What chores do you ask your teenagers to do?

[Maisie]

Do your teens do chores every day? Once a week? More, less? I'm asking to see if i'm asking too much (or not enough) from my lot

My daughter walks the dog every day. My son clears up the toys/mess from the family room and vacuums. The eldest (who thinks she shouldn't have to do anything!) loads the dishwasher.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Unloading DW here......

cheers--Sharon

 

[Puppmom]

Maisie, my 17 year old DD used to do a lot of chores. We paid her $20 per week to:

Vacuum three times per week - one of those included vacuuming the stairs
Clean up DS's toys every night - ie. chuck everything back in the toy box and put the books back on the shelf
Load the dishwasher every day
Wipe the bathroom sinks (2 of them) 3 times per week
Wash some *community* laundry as needed - ie. towels
Clean kitchen counters and table three times per week

This was a HUGE help since DH and I both work full time and we have a toddler.

However, she is a senior in high school and in the past few months has done SAT prep, worked on college applications and her final graduation project. She also has to keep up with her normal school work and volunteers 2 hours per week at our library AND works 15-20 hours per week at her two jobs. So...she doesn't exactly have a lot of free time. To earn her $20, she was scrambling to do her "chores" but then wouldn't clean up after herself. It was nice to have the above list done but then I was constantly picking up her shoes and backpack and folding her laundry and cleaning up after she has snacks etc.

She doesn't need our measly $20 ( ) since she works so we recently decided that we'll ask her for help as needed and her only other household responsibility is cleaning up after herself. I much prefer doing her *chores* to picking up after her. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure would rise significantly with each shoe I tripped over and every snack wrapper found on the end table.

 

[Maisie]

You don't have anyone to help you with the dishwasher Sharon? Thats not good!

Puppmom, it sounds like your daughter was a great help up till recently. I doubt my kids would do that many jobs even if I paid them.

I am trying to teach them to be responsible and prepare them for when they fly the nest. I'm a stay at home mother (I homeschool my autistic son age so I like to have some help although the majority of the chores fall to me.

 

[purplesparklies]

I don't have a teenager but I do have an 11-yr. old. Close, right? His daily chores: load/unload dishwasher, wash any other dishes, feed & take the dog out, tidy his room and the bathroom he shares with his brother (7 yrs.), make breakfast for him and his brother, pack lunches for him and his brother, keep the playroom/basement picked up.

My youngest helps unload the dishwasher, has to tidy his room and help with the bathroom, helps keep the playroom/basement picked up.

They both have other chores as needed. Laundry (bring it to laundry room, sort, load washing machine, put their clothes away), yard work, vacuuming, clean the baseboards, wipe down bathrooms, clean out/organize toys, closets, etc.

We do not give an allowance. We believe that every member of the family should contribute to the running of the household. We all contribute to the mess and we all contribute to the clean up.

 

[purplesparklies]

By the way, I am a stay at home mom so I do have time to do the chores. I firmly believe that kids benefit from developing these skills and responsibilities early. Also, we have someone in to clean the house every other week so any cleaning is just the spot cleaning/in between maintenance cleaning.

 

[Puppmom]

Maisie, I do miss the help but it's almost like I'm trying to prepare myself for maintaining a household without her. She'll be fine without me!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My older is a pre-teen and he has to:
Make his bed every morning
Take out the garbage
Vaccuum the living room, tv room, his bedroom, & the hall on Fridays
Feed our cat

He doesn't do very much. I would increase it but he sometimes has two hours of homework a night!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I don't have a teenager but I do have an 11-yr. old. Close, right? His daily chores: load/unload dishwasher, wash any other dishes, feed & take the dog out, tidy his room and the bathroom he shares with his brother (7 yrs.), make breakfast for him and his brother, pack lunches for him and his brother, keep the playroom/basement picked up.

My youngest helps unload the dishwasher, has to tidy his room and help with the bathroom, helps keep the playroom/basement picked up.

They both have other chores as needed. Laundry (bring it to laundry room, sort, load washing machine, put their clothes away), yard work, vacuuming, clean the baseboards, wipe down bathrooms, clean out/organize toys, closets, etc.

