What a freaking circus.

[LGK]

So. Last night, I was tossing and turning around 4AM, definitely had NOT fallen asleep though. The phone rings. It's the security alarm service for the antique mall. Two- not one, but TWO- motion detectors tripped. That's not good. One, occasionally a false alarm. Two? Not so likely. So, the security company has sent out the police prior to calling me, luckily they're only about a minute away tops (about two blocks). I wait for a few minutes dithering and getting dressed. Cops report back. Mall is secure, but infested with an upset orange pussycat.

Turns out, DH left our front door unlocked and wide open. This is difficult- in order to close the door at all you must shoot the deadbolt, so I have no clue how he wandered off with it hanging wide open. There's a very twisty, turny, mazelike route for something, oh, about the size of a cat, to find their way down to the five floor, 35,000 square foot antique mall. Freaking FABULOUS. We go trekking downstairs with the sun just barely coming up, cat carrier in hand. Indeed. O.P. is yowling miserably in the main hall, quite lost obviously and fussing up a storm. He was thrilled to be found, the ridiculous thing. We secure him in the carrier and he starts purring up a storm (he loves the carrier, naps in it all the time, the weirdo.)

However. Newbie cat? The one year old, one eyed grey boy Dexter we just got a few weeks ago? Nowhere to be found. Can you imagine how many nooks and crannies there are to hide one small, scared-stupid kitty? Let me tell you- a LOT. I've seen him tuck himself behind a mirror propped on the floor with about a 3 inch space behind it. Anyway, had to leave off cat-hunting and finally go to bed. (Woohoo, a total of 6 hours of sleep all together for the last two nights combined... I'm about to faceplant on my keyboard).

Woke up early. Searched mall top to bottom. Staff came. Helped me search. Between me and my best friend (who kindly came and helped me cat-hunt) we seriously have checked every nook and cranny we can think of. With a flashlight. Three times at least. No Dex. We had to open, still cat-infested. Posted signs all over the doors asking people to knock or call the desk to be let in. Sucks, but I don't want Dex to get out. Amazingly, though we've been pretty busy, all the customers have been super understanding about it. In fact one tiny boy about three or four years old was utterly determined to find Dex and called for him for about two hours straight, it was super cute. DH was ticked I locked the mall, but I told him to deal since he was the doofus that left the door open and I wasn't going to risk Dex running out because some idiot let him or wasn't paying attention- I'd trust the staff, but customers? No.

Anyway, not a single hide or hair of silly Dex has turned up. No spottings. No meows. I'm kind of freaked out. I can't imagine he got out- the only possible way would've been when DH took the garbage out and I think that's highly unlikely. It's just odd though- Dex isn't that shy, just somewhat agoraphobic after growing up in a shelter.

Oh, and O.P. took a giant, icky runny poo inside a wardrobe and then wiped his butt on a wedding dress. That was pretty awesome. Go O.P.

So anyway, one of the employees and my best friend both have humane traps, so we're setting those tonight and loading them with the stinkiest tuna imaginable, and putting them on different levels.

Also, I quit smoking cloves this week. Ask me how *that's* going right now! (Or don't . ) Still, I've been good and not smoked since last Sat. (E-cigarette has been an excellent way to quit for me, actually.)

Anyway, wish us Dex-catching luck tonight- I'm afraid we're gonna need it at this point. I did lecture O.P. most sternly for losing his kitten- I'm quite sure he was the instigator and Dex followed along with his troublemaking. O.P. is quite upset though- having just had his Rat kitty pass away he's now freaked the heck out that something awful happened to Dex. At least Dex is ok- wherever he is in here!

 

[iheartscience]

Oh no, LGK! Tons of Dex-finding dust headed your way!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Oh the drama! Bad kitties! And poor Dex must be freaking out. I hope he finds that stinky tuna tonight!

 

[LGK]

Operation Ridiculous Kitten Fetch was successful today at 21:00 hours. Kitten was retrieved!

