Wedding Attire Etiquette Fouls for Women

[Cinna]

My wedding is in December at my church, and the reception is at the church as well. We will have around 400 guests, and a big portion of the people... 150 of them? I've attended other weddings at the same church due to mutual friends. So I've seen their wedding attire on about 6 weddings so far in the last year and a half. The the single young women ages ranging from 19-30 seem to progressively dress worse and worse (wedding attire scale) At first it shocked me, but they do it at every wedding now so it's not as shocking.

For example, the last wedding, about 12 of them wore all white dresses, 6 wore all black, three of them wore leggings (one fishnet, one black and gold stripes, one red), two of them wore shiny all-sequin dresses, and one wore a bright firetruck red off the shoulder minidress with huge ruffles (think salsa club). I remember because I know them, they aren't friends but acquaintances... and you can see their outfits in the large group wedding picture of just the single members of our church that is over 18 years of age.

I mean some of these outfits aren't even appropiate for church, much less a wedding in a church but they seem to think it's okay. I know they'll do this for my wedding and I don't know how much of a Bridezilla I will be but I think it's not too much to ask that they do not wear some of the outfits they have worn in the past. If I get the fiance to mention to the group of women that I don't think it's appropiate I know they will be extrememly offended... and he might not agree to say anything because I should really learn to let it go on our wedding day. don't see a way out without people getting offended or me just sucking it up.

Is it just me that gets very offended at people who don't dress up properly to a wedding whether it's mine or not? Would you stand for this or how would you approach the situation?

 

[missy]

I don't really think it is appropriate to dictate what people wear other than asking for the attire to be black tie for example.


People will make bad choices but that reflects on them and should not mar your wedding in any way. I still cannot believe that people would wear all white (other than the bride that is) to a wedding.

Or leggings?? When did this become good attire for a dressy occasion?

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with black and in our circles this is very common but I understand it is a situational thing and depends on what is done in your group.

However, I do agree with you that it is shocking how some people dress to weddings and other dressy affairs. Heck, I'm shocked the way some people dress in temple and church! When did jeans get to be acceptable?

Crazy. It shows (IMO) a certain lack of respect but what can you do? I just don't think you can tell people how to dress. If they don't know better by now it is on them. Again, the best thing I could recommend (if it is appropriate to your wedding) is have black tie written on the invitation. And even then, you will have people not dressed as formally as they should be but it should help.

Good luck and enjoy your wedding no matter what anyone wears!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:23:18 AM
Author:Cinna
My wedding is in December at my church, and the reception is at the church as well. We will have around 400 guests, and a big portion of the people... 150 of them? I''ve attended other weddings at the same church due to mutual friends. So I''ve seen their wedding attire on about 6 weddings so far in the last year and a half. The the single young women ages ranging from 19-30 seem to progressively dress worse and worse (wedding attire scale) At first it shocked me, but they do it at every wedding now so it''s not as shocking.

For example, the last wedding, about 12 of them wore all white dresses, 6 wore all black, three of them wore leggings (one fishnet, one black and gold stripes, one red), two of them wore shiny all-sequin dresses, and one wore a bright firetruck red off the shoulder minidress with huge ruffles (think salsa club). I remember because I know them, they aren''t friends but acquaintances... and you can see their outfits in the large group wedding picture of just the single members of our church that is over 18 years of age.

I mean some of these outfits aren''t even appropiate for church, much less a wedding in a church but they seem to think it''s okay. I know they''ll do this for my wedding and I don''t know how much of a Bridezilla I will be but I think it''s not too much to ask that they do not wear some of the outfits they have worn in the past. If I get the fiance to mention to the group of women that I don''t think it''s appropiate I know they will be extrememly offended... and he might not agree to say anything because I should really learn to let it go on our wedding day. don''t see a way out without people getting offended or me just sucking it up.

Is it just me that gets very offended at people who don''t dress up properly to a wedding whether it''s mine or not? Would you stand for this or how would you approach the situation?

i think its all where you came from/how you were brought up. I personally would never wear an exposed shoulder dress at a church without a cover. But again, thats just me.

