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What are your deal breakers?

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
In life.

In choosing one's partner.
In choosing one's friends.
In choosing one's home sweet home.
In choosing the town/city/state one lives.

In "fill in the blank".

What are your deal breakers in life?
Any of the above or fill in your own.

calvinandhobbesdealbreakers.png
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
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42,054
I'll start.

My deal breakers are simple.
It doesn't take that much to make me happy.

I want to have people in my life who are trustworthy and kind.
Also a good relationship takes two to be successful. It cannot be one sided.

I don't want to be surrounded by people who seem to always be negative.
So toxic behavior is a deal breaker for me.

Kindness is King (Queen) IMO.
Empathy is critical.
And always communication is key in all successful relationships.

Always being able to laugh and see the brighter side of things. Laughter and a good sense of humor is key in being joyful and not taking life too seriously. I mean, yes, there are serious issues to be sure but 24/7 would be a bit much. Being able to laugh is important.

As for deal breakers in choosing where one lives. For me that's also easy. I need to be in a diverse population. I need to be near a city where there are museums, restaurants, shows, etc. I need to be near the sea. I find it healing and peaceful and it's a necessary part of my life.


One last deal breaker. People who are fake. I don't want that kind of negative energy in my life. Be real. be yourself. I always am and expect my friends to be real too. Otherwise what's the point?



So what are your deal breakers?
Any category.
 

AllAboardTheBlingTrain

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
846
I think I have different priorities when it comes to different aspects of my life, so not all the dealbreakers are common, but broadly:

The number one thing that’s important to me when it comes to relationships (family/friends/SO) is holding similar values and beliefs. I don’t mean stuff like religion or whatever here, as long as you’re a generally tolerant person I’m all good, I am not particularly religious or anything. But I mean stuff like - their views on honesty, on loyalty, on equality. I want people in my life who believe and practice that everyone is equal regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, ethnicity, etc. I think being considerate and kind are paramount for me. For my SO, things like lifestyle, kids, money etc. become additional possible dealbreakers. Not how much or what they have, but their attitudes around these topics and how compatible we are. For example, I couldn’t be with either a miser or a spendthrift.

For where to live, the dealbreakers are different. Safety, things to do, career opportunities, lifestyle...
 

mellowyellowgirl

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
May 17, 2014
Messages
4,119
Deal breaker in partners:

If I want to poison you that is a deal breaker.

Way too many deal breaker traits to list! Sometimes I am at a gathering, I hear someone's husband speak and I think to myself "A bit of arsenic in the soup if I was married to that one."

***
Friends

Anyone who b*tches about someone else in the group is a nono for me. If they do that chances are they are also b*tching about me!

***

Deal breakers in homes:

On a busy road
In front of a roundabout
Highway behind
Trainline behind
Sewerage pipes under the property
Industrial power lines running above the property
Across or beside a school
House right on a T junction
No apartments
 

elle_71125

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jan 29, 2012
Messages
4,765
In a partner, someone without a sense of humor. I love to laugh so I can't imagine being with someone that I don't find funny. Also, someone that doesn't love animals is a major deal breaker!

In friends, I need someone that makes me feel comfortable. I'm very introverted and socially awkward to the max so I need someone that doesn't drain me. So a deal breaker would be anyone that's too needy. Also, I don't need any friends that only care about themselves. We all know those people who talk about their problems and their lives but couldn't care less when it's your turn to share.

In a home, I wouldn't want to live near power lines or a school or a city dump. I've been working towards my goal of moving to some acreage so I don't have neighbors.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 26, 2007
Messages
4,669
Partner deal breakers:
Smoking
Lying
Wasting money
Politically conservative
Religious
Obsessively neat
Dislike of cats

Friends deal breakers:
Lying
Gossiping
Mean-spirited

Home deal breakers:
Low square footage
No back yard/ small back yard
Small rooms
No extra bedrooms for my hobbies

Town/state deal breakers:
Bad winters, too much snow
No ethnic diversity
No art/culture scene
 
Last edited:

rainydaze

Ideal_Rock
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May 1, 2007
Messages
2,952
I share a lot of deal-breakers with those already posted.

For home, though, I was *just* thinking to myself this morning, for the umpteenth time, that I cannot do a house with mismatched wood floors. I have fixed up houses, as well as done some major renovations, but mismatched floors gets me. If everything else is near-perfect for me, then maybe I could take on redoing the floors so they are the same species and finish. But typically when I see that, it's an indicator to me that the bones aren't solid or cohesive and it will take a lot to get the house to where I'd be happy with it.
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,526
In a partner, one deal breaker (besides the obvious big red flag kind of things) would just be if they didn't seem all that interested in spending their life with me.

With making friends (again, besides the obvious problems) a deal breaker to me is when they seem too intrusive. Like if they argue when I don't want to go out with them all the time (I'm used to spending a lot of my time with my husband). Or go the other way and try to establish themselves as a friend of the family without being invited to.

The new deal breaker to me in homes is that I don't want one that isn't minimal- in space, time, money and effort. I'm bored with it and over it.

As far as area, the main deal breaker for me is if it isn't near my adult children, unless of course, one of them decides to move away because it would be kind of weird to follow them around lol.
 