So, we closed the mall. Had dinner while I was waiting for my BFF to return with the safe trap. Heard a sound I was *sure* was a Dex wail in the distance. Searched the mall (yet again). Got the bright idea to turn off the muzak. Which, of course, I don't know how to do, but figured out finally. Called for him for the zillionth time. Finally, through the locked gate of one of the other stores in the mall I heard Dex yowling back to me. Sure enough, he was panicked and crying at me to get him. So, while I called to him to come to me, I sent my BFF around to the back gate of the store so he was trapped between us in a hall, though behind two locked gates. Apparently he came out to her, let her pet him, then freaked the heck out when she tried to pick him up and retreated back behind one of the locked iron gate to which I don't have a key. (Since it's a separate business).

We tried for about another hour to get him to come- at this point he was trapped in a dead end at least. So I knew he had to either stay put, or come out towards me, rather than back into the main mall. But he wouldn't. Stinky tuna didn't do it. Calling didn't do it. Nada. Wasted about two hours waiting. So we went to Home Depot to get some bolt cutters to cut the padlock on the gate, which was a teensy dinky padlock.

First bolt cutters, the 14" ones, didn't cut the "dinky" padlock. Dented in fact. (The bolt cutters, not the padlock!) Had to go back to HD, return the 14" cutters and get the 24" ones. Got back. DH cut the padlock instantly with them. Found Dex's hidey hole- he'd nested under a shelf- way, way back behind a bunch of stuff- in the other woman's shop in a pile of tissue; had probably been there since he got out. It was maybe 30 feet from our door? He was all pleased I found him and purred and ate some tissue to charm me. Finally I managed to get a hold of his scruff and yank him out. He let me carry him like a fuzzy, obnoxious baby back to the apartment.

He's now gorging himself and cheeping happily, continously. He sounds like a happy parakeet. He headbutted O.P. so hard he almost knocked him over, he was so happy to see him and be back home.

The good news is, he definitely recognized my voice- and wouldn't reply to anyone else for that matter, at least three people had walked past his hiding place during the day, calling for him- and trusted me enough to nab him. He fought my BFF like she was planning on making furry grey slippers out of him. This is good news since I've only had him for two weeks.

I'm definitely going to ask- or rather, tell!- the woman who has that shop she's got to stop storing 10 years worth of empty boxes back there so I can put up a screen to keep that from ever happening again. EVER.

Now, I'm going to go hole up in *my* hidey hole. That is, the jacuzzi tub. With a bottle of merlot. And take about a 2 hour long bath. That's enough excitement for me for the week!

Also: major kudos to my best friend who helped me cat hunt, watched the front desk at the mall and helped customers for me even though she doesn't work with/for me, and drove me twice to Home Depot, and drove an hour to get the safe trap, and generally spent the last whole 12 hours helping me deal with cat drama. She's awesome!

 

[yssie]

Oh.. I'm laughing so hard, and I shouldn't be! I am very glad they're both home safe and sound now though, how worrisome for everyone!


You have a fantastic way of telling the story LGK

 

[VRBeauty]

Oh my.. your story brought back some memories of lost-in-plain-sight kittens! I can't tell you how many times I went searching around the outside of my house because I had thoroughly searched the inside and was *sure* the kitten had somehow snuck out! I'm glad your story had a happy ending - love reading about how your OP and the new kitten are bonding!

 

[iheartscience]

So glad there's a happy ending! What a bad kitten, but that's awesome that he knew you were calling him!

I had a lost in plain sight kitteh in my own apartment when we moved a few months ago. I actually had my husband go down to the front office and look at the security tapes because I was sure she had gotten out. Nope-she was eventually found in the apartment hiding behind a pipe in the loft. Oh kitties...why do you do this to us?!

 

[dragonfly411]

Aww lol I'm sorry you went through this... but it made for such a comical story. I love that he ate tissue, that's a riot. I guess I'm confused about the antique mall... you live above it... but another woman has a stall in it or? Sorry. Just trying to clarify in my head.

