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Wedding Traditions That Will NOT be at Your Wedding?

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LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
142
Mine:

Unity candle (simply don't want it)
Garter toss (might as well be an underwear toss)
Dollar dance (just...no)

ETA:

Shoving cakes
Groom/mother or bride/father or bridal party dances
Flower girl
Ring bearer
Wedding favors that nobody will use (instead we'll make donations to our favorite charities in the guests' names).

What about you?
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
unity candle
sand ceremony
garter/bouquet toss
dollar dance
cake cutting
mother/son dance
bridal party dance
speeches
 

LilyOfTheValley

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
142
Date: 3/8/2009 7:36:33 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
unity candle

sand ceremony
garter/bouquet toss
dollar dance
cake cutting
mother/son dance
bridal party dance
speeches
Bwahaha! Yeah, none of those things will be at mine either. Definitely none of those dances you mentioned.

What in the heck is a sand ceremony???
 

Inanna

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 14, 2008
Messages
565
Things we won''t be having:

Unity candle
Dollar dance (no way!)
Cake cutting/Shoving cake in each others faces
Garter toss
Bridal party dance
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,231
Date: 3/8/2009 7:36:33 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
unity candle
sand ceremony
garter/bouquet toss
dollar dance
cake cutting
mother/son dance
bridal party dance
speeches
Man, I wish I could cut almost all of these things out, with a few exceptions! We won't be doing a unity candle or sand ceremony (what is that anyway?). I actually want to do the garter and bouquet toss just because I think they're a lot of fun. Skipping the dollar dance though. We'll do a cake cutting to please the crowd and FI, but I could have done without it...either way, we'll feed ourselves, and there is NO WAY in heck we're shoving cake in each other's faces! Mother/son dance will be combined with father/daughter dance - I honestly waned to skip this too, but my dad would be really upset. Also no bridal party dance here. And by speeches, do you mean MOH/BM toasts? Our best man insists on doing one.

Wow, now that I think of it, I'm doing a lot of wedding stuff for other people rather than for us. Personally, I'd rather just have dinner, mingling, and dancing!

One additional thing I can think of...we're not doing a blessing before the meal because we're not religious.

ETA: Oh yeah, no flower girl or ring bearer either. Actually, the entire wedding will be adults only.
 

JR320

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
161
yay! - I''m glad to see that others are choosing not to do a unity candle. FI just thinks its silly and my mom has passed, so it kinda makes me sad anyway.

We also won''t be doing:
unity candle
dollar dance (ew)
Bouquet/garter toss (I''ve always despised the bouquet toss as a single girl, so I''d rather skip it)
Ring Bearer
Favors - We''re also making a donation in our guests names instead. It will be to the food pantry of my childhood church where the wedding ceremony will be.
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Oh yea, we''re not having a ring bearer/flower girl. No kids are coming actually. Our wedding is at an art gallery. We''re also not doing favors. We''re doing out of town bags instead. All of our guest have to travel.
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
We won't have:
unity candle ceremony
sand ceremony
garter toss
bouquet toss
dollar dance [don't even know what it is, but it sounds bad]
flower girls [I am hoping to have an adults-only celebration, but two small boys may attend and be made ringbearers]

We may not have any dancing. FI hates dancing and I am not a fan, either. We're having a very intimate DW, so I'll see if we can get away with no or minimal dancing. We *will* have toasts. I actually really like toasts at other people's weddings, so long as they're funny or emotional and short.
 

DMBFiredancer

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
595
no unity/sand
no garter
no bouquet toss
no bridal party dance
no money dance
no cake shoving
no favors (making a donation instead)

i would LOVE to not have ring bearer/flower girl because i wanted ZERO children at wedding, but i thought it would be disrespectful to his sister not to include the kids.
 

Octavia

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 28, 2007
Messages
2,660
We''re leaving out some of what was already mentioned, but keeping a few things and tossing some others.

No rehearsal, and probably just a laid-back get-together instead of a rehearsal dinner
No unity candle/sand/wine ceremony
No garter or bouquet toss
No traditional bridal party (i.e. not dressed alike, not standing up front through the ceremony)
No flower girl or ring bearer
No "giving away" of me (both parents will walk me partway down the aisle, then I''ll go the last bit myself)
Not "adults only" -- we''re probably going to have at least a few kids at the wedding (I hope), since we''re not actively excluding them, but not many of our friends have them yet.

We''re going to do a first dance as a couple, and a father-daughter dance (my dad would be devastated if we didn''t), and our centerpieces will actually break down into our favors, but they''ll be edible rather than trinkets.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,255
dollar dance (I''ve only heard about this on pricescope and never before)
garter toss
bouquet toss
bridal shower
cake shoving
mother/son, father daughter dance
clicking glasses/bells to kiss
flower girl and ring bearer
unity candle
bachelorette party (I think my fiance might have one)
engagement party.