We do not give an allowance. We believe that every member of the family should contribute to the running of the household. We all contribute to the mess and we all contribute to the clean up.

I'm also a SAHM. We give a very small allowance because it is nice for the kids to have a bit of spending money (and technically I don't "work," and I buy myself small treats as "payment" for services rendered (lol!). Both my kids get $2.75ish a week. My 10 year old has about as many chores as my 12 year old. I do agree that family members should contribute and last night, I discovered my older son was cleaning the bathroom w/out me asking or him asking for compensation, which made me really happy!

 

[Maisie]

It seems like my kids get away with doing the bare minimum! I should look at that

I also wonder if I should try and get James to do something around the house. Problem is he really gets stressed when I ask him. I have no idea if this is the autism speaking or he just can't be bothered. And if I do ask him I have to stand over him to make him do whatever it was I asked him to do. Might as well do it myself!

 

[canuk-gal]

You don't have anyone to help you with the dishwasher Sharon? Thats not good!

Puppmom, it sounds like your daughter was a great help up till recently. I doubt my kids would do that many jobs even if I paid them.

I am trying to teach them to be responsible and prepare them for when they fly the nest. I'm a stay at home mother (I homeschool my autistic son age so I like to have some help although the majority of the chores fall to me.

HI:

Sorry Maise, I meant my DS unloads the DW (ONLY). le sigh. I do ask for more help, but what I get is something different! My DH is no better.... Unfortunately I've set the bar low and it difficult to raise it, yanno?

As kids I believe my sisters and I were truly overloaded with chores, but there is a medium somewhere, and even a happy one....we just have not explored that....

cheers--Sharon

 

[Maisie]

You don't have anyone to help you with the dishwasher Sharon? Thats not good!

Puppmom, it sounds like your daughter was a great help up till recently. I doubt my kids would do that many jobs even if I paid them.

I am trying to teach them to be responsible and prepare them for when they fly the nest. I'm a stay at home mother (I homeschool my autistic son age so I like to have some help although the majority of the chores fall to me.

HI:

Sorry Maise, I meant my DS unloads the DW (ONLY). le sigh. I do ask for more help, but what I get is something different! My DH is no better.... Unfortunately I've set the bar low and it difficult to raise it, yanno?

As kids I believe my sisters and I were truly overloaded with chores, but there is a medium somewhere, and even a happy one....we just have not explored that....

cheers--Sharon

I totally get you. I used to do most jobs myself so when I started asking for help I was met with a 'you have to be kidding' face!

 

[chrono]

Mine are under the age of 10 but the eldest vacuums the upstairs once a week, the youngest makes everyone's beds, both are responsible for keeping their rooms clean and putting unplayed toys back where they belong, and both fold the laundry and put them away too. The eldest washes his own dishes and the youngest cannot even reach the faucet yet. I strongly believe in starting them young, instilling a sense of responsibility and good work ethic.

 

[Maisie]

Mine are under the age of 10 but the eldest vacuums the upstairs once a week, the youngest makes everyone's beds, both are responsible for keeping their rooms clean and putting unplayed toys back where they belong, and both fold the laundry and put them away too. The eldest washes his own dishes and the youngest cannot even reach the faucet yet. I strongly believe in starting them young, instilling a sense of responsibility and good work ethic.

You are definitely off to a good start Chrono! Well done!

 

[chrono]

That's my excuse so I can enjoy my morning cup of coffee with my feet up. In seriousness, I think it much easier to start young, than start later. Of course, when starting young, there is little they can do but in joining me doing chores, they feel more important as they are contributing to the family. It is also a good way to spend time together with some inconsequential chit chat as we are doing work, plus these are necessary life skills that their significant other will appreciate my having taught them.

 

[vc10um]

I don't have kids, but I can say that as a tween/teen, my sister and I were expected to load (her) and unload (me) the dishwasher, keep our rooms and the basement respectable, clean our shared bathroom, generally pick up after ourselves, and vacuum and dust the common areas of house a few times a month. Those things were done without pay (though mom rarely ever turned down reasonable requests for things we wanted), but we also mowed the lawn once we turned 13...that was paid $10 per yard (front and sides were one yard, and then the back).

