Was the ring itself a surprise, or did you help

[Robyn12]

A recent thread made me curious about how many men surprise (or plan to surprise) their girlfriends with a ring, and pick the ring out alone -- as opposed to how many couples design/select the ring together...


*Women: please vote too! Were you surprised, or did you help pick it out?

 

[upstech]

I know I plan to pick it out by myself!

 

[verticalhorizon]

I think there should be a third option where the gal drops hints and suggestions, but let's him do the purchasing himself.

 

[Robyn12]

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On 3/18/2004 4:47:25 PM diagonalman wrote:

I think there should be a third option where the gal drops hints and suggestions, but let's him do the purchasing himself.

----------------

I thought about that, and that's pretty much what I do

, but I think there is so much variation within hinting that it might warp the results. I think it can fall in one of the two catagories, in most cases. In my case, the hint dropping is so extensive that I qualify for helping pick it out

. If someone were to drop one or two little hints about friends rings, etc. -- I'd say he's pretty much on his own...

I thought it would be more telling to break it down the middle.

 

[angela]

We picked out the stone and design together. Actually, I did a lot more research and searching than he did, but he gave input and plunked down the cash. I do think that our situation is a little different though, he has a hard time making decisions and I'm particular about my jewelry so with a purchase this large, he wanted to make sure that it would be something I really loved.

I am happy with the way we did things, but I also would have been very happy with a total surprise that he put all of that thought and effort into as well.

 

[Mara]

Yes I think dropping hints can fall easily into the first one. I don't know one gal that has not done that at some point a serious relationship...ehhee.




Physically helping/building/choosing together is option 2 which is what we did.

 

[pauls girl]

I guess I fall under the second choice. He picked out the diamond completely on his own, with "hints" from me as to which shape I prefer, etc.

He had it set in a plain white gold band, and once we were officially engaged, we went together & I picked out a band I really love.

I would have loved the ring whether I had any input in the selection of it, or not.

 

[Daniela]

Are PS womean allowed to vote, too? The question seems more directed at the men.

This will change the results of the poll significantly. If only men vote, then the results will probably lean in favour of men picking out the ring themselves since the men floating around here on Pricescope are the primary ones in their relationship doing the diamond research. There are, however, lots of women here too who are posting questions and soaking up information. In that case, the poll results will be more evenly dispersed, I would think.

Just a thought.

Daniela

 

[aljdewey]

Rich and I knew each other as friends first, so once our relationship developed into more, we both knew almost immediately that we wanted to marry. A little more than a year ago, he asked me then "what kind of ring would you want?". I said, "you know, I really don't know. Let me give that some thought." Then I started researching, and it's how I found PS. From that, what I thought I wanted (a radiant) changed, and I became a cut freak.




From time to time, Rich would ask about my preferences, and he noticed that he was getting more and more detailed info (my academic leanings!). He could tell that I was learning a great deal about them and felt I would be better suited to select our ring. This past November, he asked me to marry him without the ring, and then we began the process of looking together. I did most of the legwork on finding our stone, but he was involved as well, and we went to jewelers together as well.




I feel like I got the best of all worlds. I got the surprise element when he asked me (even though we knew that's where we were headed), but I still had input into the ring that I would wear. An unexpected benefit: we didn't tell anyone we were engaged during the 3 weeks it took to find and receive our ring. That time to me was special.....we had a wonderful secret that we shared only with one another privately before sharing so publicly with everyone else.




I think it was great that he was willing to ask what I wanted, and having done that, I'm sure I would have been happy with whatever he had picked if he'd chosen it himself. After all, the ring is nice and I love it.....but I'm marrying the man, not the ring.

 

[Robyn12]

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On 3/18/2004 5:11:11 PM Daniela wrote:

Are PS womean allowed to vote, too? The question seems more directed at the men.


This will change the results of the poll significantly. If only men vote, then the results will probably lean in favour of men picking out the ring themselves since the men floating around here on Pricescope are the primary ones in their relationship doing the diamond research. There are, however, lots of women here too who are posting questions and soaking up information. In that case, the poll results will be more evenly dispersed, I would think.


