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What chores do you ask your teenagers to do?

Just had a minor success tonight! I asked DS to clean the bathroom before he heads out for the night... and with minimal back talk... it got done!! And it looks good - wow! :praise:
 
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:
I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.
I don't have children but I have to agree with this. Growing up, I was a straight A student, one of 3 kids, and had lots of responsibilities from involvement in school and church, and dual enrollment, part time jobs, and volunteer work when I was older. That never stopped me from having chores. I just don't buy this they don't have enough time. I was always busy, but I always got it done and learned a hell of a lot about time management too. I was one of the only students in some of my courses first semester freshman year in college that was stressed beyond all hope because I'd learned how to efficiently manage my time with things while I was younger.

Now, as an adult, we all have full time jobs, extra curricular activities, grocery shopping, bills, pets, etc etc. We all manage to keep our houses clean and get the laundry and maintenance stuff done. We didn't have a choice but to pitch in and you bet your ass that I will be shadowing my parents model on this when I do have children.
 
None. I'm a SAHM and I do everything. It's exhausting! I do require them to get good grades and be responsible but the house stuff is pretty much my job. My husband does the outside stuff. Although, I take out the garbage because he can't remember to do it and I need my garbage can empty each week.
 
Before DD went to college, she was responsible for her bedroom and bathroom. My rules were no clothing on the floor and toilet, sink, and shower must be clean. If her room was a mess she must keep the door closed or clean it. Oh, and no dirty dishes or cups in her room. She had to collect all the trash in the house on trash day, put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher and the last person to fill it to capacity would have to run it. She was responsible for making dinner one night a week.

A rule in our house is that if you see clothes in laundry basket, you put in the next load and whoever hears the alarm, puts clothes in the dryer and removes from the dryer. DD loved to do laundry for whatever reason (maybe the smell of clothes when they come out of the dryer) , but she taught kids at college how to do laundry.

DD will even remove her shower curtain and liner and wash it. She was spoiled living in a clean house and cleans and disinfects the surfaces in her dorm room.

She has thanked me over and over again for making her do chores at home. She has seen firsthand how clueless and helpless kids are in college and it is not limited to laundry or room cleaning. There was a kid at school who started a fire trying to heat up a pizza, box and all.
 
I wanted to add that I am kinda picky so I like to make all the beds so they look nice. I *love* when my house is clean, especially since I'm the one who's home the most to enjoy it. I do ask them to take their snacks, wrappers, cans, etc. to the kitchen rather than leaving them in their room. Doesn't always happen :wink2:
 
charleston1|1354233215|3318772 said:
Wow, I must be a total failure. The only person I can relate to here is Enerchi. When my kids were in high school they did nothing. Well actually they did nothing but make a mess and leave it. :angryfire: Honestly, there wasn't much time. They were in so many activities; every night it was either dance, cheerleading, hockey, etc. etc. In retrospect it was maybe a mistake for them to be in so many activities (school teams and "rep" teams) but that was what they wanted to do.

Literally they graduated high school before doing their own laundry. When I was kid of course I did tons of chores BUT I wasn't in activities every night of the week like my kids.

They always worked very hard in school to get good grades so I so frankly chores were last on the list. First born just graduated from University and younger one is in first year in residence (YAAAA Whoooooo!!! Keep your room in residence as messy as you want, I dont care :lol: ).

This was me growing up (I don't have kids). I did my first load of laundry as a freshman in college. My mom didn't ask any chores of us. It meant that my room was in dismal condition at any given time, but I sure didn't mind haha. In elementary and middle school I was swimming 2 hours a day. In high school, that changed to 4 hours a day along with being editor of the school yearbook and newspaper, president of the Spanish club, and tons of homework. I was always top of the class (graduated Valedictorian) so I pretty much bargained that my school and activities were my "job" and my mom left me alone regarding chores. My DH had to do tons of chores around the house growing up and quite frankly, hearing his stories (and reading this thread) makes me really glad my mom let me be a slacker ;)

Having said that, I will have to disclose that now that I am an adult and live alone and am charged with maintaining a household (or whatnot), I do a crappy job of it lol. I clean when it gets really bad and that's about it. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being an episode of Hoarders and 10 being straight out of Martha Stewart Living, my house is probably maintained at about a 4.
 