 

[AmeliaG]

You don't give them enough! Delegate more and get more off your plate!

 

[Enerchi]

My 24 y.o. now lives with his GF.
My 22 y.o son (the boy that I brought to Vegas 2 weeks ago...) pays $50 rent (eats $150 worth / week!) and will sullenly pick up his room when proded to, as well as tidy up the "man cave" in the basement that only he uses. This is not easily achieved tho. I have to start on Weds if I want anything done by Friday! And there is the requisite moaning that must accompany this request, along with door slamming and shouting. Good times... good times.
My 19 y.o. daughter pays no rent (she is still in school) and same deal - responsible for their own rooms, their shared bathroom, their own laundry and on the RARE occassion I will ask them to vacuum the upstairs level or do a 'poop swoop' out in the yard for the treasures the dogs leave behind... you'd think I was possessed and asking for the most unreasonable thing ever. The horror about helping out!!!

DH and I do all the cleaning, exterior yard and pool care, laundry, shopping, holiday plans & decorating, dog walking and home maintenance, as well, DH does meals (I'll clean up after).

So we can "ASK" for anything, its whether they comply or not that is always the mystery! Well, they will comply its just to what degree they will bitch about it... so frustrating!

 

[missy]

OK I cannot believe I am about to write this but I guess if sharing my thoughts could help anyone it's worth it. I think the biggest disservice my parents did to us was in spoiling us too much. If that makes any sense. It took me years and years to realize this and it is with some sadness I write this. I think my parents are the most amazing parents despite their mistakes with regards to this issue (no one is perfect and hindsight is 20/20).

They were (and still are) loving, supportive, nurturing and everything one could want parents to be. My sister and I are so very lucky that we grew up with such wonderful parents. However, looking back on it all I wish they had demanded more from me growing up. All they ever asked was that we do the best we could in school- to give it our all and be the best students we could be. That is not to say if we came home with a bad grade they would be angry. Not at all. All they wanted was for us to do the best we could. And that was all we had to do. I didn't have to empty the dishwasher, do laundry, clean the floor or even make my bed (not sure about that last one it was a long time ago but I think that's true). I did have to keep my room somewhat tidy but that was it.

I of course take full responsibility here as well. It is not all on them. My sister grew up in the same household as I did but she still learned to cook (not me) and do other things for herself that took me many years after I left home to learn how to do. I moved out when I went to college and still didn't know how to do my laundry. That is totally my fault. I just had no desire to learn any of that stuff. In fact, I didn't learn till I got married and my dh taught me how. I know it's not brain surgery but I always sent my laundry out. It was just easier since I lived in an apt and the machines were in the basement- you know all the rationalizations one can tell themselves at the time. I also didn't iron or cook or clean or anything basically that normal people know how to do at a very early age. I was definitely delayed in the homemaker area for sure. Now I really enjoy doing laundry btw. (just not in the basement) Go figure.

I accept my responsibility in this 100%. But all I am saying here is not to make the same mistakes my parents made because it is best to give your child responsibility at an early age so they can learn to be fully self sufficient and savvy and manage responsibility on their own. There is no greater gift (besides unconditional love) that one can give their child, than the gift of self sufficiency. Sure I lived on my own in NYC from the tender age of 17 and was sort of self sufficient but not so much. I still had other people do stuff for me that I should have known how to do on my own and I think it made getting into "real life" a bit tougher.

So the reason I am chiming in here (and with a way too long drawn out post as usual) though I have no kids of my own is to give the other point of view. Don't let your kids slide here- you will be doing them a disservice more than you might realize. I am not saying load them down with chores. But as Sharon wrote there is a happy medium. What that is I leave to the experts. Thanks for letting me share.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm going to answer although I don't have kids. I was once a teenager though!

I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, did my own laundry from start to finish (including folding and putting away), cleaned my room and my bathroom, helped dust and do other inside chores, cleared the table after meals, cleaned the kitchen after meals, helped rake leaves and do other yard work, and helped my parents drive my sister places when asked.

ETA: My mom had a philosophy that I'd follow with our children, had we had them. My mom always thought that as members of a family, we all needed to work together to take care of the house. We didn't get an allowance for doing this. Purplesparklies, I read your post after posting this. I should have just dittoed you!