Just a thought.



Daniela----------------

I meant for women to vote too -- I think that's pretty clear, but I added a line to make it more clear just incase there was confusion...

 

[Daniela]

Thanks for clarifying that, Robyn. I just put in my vote for "did it together!"

Daniela

 

[sumi]

Mine was a total surprise both in terms of the engagement itself and the ring. We had already been living together for a few years by the time we were engaged and we knew we'd eventually get married. However, I was in law school at the time and I just assumed we wouldn't get engaged until after I graduated. We were married during spring break of my third year.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We went shopping together, but I picked out the ring while my then boyfriend (now husband) was basically was in charge of holding the credit card

. We knew next to nothing about diamonds, but fortunetly, found a pretty ideal cut rb after first purchasing a mediocre princess cut that we ended up returning after learning a bit more about color/clarity/cut.

Michelle

 

[ringbling17]

We decided on a ring together. I picked the stone and the setting and he said okey dokey!

 

[bling]

we did it together...he knew this was one thing i was going to be pretty picky over..so he let me do the research and then tell him what i had found. we agreed on everything together and the purchased. i loved it this way and he knew that from the begining, i didnt need the surprise. but after the ring arrived, he did do a romantic proposal! so i got the best of both worlds i think.

 

[mike04456]

I did it all myself.

 

[BenNYC]

When we had talked about what she would like she had said that she liked a simple Tiffany style setting. Otherwise I did it without any input from her and it was a total surprise.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Technically we picked it out together. While we looked at stones together, I did most of the research and ultimately I chose the finalists, and then chose the winner. I had "control" over the specs of the stones, and he had "control" of the money!

 

[2Bmarried]

Once we both knew that we always wanted to be with each other & would want to get married, I started to ask from time to time what shape diamond and what style ring she liked. This was a simple question I didn't nag about. I just "polled" HER for her opinion every once in a while to make sure she wasn't just appeasing me at one time and just answering my question (though not REALLY thinking about it). She honestly kept telling me that it didn't matter. Therefore, when the time came, I went the traditional route with a simple classic tiffany style ring and round ideal cut diamond. She can't stand anything at all "gaudy" & this way I knew we would be able to go back to the jeweler and change out / upgrade the ring if she so desired. That way we were both deciding on a nicer ring (though under absolutley no pressure to do it!). She wouldn't have taken nearly the time I did to find the right diamond.

 

[verticalhorizon]

How do the women on this list feel about that scenario?

Guy finds you the diamond and puts it in simple (inexpensive setting - 14k gold) and presents to you.

THEN you have the opportunity to go and find a setting that you like later?

Side issue: How would you feel when you see the ring for the first time and it's not platinum like you wanted? Would you feel a little dissapointed at the "event"?

 

[cmcwill]

I am having the same issue, platinum prices are very high right now. A price we were quoted doesn't hold anymore because of the increase. I told my boyfriend that the stone is what matters and if he needs to get a white gold setting for now I won't mind...LUCKILY he said he wanted to try to figure out a way to do it right the first time, lol. We have already looked together and I picked out a couple things I liked, but now I'm into the suspense that he is going to pick out the final product and thats all that matters. If this is a surprise for her you might want to dig around for some hints...but I doubt she'll be upset- you're asking her to marry you!!!

Colleen

 

[dbgaap]

This is SUCH a tough question because I am so picky and quality-conscious - but I do want to be reasonable to my man. My ideal ring doesn't have to carry huge status-symbol properties, but quality is a big deal for me.


Let's say he goes overboard and has an outrageous ring made by a grand arTISTE, well, I'd adapt to it and love it and wear it a lot easier than if he got me some kind of ...less magnificant.... ring.




If he's the man I want to marry, I'm gonna adapt.




ie, if it would hurt his feelings too much then I would wear the less wonderful ring (and get a new hobby).


Actually, that happened to my sister and she gradually shifted to wearing her wedding band only, without much fanfare.


But if I could find a way to get the ring I want within the whole scenario, then I would.


