What’s your new normal?

[lissyflo]

@PreRaphaelite, I found your post very moving. You are a gifted writer. I find myself wonderIng what has inspired you to undertake this act of service, which strikes me as a spiritual exercise. I hope that this person doesn’t leave you depleted and that in the end you will find yourself stronger. I hope that you are doing this for yourself, and that the knowledge you gain from it, while painful, will be worth it. Best wishes to you.

Ditto exactly this from me too.

 

[lissyflo]

Either way, if only one in, what, 2300 people? in the UK have it right now (the latest ONS figures IIRC) and the risk of infection when being with someone for 15 minutes is 1.3% at 2m and 2.6% at 1m, then passing someone in a shop for 2 seconds must mean one's risk is (1/2300)*(0.026)*(2/(15*60)) = 0.00000003% (if my maths is correct).

The error with that logic is exactly why we should be wearing masks. The risk from an infected person isn’t just in the 2 seconds that you’re passing them: virus particles are in the droplets they breathe out every second they’re in the shop (and are potentially then recirculated in air conditioning); the cans, packets and fresh produce that they walk past and breath near may be coated with their virus-infected droplets that can potentially survive for days. They’re potentially passing through the supermarket leaving a viral trail like Hansel and Gretel that could infect others for days to come, it’s not just two seconds.

What’s the harm in wearing a mask if there’s even a slim chance that it reduces spread? I’m trying to make more of an effort with eye contact while wearing one and it’s still possible to have a chat with the cashier or others through a mask. I’m actually finding that many people are compensating for the ‘facelessness’ by engaging more with others in brief chats around the supermarket - it doesn’t need to be a negative.

 

[MMtwo]

My new normal is frightening. It is changing me as a person, hopefully for the better.

I have been alternating between feeling up to the challenge and totally overwhelmed and helpless. I try to remind myself pretty often that the truth of anything and everything in the universe is generally to be found somewhere between the worst case and the best.

No, I don't have Covid as far as I know. How could I possibly know, though? It isn't, believe it or not given that I'm in a Covid hotspot, my gravest concern right now. I am concerned now with practicing love, as a verb. It is a difficult thing for me. But in the long run, this will make me a better person. Less selfish. Wiser. Less shallow.

Love as a verb means doing unselfishly for others, and is especially difficult when the others in the equation are at extreme odds with us. It is emotional weight training, in a sense. You see, my neighbor, who is as flawed as any human I know, is currently scared and suffering, and I am comforting him by phone daily, and in person (masked) weekly. My experience in doing this particular service is surreal, and I'm sure it is a test of humanism. He finds himself in a scenario caused mostly (99%) by his own actions and made incredibly worse by Covid in our community. He nevertheless cannot manage to change, and the full weight of his own mortality is crushing him emotionally. But he is a life. I am trying to honor that.

Tolerance is my lesson now. My new normal.

He is a racist. He is a sexist. And yet, he is vulnerable, and despite his lack of self-awareness and general unrepentance, I am helping him. I'll be the one taking him in for the MRI next week. I've already taken him in for at least ten of his fourteen cardiac stents. I am listening endlessly as he rails against the injustice of having to quit smoking, and drinking, and doing drugs, and moaning about how awful his ex girlfriend is. Endlessly.

I'll be the one petsitting/housesitting while he has one of several tumors removed before autumn. And I will cook, and clean the house, and walk his dog, and follow up with his doctors by phone and make sure he gets his meds, and eats wholesome food as he recovers. I'll be the one he calls when he is ready to take his own life. I will be the one who sits with him as he realizes that he doesn't want to die. And no matter what the outcome of 2020 is for him, I will be the one who is changed by it, deepened, made more tolerant still, more able to see good people and bad behavior and understanding that those two things are not only common but in fact constant, near-universal human weakness.

My new normal is that as the world burns around me, I am carrying water for someone else, someone who votes the opposite party, someone who thinks my gender and sexuality makes me less than him, abnormal, deficient. I'm quenching the trembling lips of someone who in his bullying immortal superiority used his mouth to utter slurs.

I've already changed a bit. Facebook has less power over me because none of the machinations and protestations by friends matter. It's now totally foreign to me to participate in political discussions, because the people who used to irk me no longer do, and the people with whom I agree no longer seem righteous. Where once I was a very heavy user and admin'd multiple pages and spend hours and hours on the site, I'm now contemplating deleting it. Not out of anger, but rather as a kind of surrender. It simply no longer means anything. It doesn't matter anymore.

People still do. Flawed, frightened, and suddenly mortal people matter. Which is to say, all of us.

Bless you @PreRaphaelite. This is the sincerest expression of love and sacrifice. He is lucky you are in his life. You are a beautiful soul.

 

[OoohShiny]

The error with that logic is exactly why we should be wearing masks. The risk from an infected person isn’t just in the 2 seconds that you’re passing them: virus particles are in the droplets they breathe out every second they’re in the shop (and are potentially then recirculated in air conditioning); the cans, packets and fresh produce that they walk past and breath near may be coated with their virus-infected droplets that can potentially survive for days. They’re potentially passing through the supermarket leaving a viral trail like Hansel and Gretel that could infect others for days to come, it’s not just two seconds.