Well I think it comes down to us not doing much. I think the engagement, shower, bacholorette are pretty standard, but I''m not much in the mood.
 

Elmorton

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
3,998
We actually modified a lot of the bridal traditions, but got rid of a few, too:

- Did not walk down the aisle to here comes the bride or any other traditional wedding march
-Our parents ALL said they give us away (not the father alone being asked)
-No unity candle
-No ring bearer or flower girl
-No smashing cake (gross, gross, gross...I did dab a bit of frosting on DH's nose and kissed it away, but that moment was not caught on film)
- Bouquet toss/garter were done by DH and me at the same time, and the garter was never worn by me or taken off of me in public, so it was purely symbolic/for fun - I believe we even invited married folks out there
-We did a parent dance instead of a father/daughter, mother/son
-No BP dance
-No dollar dance
-No head table
-No roses (except there were a few white petals on each table - other petals weren't really available )
-No hearts (none - anywhere as part of the motif)
-No DJ (is that a tradition?)
-We had male and female ushers
-I did not wear my veil over my face (Mom was not happy about that)
-Our favors were homemade bookmarks that explained that we'd given a charitable gift instead of favors, so...really no favors
-Instead of the unity candle/sand thing/wine ceremony, we just signed our marriage certificate as part of the ceremony
 

CNOS128

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
2,700
We''re not doing any of the things you listed (I didn''t even know some of them were traditions... unity candle?) except the flower girl. And our favors will be edible. Most of our traditions will be religious traditions.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Is it just me or is the sand thing pretty new and not really a tradition? Either way, I''m not doing the sand thing or a unity candle. Also skipping:

-no garter toss (might do the bouquet toss for fun)
-NO cake smashing! I HATE that!
-no favors (will donate to SPCA instead)
-no dollar dance (definitely not a tradition where I''m from so easy to skip)
-no ring bearer
-no even numbered bridal party-we have 3 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman
-no bridal party dance-we only have 1 groomsman so that one was easy to skip!
-no ushers (probably)
-none of those bible verses everyone uses

I still have no idea what the wedding ceremony itself will be like, so who knows what else we''ll skip!
 

Elmorton

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
3,998
Date: 3/8/2009 10:00:33 PM
Author: thing2of2


-none of those bible verses everyone uses
I laughed out loud at this! We were adamant about trying to do different readings for both our wedding ceremony and our wedding blessing. So, my priest had handed DH and me the readings and was on his way out of the door of his office to get something else, and I said (probably a little too loudly), "We are NOT using Corinthians!" - without missing a beat, my priest said "Eh, Paul''s a jerk anyway." DH and I could not stop laughing.
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,231
Date: 3/8/2009 9:32:43 PM
Author: Elmorton
We actually modified a lot of the bridal traditions, but got rid of a few, too:

- Did not walk down the aisle to here comes the bride or any other traditional wedding march
-Our parents ALL said they give us away (not the father alone being asked)
-No unity candle
-No ring bearer or flower girl
-No smashing cake (gross, gross, gross...I did dab a bit of frosting on DH''s nose and kissed it away, but that moment was not caught on film)
- Bouquet toss/garter were done by DH and me at the same time, and the garter was never worn by me or taken off of me in public, so it was purely symbolic/for fun - I believe we even invited married folks out there
-We did a parent dance instead of a father/daughter, mother/son
-No BP dance
-No dollar dance
-No head table
-No roses (except there were a few white petals on each table - other petals weren''t really available )
-No hearts (none - anywhere as part of the motif)
-No DJ (is that a tradition?)
-We had male and female ushers
-I did not wear my veil over my face (Mom was not happy about that)
-Our favors were homemade bookmarks that explained that we''d given a charitable gift instead of favors, so...really no favors
-Instead of the unity candle/sand thing/wine ceremony, we just signed our marriage certificate as part of the ceremony
Elmorton, your wedding sounds perfect! It''s almost exactly the same as what I''m planning on including/excluding. For example, we''re also doing no roses/rose petals, head table, traditional wedding march music, or veil over my face.

Favors were one thing I argued with my mom over. I didn''t want to do them and she did...she won out, but one of my favors is going to double as the place card, so at least I''m multitasking.
 

