very bad situation...ATTN WEBDIVA

[Rosebloom]

I am so sorry AN! They call such situations accidents for a reason - it is NO fault of yours at all. You sound like such an awesome and loving mama to your furbabies.

And to those "I-told-you-so" comments - the best you can do is to turn on your "filter" to max - the meaning they're conveying is that they love Layla, and the words, they're just "blah blah blah..."

{{{hugs}}}

This is excellent advice.

I so hope your first day at work goes OK! Starting a new job is so tough and I'm sure this just makes it a million times more so. If you can make it through these next few weeks you'll be in such a better place. Praying for you and your two sweet furbabies!

 

[Matata]

AN...having been through similar situations twice in my life, I do understand the power of your feelings. What my experiences taught me is that animals get over these things in a millisecond and have no concept of blame. Layla loves you as much today as she did yesterday and as much as she will tomorrow. For her, it's over and done and she will adapt and be as happy as ever. You will have to go through the grieving and guilt process in your own way. I still carry guilt with me 14 yrs after the events because I still feel that it was my responsibility to provide a safe home for my animals. That hasn't stopped me from having animals, but it has made me more cautious and diligent about their care. You will have to figure out how your household and lives need to adapt to ensure the safety of both dogs. If there is that much of a size or strength difference between them now, it will only increase as the bulldog grows. Maybe they can't ever be left alone together. You'll have to figure that out and I'm sure you'll do what needs to be done.

In the meantime, go see Layla. She will no doubt pick up on your feelings and she will do what she must do and that is show you that she loves you. She won't understand why you're upset, but she will do her best to comfort you and you should let her. It will help with your healing.

FWIW I believe that lying to your parents is a mistake. The truth always comes out. Better to get it over with than risk even more disharmony in future when they find out what really happened and that you lied about it.

Hugs.

 

[CJ2008]

FWIW I believe that lying to your parents is a mistake. The truth always comes out. Better to get it over with than risk even more disharmony in future when they find out what really happened and that you lied about it.

Hugs.

I have to agree with this...it's an extra burden on you to have to constantly think about making sure you don't "mess up" and reveal something that doesn't go with the story.

Plus, if you say it was at the park, they may ask you about suing, etc.

I say take a deep breath, script out the conversation on paper if you need to so you say exactly what you want to say, no more and no less, and tell the truth, so that it's off your shoulders. However THEY choose to deal with it don't allow yourself to become a part of it. Keep your distance and future conversations short (use the phrase that Circe recommended) until they get over it.

 

[Autumnovember]

hey guys...I am rethinking the prosthesis idea. I don't want her to have any future complications.

I cannot tell you all how much I do not want to lie. I NEVER lie and always strive to be as honest as possible. I need to talk to my sister again. I know for a fact my dad is going to demand I bring Layla to their house and leave her there with them, no matter what story I tell him.

Her not having the eye will take a lot of getting used to for all involved.

Pumbaa The Bulldog will def get heavier but much more calm as he moves out of the puppy phase so I am not too worried about that.

Thank you all again...I am going to keep re-reading responses.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

AN, I thought about Layla all night. I went to sleep thinking about her, and woke up thinking about her. I am praying my hardest for her and she will be in my thoughts everyday.

You are a wonderful person to love Layla sooo much. I can tell from all your posts that she is your life and love. You will be ok and Layla is going to be more than ok because she has you. All she needs is you. Dogs bounce back really well. And with you by her side, she's gonna be even better.

 

[Laila619]

Oh I'm so sorry, AN. Poor Layla.

I'm not sure I would be able to keep the puppy, because how will Layla ever be comfortable or feel safe around him? You know?

 

[yennyfire]

I just came back to check on Layla (and you!). I'm glad to hear that she's doing well (eating and walking around a bit). Before you make a decision on the prosthesis, why don't you wait and see what the dr. says and then find out pros/cons both now and long term.

As for going to see her, there's a part of me that believes that because dogs live in the moment, when you are not with them, they do not "miss" you the way a human would, so you shouldn't see her til you're feeling steadier, because she WILL pick up on your emotions.

The other (larger) part of me, thinks that you need to suck it up and go see her, both for her sake and yours. She will be comforted by your presence and my guess is that when you see how she is (i.e. doing fairly well), that you'll feel better too. Dogs have an amazing sense of compassion. All they want is love. She doesn't remember what happened in the same way you do....all she wants is some snuggle time with Mama....

As for your family, there's NOTHING to blame you for. Accidents happen. They were being supervised. This incident took seconds...the damage was done before you could react. It wasn't negligence on your part. And the puppy was just being a puppy...she wanted a toy. I do agree that you need to figure out how to keep them both safe (maybe no toys for the time being or keeping them separated)? Tell your family the truth and don't act like you did something wrong. Tell them the facts, that you're shattered that it happened, but that it was just an awful accident. If that doesn't work, follow Circe's advice.