I guess having the bridal party help spread the word "semi formal/ church formal" would help, but honestly you cannot control what people wear. Everyone has a different opinion of "appropriate"

 

[radiantquest]

I think the whole situation is odd. Do these people dress inappropriately all the time? It has been my experience that my friends/accquaintances are similar to me. None of my friends have a radical different idea in what is appropriate and tasteful that I do. They may have a different style, but all have the same thought about what should be worn to certain events. Maybe they arent religious so they dont have that respect for a church that others have...I dunno.

 

[Cinna]

Yeah, I know no one can control what others wear but sometimes when I see their attire at weddings I just want to go up to them and be like... Do you know what you're wearing? A club that would blend in very well at a night out in a nightclub to a church wedding??? Really???! It's disrespectful!

Missy: That is a great and simple idea that I wouldn't have thought of!
But the all white seems to be a very popular trend. The first girl who did it got a few of the other girls telling her that only the bride should be wearing an all white dress... and then a couple more girls thought it was okay and so on where that it's totally okay in their social circle to now wear all white to a wedding. Hmm.. to me the same all black outfits that they wear to funerals just seems a bit wierd to me.

Radiant: I forgot to mention that the girls I'm referring to (except for the firetruck red girl) go to our church and are Asian (not american born and raised like I am. They came to the states well into their mid twenties or so). For the most part they usually always dress properly at church. It's a big church so I know them and see them a couple times a week but I've never really talked to them, just introduced. I just don't know if they really don't know it's appropiate or not. To tell them what the "proper" ettiquette seems rude on me since I don't know if they are aware of it and still choose to dress that way thinking attire rules aren't serious. I think asian culture is a little more lax with proper wedding attire I think, but I'm not too sure on the wedding culture of it.

 

[missy]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:41:47 AM
Author: Cinna
Yeah, I know no one can control what others wear but sometimes when I see their attire at weddings I just want to go up to them and be like... Do you know what you're wearing? A club that would blend in very well at a night out in a nightclub to a church wedding??? Really???! It's disrespectful!

Missy: That is a great and simple idea that I wouldn't have thought of!

But the all white seems to be a very popular trend. The first girl who did it got a few of the other girls telling her that only the bride should be wearing an all white dress... and then a couple more girls thought it was okay and so on where that it's totally okay in their social circle to now wear all white to a wedding. Hmm.. to me the same all black outfits that they wear to funerals just seems a bit wierd to me.


Radiant: I forgot to mention that the girls I'm referring to (except for the firetruck red girl) go to our church and are korean. For the most part they usually always dress properly at church. It's a big church so I know them and see them a couple times a week but I've never really talked to them, just introduced. They are a little more lax with proper wedding attire I think, but I'm not too sure on the culture of it.

LOL I guess I can see your point of view. This just goes to show how one can become desensitized to certain things if exposed to it long enough. Living in NYC black is the attire of choice almost everywhere and I can tell you that in most weddings it is not uncommon where the majority of women are wearing black dresses! In fact, it is popular to have the bridal party wear all black now. Or at least it was a couple of years back. I haven't been to a wedding for a few years now...

Which is sad as I just l

ve weddings!!!


On the wearing all white wedding to a wedding trend...

I don't like that one at all!! Wow. I mean I know all eyes will be on the beautiful bride but still, what happened to white being reserved just for the bride?

Thanks for the info Cinna. It is so interesting how unique things are to different cultures/areas/social circles on what is the norm and what is not.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

I agree with you , but also agree that one cannot dictate what others wear(unless they are in the wedding party). There was a gal, who was crushing on my hubby before we were married, a co-worker, and she was very pretty and I was a little jealous if you will. She wore a creme dress and a ponytail with a large creme bow in the back of her head(that was the rage then haha) and she stands out like a sore thumb in our wedding video! I do think she did that on purpose!

