Wedding Attire Etiquette Fouls for Women

[sunnyd]

You won''t notice. Trust me. I thought I''d be sooooo offended if anyone wore white. The GF of a groomsman wore a yellow flowered summer dress, white shoes and a white LACE jacket-y thing (to a November wedding). I didn''t notice until I saw the pictures. No one cares what a guest is wearing, they definitely won''t confuse someone in a white dress with the BRIDE, right?

 

[RaiKai]

I really don't care. If someone wants to wear something revealing, or white, or whatever...it's their burden to (bare), not mine. Many people are going to generally wear what they have in their closet, rather than buy something new. This tends to be something in their style or whatever is trendy. For younger people today just happens to be leggings and other 1980s revival clothing at the moment. Personally, I would rather forget the 80s but whatever floats their boat. Some people own jeans that cost more than the nicest cocktail dress.

I do dress up for weddings, and what I would say would be appropriate, but I don't bother too much about what others do. I wear what I feel comfortable in for that environment, and that suits my own personal style. I see black at weddings ALL the time and never thought much about it. Don't even mind white...it's not like they are wearing a wedding gown. No one is going to get confused. Anyway, until Queen Victoria, even brides didn't wear white commonly. It was not practical since they were going to be wearing their "wedding outfit" for many more events to come!

Like I said in my thread about ceremony/reception attendance, we told our guests to wear what they felt comfortable in. It was a small, intimate wedding and we could care less if they wore their PJ's straight from their rooms at the resort to our ceremony. We had jeans, cowboy boots, cocktail dresses and high heels, plaid shirts, a belly dancing outfit, a very pregnant guest with a very tight knit dress, a hooded sweatshirt or two, and so on. DH wore essentially what were silk pj's he sewed himself and bare feet. I did have a wedding dress though! Honestly, none of the other guests made any fuss about it, and neither did DH and I.

So I guess for me....I would let it go. I am not going to dictate another adults clothing choices. Gosh, even if they showed up naked I would be more like "wow, good for them!" than anything else. I think DH even mentioned to a few people he might do that for our wedding when they asked what they should wear (he likes to throw people off). This may not work for everyone.

Life is too short for me to worry about the length of someone's dress.**

**This may change when if I ever have my own daughter

 

[geckodani]

I got married on Maui, and stipulated that people could come in whatever they wanted, barring bathing suits.

And I still ended up with an Aunt in a two piece outfit that was... more appropriate for a younger person in a different setting (bare back/midriff).

Did I care? Nope.

Wasn''t any worse that my uncle trying to stare down my sister''s dress all night.

Do your best to specify what type of attire you''d like, and then don''t sweat the small stuff.

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 3:24:31 PM
Author: fiery
In Miami, it is not uncommon for women to wear white and light to a wedding. I never would but it's warm here all year round (except for this past winter

) so most come in short white dresses. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding in Miami where the women were wearing long dresses.

That is really interesting! Off all things I never would have thought of that as not being the norm but it makes total sense.

Date: 4/5/2010 3:45:42 PM
Author: RaiKai
Gosh, even if they showed up naked I would be more like 'wow, good for them!' than anything else. I think DH even mentioned to a few people he might do that for our wedding when they asked what they should wear (he likes to throw people off). This may not work for everyone.

Hahahahhahaha!

I would honestly be beside myself and would not be able to get through my wedding so easily due to the fact I have a naked person's image burned into my retinas! But then again, I come from a family where sleeveless is baring too much skin and any clothing that fits perfectly is too small so my parents would probably freak out first... and mabye pull a Jcarlylew's mother "Go up to said offender, and say
"my dear, you MUST be freezing with all that exposed skin! here, borrow my wrap.... (after putting wrap on).. OH MY! don't you look just lovely in that..."
"

 

[luv2sparkle]

I have been to a number of wedding where at least one of the women guests wears something so revealing and inappropriate. It sometimes makes me mad for the bride, but mostly it just seems really

sad and pathetic for the person. How desperate for attention do you have to be that you want to go to a wedding looking like a stripper with everything you own hanging out. EEeww! Who the heck is attracted to

that?