 

[Octavia]

LGK, I love your cat stories. They almost (almost) make me wish my kitty wasn't as well-behaved because I can't get any hilarious naughty-cat stories out of him. So glad there was a happy ending to the Dex drama, and I hope you manage to catch up on your sleep soon!

 

[somethingshiny]

Glad you rescued Dex. That's quite the story!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Your stories are always so awesome. Haha! Silly kitten!

 

[tyty333]

So glad you got them both home! What a nightmare! Silly kitties...they can really stress us out cant they?

 

[JewelFreak]

What a story! Could just see it all & you had me laughing! If there's a way to make us crazy, our cats will find it. Hope the merlot bath restored sanity.

 

[LGK]

Aww lol I'm sorry you went through this... but it made for such a comical story. I love that he ate tissue, that's a riot. I guess I'm confused about the antique mall... you live above it... but another woman has a stall in it or? Sorry. Just trying to clarify in my head.

Oh trust me- it is confusing! It's not your imagination, lol. DH & I own the building, and run the biggest business in it- the antique mall (and lease space to 200 dealers, I don't actually buy & sell myself). I manage it & run the front desk. We built out a condo on the unused (way) upper floor about two years ago. We also have a few other businesses that lease space from us in the building- two other antique stores, a small government office, a dentist, a chiropractor, etc. Many are separated by big iron gates... with nice big gapes for kitties to explore!

The insanity continued shortly after the cat fetching. I'll explain later- but let me tell you, BIL is lucky I didn't kill him on general principles last night. It was a near thing. And, I am seriously exhausted. I ended up walking about a mile in the pouring rain at 12:30 last night, and didn't get to sleep til 2ish. Awesome!

 

[Selkie]

Yikes. Glad the kitties are home safely, at least. I want to hear the rest of the story. I admit, I was trying to picture the whole building scenario too, and now I think I get it. Sounds like the kind of place where DH and I would LOOOOVE to kill several hours, so maybe we'll have to try and find it next time we're up in WA.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Wow! What a crazy time! I'm glad you found Dex and that he trusts you so much already! Naughty kitty! I can totally see Dante doing something like that .... oh wait, he has. (Done the escape artist bit that is).

So.... you know stories aren't complete without pictures of cute kitties.....

 

[Circe]

Aww lol I'm sorry you went through this... but it made for such a comical story. I love that he ate tissue, that's a riot. I guess I'm confused about the antique mall... you live above it... but another woman has a stall in it or? Sorry. Just trying to clarify in my head.

Oh trust me- it is confusing! It's not your imagination, lol. DH & I own the building, and run the biggest business in it- the antique mall (and lease space to 200 dealers, I don't actually buy & sell myself). I manage it & run the front desk. We built out a condo on the unused (way) upper floor about two years ago. We also have a few other businesses that lease space from us in the building- two other antique stores, a small government office, a dentist, a chiropractor, etc. Many are separated by big iron gates... with nice big gapes for kitties to explore!

The insanity continued shortly after the cat fetching. I'll explain later- but let me tell you, BIL is lucky I didn't kill him on general principles last night. It was a near thing. And, I am seriously exhausted. I ended up walking about a mile in the pouring rain at 12:30 last night, and didn't get to sleep til 2ish. Awesome!

That may be the single coolest living situation I've ever heard of, and that includes my one professor who lived in an abandoned church. Am v. glad to hear you found the poor kitten!

 

[LGK]

Aww lol I'm sorry you went through this... but it made for such a comical story. I love that he ate tissue, that's a riot. I guess I'm confused about the antique mall... you live above it... but another woman has a stall in it or? Sorry. Just trying to clarify in my head.

Oh trust me- it is confusing! It's not your imagination, lol. DH & I own the building, and run the biggest business in it- the antique mall (and lease space to 200 dealers, I don't actually buy & sell myself). I manage it & run the front desk. We built out a condo on the unused (way) upper floor about two years ago. We also have a few other businesses that lease space from us in the building- two other antique stores, a small government office, a dentist, a chiropractor, etc. Many are separated by big iron gates... with nice big gapes for kitties to explore!