No offense, but I do think that young(er) people today dress rather distastefully(ie slutty) whether or not they have the figure for it-kind of nightclub wear goes anywhere. I think it makes people look tacky and hooker-ish, but it seems anything goes...

We went to Easter Mass yesteday and I was amazed at what people wore to church! We live in a rather affluent area, but people generally looked awful. I even saw blue jeans and although that doesn''t offend me for church, if they are neat and clean, I thought it was out of place for an Easter service.

Sounds like you are going to have a fabulous wedding. All eyes will be on YOU, so have fun this year anticipating and planning your big day. We just had our 23rd anniversary yesterday and I can remember most of it like it was yesterday

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to what people wear to a wedding. (My mum was going to wear white at one point) Apart from putting something along the lines of 'church appropriate attire' on the invite, there probably isn't alot you can do about it.

But.. as someone who only got married a few weeks ago, i can tell you that i can't remember a single thing that anyone was wearing, and i certainly didn't notice it at the time either. You're going to have bigger things to think about on the day!

 

[Cinna]

Missy: Around here, the only time I have ever seen black in a wedding party is that a person I used to go to high school with was a bridesmaid for a wedding and posted the pictures up on Facebook. They had all black attire for the wedding party... had a gothic costume theme as well as had it on Halloween. I know what you mean about being desensitized though... I saw the all sequin dress and didn't bat an eyelash since I had seen that dress like two or three weddings in a row. Crazy

That is a really interested trend though! Since NYC is known to be fashion forward, maybe in a year or so we'll all be doing it here!

Snowflakeluvr: No offense taken.. even though I am a young person, I agree. Some of the things I saw for Easter sunday I was a little surprised. Dresses seem to all be tighter and show a LOT of skin. I did see one of the girls in a halter minidress go back to her car and come back with a cardigan that she never took off all day.

Thank you! I can't wait to post up pictures when that time comes! I just want an all around classy, elegant theme and I guess I'll have to learn to turn a blind eye... however bothered I will be seeing all of the girls wearing white.... I will just ignore all the wedding fashion faux pas.

Hawaiianorange: Hopefully that's true and I just am sensitive since it's not my wedding and I have time to focus on everyone else's attire! Maybe I'll just try and edit them out in the wedding pictures if I'm really bothered afterwards (Kidding... well maybe not.)

 

[zoebartlett]

I've never seen guests at any wedding I've been to wear inappropriate clothing, but I know it happens.

I agree with those who said that they don't feel it's appropriate to dictate what guests wear. If I did see someone wearing something I wouldn't, I don't think I'd say something. That's a confrontation I wouldn't want to deal with. That's just me though.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/5/2010 10:06:02 AM
Author: hawaiianorangetree
I completely understand where you are coming from in regards to what people wear to a wedding. (My mum was going to wear white at one point) Apart from putting something along the lines of ''church appropriate attire'' on the invite, there probably isn''t alot you can do about it.


But.. as someone who only got married a few weeks ago, i can tell you that i can''t remember a single thing that anyone was wearing, and i certainly didn''t notice it at the time either. You''re going to have bigger things to think about on the day!

ditto on both points

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I went to a wedding in October and I was SHOCKED at the attire of the young women in attendance. I''m not an old biddy by any means. I''m (eek) 30 and pretty with the times in terms of style. These girls, there were probably 6 of them, cousins of the bride, were wearing the SHORTEST and most low cut cocktail dresses I''ve ever seen outside of the red light district or away from a stripper pole. Honestly, they looked like strippers. I was horrified for my friend, it was a full Catholic ceremony and most people had their shoulders and knees covered,but these girls had everything on display.

One even had on lucite heels.

 

[jcarlylew]

i just thought of something funny that might work (since i know my mother WOULD and will if she could, pull this off)....
Go up to said offender, and say
"my dear, you MUST be freezing with all that exposed skin! here, borrow my wrap.... (after putting wrap on).. OH MY! don''t you look just lovely in that..."
LOL

My mother is a total southern belle, and i can see her doing that!