E B

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 31, 2005
Messages
9,488
We didn't do most of what's been listed, but at the last minute, I decided to throw the bouquet. I was NOT planning on doing it, but my day-of-coordinator came up to me during the reception and told me guests had requested it. I ended up doing it because, hey, I didn't want to disappoint my guests- and it made for a great photo op! Funny how stuff can come up at the last minute.
 

iheartscience

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 1, 2007
Messages
12,111
Date: 3/8/2009 10:24:12 PM
Author: Elmorton
Date: 3/8/2009 10:00:33 PM

Author: thing2of2
-none of those bible verses everyone uses
I laughed out loud at this! We were adamant about trying to do different readings for both our wedding ceremony and our wedding blessing. So, my priest had handed DH and me the readings and was on his way out of the door of his office to get something else, and I said (probably a little too loudly), ''We are NOT using Corinthians!'' - without missing a beat, my priest said ''Eh, Paul''s a jerk anyway.'' DH and I could not stop laughing.
HA! Your priest sounds kind of awesome...if I had a priest like that maybe I''d actually go to church!
 

Hudson_Hawk

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2006
Messages
10,541
Date: 3/8/2009 8:12:33 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Oh yea, we''re not having a ring bearer/flower girl. No kids are coming actually. Our wedding is at an art gallery. We''re also not doing favors. We''re doing out of town bags instead. All of our guest have to travel.
We''re also not doing a rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. FI''s mom had a huge issue with not having a RD. But we''re having a wedding with 50 guests. Half of the guest list is immediate family who would be invited to the RD if we had one. Why not just have 2 receptions at that point? I''m also not wearing a veil and we''re not having a religious ceremony of any kind.
 

Kim N

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 6, 2005
Messages
1,183
No unity candle/sand ceremony (didn''t know these were traditions)
No dollar dance (never heard of this until PS)
No ring bearer or flower girl
Uneven bridal party
No favors
No programs
No bachelorette/bachelor or engagement parties
No bridal shower
No bridal party dance
No day after breakfast
No cake shoving
No garter or bouquet toss
Nothing religious
No veil over face
 

lliang_chi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 13, 2008
Messages
3,740
Most of the same:

No little people (flower girl/ring bearer)
No garter or bouquet toss (might do an anniversary dance instead)
No unity candle or sand ceremony
No dollar dance
No bridal party dance
Not sure if we''re doing a parent dance. FI''s mom has trouble walking
No head table/sweetheart table
No receiving line
Non-matching bridesmaid dresses, they''re getting something off the rack with color guidelines
Both parents walking with me down the aisle
No cake smashing and we''re going to use FORKS not our hands! I just think that''''s gross
 

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
4,125
- No flower girl or ring bearer
- No bouquet or garter toss (I''ve always hated both)
- No unity candle
- No giving away of the bride (or groom)--we''ll walk into the church and down the aisle together
- No "Here Comes the Bride" or Pachelbel''s Canon
- No dollar dance
- No traditional wedding readings
- Maybe no veil, but definitely no veil over the face
- No cake smashing (yuck!)
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
NO on the following:

--any dances
--garter toss
--bouquet toss
--mention of God
--readings
--wedding cake at all
--wedding favors
--flower girl
--ring bearer
--white dress
--unity candle or sand stuff
--no dancing in general unless we just pass some music (Vegas) and feel the need to dance
--No way would we have a money dance
--rehearsal
--rehearsal dinner
--ushers
--veil
--tuxes
--"reception" just dinner afterwards
--programs

I'm sure there are more. I mean, it's Vegas, and the only really traditional thing we're doing is signing a marriage license and legally making it official.
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
4,458
FI knows not to even try shoving cake in my face. He has places I can shove cake too and he wouldn''t like it!
 

Mediterranean

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
578
Date: 3/9/2009 2:10:58 AM
Author: honey22
FI knows not to even try shoving cake in my face. He has places I can shove cake too and he wouldn''t like it!

HA HA HA HA!!! Oh, now THAT would be a helluva "candid shot" for the wedding album!!

So many people have the "no cake shoving" on their lists that it leads me to wonder....WHEN did that passive-aggressive nonsense become a wedding "TRADITION"????