The insanity continued shortly after the cat fetching. I'll explain later- but let me tell you, BIL is lucky I didn't kill him on general principles last night. It was a near thing. And, I am seriously exhausted. I ended up walking about a mile in the pouring rain at 12:30 last night, and didn't get to sleep til 2ish. Awesome!

That may be the single coolest living situation I've ever heard of, and that includes my one professor who lived in an abandoned church. Am v. glad to hear you found the poor kitten!

Oh I *love* it. DH is a talented construction guy- his dad built an outlet mall from the ground up years ago, and DH did a lot of the work; so he built us a lovely place. The mall is an old armory building from 1919, and has a hardcore steel frame- it withstands earthquakes quite well, as we've found out! There are more bathrooms in this place than any building I've ever seen... random rooms with bathrooms *everywhere*- we have tons shut off, nobody needs that many bathrooms!

Right now Dex is sprawled on DH getting his missing eye socket itched and purring. (He loves that, it makes him drool.) DH was squicked at first but is now all for it, since Dex loves it so much. It's not gross, just solid fur over bone.

So. The rest of the story. See, this town by day is a haven for little old ladies antiquing- overpriced boutiques, shabby chic crap, and lots of antique stores. Cute, old buildings. If you look closely though- for every one of those, there's a bar. So at night, the werewolves take over. On weekends the party spills into the streets. Bikers come. Dudebros abound, drunk as sh!t. I've seen drunk dudebros pee in mailboxes, on buildings, and there's plenty of puke in the streets. (I actually rescued a lost, drunk-unto-retardation dudebro a couple weekends ago... he'd lost *everything* in his pockets and gotten separated from his pack, and was near tears on the bench out back. I finally called a cab for the guy, otherwise I'm sure he would have been there come morning and/or peed on the building.) The cops do nothing- drunk drivers are *everywhere*- and the bars are swarming with overserved, underage kids. Not awesome. Its worse on weekends- you can hear the howling even two blocks away in our apartment- but even on week days it's pretty hardcore especially in warm weather.

Anyway, DH and his brother decided to "go get a couple of beers" last night after Operation Kitteh Rescue. Two hours later they showed up, sans keys, so drunk they could barely get upstairs. BIL first thought it was amusing to try to let the cats out again. I disagreed, loudly. BIL fell *up* the stairs, a feat of gravitational inversion I'm sure he couldn't repeat sober. They both ricocheted off the walls into the livingroom. Bear in mind, I'd just been about to climb into the bath with my merlot, my Kindle, and my e-cig. I was not so pleased.* Dex hid behind the hot water heater for the duration. DH stumbled around briefly, then tipped over pronto after breaking my glass water bottle. BIL, on the other hand, managed to puke on everything before passing out too- like, couch, blankets, rug, floor, his clothing, the Xbox controller (which broke), etc. I flipped.

Screamed at both of them. Couldn't find the key to the RX8, turns out it- and DH's iPhone 4- were left at the bar. Tried to steal BIL's car, but couldn't for the life of me get his ebrake down. Gave BIL a few death-glares while stomping about gathering makeup and pj pants. Sent a few desperate texts to my sister. Finally walked the 1 mile to the only motel in town, in the pouring rain, with my pj pants and in a plastic bag. Woke up front desk girl, got a room, took another hour to wind down from my utter fury, and *finally*, finally, at long last, got some sleep at around 2AM. Alarm was way, way too early this AM. Walked back to work this early morning.

Discovered, when I had gone to the front desk to look for DH's keys in the dark, that I had dropped my thong undies I'd intended to take with as my change of undies, basically first clean panties I laid hands on- the one with the corset laced ribbon in the back, consisting of about 3 square inches of lace and not much else, right on the front desk at work. Ooops. And our 75 year old maintenance worker guy had neatly folded them and put them on my desk. Erk.