 

[monarch64]

This thread is hysterical! People really do not have a realistic perception of how they look to others sometimes. When I got married, there was a woman (she must have been 42-ish then) who wore an off-white, somewhat sheer dress to one of my showers through which you could CLEARLY see her white g-string panties. The same woman wore an ivory, lacy dress to my wedding two weeks later. I''m not really sure what message she was trying to send, but she looked like an a$$. While some of my guests mentioned it to me and were somewhat aghast that she did it not once, but twice during the course of my wedding events, I remember thinking how strange and sad, but basically funny it was that she did that. I''ve never had any personal issues with her and in fact she and I get along quite well, but apparently she lost her mind for a minute there.

 

[anitabee]

i reading your orig post, i noticed girls wearing all-black dresses offended you. why? that''s a common thing around here where i live.

in fact, my sister''s bridesmaids wore all black long dresses (i was one of them) and we all looked quite elegant, IMO. and btw, my sister is the furtherst thing from a goth!

i suppose as more time passes, people start to forget what was originally traditional. i guess styles/traditions are constantly in flux.

at least the peeps were making an effort to dress up. the shiny sequin dresses may have been a bit much but they made an effort to look glam!

personally, i wouldn''t approach this sitch. if the people are showing up and having a good time, then mission accomplished! for your big day, you need to focus on yourself, your bridal party, and the good times (hopefully) being had by all!

FWIW, i''d be offended if some kind of memo (or whatev) dictating dress code were sent out for your upcoming wedding.

 

[lizzyann]

I''m always AMAZED at what people where to weddings. Particularly, the younger ladies. I feel like they dress like they are going to prom or something but at a TOO SEXY prom. Very weird how times have changed.

For my wedding, I wore ivory. My mother in law wore ALL WHITE!!!! I couldn''t believe it really??!! When she showed me her dress like a week before the wedding I almost wanted to tell her not to wear it, but I bit my tongue. She probably wanted a reaction out of me but I just smiled sweetly as I knew that come wedding day, I would steal the show!!!

Try not too worry too much about what other people wear. You will be the main focus at your wedding and if people dress inappropriately it will not reflect on you.

 

[ForteKitty]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:41:47 AM
Author: Cinna


Radiant: I forgot to mention that the girls I''m referring to (except for the firetruck red girl) go to our church and are Asian (not american born and raised like I am. They came to the states well into their mid twenties or so). For the most part they usually always dress properly at church. It''s a big church so I know them and see them a couple times a week but I''ve never really talked to them, just introduced. I just don''t know if they really don''t know it''s appropiate or not. To tell them what the ''proper'' ettiquette seems rude on me since I don''t know if they are aware of it and still choose to dress that way thinking attire rules aren''t serious. I think asian culture is a little more lax with proper wedding attire I think, but I''m not too sure on the wedding culture of it.

Culturally... white''s not a wedding color in a lot of asian cultures. Red is a good-luck color and more or less reserved for brides and the bride and groom''s parents.

Maybe that''s why they think it''s okay to wear white to a wedding? Have someone talk to them and bring that up if it bothers you. They probably dont know any better.

 

[Cinna]

hahahha! I''m LOVING the stories.
It''s nice to know I''m not the only one who sees some of the latest Wedding attire and go

I just thought it was me because of the circumstances where I don''t think they actually know or ever have been told what "proper wedding attire"does or does not consist of.

anitabee: Just want to clarify, I just never had imagined it was the norm and have yet to see it in person considered as a color for the bridal party in person because I relate it to funerals, and so do the people in my bridal party. I''ve only been to weddings around here and as I said before "maybe in a year or so we''ll all be doing it here!" And the wedding I mentioned didn''t look goth because it had black as the wedding party theme... it looked goth because that was their theme, and they specifically wanted it that way with some of the guests having fake vampire teeth, "blood-red" eyes and all with Halloween specifically chosen on their wedding day. So not saying it''s a horrible thing to do, I''m sure that your sister''s wedding looked very elegant and fabulous!

