Visiting family

[poptart]

Well, it seems that some of DH''s family is going to come visit us for his birthday. I feel bad saying that I''m kind of not happy about it, but I told him that if he wants them to come for his birthday, then of course it''s fine. The problem is that his family fights... a lot. My immediate family (which consists of my grandma, mom, and great aunt)never ever fights. I mean, we spat a little but we don''t full out fight. And they do. So anyway, it bothers DH but makes me very uncomfortable, and I was just wondering if anyone else has had families that come and visit and act like this. How do you deal with them? We live far away from our hometown, and so this place really is OURS, but I''m afraid things are going to go awry and really ruin DH''s birthday. Do any of you have thoughts on how to keep the peace, because I really don''t want to stress him out! Thanks!

*M*

 

[Maisie]

I had a relationship before I met my husband. It was long term and obviously I had to spend time with his family. I really couldn''t stand it - not because they fought with each other - but because they didn''t like me. I had to constantly make sure I didn''t say or do the wrong thing incase it set them off. They had no sense of politeness or niceness and would just say what they thought. I remember twice leaving early because I couldn''t cope with their rudeness.

I would say in your situation that you just have to try and keep everyone busy. If they have things to occupy their time they may be less inclined to turn on each other. Maybe even think of things to do separately with them on the pretext of it being a gift or whatever for your DH so it keeps them apart for a while.

Good luck and if it gets too hard just remember they will go away again and you don''t have to see them for ages again

Maisie

 

[sumbride]

My FI''s family fights all the time too. CONSTANTLY. Somebody is always mad at somebody else, and boy can they hold a grudge! They''re constantly interfering in each other''s lives... all up in each other''s business, you might say. My family is the opposite, though sometimes I think it''s because we don''t know each other well enough to bother getting angry. We would never yell or scream or fight. The only time it happens is when my SIL forgets to take her meds...

I don''t even have one of my brother''s phone numbers! When I see him, I''m glad to see him, but we''re not close and I don''t need to talk to him just to talk.

One of the only good things about living near FIs mom is that she doesn''t have to come visit, and when his siblings come to town, they stay with her, not us. Distance is fabulous, but so is never having to roll out the guest bed.

As for what to do? Maybe keep them busy, out of the house, and umm.... slightly intoxicated? Unless that makes it worse! Remind yourself that it isn''t your fault that they are fighting, it''s just who they are, and maybe mentally think of dropping some valium in their morning coffee! The image of them as loosey-goosey slugs might just make you smile enough to get through it.

GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[poptart]

Thanks Maisie and Sumbride! Luckily they won''t be staying at our house, since it''s too small... although DH said he wouldn''t let them stay with us even if we lived in a huge house, haha. They are just always at each other''s throats and I don''t understand it because all of my family is so close and SO laid back. Keeping them busy is a great idea, so I guess I will have to pull out some of our old guide books from when we moved to look up stuff to do. Both DH and I will be working, and won''t be able to take time off, so for part of the day they will definitely have to entertain themselves. I just have to keep reminding myself that they don''t live here and eventually they will be leaving. I can just imagine the fights they will get into though, sheesh!

*M*

 

[anchor31]

Ugh, poptart, I hear you! FI''s parents constantly fight, yell at each other and insult each other (and their children), so it''s not exactly pleasant to be around them!

I agree with sumbride, keep them busy and out of your hair... Even if they fight, they won''t bother you. Good luck!

 

[gailrmv]

I guess just be glad they don''t live in your hometown!
I like my inlaws a lot, but I still don''t particularly look forward to their visits - mostly just because it is a big change in our routine. In laws are so often a challenge!