So, um...I guess my list would be:

1. No cake shoving


2. No bridal party

3. No garter/bouquet throwing ( like the above comment about throwing undies. It''s true, I feel that way too).

4. No sand/hand/rose/candle ceremony

5. Nothing religious

6. No dollar dances/money trees (I''m another one who hadn''t learned about these until PS. I learned about the money thingies here, and the cash bars here)

7. We''ll probably see each other before the ceremony for pictures.

8. I''m trying to squirm out of first dance/parent child dances/dancing with the in-laws dances, blah, blah, blah. I don''t know how successful I will be in avoiding these, because important others want them, but I''m trying my hardest to avoid them....
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
NO:


- traditional wedding march
-No unity candle/sand ceremony/hand tying
-No smashing cake
- Bouquet toss/garter
-No Father/Daughter dance
-No BP dance
-No dollar dance
- No favors
- Prob no guest book
- no MOH
- no OOT bags
-No rehearsal dinner
-No bunch the day after
- no bachlorette
-no ushers
-no matching BM dresses
- no receiving line

I will be having a traditional orthodox ceremony though and not much I can pick apart there if I want it to be Kosher
 

parrot tulips

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 13, 2007
Messages
642
We''re not doing:

unity candles/sand ceremony/personalized vows
flower girl/ring bearer
father daughter dance
dollar dance
bridal party dance
traditional wedding music
references to religion
receiving line
grand entrance/bridal party announcements
day after brunch
possibly toasts (families hate public speaking, and it''s not a big deal to us)

We''ll modify:
both parents will walk me down the aisle
music: bridal party - come away with me, processional - at last, recessional i got you (i feel good)

We''re doing because it was important to fiance:
bouquet/garter toss - we''ll have to bribe our friends to get out there...probably with iPod shuffles as "prizes"
 

luvthemstrawberries

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 19, 2008
Messages
2,107
Ha I don''t even have a date/venue yet, but these (haha at least in my mind - haven''t discussed much with anyone else yet!) are all a NO:

- Unity candle (I liked the sand ceremony, but probably won''t do it)
- Garter toss/boquet toss - may give the flowers to my grandparents or parents
- Dollar dances - we don''t even do those around here
- Cake in the face
- Bridal party - if there is one, it''ll just be my brother up there with both of us. Or might have my Mom as my MOH.
- Ring bearer or flower girl
- Favors - thankfully Mom doesn''t even like wasteful favors - we''ll either do M&Ms or donate (THOUGHT: Why do we have favors anyway, if the whole point of inviting people is to thank them for being there for us and for their presence? We''re already feeding them, why give them even more? Just a bothering thought...)
- Vocal performances during the ceremony for 3 whole minutes while we stand there staring at each other awkwardly...
- Probably no speeches, unless Dad decides to or something
- Traditional dances, except I''ll probably dance with Dad - I''d love to just do it while everyone else is dancing though, instead of being stared at
- Possibly no first dance alone - I''d like to do it with everybody else dancing as well - can you tell I don''t like being stared at and critiqued? especially my dancing? haha
- I''d love to do a Rock the Reception type dance, but I doubt we will
- Bachelor/ette parties
- Women-only bridal shower - I want to do a coed shower, since the groom is half of the 2 people getting married - it''s for him too!
- Probably no veil
- Table by ourselves at reception
- Traditional processional music

- I love the idea of all parents giving you away, not just the "her mother and I"
- May not have any dancing period. I think I''d like that better, but if we invite ~75 people, I don''t know if just a dinner would just be kind of boring.

- Haha thinking through all this makes me laugh, because my cousin is having a wedding this fall, and EVERYTHING she''s doing is so traditional. She has 9 BM, and he has 9 GM. There are like 5 junior BM, and more ushers, and about 4-5 flower girls.
The ceremony''s going to be 1.5 hours long... 400 people... blaaaaahhhhhh. I have to stand up there for 1.5 hours....
Plus she''s a music major and will probably have alllllll the traditional classic music, plus lots more...
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
11,242
We basically picked and chose what we wanted... some things (unity candle???) I didn't realize were across-the-board traditions, so I wouldn't know how to make a very comprehensive list. Wedding was October 2008.


The only things that we consciously left out were:
Ring Bearer
Garter Toss
Bouquet Toss
Being 'introduced' at the reception (felt very pageanty to me)
Normal bachelor/bachelorette parties (we had a joint weekend in Vegas)
Floral centerpieces
Veil, none at all. Period.
Tuxes (we did suits for everyone)
Ceremony decorations
and we had a lopsided bridal party (2:1), + the one BM/MOH chose her own dress


From other posters' lists I realize that we left out without even knowing they were normal to do:
Unity candle
Sand ceremony
Dollar Dance
Bridal Party Dance (I'd never even heard of this until a couple weeks ago!)
Adults-only (this is a tradition?

Walked down the aisle to non-typical song (though that seems the norm nowadays)
No smashing cake (again, do people actually DO this?!)
Ushers
Religious verses (totally non-religious ceremony)
Programs


It sounds like the only 'normal' traditions (besides some requisite stuff like bouquets, white-ish dress, etc.) we did were flower girls, toasts and favors (endangered species chocolates, so favors + a donation!). We had totally non-traditional music, and (imo) non-traditional decor for the most part.
 
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