Last edited:

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
Partner deal breakers:
Smoking
Lying
Wasting money
Politically conservative
Religious
Obsessively neat
Dislike of cats

Friends deal breakers:
Lying
Gossiping
Mean-spirited

Home deal breakers:
Low square footage
No back yard/ small back yard
Small rooms
No extra bedrooms for my hobbies

Town/state deal breakers:
Bad winters, too much snow
No ethnic diversity
No art/culture scene
OK. I should have just quoted your post. Yes. To all of it. :)
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
In a partner, someone without a sense of humor. I love to laugh so I can't imagine being with someone that I don't find funny. Also, someone that doesn't love animals is a major deal breaker!

In friends, I need someone that makes me feel comfortable. I'm very introverted and socially awkward to the max so I need someone that doesn't drain me. So a deal breaker would be anyone that's too needy. Also, I don't need any friends that only care about themselves. We all know those people who talk about their problems and their lives but couldn't care less when it's your turn to share.

In a home, I wouldn't want to live near power lines or a school or a city dump. I've been working towards my goal of moving to some acreage so I don't have neighbors.
I agree with all of your deal breakers and yes re power lines and city dump and schools. I wouldn't want to live near those either. And I would love to have acreage and no nearby neighbors but sadly that's never going to be possible because where I want to live (by the sea) it is way too expensive to buy the homes next door to me. Oh but I would love to LOL. Though we are so lucky because we have great neighbors now so fingers crossed that remains the case.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
I share a lot of deal-breakers with those already posted.

For home, though, I was *just* thinking to myself this morning, for the umpteenth time, that I cannot do a house with mismatched wood floors. I have fixed up houses, as well as done some major renovations, but mismatched floors gets me. If everything else is near-perfect for me, then maybe I could take on redoing the floors so they are the same species and finish. But typically when I see that, it's an indicator to me that the bones aren't solid or cohesive and it will take a lot to get the house to where I'd be happy with it.
Agree. I hate mismatched floors too. I need harmonious flooring. :sun:
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
I want people in my life who believe and practice that everyone is equal regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, ethnicity, etc. I think being considerate and kind are paramount for me. For my SO, things like lifestyle, kids, money etc. become additional possible dealbreakers. Not how much or what they have, but their attitudes around these topics and how compatible we are. For example, I couldn’t be with either a miser or a spendthrift.
Yes, I agree. It would be challenging to have a strong connection with someone who didn't share similar core values.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
Messages
42,054
Houses: All of @mellowyellowgirl ’s dealbreakers plus:

damp basement
backing up to cornfield (pesticide spray)
backing up to plant/flower/tree nursery (pesticide spray)
near a hoarder house (rodents)
I never thought about the cornfield and nursery aspect re pesticides. Good points. As for a hoarder house how would we know beforehand I wonder.
 

SallyBrown

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
332
I never thought about the cornfield and nursery aspect re pesticides. Good points. As for a hoarder house how would we know beforehand I wonder.
Sometimes you can tell by looking in the windows, yard, or even inside the cars in the driveway. But sometimes not.

Bad neighbors...the big cr*pshoot when buying a house.
 

inne

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 12, 2019
Messages
130
Partner
Conservative
Religious
Lack of curiosity
Lack of empathy
Lack of humour
Lack of integrity
Lack of hobbies and interests
Weird views about women and gender in general
Unable to laugh at himself
Dislike of animals
Being fundamentally boring

Friends
Lying
Meanness

Home
Location - must be in a residential area I really like
Location - not on a busy street
Architecture - must be one of a few architectural styles I like and original details must be intact
Major foundation issues
Major mold issues
Confirmed hauntings
Too close to a railway
Too close to a major highway
Unpleasant smells - I've looked at houses that turned out to be close to factories (candy, pot, chemicals) and the smell was just unbearable
Aside from that, I am happy to renovate and fix and restore and rewire.

Town/city/state
2+ hours from major airport
Conservative
Lack of arts and culture
Not walkable
Too hot or too cold
Too far from nature
Too far from a good horse trainer
 

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Jul 7, 2013
Messages
7,654
Honesty, trustworthy and optimism, a sense of equality with a can do attitude for people in general.

In addition, similar outlook and aspirations in life for partners.

Prefer modern houses to draughty and damp older ones. Must have a decent size kitchen, and a bit of a garden, 2 bedrooms minimum. And sufficient parking spaces for a car and a campervan. Not too near heavy traffic.

For a place to live, somewhere big enough to have decent shops especially for groceries, leisure facilities, amenities, places to eat and drink with at least one good pub, with easy access to outdoor open space; yet small enough to be friendly with a sense of community.

DK :))
 

AllAboardTheBlingTrain

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
846
Oh I can think of a house dealbreaker I forgot to add - I agree with a lot of them that have been posted here, too, but one I haven’t seen yet - I need a bathroom for every bedroom in the house (preferably en-suite, but if not, at least a dedicated bathroom per bedroom). Or at most have one less bathroom per bedroom. I just hate having to manage multiple people through one toilet and shower.
 

caf

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Nov 26, 2013
Messages
1,224
Lying.

I’m sure I’ll come up with others but “don’t lie” encompasses a lot for me.

Oh and narcissistic people. Total dealbreaker.
 

SallyBrown

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
332
Oh I can think of a house dealbreaker I forgot to add - I agree with a lot of them that have been posted here, too, but one I haven’t seen yet - I need a bathroom for every bedroom in the house (preferably en-suite, but if not, at least a dedicated bathroom per bedroom). Or at most have one less bathroom per bedroom. I just hate having to manage multiple people through one toilet and shower.
I’m the opposite. I love having just one bathroom to clean. But there are only two of us.
 
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