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:20:20 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Also, am I the only person who read the title of this thread quickly and read it as ''Wedding Attire Etiquette for Foul Women?''

I''m sorry but every time I see the thread title now I read it as that... EVERY single time!

 

[missy]

Date: 4/5/2010 5:26:38 PM
Author: Cinna

Date: 4/5/2010 11:20:20 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

Also, am I the only person who read the title of this thread quickly and read it as 'Wedding Attire Etiquette for Foul Women?'

I'm sorry but every time I see the thread title now I read it as that... EVERY single time!

me too!!

Maybe we should rename this thread wedding attire etiquette and the foul women that breach them

LOL

 

[decodelighted]

I''m wondering if this might not have to do with the economy ... at least a little bit. Easter and weddings are a once or twice a year happening. Not everyone can buy a special (more conservative) outfit for those events. Younger girls might not already own, or have need for, conservative dressy clothes. So they wear their club gear or old prom dresses or date night stuff that is more in their everyday needs category.

Have NO IDEA what is up with all the super sl*tty-looking prom dresses advertised this year. Its like they think they are performing on Dancing With The Stars?? Has Cher become a fashion icon again?

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 4/5/2010 7:02:00 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m wondering if this might not have to do with the economy ... at least a little bit. Easter and weddings are a once or twice a year happening. Not everyone can buy a special (more conservative) outfit for those events. Younger girls might not already own, or have need for, conservative dressy clothes. So they wear their club gear or old prom dresses or date night stuff that is more in their everyday needs category.

Have NO IDEA what is up with all the super sl*tty-looking prom dresses advertised this year. Its like they think they are performing on Dancing With The Stars?? Has Cher become a fashion icon again?

I''d like to believe this was the problem, but I really can''t.

I have seen women (of various ages) show up in NEW trashy dresses pleased to be showing off their new clothing. If you go shopping in some stores, you have to really look for something that isn''t super short/tight/low-cut/etc. This is the case in the young girls (like ages 6-10) section too in some places.

The problem seems to be the large number of TV shows, magazines, and movies that show this sort of clothing as normal, expected, and appropriate. (plus the people who start dressing this way adding to the image that it is okay so that it expands out to more women/girls)

 

[jewelerman]

I dress up for wedding and receptions....suit and tie or even a nice colored dress shirt and black dress pants....dislike it when guests show up wearing jeans or attire that hasnt been well thought out or shows disrespect towards the wedding couple.

 

[cara]

Sadly you cannot make people dress appropriately, or to your standards, most of the time. Adults get to dress themselves! If you throw your wedding at a formal or conservative venue, and issue formal invitations, and mention to people casually that you hope it will be a formal affair, hire an old-school band rather than a new/hip one, etc. maybe you will get somewhere but don't underestimate people's cluelessness and ability to avoid getting hints. And heck, at some point even if they got the hint, if their taste/standards are so far out of whack from yours, they might still end up dressing inappropriately and thinking it was fine.

Black is fine at weddings. I've worn it, and usually there is anywhere from a few women to many in black. Maybe I'd hold off in the South or somewhere with a very not-NYC approach to fashion and tradition.

On white, I thought I would disapprove of white/cream, but there was a teen girl in an off-white dress at my wedding and the style of the dress (short, sparkly, kinda high-school dancey) was just not looking like a wedding dress, plus she was young so I wrote it off as cluelessness + wearing something from her closet. I've seen other women in cream dresses at weddings, and they have never been in a position to be mistaken for the bride, even if I'd try to avoid wearing that color myself.