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:
I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.

I would agree with you, but the reason I said my son doesn't have time in the fall is because he plays football and has to be at school at 6 am, and gets home after 8 pm. He goes to a private school and takes honors classes, so when should I have him do these chores? He can barely get through dinner at 8:30 and stay conscious. So there are reasons that are not poor parenting or making excuses for them as well.

All these things work very well in principal but don't always work out the way we would like in real life.
 
Luv2sparkle,

Everyone's values are different. I get it. I'm just saying that I choose to do differently than some. We are very clear with our children that the extra-curriculars they choose must not create a negative balance in their lives. The benefit must match the time and effort it requires. We know that our children are very much not likely to achieve stardom via athletics. :-) They enjoy it. It's healthy. We support it as recreation. The focus must be on academics. Whether they participate in football or soccer or baseball or...... is not going to have impact on their lives 20-years from now, other than allowing them to participate in some random adult rec league. However, their academic success or lack thereof will serve them well long term.

We are also a family committed to maintaining a balanced life in every way. Everything in moderation. Therefore, there will be no activity that monopolizes all or most of their life outside of school. We value our family dinners and down time. We value the chances to watch movies together, volunteer together, just b.e. together. I am blessed to know people from all walks of life. Those who seem happiest have a very good work, play balance. I try to model that and create a habit of that now because it's what I hope they will achieve as adults.

I think very highly of my children. I think they are capable, reasoning, rational, able-bodied people. Therefore, I will require that they act like it and contribute accordingly. My expectations tend to be high, both as a teacher and as a parent, and my children always manage to meet my expectations. I find that they gain confidence and self worth as they gain responsibility. It works well for my family. I see them developing good habits that will serve them well as they leave my home and create their own. That gives me satisfaction and hope for their futures. That's all we want, right?
 
purplesparklies|1354388056|3320024 said:
Luv2sparkle,

Everyone's values are different. I get it. I'm just saying that I choose to do differently than some. We are very clear with our children that the extra-curriculars they choose must not create a negative balance in their lives. The benefit must match the time and effort it requires. We know that our children are very much not likely to achieve stardom via athletics. :-) They enjoy it. It's healthy. We support it as recreation. The focus must be on academics. Whether they participate in football or soccer or baseball or...... is not going to have impact on their lives 20-years from now, other than allowing them to participate in some random adult rec league. However, their academic success or lack thereof will serve them well long term.

We are also a family committed to maintaining a balanced life in every way. Everything in moderation. Therefore, there will be no activity that monopolizes all or most of their life outside of school. We value our family dinners and down time. We value the chances to watch movies together, volunteer together, just b.e. together. I am blessed to know people from all walks of life. Those who seem happiest have a very good work, play balance. I try to model that and create a habit of that now because it's what I hope they will achieve as adults.

I think very highly of my children. I think they are capable, reasoning, rational, able-bodied people. Therefore, I will require that they act like it and contribute accordingly. My expectations tend to be high, both as a teacher and as a parent, and my children always manage to meet my expectations. I find that they gain confidence and self worth as they gain responsibility. It works well for my family. I see them developing good habits that will serve them well as they leave my home and create their own. That gives me satisfaction and hope for their futures. That's all we want, right?

As you wrote, everybody's values are different. My nephew has a chance to win a football scholarship so he is playing his butt off. It's a full scholarship that can save his parents beaucoup bucks. Academic scholarships are not so generous. So regardless of whether he ever plays after college, that scholarship can make a BIG difference to his parents now and that is where he is focusing his efforts. In short, it can mean that one of his younger sisters will be able to go to college.

Balance is an admirable goal to aim for over time; but its not always possible to maintain perfect balance in all areas of one's life all the time. Invariably, there are some times (hopefully not often) where one area needs to take over the lion's share of the time because it offers the lion's share of the opportunity. A medical residency is another example where balance just isn't possible. Later, after the residency, yes, but not during.
 
My children are quite young, but my three-year-old son loves to help with various jobs around the house (sweeping is a huge favorite). I greatly encourage it because these activities help him feel like part of the household and are help him develop important skills. I want to teach my children about house keeping (cooking, organizing, cleaning, sewing, etc) because they are activities I greatly enjoy and they are an important aspect of life.