Really? Hmm... It is usually normal to have a statement regarding dress code to fomal functions on invitations, but I for some reason never would have expected it on a wedding invitation because it should be expected! Maybe that should be taken into consideration because I never would have thought anyone to get offended if stated that the dress code is formal.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Also, am I the only person who read the title of this thread quickly and read it as "Wedding Attire Etiquette for Foul Women?"

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:09:14 AM
Author: ForteKitty

Culturally... white's not a wedding color in a lot of asian cultures. Red is a good-luck color and more or less reserved for brides and the bride and groom's parents.

Maybe that's why they think it's okay to wear white to a wedding? Have someone talk to them and bring that up if it bothers you. They probably dont know any better.

Fun Color fact of the day: All white is actually the color worn by the immediate family at funerals in Korean society.

That statement of red being good luck is true for Japanese and Chinese culture but actually, in Korean culture it's the opposite. Many "traditional" korean do not like to wear all red or even write in red. Our family does not own any red pens in case we might actually write or god forbid sign our names in red. It stands for Blood/death/communism I guess due to the fact with our history (Korean War... if you think about the Japanese flag)

Probably, but I've been keeping quiet because I can't see in any way or method me of telling them that they wouldn't get offended. Rather just overlook it since as others say, I won't notice it on the big day, than to cause any uncessary conflict. I still don't like seeing it at other people's weddings though

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:20:20 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Also, am I the only person who read the title of this thread quickly and read it as ''Wedding Attire Etiquette for Foul Women?''

L.O.L!!!

I was at my desk and almost spit out my tea!

 

[anitabee]

re: the formal dress code thing... i get that. in fact, that was the case for my sis''s wedding. i wasn''t sure what kind of stipulations you may have requested for wedding (eg. "no black, white, blah, blah attire).

i think stating "formal dress code" is perfectly fine. you may get peeps who, instead of wearing simply a sequin dress, may get all excited and add sequin legwarmers and hat!

i suppose some peep''s idea of formal may differ from others: i''d probably assume a black dress would be considered formal and i''d probably wear that to your wedding. fwiw, i''m from canada. maybe things here are a little less traditional? at my wedding, my mother-in-law (who''s orig from england) was all excited to wear a big floppy hat. she seemed to think that was the norm here. she was the only one. i thought she looked kinda silly but whatever floated her boat worked for me.

 

[ForteKitty]

Yea, i didn''t wanna bring up the all white at funerals, but since you did...

I think all white''s reserved for immediate families in Chinese culture too. So in Korean culture, white is worn for both weddings and funerals?

I see the point w/ the red & white. Many of my grandparents'' families perished at the hands of the Japanese as well. It''s a sore topic.

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:30:20 AM
Author: anitabee

you may get peeps who, instead of wearing simply a sequin dress, may get all excited and add sequin legwarmers and hat!

at my wedding, my mother-in-law (who's orig from england) was all excited to wear a big floppy hat. she seemed to think that was the norm here. she was the only one. i thought she looked kinda silly but whatever floated her boat worked for me.

hahah! Your post made me laugh out loud twice now. (My co-workers must think I'm crazy randomly laughing while I do database reports and calculations) I imagine BOTH those situations in my head. You MIL sounds adorable to get excited to wear the big floppy hat!!!

ForeKitty: Discussions of all colors are welcome!

I had no idea it was as well for Chinese culture. Being born and growing up in the States made me think that black was the only color at funerals and I was shocked when I heard otherwise when I was like 15! Well traditional korean weddings have a LOT of color in the traditional dresses. They have to wear the Hanbok so lately it can be of any color but it’s usually VERY colorful. The extremely traditional colors that no one follows anymore is green top, red bottom with pink, yellow etc. (don’t remember all the colors) on the sleeves and such. Lately I see a lot of pink and blue shades for the top and bottom with rainbow colors on the sleeves instead.