What’s the harm in wearing a mask if there’s even a slim chance that it reduces spread? I’m trying to make more of an effort with eye contact while wearing one and it’s still possible to have a chat with the cashier or others through a mask. I’m actually finding that many people are compensating for the ‘facelessness’ by engaging more with others in brief chats around the supermarket - it doesn’t need to be a negative.

Is that a trail of viable virus particles or remnants that can't really do anything? I'm not sure I've seen any research that confirms for definite either way.

My issue is that if a 'slim chance' of an effect is low single digit percent, the other impacts (loss of facial expressions when 93% of communication is non-verbal, exclusion of the deaf/lip reading people, constant fiddling with masks causing spreading by touch of whatever a person might have, massive increase in apparently deadly virus-laden masks in general waste disposal facilities, a massive societal shift towards the presumption that one is guilty of being infected rather than being innocent until proven ill...) outweigh it in my mind.


We don't do any of this for any other infectious respiratory illness that we have lived with for years and become used to, so I wonder if it is just the ability to track and report things in near-real time now that means the Press are able to keep us on tenterhooks with 'predictions' that may or may not come true, meaning its apparent scariness can be constantly be played upon.

Are we really prepared to totally change society for something that seriously affects such a small percentage of people? I'm not sure the trade off is proportionate.

 

[winnietucker]

My new normal is frightening. It is changing me as a person, hopefully for the better.

I have been alternating between feeling up to the challenge and totally overwhelmed and helpless. I try to remind myself pretty often that the truth of anything and everything in the universe is generally to be found somewhere between the worst case and the best.

No, I don't have Covid as far as I know. How could I possibly know, though? It isn't, believe it or not given that I'm in a Covid hotspot, my gravest concern right now. I am concerned now with practicing love, as a verb. It is a difficult thing for me. But in the long run, this will make me a better person. Less selfish. Wiser. Less shallow.

Love as a verb means doing unselfishly for others, and is especially difficult when the others in the equation are at extreme odds with us. It is emotional weight training, in a sense. You see, my neighbor, who is as flawed as any human I know, is currently scared and suffering, and I am comforting him by phone daily, and in person (masked) weekly. My experience in doing this particular service is surreal, and I'm sure it is a test of humanism. He finds himself in a scenario caused mostly (99%) by his own actions and made incredibly worse by Covid in our community. He nevertheless cannot manage to change, and the full weight of his own mortality is crushing him emotionally. But he is a life. I am trying to honor that.

Tolerance is my lesson now. My new normal.

He is a racist. He is a sexist. And yet, he is vulnerable, and despite his lack of self-awareness and general unrepentance, I am helping him. I'll be the one taking him in for the MRI next week. I've already taken him in for at least ten of his fourteen cardiac stents. I am listening endlessly as he rails against the injustice of having to quit smoking, and drinking, and doing drugs, and moaning about how awful his ex girlfriend is. Endlessly.

I'll be the one petsitting/housesitting while he has one of several tumors removed before autumn. And I will cook, and clean the house, and walk his dog, and follow up with his doctors by phone and make sure he gets his meds, and eats wholesome food as he recovers. I'll be the one he calls when he is ready to take his own life. I will be the one who sits with him as he realizes that he doesn't want to die. And no matter what the outcome of 2020 is for him, I will be the one who is changed by it, deepened, made more tolerant still, more able to see good people and bad behavior and understanding that those two things are not only common but in fact constant, near-universal human weakness.

My new normal is that as the world burns around me, I am carrying water for someone else, someone who votes the opposite party, someone who thinks my gender and sexuality makes me less than him, abnormal, deficient. I'm quenching the trembling lips of someone who in his bullying immortal superiority used his mouth to utter slurs.

I've already changed a bit. Facebook has less power over me because none of the machinations and protestations by friends matter. It's now totally foreign to me to participate in political discussions, because the people who used to irk me no longer do, and the people with whom I agree no longer seem righteous. Where once I was a very heavy user and admin'd multiple pages and spend hours and hours on the site, I'm now contemplating deleting it. Not out of anger, but rather as a kind of surrender. It simply no longer means anything. It doesn't matter anymore.

People still do. Flawed, frightened, and suddenly mortal people matter. Which is to say, all of us.

You are an amazing person. I hope you’re taking care of yourself during all of this.

 

[violet3]

My new normal is frightening. It is changing me as a person, hopefully for the better.

I have been alternating between feeling up to the challenge and totally overwhelmed and helpless. I try to remind myself pretty often that the truth of anything and everything in the universe is generally to be found somewhere between the worst case and the best.

No, I don't have Covid as far as I know. How could I possibly know, though? It isn't, believe it or not given that I'm in a Covid hotspot, my gravest concern right now. I am concerned now with practicing love, as a verb. It is a difficult thing for me. But in the long run, this will make me a better person. Less selfish. Wiser. Less shallow.