DH met me halfway back home on the walk back and apologized profusely about 80 times, got me my favorite Starbucks drink, and some food. I had gotten some sleep (finally!) so I didn't murder him on sight, yay me! BIL also apologized about 10 times, which he does not do. Didn't clean his puke up- DH had to do that. I wasn't gonna, that was for sure!

Anyway. Apparently the full story was, they'd indeed had a couple of beers, and then got caught up in some chick's 21st birthday party. And the bartender gave them these two drinks that were akin to Long Island Ice Teas, but without the cola or whatever. Essentially 6 shots in a tall glass. Both idiots drank them, then promptly blacked out. (Did I mention the routine over-serving that goes on down there?) Neither remembered the (apparently hour long) two block walk back or anything else. The only evidence was, the puke, the broken bottle (DH's handiwork), and my note which read "YOU BOTH SUCK. I STOLE YOUR JEEP, K."

Apparently the note inflicted severe guilt. Which pleases me. BIL had turned it upside down so he didn't have to look at it, and morosely observed his wife doesn't leave guilt-inflicting notes (she should learn). DH told him to wait 15 years, she'll get there.

One good thing: BIL & DH definitely bonded over the shared moron-fest. They'd had a couple of rocky years in their relationship recently and- though I still may kill BIL on general principles- apparently there's nothing like a shared blackout-and-pissed-wife experience to make two guys best buds again.

Glad I'm not the only plain-sight-kitten-loser, haha. Those little guys sure are sneaky!

*Understatement of the year- my displeasure was visited upon them at full volume and involved a Glare of Doom.

 

[dragonfly411]

LGK - You are a much better woman than I. Did your DH recover his keys and iphone?

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Aww lol I'm sorry you went through this... but it made for such a comical story. I love that he ate tissue, that's a riot. I guess I'm confused about the antique mall... you live above it... but another woman has a stall in it or? Sorry. Just trying to clarify in my head.

Oh trust me- it is confusing! It's not your imagination, lol. DH & I own the building, and run the biggest business in it- the antique mall (and lease space to 200 dealers, I don't actually buy & sell myself). I manage it & run the front desk. We built out a condo on the unused (way) upper floor about two years ago. We also have a few other businesses that lease space from us in the building- two other antique stores, a small government office, a dentist, a chiropractor, etc. Many are separated by big iron gates... with nice big gapes for kitties to explore!

The insanity continued shortly after the cat fetching. I'll explain later- but let me tell you, BIL is lucky I didn't kill him on general principles last night. It was a near thing. And, I am seriously exhausted. I ended up walking about a mile in the pouring rain at 12:30 last night, and didn't get to sleep til 2ish. Awesome!

That may be the single coolest living situation I've ever heard of, and that includes my one professor who lived in an abandoned church. Am v. glad to hear you found the poor kitten!

Oh I *love* it. DH is a talented construction guy- his dad built an outlet mall from the ground up years ago, and DH did a lot of the work; so he built us a lovely place. The mall is an old armory building from 1919, and has a hardcore steel frame- it withstands earthquakes quite well, as we've found out! There are more bathrooms in this place than any building I've ever seen... random rooms with bathrooms *everywhere*- we have tons shut off, nobody needs that many bathrooms!

Right now Dex is sprawled on DH getting his missing eye socket itched and purring. (He loves that, it makes him drool.) DH was squicked at first but is now all for it, since Dex loves it so much. It's not gross, just solid fur over bone.

So. The rest of the story. See, this town by day is a haven for little old ladies antiquing- overpriced boutiques, shabby chic crap, and lots of antique stores. Cute, old buildings. If you look closely though- for every one of those, there's a bar. So at night, the werewolves take over. On weekends the party spills into the streets. Bikers come. Dudebros abound, drunk as sh!t. I've seen drunk dudebros pee in mailboxes, on buildings, and there's plenty of puke in the streets. (I actually rescued a lost, drunk-unto-retardation dudebro a couple weekends ago... he'd lost *everything* in his pockets and gotten separated from his pack, and was near tears on the bench out back. I finally called a cab for the guy, otherwise I'm sure he would have been there come morning and/or peed on the building.) The cops do nothing- drunk drivers are *everywhere*- and the bars are swarming with overserved, underage kids. Not awesome. Its worse on weekends- you can hear the howling even two blocks away in our apartment- but even on week days it's pretty hardcore especially in warm weather.