But they have the choice of having a traditional korean wedding or a "western" wedding in white.. or both! A lot of young people around here do the first to please their parents and the latter for themselves. I would do the same but I don't have a lot of family here so it's not worth doing it (Plus you get a lot of money from your family if you do it... I'd rather go to Korea and do it where I do have lots of relatives

Ca-ching! It'll at least pay for the flight over!)

 

[jewelz617]

I got married in a backyard with a sweater and pants on, so I''m not the best judge.

I feel as though church/weddings and the like are times to celebrate with those we care about. And if I''m surrounding myself with people I care about and asking them to take part in my wedding day, I''m of the "come as you are" mentality. I didn''t have bridesmaids and I don''t remember what anyone was wearing at my wedding, just that they were there.

I would not feel it''s my place to dictate what other people can wear, but that is just my own view. If you feel like it''s going to somehow infringe on your day then by all means say something.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I cannot even count how many times I have worn a black dress to a wedding. Personally I think it is totally acceptable. I would never wear white or cream but I have seen people wear a light gold or silver. I just went to a black tie wedding and some of the dresses were VERY, very revealing. I think it was also part of their culture though. Also lots and lots of sparkle. I was not offended and doubt the bride was. I did think it was interesting that most women did not wear something to cover their shoulders in the church. Of course it was extremely hot but I still always cover mine out of respect. I was not offended but I was surprised.

 

[meresal]

I only really notice when I see people in jeans.

Last weekend I was at a formal wedding and noticed that a girl, who I know ignorantly RSVP''d her child to an adult reception and then fought for him to be there, then brought her son in jeans, an untucked shirt, with a loose tie around his neck.

 

[risingsun]

I really don''t understand how difficult it is to have a sense of what is appropriate. You can ask the bride, the MOH, the bride''s mother or google it! Someone who shows up at a wedding in jeans or hooker attire, IMO, just can''t be bothered to make the effort. I have also seen this at funerals. When you come to pay your respects, I think you should look respectful. Sloppy jeans and an old flannel shirt don''t cut it. The guests at our wedding knew how to dress, including the younger friends of my daughter. My friend from the UK wore the most gorgeous hat. So did my daughter, who was my MOH. Unless you specify that you are having a backyard b-b-q, and there is nothing wrong with that--the guests should celebrate the occasion by not looking like they don''t have a clue.

 

[Haven]

After attending a lot of weddings in my 20s, and my time here on PS, I''ve learned that expectations for dress at formal events vary SO MUCH, that you will almost always be shocked until you come to terms with the fact that *your* expectations are probably going to be different than someone else''s.

For example, I was shocked to learn that women wear black to weddings when I first joined PS. We just don''t do that in my social circle, or at least, the social circle I was used to before I started attending the weddings of DH''s friends. Now I realize that a lot of women wear black, and most people don''t find it morbid at all.

And then there was my own wedding. It was a formal daytime affair, and my family is a bit "old school" when it comes to these things. BUT, that didn''t stop my grandfather from showing up to our wedding ceremony in a Korea War Veterans hat.

I just don''t bother caring anymore about these things. As long as *I''m* comfortable in what I choose to wear, and it meets my own standards of appropriateness, then I''m going to enjoy myself and relish just how diverse my little pocket of the world happens to be.

 

[Shoopy]

Define "properly"

A wedding, IMO, is not a time to wear jeans/tshirts/flipflops/sneakers, basically not a time to wear what you would at a happy hour or hanging out with the friends.

Now, a lot of the other stuff has to do with where the wedding takes place. In Miami, it is not uncommon for women to wear white and light to a wedding. I never would but it''s warm here all year round (except for this past winter

) so most come in short white dresses. I don''t think I''ve ever been to a wedding in Miami where the women were wearing long dresses.

Black, to me, is formal attire. I''m a big girl and only feel comfortable in black dresses. I also feel like it is the safest color. All of the other colors feel like wedding colors to me so I always wonder if I''ll end up looking like a bridesmaid (and the last thing I''m going to do is call a busy bride and ask her what her wedding colors are lol).