Enerchi
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2011
- Messages
- 10,658
I don't have children but I have to agree with this. Growing up, I was a straight A student, one of 3 kids, and had lots of responsibilities from involvement in school and church, and dual enrollment, part time jobs, and volunteer work when I was older. That never stopped me from having chores. I just don't buy this they don't have enough time. I was always busy, but I always got it done and learned a hell of a lot about time management too. I was one of the only students in some of my courses first semester freshman year in college that was stressed beyond all hope because I'd learned how to efficiently manage my time with things while I was younger.purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.
charleston1|1354233215|3318772 said:Wow, I must be a total failure. The only person I can relate to here is Enerchi. When my kids were in high school they did nothing. Well actually they did nothing but make a mess and leave it.Honestly, there wasn't much time. They were in so many activities; every night it was either dance, cheerleading, hockey, etc. etc. In retrospect it was maybe a mistake for them to be in so many activities (school teams and "rep" teams) but that was what they wanted to do.
Literally they graduated high school before doing their own laundry. When I was kid of course I did tons of chores BUT I wasn't in activities every night of the week like my kids.
They always worked very hard in school to get good grades so I so frankly chores were last on the list. First born just graduated from University and younger one is in first year in residence (YAAAA Whoooooo!!! Keep your room in residence as messy as you want, I dont care).
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.
purplesparklies|1354388056|3320024 said:Luv2sparkle,
Everyone's values are different. I get it. I'm just saying that I choose to do differently than some. We are very clear with our children that the extra-curriculars they choose must not create a negative balance in their lives. The benefit must match the time and effort it requires. We know that our children are very much not likely to achieve stardom via athletics.They enjoy it. It's healthy. We support it as recreation. The focus must be on academics. Whether they participate in football or soccer or baseball or...... is not going to have impact on their lives 20-years from now, other than allowing them to participate in some random adult rec league. However, their academic success or lack thereof will serve them well long term.
We are also a family committed to maintaining a balanced life in every way. Everything in moderation. Therefore, there will be no activity that monopolizes all or most of their life outside of school. We value our family dinners and down time. We value the chances to watch movies together, volunteer together, just b.e. together. I am blessed to know people from all walks of life. Those who seem happiest have a very good work, play balance. I try to model that and create a habit of that now because it's what I hope they will achieve as adults.
I think very highly of my children. I think they are capable, reasoning, rational, able-bodied people. Therefore, I will require that they act like it and contribute accordingly. My expectations tend to be high, both as a teacher and as a parent, and my children always manage to meet my expectations. I find that they gain confidence and self worth as they gain responsibility. It works well for my family. I see them developing good habits that will serve them well as they leave my home and create their own. That gives me satisfaction and hope for their futures. That's all we want, right?
Rosebloom said:For me personally, I hope when my boys are teens that I focus less on the technicalities of who's doing what chore when and more on the spirit behind the work of respecting your home and pitching in for a common goal. I hope that if my kid's shoulders are a little slumped one day, I suggest that we blow off doing dishes for the night and instead go get ice cream. And I hope that I will sometimes clean the kids' bathroom from top to bottom even though it's their job just because I love them and I want to ease their load. I think this kind of approach teaches the lessons of being joyful and serving others which I personally find more important to focus on than lessons of independence and self sufficiency (because I think they'll learn those just fine on their own timeframe).
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.
ksinger|1354461265|3320486 said:purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.
This. In our house growing up, there was no "asking" to do chores, it was required, and you did it regardless of whether it was phrased as a request or not. It was a COMMAND and I darn sure knew it. Heck, she had me drying dishes and folding laundry before the age of 10, ironing too. My mother considered that anyone living in a house should contribute to that house's upkeep. There was also no shirking on quality. You did it right, or you did it over until you got it right (she showed me of course), so there was none of this half-assed result being acceptable. She never let up either.
This is going to sound very harsh, but I really think that those who do everything for their kids are lazy. Lazy in that they are unwilling to put in the time and effort to teach their children basic life skills like straightening up, making a bed, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc, and lazy in not wanting to fight the battle of wills that will undoubtedly ensue when requiring activities that aren't FUN. Housework isn't FUN, but since the vast majority of us will not have servants all our lives, knowing how is necessary in order to not live in squalor, and to ensure that the people you end up living with, don't take you out behind the woodshed and happily strangle you.
I loved my husband's mother dearly, but there are many times I wish I could have a bit of "speech" with her about how much she did NOT require her 2 sons to do in the way of keeping house. She did me no favors in that department I can tell ya.