 

[zoebartlett]

It seems like my kids get away with doing the bare minimum! I should look at that

I also wonder if I should try and get James to do something around the house. Problem is he really gets stressed when I ask him. I have no idea if this is the autism speaking or he just can't be bothered. And if I do ask him I have to stand over him to make him do whatever it was I asked him to do. Might as well do it myself!

I'd totally get James to help, even if he might not do things the same way you would! There's plenty he can do, and he might feel really proud of himself for all his hard work. If you praise him A LOT, I'd imagine he'd buy into it more. He could help bring dishes to the sink or help with the dishwasher, sort, fold and/or put laundry away, pick up his toys, feed the dog, make his bed, etc. You could do some type of sticker chart with him too, where he earns something (a toy, extra time playing a game, etc.) if he completes his list. If you do ask him to help, I'd start off really small, like one thing at a time, then increase it to two things. Giving him too much (especially too soon) may overwhelm James but I think it's great for him to take ownership of some of the household chores.

 

[charleston1]

Wow, I must be a total failure. The only person I can relate to here is Enerchi. When my kids were in high school they did nothing. Well actually they did nothing but make a mess and leave it. Honestly, there wasn't much time. They were in so many activities; every night it was either dance, cheerleading, hockey, etc. etc. In retrospect it was maybe a mistake for them to be in so many activities (school teams and "rep" teams) but that was what they wanted to do.

Literally they graduated high school before doing their own laundry. When I was kid of course I did tons of chores BUT I wasn't in activities every night of the week like my kids.

They always worked very hard in school to get good grades so I so frankly chores were last on the list. First born just graduated from University and younger one is in first year in residence (YAAAA Whoooooo!!! Keep your room in residence as messy as you want, I dont care ).

I worked full time with a long commute and found it easier to do it myself then argue. Oh yes, I would ask them to clean up but it was always LATER mom...until I lost my mind and snapped and only then they would clean up. They are getting better; I think living away from home for University made them appreciate me.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I think I have totally failed in that department. I have never really required set chores, but I do have them do their own laundry and clean their own bathroom. I take that back, I did have assigned dinner clean up when they were little. Hubby and I were just talking about this the other day. Our youngest is 16 and we are going to make a chore list and tie it to weekly allowance. In the fall, he won't have the time, but for now he does. My son who just graduated from college lives at home and he doesn't pay rent. My grocery bill went up several hundred dollars a month. He will be leaving to teach english in Peru in January. He cleans the kitchen almost every day, and he doesn't make any kind of mess. The kids will do anything I ask without too much grumbling so I have left it at that up till now.

Our neighbor kids, who are best buds with my son, have a set amount of chores every week and they seem really responsible. I think we are going to follow their lead. They always tell my son that he has it way to easy.

 

[ruby59]

At one time, until my eldest moved out into his own arpartment, I had 3 teenagers living at home. I worked part time, and my mother was showing signs that she needed my help. Sandwich generation.

My children were responsible for

Making their own beds every day.
Cleaning their bathrooms. ( I did a heavy cleaning on Saturday)

Changing the sheets and pillowcases every Saturday.
Dusting and vacuuming their bedrooms.
General straightening of their rooms.

Putting all dirty clothes and bed linen in the laundry hamper.

Removing all dirty dishes and cups from their rooms daily and putting them in the dishwasher. And if the dishwasher is full, start the load. Same with laundry. If it is a full load, do it.

I prepared the main meals, but they learned how to fill in if I had to work late or care for my mother.
I cleaned the rest of the house, did my husband and my laundry, and did the shopping.
However, as my mother got sicker, and I had to do cleaning, cooking and shopping as well, they pitched in more.

Like someone else said, we are a family. And in a family, everyone pitches in to make it run smoother.

In our house, the motto was - If you use it, dirty it, spill it, or mess it up, clean up after yourself. Everyone has two hands, a brain, and is capable.

Wish my mother in law had taught that to my husband. It took 30 years, but he finally realized I was his wife, not his mother.