Ohhh, my prime example of poor wedding attire is not a woman, its my willfully clueless father. Medium-small wedding in a park with reception after at a reasonably nice restaurant (note: not a picnic). Much of my extended family was staying in beachhouses nearby. Groom (our relative) told us it was pretty casual. Most everyone interpreted that appropriately - women in casual dresses or skirts/dress slacks and nice tops, men in lightweight button down shirts or polos and slacks. Even my teenage brother was wearing khakis and a nice white button down shirt. We are running late, loading into the cars, and my father jumps in wearing faded, black cargo shorts and a striped yellow shirt with a huge stain on the front. His sisters and I were appalled and asked if he was really planning on wearing that. He defending himself saying groom told him it was 'casual'! Plus he didn't have anything else nicer and we didn't have time. Anyway... it was classic. OK, it wasn't a black tie wedding but from the pics father was clearly a step below the standard. It was still a wedding with a reception at a nice restaurant. Same people can hear the same thing and come to wildly different conclusions.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/5/2010 7:02:00 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m wondering if this might not have to do with the economy ... at least a little bit. Easter and weddings are a once or twice a year happening. Not everyone can buy a special (more conservative) outfit for those events. Younger girls might not already own, or have need for, conservative dressy clothes. So they wear their club gear or old prom dresses or date night stuff that is more in their everyday needs category.

Have NO IDEA what is up with all the super sl*tty-looking prom dresses advertised this year. Its like they think they are performing on Dancing With The Stars?? Has Cher become a fashion icon again?

Ha, I swear the prom dresses get sluttier every year! INSANE. These gorgeous little 16 year olds end up looking like 40 year old divorcees who shop at Cache!

 

[Upgradable]

Okay, please don''t stone me, but if you (or your family) don''t know these young women well enough to discretely mention to them what is appropriate for a wedding, WHY are they invited?

Someone else mentioned that when it is your day, you''ll be so obliviously happy that you won''t be concerned about what so-and-so decided to wear.

Don''t worry..... be happy!

 

[lightningbug]

I agree with other posters that this must be cultural, both across countries and within the USA.

In NYC, SF, and LA, black ball gowns or cocktail dresses for formal evening weddings are completely acceptable, and almost expected. I also see a lot of elegant silver, gold, and champagne dresses. Weddings are celebrations, and people dress for the dinner & dancing at the reception as much as for the ceremony itself.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:42:42 PM
Author: Upgradable
Okay, please don''t stone me, but if you (or your family) don''t know these young women well enough to discretely mention to them what is appropriate for a wedding, WHY are they invited?

Someone else mentioned that when it is your day, you''ll be so obliviously happy that you won''t be concerned about what so-and-so decided to wear.

Don''t worry..... be happy!

My thoughts EXACTLY.

 

[Cinna]

Date: 4/5/2010 9:42:42 PM
Author: Upgradable
Okay, please don't stone me, but if you (or your family) don't know these young women well enough to discretely mention to them what is appropriate for a wedding, WHY are they invited?

Someone else mentioned that when it is your day, you'll be so obliviously happy that you won't be concerned about what so-and-so decided to wear.

Don't worry..... be happy!

My family personally will know maybe 30 of the people in attendance of 400? (totally guessing but we don't really have any family here and they don't really know many of my friends or anyone from my church) My FI knows them pretty well but he doesn't think it's right for him to mention it since they don't know me well, they could be offended by me or paint a bad picture before I got to know them. They could know and they might just not care?

It's a tradition of our church that if you get married in it then you really invite all of our church members since they announce upcoming marriages and such, whether they decide to come or not. Plus, since my FI is a church leader so they're definitely going to show up at least to pay respects. In the end, whether I invite them or not, they're going to show up. It's much harder on me if I'm known as the young girl who told them they couldn't wear what they wanted to to my wedding/ a.k.a the Bridezilla... no one wants to be known at that

Definitely, as many people have said I probably won't notice.. I just notice it all the time since I'm not the bride... yet.

I know it's totally all about my certain circumstances but I do have to admit that some of the attire does bother me though at other weddings.


Started the thread about something else but now I just love hearing about what other people have seen at weddings that they did not agree with

 

[CharmyPoo]

I was at a wedding where a guest wore jean shorts that showed her butt checks!! I was shocked.

I am not sure what is wrong with black though. I wear black to church on a regular basis and I have also worn black to several weddings.

An embarassing moment - I wore a tea length strapless white chest area and rest black dress to a reception ... the bride was wearing the same thing!!! I didn''t imagine for the life of me that she would wear something like that. I kept my coat on the whole night. She thought it was hilarious and we took photos of us wearing the same thing. I was mortified.