And that, is, my final answer.


lol

 

[verticalhorizon]

If my GF ever decides to not wear this damn ring after all I'm putting into it... I'm gonna sell it and buy a motorcycle!

 

[baltneu]

Did it myself. Huge Surprise. Doesn't shopping together remove the surprise element of things?

 

[aljdewey]

----------------
On 3/19/2004 11:09:10 AM diagonalman wrote:





How do the women on this list feel about that scenario?

Guy finds you the diamond and puts it in simple (inexpensive setting - 14k gold) and presents to you.

THEN you have the opportunity to go and find a setting that you like later?

Side issue: How would you feel when you see the ring for the first time and it's not platinum like you wanted? Would you feel a little dissapointed at the 'event'?
----------------

This would be what I consider the second best solution. For those who just *have* to do the "surprise" thing, it is positively the best way to go. This lets you surprise her and then shop together for the setting. I personally wouldn't care what the metal was--after all, it's a temporary setting, meant to be replaced. I'd be delighted that he thought of a temporary setting to let me wear it while I looked for a "forever" setting.

I still believe the absolute best choice is to talk about it first. Read what most of these women have said....they ALL knew marriage was the path they were on, and none of them were totally surprised. I think for us, the surprise is when/how he asks, and that part of the surprise is intact even if he asks for preference data on the ring.

I thought it was sweet of Rich to find out from me what I'd like instead of guessing. I HATE picking out clothes or jewelry for other people because it's really such an individual thing. It just reaffirms to me how committed he is to being communicative in our relationship.

 

[diamondlil]

When we got engaged, I was only 21. Although we went shopping together and picked the setting, we also looked at several stones, and he made the final choice. Even if it had been a total surprise, I would have been thrilled and worn whatever he chose for me. I was crazy in LUUUUUUUUUUUV!

We've now been married for nearly 18 years.

I'm MUCH more picky about my jewelry now, and he would not dare try to *surprise* me with anything. Lucky for him, when it's my birthday or anniversary, I get just as excited with a card that reads, "buy yourself something special." It works for me!

DiamondLil

 

[Robyn12]

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On 3/19/2004 11:09:10 AM diagonalman wrote:

How do the women on this list feel about that scenario?


Guy finds you the diamond and puts it in simple (inexpensive setting - 14k gold) and presents to you.


THEN you have the opportunity to go and find a setting that you like later?


Side issue: How would you feel when you see the ring for the first time and it's not platinum like you wanted? Would you feel a little dissapointed at the 'event'? ----------------

I am not a big fan of doing it this way. I think it should be a last resort. IMO, it would be anti-climactic to see the ring for the first time, and have it come with a disclaimer and a promise for more... And to have to tell everyone you are engaged, and not have your "real" ring to show with the announcement.

I would rather my bf take a stab at getting something he thinks I'd love... If you have any idea what she'd love (and you probably do) then go for it. If not, maybe it would be worth asking some questions, or taking her to "go looking" so you know what she likes "when the time comes." If you don't want to ruin the surprise, you can always stick with something simple and classic...

But, good luck however you do decide to do it.

 

[dbgaap]

Hey DiagonalMan, my BF mentioned that he is spending almost as much on my e-ring that he spent on his motorcycle.


I know that means he is SERIOUS about me!


hee hee!

 

[AtlantaC]

I am sorta surprised that the results so far are running at 70% picking it out together. I don't consider myself a complete traditionalist (I didn't ask her dad), and I totally understand the desire to get it right. Guess I just felt really confident that we had similar tastes, and that what appealed to me would appeal to her. I love to surprise people. I did hint around early on to find out what stone shape she preferred, but that was it! And I went custom! Yeah, ok, so I sweated a little.

BTW, I'm getting close to figuring out the whole photographing the ring thing. So, the entire engagement tale should be up soon with pics!

Chris

 

[Mara]

DiagonalMan, that is what one of my fiance's friends did! The engagement was broken off so he sold the ring to buy a Harley and then moved to Texas! Ay Carumba!