I really do think that there are different approaches to chores and that many different ways can work. I think doing chores can be very beneficial (and I plan to have my kids do chores). They can teach concentration and focus, delayed gratification, a methodical approach to problem-solving. But so can swim team, student council, a part-time job or a challenging math class. And the actual technicalities of house keeping are not that challenging to master - I imagine I could explain to a college freshman how to do their laundry in an afternoon.

For me personally, I hope when my boys are teens that I focus less on the technicalities of who's doing what chore when and more on the spirit behind the work of respecting your home and pitching in for a common goal. I hope that if my kid's shoulders are a little slumped one day, I suggest that we blow off doing dishes for the night and instead go get ice cream. And I hope that I will sometimes clean the kids' bathroom from top to bottom even though it's their job just because I love them and I want to ease their load. I think this kind of approach teaches the lessons of being joyful and serving others which I personally find more important to focus on than lessons of independence and self sufficiency (because I think they'll learn those just fine on their own timeframe).
 
Rosebloom said:
For me personally, I hope when my boys are teens that I focus less on the technicalities of who's doing what chore when and more on the spirit behind the work of respecting your home and pitching in for a common goal. I hope that if my kid's shoulders are a little slumped one day, I suggest that we blow off doing dishes for the night and instead go get ice cream. And I hope that I will sometimes clean the kids' bathroom from top to bottom even though it's their job just because I love them and I want to ease their load. I think this kind of approach teaches the lessons of being joyful and serving others which I personally find more important to focus on than lessons of independence and self sufficiency (because I think they'll learn those just fine on their own timeframe).

Absolutely! Everyone needs a mental health day. :-) It's not about being a taskmaster but rather is about everyone contributing, along with the rest of the family, to creating a peaceful, functioning, balanced family home.
 
I just wanted to share my small miracle...!!! Yesterday, DS came home from visiting his gf, did some stuff on his own, but then came upstairs, cleaned his bathroom and then ---- sit down for this one!!! --- he VACUUMED THE WHOLE HOUSE!!! :appl: :appl: :appl:

It was my little Christmas miracle!! My DH and I were talking when the vacuum started - we stopped mid sentence, stared at each other in shock and both said, "IS THAT ******* VACUUMING?!" We were stunned! I went up stairs and gave him a big hug and said thank you so much for surprising us with the help... he was beaming from ear to ear that we were pleased he did that!!

Ah... just wanted to share! :praise:
 
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:
I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.

This. In our house growing up, there was no "asking" to do chores, it was required, and you did it regardless of whether it was phrased as a request or not. It was a COMMAND and I darn sure knew it. Heck, she had me drying dishes and folding laundry before the age of 10, ironing too. My mother considered that anyone living in a house should contribute to that house's upkeep. There was also no shirking on quality. You did it right, or you did it over until you got it right (she showed me of course), so there was none of this half-assed result being acceptable. She never let up either.

This is going to sound very harsh, but I really think that those who do everything for their kids are lazy. Lazy in that they are unwilling to put in the time and effort to teach their children basic life skills like straightening up, making a bed, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc, and lazy in not wanting to fight the battle of wills that will undoubtedly ensue when requiring activities that aren't FUN. Housework isn't FUN, but since the vast majority of us will not have servants all our lives, knowing how is necessary in order to not live in squalor, and to ensure that the people you end up living with, don't take you out behind the woodshed and happily strangle you.

I loved my husband's mother dearly, but there are many times I wish I could have a bit of "speech" with her about how much she did NOT require her 2 sons to do in the way of keeping house. She did me no favors in that department I can tell ya.
 
ksinger|1354461265|3320486 said:
purplesparklies|1354308995|3319526 said:
I think it's interesting that so many make excuses for their teenagers. Yes, teenagers are busy. Guess what? Adults are busy, too. That's life. Aren't we training them for life? I feel that my job is to prepare my child for an independent, successful life. Part of the preparation includes practice in time management. These teenagers will soon be away at college and will be much busier there academics & social-wise, while suddenly also needing to maintain a living space, do laundry, shop for groceries, etc. With so much new, isn't it easier to help them develop and master time management skills while still at home where mom & dad can help overcome challenges? If they don't have time to do a few simple chores each week, they are too busy and parents should step in and help them narrow their focus to those things that are truly important. No one does their best work when they are spread too thin. One of life's lessons.