 

[Gayletmom]

I''ve given up on "proper attire" except to try to educate my children. And I agree that at your own wedding, you won''t notice what anyone else is wearing. I''m from the south and was raised on Emily Post so I don''t do black at weddings due to the mourning/funeral associations.

I can''t get over what people wear and have decided to consider it entertainment! I was at an elementary school choir performance last month that was held at a local church at 10am on a Saturday. A mother that I know wore 6 inch heels on a huge platform-you know the gladiator type sandals with studs and straps lacing up past the ankle. The rest of the outfit was just a short black dress but I couldn''t get over the shoes in that venue. It was such a contrast to the little girls in their pony tails, navy pleated skorts and peter pan collars. I kept thinking of that show a few years ago- I can''t remember the name-with the four gay guys who would make-over people. There was one episode where they did their magic on this guy and were waiting for his girlfriend to come to town to gauge her reaction. She got out of the car in platform heeled, tall, leopard print boots and one of the guys said, in his snarky way, "Somewhere in Trenton, a hooker is missing her boots". Totally cracks me up!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Don''t let what others wear to your wedding distract you from having a fabulous ceremony! ENJOY your day. . .even if that means a few shots of tequila.

 

[missy]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:40:21 PM
Author: Gayletmom
I've given up on 'proper attire' except to try to educate my children. And I agree that at your own wedding, you won't notice what anyone else is wearing. I'm from the south and was raised on Emily Post so I don't do black at weddings due to the mourning/funeral associations.

http://weddings.weddingchannel.com/wedding-planning-ideas/wedding-etiquette/qa/are-there-guidelines-for-appropriate-wedding-attire.aspx



Question:
Are There Guidelines for Appropriate Wedding Attire?

Answer:
Peggy Post, our etiquette expert and internationally known spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, answers your questions and provides helpful etiquette advice on everything from attire and invitations to toasting and receptions.

While there are many variations for today's wedding attire, there are still traditional guidelines for fabrics, lengths, styles, and accessories. The general guidelines run the gamut, with suggestions for weddings ranging from the most informal daytime celebration to a formal evening affair. Many brides these days, however, stray from tradition when it comes to attire.

The style and formality of your bridesmaid dresses should coordinate well with your gown. Bridesmaid dresses are typically the same length as the bride's dress; for evening weddings, it's usually floor-length. One notable exception is an informal wedding held in an informal setting, such as outside.

As for guests, it can be a challenge to determine what to wear. For evening weddings, guests should dress as they would for a nice dinner or event out. Men should wear suits, unless the invitation has requested black tie. Women should choose dresses, skirts, or elegant suits in darker, sophisticated colors and fabrics; lengths vary according to what's in style at that particular time and place. Jewelry can be more elaborate, and women may want to carry a small evening bag rather than a purse.

It's now acceptable for female guests to wear black to weddings, especially in the late afternoon and evening. Black choices, however, should be more ornate than reserved, to give off an air of celebration rather than mourning. Sometimes, adding a little color (vibrant flower pins and scarves work wonderfully for weddings) rounds off the somber look well.

Here is wedding attire etiquette updated. Thanks Peggy Post

In fact, I totally forgot but I was Matron of Honor at my darling sister's wedding and she chose black as her wedding colors. And this was back in 2005. I think we all looked lovely btw

 

[Logan Sapphire]

I''ve always worn black to weddings, which have taken place in the Midwest, Northeast, and in the South. And actually, at my own wedding in Charleston, SC, my bridesmaids all wore black as did my mom. And my MIL wore cream- didn''t bother me.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 4/5/2010 11:20:20 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Also, am I the only person who read the title of this thread quickly and read it as ''Wedding Attire Etiquette for Foul Women?''

Nope. I did that too.

 

[zoebartlett]

Honestly, I wouldn''t have cared if someone chose to wear white (or a shade of white) to my wedding. I didn''t notice that anyone did though. For me, it''s more about the style of attire that one chooses to wear rather than the color. Jeans? Not appropriate. Black skirt or dress? Totally appropriate in my book.