 

[Haven]

I WISH my parents required us to help around the house. They weren't great at keeping house themselves, so we lived in a messier home than I would have liked. I used to have marathon cleaning sessions before I would invite anyone over.

My DH, on the other hand, was required to do A TON of stuff around the house growing up, and I can really see the difference our two experiences made in our habits as adults. DH is amazing at keeping up with the house inside and out. Me? It took a lot for me to get into the habit of keeping our house, and let me tell you, it took some time!

The only things I had to do were my own laundry, keep my room clean, and keep my stuff out of the shared living areas of the house. DH did everything--mowed the lawn, did major seasonal cleanups outside, fixed fences, pulled weeds, cleaned the windows from the outside and inside, vacuumed, swept, did dishes, mopped the floors, cleaned the bathrooms, etc. etc. etc. And let me tell you, this experience has made him a WONDERFUL person to live with as an adult!

Now, here's the kicker: DH has a brother who grew up in the same house with the same responsibilities, but they could not be more different in terms of their cleaning habits. DH is super clean and conscientious, and my BIL is a total slob. His house is disgusting to the point that we no longer go over there. So . . . I can't really generalize that making your kids do housework will help them as adults. But then again, it can't hurt, right?

When our future kids are teens we are going to follow DH's family's model and not mine.

 

[AmeliaG]

They were (and still are) loving, supportive, nurturing and everything one could want parents to be. My sister and I are so very lucky that we grew up with such wonderful parents. However, looking back on it all I wish they had demanded more from me growing up. All they ever asked was that we do the best we could in school- to give it our all and be the best students we could be.

My parents were just like Missy's. in their defense, their parents also spoiled them. The problem with me is that I could still get in a lot of trouble even with getting straight A's so I could manage them which was not very good for my growth.

The only thing that I feel differently about is paying someone else to do chores I don't like and keep putting off. I used to feel guilty about it, but kept putting it off, so it wouldn't get done. Now I'm not doing things like my laundry but its getting done. That's the important thing to me.

 

[purplesparklies]

I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.

 

[Autumnovember]

I don't have kids but I can tell you what my mom used to make me do (and still does sometimes!)

-We always had to wash the dishes after ourselves.
-My room would be messy often so I found myself constantly cleaning my room for hours at a time because she doesn't tolerate mess.
-Always put everything back where it belongs (she still yells at me for it to this day).
-Clean the floors (hardwood) which meant sweep and wash.
-Vacuum our rooms or the entire upstairs.
-Clean the bathroom(s).
-Clean the stairs and the railing for the stairs.

None of this was negotiable. Saying I was busy was not a legit excuse for not helping out - it just didn't ever fly with her. If she told me to do it and I pouted it would become war. And it was many times because I hate cleaning to this day.

I still help out when I come home though because now its more about helping her maintain her health.

I gotta say though, my mom is an absolute neat freak which I suppose really isn't a bad thing...so I must have drove her nuts when I was younger

I know one thing that is for sure: my kids will 100% contribute to household chores as long as they're living under my roof. My mind is made up about that.

 

[rosetta]

That's my excuse so I can enjoy my morning cup of coffee with my feet up. In seriousness, I think it much easier to start young, than start later. Of course, when starting young, there is little they can do but in joining me doing chores, they feel more important as they are contributing to the family. It is also a good way to spend time together with some inconsequential chit chat as we are doing work, plus these are necessary life skills that their significant other will appreciate my having taught them.

I don't have kids yet, but I plan to get them doing chores as soon as they are old enough. I have friends with teenagers that now do ALL the household chores whilst their parents work full time. I aspire to be like them!

 

[zoebartlett]

Haven, my husband and I grew up in very different households, and I KNOW that has contributed to the way we think of cleaning the house, doing chores, etc. His family was old school. His mom took care of the inside housework and his dad did the outside stuff (lawn maintenance, carrying in wood for the wood stove, those types of things). My husband and his brothers helped their dad and his sisters helped their mom. My husband apparently never learned HOW to clean a house. He's told me he's not good at it, as if I was going to let him off the hook. It drives me crazy but he contributes in other ways. I WISH my husband was a neat freak. My dad is and I hope that it will rub off on D. It hasn't yet though.