My heart goes out to you...I love my furbaby like one of my kids, so I know how I'd feel in this situation. I'm not saying any of it is easy or pleasant, but eventually, you (and Layla long before you) will get past it!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

First of all, I am SO sorry! This really is a freak accident!!! I have experience with both poodles and English bulldogs (20 years) and I will give you my opinion. Our female English bulldog was an only dog, so we never had any issues. But our male lived with a gentle, submissive, female part pit bull and he did have his aggressive moments. The key for us was that the female dog was taller and equal in weight to the male and she could hold her own. I will honestly tell you that I am thinking you will always have to keep them separated if you decide to keep the puppy. He is going to be too big and powerful over a poodle. They could fight over treats as well as toys or anything territorial. I would not be able to handle two dogs that could not be left alone together. I grew up with a poodle, and when we had one ourselves, we had a shih tzu for the second dog which worked perfectly. I am sure this isn't what you want to hear, but better now to think through what you want to do. Maybe you can keep them separated and perhaps you will be fine with that.

 

[yssie]

Autumn, I'm crying as I read this. This is my nightmare come true - the same nightmare I've had too many times to count since we got a puppy of our own a few weeks ago.

This was NOT your fault - you did everything right: toys with supervision, trainer for the puppy - and still the unthinkable happened. I think that's the most terrifying part. But please, please believe us when we say that Layla loves you just as much as she did two days ago. And Pumbaa understands no more than he did two days ago. And - god - even knowing that there was NOTHING you could have done differently, should have known to do differently - well, I can imagine how much it would hurt if Emily hurt one of the cats, and how guilty I would feel

Please go see Layla when you can, for yourself, I really do think you'll feel so much better once you see how precious you still are to her. She's already on the road to recovery and she'll help you heal too.

Huge ::HUGS:: to you and your DH

 

[Autumnovember]

hello -

I am absolutely taking all of this in. I think I need to go see her...my heart is telling me to see her. I think I owe it to her.

As far as both dogs go, I need to speak to the trainer. I do not think I will ever leave them unsupervised for quite some time. Prior to this happening, my trainer discussed a timeline with me. He told me the dog should remain in the crate until at least 1 year of age when not supervised.

Laila, I do not believe that Layla knows what happened or remembers. If I feel she is feeling scared in my home with puppy, I will ask my parents to take her. She has lived there before and is very happy there. I think either way, my parents will want me to give her over to them.

As far as telling my parents the truth...I decided it is best if I do not make up stories. Like I said, I don't lie as I know it causes more problems. In addition, I do not want to live with the guilt of that.

Right now I am most concerned about when Layla gets home. I trust my trainer a lot so I will be seeking a lot of his advice.

Reading the responses has made me cry many times throughout the day but in a good, helpful, feel better kind of way.

 

[Autumnovember]

Ohh Yssie It IS pretty devastating for me. Especially because I loooooooove my dogs so, so, much. They are both great dogs.

I am worrying a lot right now. I don't want to make anymore bad decisions.

 

[JewelFreak]

AN, you will feel better after you see Layla. She will love you as before & be delighted to see you. Your vet's opinion is right -- SHE won't mind having one eye nearly as much as you will.

Thousands of one-eyed dogs live just as happily as those with 2. Layla will be ok in a short time. Now, you must be too.

You're still in shock. My strong advice is to wait before making any decisions about where Layla will live. You're taking on a big burden of guilt that you do not deserve, and in time that will ease. Make choices then.

You are not a child who has to give up her dog when her parents tell her to. Take enough time to know if it's the best thing for her & not "you can't manage a dog so we'll take over." Your parents mean the best, but you don't want to live with that. A little space to get your brain back to normal will help.

Go see her, and for her sake, forgive yourself.

--- Laurie

 

[yssie]

I know, and I'm so, so sorry you're going through this For just a few moments I get a taste of that gut-wrenching guilt and pain in a dream and my heart aches for you. I'm honestly not as worried for Layla - I know her life with you, or with your parents if that's what you choose, will be happy and fulfilled.

I wrote a really long reply but deleted most of it - it was nothing you don't already know or that others haven't already said better. DH and I have fought more in the last month than ever before, I think, about Emily and the cats. There's no maliciousness in her at all, and I know she's just a puppy, but she could really hurt them accidentally... your post hit home and all those ugly fears are coming to the surface I really like everything Laurie has written, and I'm going to try to take it to heart just as I hope you and your DH can. It was NOT your fault. You were as responsible as you possibly could have been.