I also kind of think that it depends on the type of wedding someone chooses to have that might help dictate the style of guests'' attire.

For example, my sister got married at a summer camp that she and her husband have worked at for years. She wore a white linen shirt, periwinkle palazzo pants, and birkenstocks. My BIL wore a black shirt, a periwinkle vest, and a tie. Their wedding invitation was hilarious -- very informal and fun to read. It stated something along the lines of "Formal dress is forbidden. The bride will be wearing pants and so will the groom."

There was a baseball game before the ceremony (yes, bride and groom-to-be participated), and everyone had a blast. After the game, family and friends who were staying at camp (in cabins), got ready for the ceremony. Most guests were still aware that, informal as it was, they WERE attending a wedding. Most girls changed into pretty dresses or skirts. Most boys changed into khakis and button down shirts. Did everyone? No. Did it matter? No.

 

[Cehrabehra]

No, I''ve never been offended. I''ve laughed to myself - but it''s on them, not me. I personally think it''s kinda pushing it to tell people what to wear when it is a matter of personal taste. EVERY person on my husband''s side of the family (mexican) dressed up more than I did at MY wedding. I wasn''t offended - I just thought it was funny.

I did *request* that people wear all white but not everyone did and I was okay with that. Foremost I wanted people to be comfortable. I think sometimes we get too caught up in the fairytale princess for a day and forget to just have fun and relax and not sweat the petty stuff.

 

[jewelz617]

I wear a LOT of black. It''s one of the only colors that looks good on me. Probably not during a summer wedding, but definitely during Winter.

 

[LadyJane83]

I bought a white and black dress to wear to a summer wedding a few years ago... before I bought it I asked people if it was inappropriate and they looked at me like I was crazy. Most of the advice I got was "anything goes, so long as it''s not white." I''ve also seen black dresses and gowns at fall/winter weddings in New England.

My SO went to an orthodox Jewish wedding and the invitation said "modest attire requested" (or something like that). Everyone''s shoulders were covered (including the brides and bridal parties''). You could try this, but guests might think it strange unless you are very religious/conservative.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''ve worn black to weddings several times. A black satin cocktail dress (knee length, not hoochie!) is not something I''d ever wear to a funeral.

 

[ts44]

For a family friend''s wedding, she had a full Catholic Mass ceremony, and I was really appalled at what passes for "church attire." I''m 28, and the bride was 24 and most of the attending women were closer to her age than mine. I walked in, took a seat in the back and was presented with a sea of bare shoulders. And not just sleeveless bare shoulders, strapless bare shoulders! It was a June wedding but the day was fairly cool, it didn''t break 70 so there was no weather excuse for it. Teeny short baby doll dresses with smocked strapless tops! Foam flip flops! In church! Nary a cardigan or cover-up to be seen! WTF? I hadn''t stepped foot in a church in awhile so maybe I''m out of the loop, but it doesn''t cause any hardship to just bring a cardigan with you and leave it in the car for the reception.

The sheer number of foam flip flops at the reception (a lovely, formal, Saturday-evening country club reception) was truly embarrassing - I get changing INTO flip-flops because your feet hurt near the end of the night, but ARRIVING in them? Just because they''re black doesn''t make them REAL SHOES. Unless there is truly SAND involved at the wedding always err on the side of REAL SHOES.

Oh my god I''m going to have a moment just thinking about it. I''m totally going to end up being the bride that provides a basket of shoes instead of a basket of flip-flops for her guests.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 4/5/2010 8:33:32 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 4/5/2010 7:02:00 PM
Author: decodelighted
Have NO IDEA what is up with all the super sl*tty-looking prom dresses advertised this year. Its like they think they are performing on Dancing With The Stars?? Has Cher become a fashion icon again?

Ha, I swear the prom dresses get sluttier every year! INSANE. These gorgeous little 16 year olds end up looking like 40 year old divorcees who shop at Cache!

Or Fredrick''s of Hollywood even! Maribou feathered slides anyone?

 

[oddoneout]

Not to knock young girls but I often wonder these days since when did trashy become the newest trend in girls clothes.