Anyway, DH and his brother decided to "go get a couple of beers" last night after Operation Kitteh Rescue. Two hours later they showed up, sans keys, so drunk they could barely get upstairs. BIL first thought it was amusing to try to let the cats out again. I disagreed, loudly. BIL fell *up* the stairs, a feat of gravitational inversion I'm sure he couldn't repeat sober. They both ricocheted off the walls into the livingroom. Bear in mind, I'd just been about to climb into the bath with my merlot, my Kindle, and my e-cig. I was not so pleased.* Dex hid behind the hot water heater for the duration. DH stumbled around briefly, then tipped over pronto after breaking my glass water bottle. BIL, on the other hand, managed to puke on everything before passing out too- like, couch, blankets, rug, floor, his clothing, the Xbox controller (which broke), etc. I flipped.

Screamed at both of them. Couldn't find the key to the RX8, turns out it- and DH's iPhone 4- were left at the bar. Tried to steal BIL's car, but couldn't for the life of me get his ebrake down. Gave BIL a few death-glares while stomping about gathering makeup and pj pants. Sent a few desperate texts to my sister. Finally walked the 1 mile to the only motel in town, in the pouring rain, with my pj pants and in a plastic bag. Woke up front desk girl, got a room, took another hour to wind down from my utter fury, and *finally*, finally, at long last, got some sleep at around 2AM. Alarm was way, way too early this AM. Walked back to work this early morning.

Discovered, when I had gone to the front desk to look for DH's keys in the dark, that I had dropped my thong undies I'd intended to take with as my change of undies, basically first clean panties I laid hands on- the one with the corset laced ribbon in the back, consisting of about 3 square inches of lace and not much else, right on the front desk at work. Ooops. And our 75 year old maintenance worker guy had neatly folded them and put them on my desk. Erk.

DH met me halfway back home on the walk back and apologized profusely about 80 times, got me my favorite Starbucks drink, and some food. I had gotten some sleep (finally!) so I didn't murder him on sight, yay me! BIL also apologized about 10 times, which he does not do. Didn't clean his puke up- DH had to do that. I wasn't gonna, that was for sure!

Anyway. Apparently the full story was, they'd indeed had a couple of beers, and then got caught up in some chick's 21st birthday party. And the bartender gave them these two drinks that were akin to Long Island Ice Teas, but without the cola or whatever. Essentially 6 shots in a tall glass. Both idiots drank them, then promptly blacked out. (Did I mention the routine over-serving that goes on down there?) Neither remembered the (apparently hour long) two block walk back or anything else. The only evidence was, the puke, the broken bottle (DH's handiwork), and my note which read "YOU BOTH SUCK. I STOLE YOUR JEEP, K."

Apparently the note inflicted severe guilt. Which pleases me. BIL had turned it upside down so he didn't have to look at it, and morosely observed his wife doesn't leave guilt-inflicting notes (she should learn). DH told him to wait 15 years, she'll get there.

One good thing: BIL & DH definitely bonded over the shared moron-fest. They'd had a couple of rocky years in their relationship recently and- though I still may kill BIL on general principles- apparently there's nothing like a shared blackout-and-pissed-wife experience to make two guys best buds again.

Glad I'm not the only plain-sight-kitten-loser, haha. Those little guys sure are sneaky!

*Understatement of the year- my displeasure was visited upon them at full volume and involved a Glare of Doom.

BWAHAHAHA! I love your note. I'm sorry - that must've sucked and I too would have flipped my sh!t! But you're quite the storyteller, and I giggled during the story. I'm glad they are both suffering a severe case of guilt-itis however - they deserve it!