This. In our house growing up, there was no "asking" to do chores, it was required, and you did it regardless of whether it was phrased as a request or not. It was a COMMAND and I darn sure knew it. Heck, she had me drying dishes and folding laundry before the age of 10, ironing too. My mother considered that anyone living in a house should contribute to that house's upkeep. There was also no shirking on quality. You did it right, or you did it over until you got it right (she showed me of course), so there was none of this half-assed result being acceptable. She never let up either.

This is going to sound very harsh, but I really think that those who do everything for their kids are lazy. Lazy in that they are unwilling to put in the time and effort to teach their children basic life skills like straightening up, making a bed, doing laundry, doing dishes, etc, and lazy in not wanting to fight the battle of wills that will undoubtedly ensue when requiring activities that aren't FUN. Housework isn't FUN, but since the vast majority of us will not have servants all our lives, knowing how is necessary in order to not live in squalor, and to ensure that the people you end up living with, don't take you out behind the woodshed and happily strangle you.

I loved my husband's mother dearly, but there are many times I wish I could have a bit of "speech" with her about how much she did NOT require her 2 sons to do in the way of keeping house. She did me no favors in that department I can tell ya.

ksinger -- My house was similar to yours growing up. I started washing/drying dishes by the time I was 7. I also had to help with laundry and vacuum. There was more at my grandparents' house too since they lived next door and we spent a lot of time with them. "Requests" weren't optional and as I got older, it was expected that I would just get up and do stuff to help.

By the time I was 13, I did the vacuuming twice a week, loaded/unloaded the dishwasher almost daily, helped with laundry (wash/dry & put away) probably 4-5 loads per week, kept my room clean, dusted weekly, and prepared 2-3 meals for the family by myself each week (this included planning the meal using what we had in the house, doing all of the prep/cooking, washing dishes, wiping countertops, and cleaning the sink). There was also stuff like watering the plants as needed, garden work, window washing, cat box cleaning, and dog poop scooping that I had to do regularly also.

My brother wasn't expected to do as much and it really shows now.


"A" is 13 and I am slowly adding stuff to what she does around the house. She had come from a house where she was not expected to do anything and she never really got to see anyone else do stuff because the cleaning people came while she was not home.

The only thing I asked of her when she first moved in with us is that she pick stuff up off the floor of her room when I asked. She is now up to keeping stuff picked up off her floor at all times (without me asking), hanging up her laundry when I wash it, making her bed (including changing sheets), sweeping her room (she did this without me ever asking :appl: ), and scooping all three of our cat boxes.
 
Just to add, I could really see the difference in the way some children are raised when I dropped my eldest off the first day at college. His roommate actually just stood there while his mother unpacked his suit case and put things away after making his bed. His roommate did not have a clue on how to do laundy. My son had to show him.

I understand that especially today kids have a lot of things on their plate. But being able to take care of themselves should be a top priority, so that when they go off to college or to a new apartment, they are capable of standing on their own two feet.
 
There are some very interesting viewpoints here. And I love to hear about everyones upbringing. I think the general consensus is that the kids should do their fair share. And I agree with that. I think that i'm going to have my family do a little bit more and hopefully teach them how to look after themselves (and their stuff) for when they are older :))
 
I mentioned this thread to my DD when she balked at emptying the dishwasher. :bigsmile: That's her only regular chore.

But she does do pretty much all the laundry for everybody. I do the sheets and towels, she does all the clothes. And cleans her room and bathroom for company. Otherwise, I don't really care too much, that's her part of the house.

My son was awful. I just asked that he keep a clear area so that I could walk on carpet when I kissed him goodnight.

He turned out okay, he's a bank manager and a real neatnik now.

I was raised by my grandmother who cleaned every inch of the house constantly. She literally wouldn't let me wash the dishes because she was afraid I would break them. You could eat off her grout. She literally hosed off the walls (terrazzo floors, plaster walls). When I left, none of that stuck, I was a slob. After the kids came, I tidied up, but nothing like my grandmother. She literally rubbed the little gold flecks off the formica. :rolleyes:

What was the point of all that? She's dead now, I don't have much memory or appreciation of the ULTRA clean house, but I do remember the time she took a break and played tea party with me. Once.
 
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