Love as a verb means doing unselfishly for others, and is especially difficult when the others in the equation are at extreme odds with us. It is emotional weight training, in a sense. You see, my neighbor, who is as flawed as any human I know, is currently scared and suffering, and I am comforting him by phone daily, and in person (masked) weekly. My experience in doing this particular service is surreal, and I'm sure it is a test of humanism. He finds himself in a scenario caused mostly (99%) by his own actions and made incredibly worse by Covid in our community. He nevertheless cannot manage to change, and the full weight of his own mortality is crushing him emotionally. But he is a life. I am trying to honor that.

Tolerance is my lesson now. My new normal.

He is a racist. He is a sexist. And yet, he is vulnerable, and despite his lack of self-awareness and general unrepentance, I am helping him. I'll be the one taking him in for the MRI next week. I've already taken him in for at least ten of his fourteen cardiac stents. I am listening endlessly as he rails against the injustice of having to quit smoking, and drinking, and doing drugs, and moaning about how awful his ex girlfriend is. Endlessly.

I'll be the one petsitting/housesitting while he has one of several tumors removed before autumn. And I will cook, and clean the house, and walk his dog, and follow up with his doctors by phone and make sure he gets his meds, and eats wholesome food as he recovers. I'll be the one he calls when he is ready to take his own life. I will be the one who sits with him as he realizes that he doesn't want to die. And no matter what the outcome of 2020 is for him, I will be the one who is changed by it, deepened, made more tolerant still, more able to see good people and bad behavior and understanding that those two things are not only common but in fact constant, near-universal human weakness.

My new normal is that as the world burns around me, I am carrying water for someone else, someone who votes the opposite party, someone who thinks my gender and sexuality makes me less than him, abnormal, deficient. I'm quenching the trembling lips of someone who in his bullying immortal superiority used his mouth to utter slurs.

I've already changed a bit. Facebook has less power over me because none of the machinations and protestations by friends matter. It's now totally foreign to me to participate in political discussions, because the people who used to irk me no longer do, and the people with whom I agree no longer seem righteous. Where once I was a very heavy user and admin'd multiple pages and spend hours and hours on the site, I'm now contemplating deleting it. Not out of anger, but rather as a kind of surrender. It simply no longer means anything. It doesn't matter anymore.

People still do. Flawed, frightened, and suddenly mortal people matter. Which is to say, all of us.

You are a kind soul - bless you for all you are doing for this man. This was a powerful read.

 

[Cozystitches]

I am on the side of your Husband.

Creating a society where masks are compulsory (only 7% of communication is verbal) and where children are afraid to hug older people because they are being brainwashed into thinking of themselves as 'dirty little disease spreaders' is not a society I want to live in.

Thank you for posting this.

I'm a teacher, so my new normal is teaching remotely.
Teaching remotely has been the equivalent of REMOVING all the joys of teaching (interactions with students, light bulb moments, quick chats about nothing, etc); but keeping all the things that make teaching horrible (students not doing anything, helicopter or bulldozer parents, endless grading and planning).

My children detest remote learning. When we told my son (hs freshman this year, 14 yo) that he was going to start at home for the 20-21 school year he almost cried.

Do I wear masks? Yes, only when I am unable to socially distance because it is required in my area (Arizona). Do I avoid going places? No, but I'm fairly lazy and have found I don't have a need to go places. This is something that I've learned through this challenging time. We have rarely ordered groceries online. I did spend the beginning of this mess ordering so many things, but that has slowed significantly. At the beginning of this mess (when our city was locked down) we ordered out EVERY WEEK to support the small businesses. Husband has YET to stop eating out in restaurants, specifically the same one that he's been going to every Friday for YEARS. What am I seeing: many small businesses going out of business because of the lockdown. Businesses that have been around for years.

So many people are terrified. Yes, Covid is real, it is horrible, and unfortunately people have died because of this. The thought that there is going to be a vaccine is (unfortunately) misleading as it is a virus and is one particularly adept at adapting. "coronoviruses tend to be skilled at evading sustained immunity." "adapted to circulate in humans and cross many species, so it would be unlikely that it would just start to disappear."

I'm sure there will be many who will argue what I've posted, but hopefully I won't be bashed over this post.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

@Cozystitches during our lockdown I somehow engaged in conversation with my son's science teacher/librarian (she was excited about his bookshelf, we started chatting).

They're all back at school now and I was surprised to see her back in class. She's much older so would be one of the "at risk" teachers. She told me they could move her to a different position but she misses the kids and their unexpected comments about anything and everything so has chosen to return to the classroom. She said many of the teachers feel this way and although the kids are hard work they REALLY missed them during lockdown.

My son said she's organising their Book Fair with much gusto.

Obviously our numbers are different to yours so they can choose to take this risk but I really feel for you. Hang in there. I'm skeptical about waiting for a magical vaccine so now I'm hoping this virus will mutate and kill less people (because dead hosts aren't good for spreading disease right???).

 

[Matata]

My new normal is a heart that constantly aches for those who have lost jobs, homes, family, friends, and dreams for their futures due to the pandemic. I simply can't get this out of my mind or out of my heart.