come into the house from getting home and have groceries etc, if J is chilling in the carseat, i'll unload the car and then return for him so i am just holding him and nothing else. he's wiggly and he's likely to get really fussy if i remove him first but then have to leave him in the playpen while i unload the car. but our house is really small with great visibility, and our driveway curves and butts up to the front door porch and the kitchen is right there, so it's not like i can't see him the whole time...it's all visible from pretty much every window.

i would have your hub go and get the mail or take the baby out for a walk and get it, or put him in a carrier and get it. OR get it on your way back in from a store or something.

i would leave him in the car if you have him in your visible sights, but remove the keys so you can make sure to unlock/lock the door and it doesn't lock you out. this is assuming it's not a hot day or a warm day, it's overcast here lately so pretty cool.

having a kid makes even running into the store for 2-3 things a PITA. esp now that J is out of his infant seat. i could just unsnap it and run in before but now i have to actually take him out and hope he clings to me like a little monkey while i grab 2-3 things from a store and then try to pay with him sitting on my hip. talk about uncoordinated!

re: shopping cart... i actually would just take my stroller in with the baby and use the basket of the stroller as my shopping cart. typically i only buy for a few days at a time anyway so it was never so full i needed a real cart. and i would send G out for big things like TP, paper towels or whatever if i needed to on the wkds. but doing the stroller basket thing is a godsend IMO because then you don't have to deal with another cart. even now i still do that rather than putting him into a shopping cart. i don't like using those things anyway.

saying all of the above--i'll also say... you'll figure it out! don't worry. just the fact that you are asking these questions says that you are a conscientious person who wants to make sure you're doing the right thing. because of that, you will. and as they get older i find it's a little easier, or maybe i'm just getting a little more experienced.

 

[oobiecoo]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I really appreciate all of the suggestions! I do try to get DH to grab the mail when he gets home but if I'm expecting a package (which seems like almost every day lately!), I get kind of impatient and want to grab it earlier in the day if I'm already out. Grocery shopping is already a big enough hassle without worrying about putting the cart back Our infant carseat doesn't fit on the tops of shopping carts so I either have to put it inside the actual basket or carry it separately. I did get a carrier to wear for the specific purpose of using at the grocery store... its a bit of a hassle though since it ties. I didn't think it would be quite so annoying when I bought it. Its beautiful though lol I *think* we have grocery delivery in our city but its not a common thing and probably expensive. I'm pretty picky about prices and brands and I actually LOVE grocery shopping anyway. Sugarpie, you mentioned leaving the diaper bag in the car overnight... thats a good idea but there is NO way I could do that. Its so hot here I'd be worried about any baby lotion or the PUL layer in the cloth diapers melting or something if left out there for longer than an hour. I DID just get my new diaper bag in the mail though, and it has a messenger strap option so it'll make my life MUCH easier when I'm carrying the baby as well!

One more question... its against the law to leave your kid in a car alone, right? Can someone show me this law? I've looked but can't find a actual law... just alot of advice saying not to do it. I live in Texas btw in case its different in each state. I was wondering if there was a time limit, distance from car, that sort of thing. Thanks!

 

[ChinaCat]

Oobie, your post is hysterical. I totally remember feeling that way. Like others said, it gets easier.

I'm in TX too- here is what I found:

Texas is one of a handful of states that criminalize the act of knowingly or intentionally leaving your child in a vehicle. However, the law is not going to kick in if you simply pull up to a curb and quickly step out of the car and drop an envelop in a mailbox all while Junior is fast asleep in the backseat.

The Law of Five and Seven
The key numbers to remember are five and seven. That is, if you leave a child age seven or under alone in a vehicle for five minutes or more, the law kicks in. Also, if you leave you child in the vehicle for more than five minutes with another person age 14 or under the law applies.

You can face a Class C misdemeanor, which may translate into two years behind bars and/or a fine of up to $10,000.

I find that a bit overkill personally, but I guess it's a good go-by. The way I think about it (car, in apt, etc.) is how safe and contained the baby is. Unless it's like 100 or more (which I know it can get here), I think leaving the baby for 2 minutes to get mail is perfectly reasonable.

Though I have panicked when returning a grocery cart (literally next to my car) about what I would do if I accidentally locked him in. It ranged from what do I have with me to break the window to locating the security guard before I stepped away. Because I would break down that window, no matter what.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Oobie,

Yeah, I think it's OK to leave your child in a safe, contained area while you run out to the car as long as it's no longer than you would, say, be in the bathroom. I run out to the (detached) garage sometimes with Claire in the house. Just make sure you couldn't possibly lock yourself out with the baby inside! And if you can't see the entrance to your apartment at all times, then I would definitely lock it.

If you're stepping out of the car to get to the mailbox or return a shopping cart, I'd say that as long as you are right next to it and just gone for a few seconds, it's OK. I would take the keys with you on the off chance that your car could be stolen if somebody sees it running.

I also park next to the cart return. Another mom had to give me this tip -- it never occurred to me on my own.

Word of warning -- I knew someone who loaded her car with her work stuff and turned it on to heat it up before going to get her baby to drop off at daycare. It was stolen, along with her purse, checkbook, laptop, etc.

 

[jaysonsmom]

To all of the scenerios, I'd probably do them with my baby attached to me (in a Bjorn-type carrier). I had them strapped to me while cooking, vacuuming, getting ready for work etc...

-If I had to take several trips to load my car, I'd strap my baby on me, and my hands are free to carry stuff.

-Same with Grocery shopping. If the baby is strapped to me, I can do everything including putting the cart back then put baby into carseat.

-Mail definitely let my husband do that. I don't think I'd leave my baby alone in the car even if I'm just away a few seconds (getting cash, or mail) etc. I'd be afraid someone would jump into the car, and drive off with my baby.


I had my kids really close, and the Bjorn was a life-saver, can't imagine how I'd handle a toddler and an infant without some kind of hands-free contraption.

 

[Sabine]

You'll learn what you feel comfortable with and what's right for you. These are the kinds of issues that every new mom deals with, and you'll probably get lots of different opinions on it.

We lived in an apartment the first 11 months of ds's life, and although we were on the first floor, I did feel comfortable running something out to the car, or even quickly taking my dog out to pee in the grass right in front while leaving ds in a safe place in the apartment (in the car seat on the ground, in the pnp, in the crib). I would leave him in the car when I stopped to get the mail or run the rent check to the office drop box. As for groceries, I always and still do actually try to park next to the cart return. We live in a relatively safe area, so now, if there aren't spaces nearby I'm fine with parking a space or two away or across the aisle from it, but I'm sure other moms would freak out at the idea of that.

And in case you haven't had to deal with being alone in teh house with the baby yet, it's also ok to leave the baby somewhere safe while you shower, pee, etc but you probably already figured that out. Being a mom is crazy sometimes!

As for crying, we tried anything. Ds was colicky, so we tried every gimmick that was out there, and if it worked, we would have felt no guilt in doing it. But for him, it was swaddling and rocking all the way.