It was NOT your fault.

You CAN move past this. You SHOULD forgive yourself... let Layla and Pumbaa help you find the strength to do that. The fact that you went home and hugged him tight is testament to how much you love them both, and I really, really do believe that ultimately that's what matters most to them.


I'm really glad that you're going to tell your parents what happened, I agree that that'd be easier for you in the long run, and please don't rush into any decisions about where Layla should live until you've had some time to sort it all out.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Healing vibes across the miles....

kind regards, Sharon

 

[Autumnovember]

I know, and I'm so, so sorry you're going through this For just a few moments I get a taste of that gut-wrenching guilt and pain in a dream and my heart aches for you. I'm honestly not as worried for Layla - I know her life with you, or with your parents if that's what you choose, will be happy and fulfilled.

I wrote a really long reply but deleted most of it - it was nothing you don't already know or that others haven't already said better. DH and I have fought more in the last month than ever before, I think, about Emily and the cats. There's no maliciousness in her at all, and I know she's just a puppy, but she could really hurt them accidentally... your post hit home and all those ugly fears are coming to the surface I really like everything Laurie has written, and I'm going to try to take it to heart just as I hope you and your DH can. It was NOT your fault. You were as responsible as you possibly could have been.

It was NOT your fault.

You CAN move past this. You SHOULD forgive yourself... let Layla and Pumbaa help you find the strength to do that. The fact that you went home and hugged him tight is testament to how much you love them both, and I really, really do believe that ultimately that's what matters most to them.


I'm really glad that you're going to tell your parents what happened, I agree that that'd be easier for you in the long run, and please don't rush into any decisions about where Layla should live until you've had some time to sort it all out.

It's scary to think about your pets getting hurt - my husband mentioned one day that one of them would take an eye out and I kind of just brushed it off. Like always, you never think it could be you. I wish so much this didn't happen. Layla is a rescue dog and I know she has already been through hell and back. I just want her to recover and continue with her happy life. My husband and I fought a lot too over the puppy because it is definitely a big responsibility and it DOES become draining. It becomes even more draining when things don't go according to plan. But that happens a lot. They do get older and better in time so we have to just remember that it is temporary.


I knew it wasn't going to be easy having this kind of dog (in terms of maintenance) but I was willing to do whatever it took to take care of him properly. Sometimes I think about the decisions I made and about my choices to get this puppy. My parents and husband begged me not to do it. I insisted because I really wanted Layla to have a buddy. We work long hours and Layla had been used to having someone home all the time since she was living with my parents for a while when I was finishing school. I think part of me knew I should have just left her there but the other part of me knew she was happy wherever I was too and I wanted her to be with me because of my own selfishness. I missed her too much when she was away. Literally, I would call my parents and forget to ask them how THEY were doing because the first thing I thought of anytime I called was Layla. I knew the day I adopted her that she was meant to be mine and that we would be each others main buddies. I couldn't wait to be done with school so we could finally be together again. She never showed any unhappiness when living here. Even with Pumbaa around. I noticed that in the last month she started taking a back seat to him. He is getting bigger and stronger than her and she was ok with him being the dominant one. Anytime it was time to feed them, he would sit close up to me while I prepared the food and she would sit farther back. I'd go and give Pumbaa his food in the crate and Layla would wait patiently in the kitchen for me. She didn't seem to mind or even care. The same thing went for leashes. Pumbaa usually gets his put on first. Again, she stopped caring about that too. Layla gets the special treatment of sleeping in our bed. She LOVES sleeping next to me, face to face. Pumbaa absolutely doesn't mind sleeping in his own oversized bed on the floor. That actually took 0 training. We bought the bed, and in he went at night time and that was it.

I felt the same way when I got Pumbaa too. Maybe not as strong as I did for Layla because she just looked so helpless in her little corner but regardless.. it felt right at the time. Scary, but right.

And now I'm here. Very emotionally attached to two dogs who I am in love with and two dogs who love me so much more back. Pumbaa is my little shadow.

I spoke to the vet again, they told me Layla is not a candidate for a prosthesis. I am glad the choice has been made for me but the dude upstairs because its not a decision I wanted to make. I knew if we got her one it would be purely for my own benefit and my familys but thats it. It would be a temporary bandaid for me. It is going to be very shocking for me to see her but I know we will all adjust in time. My parents may be very, very upset with me for a while but I know in my *mind* this is not my fault. Try telling my heart that though. I will forgive myself eventually. Right now, I can't. Probably because I know what is going to go through my parents heads.

I desperately want to see her right now but I spoke to the vet asking her advice and she told me that if Layla is the type of dog to get very excited when she sees me (she is!) that its best not to come. She doesn't want Layla to get too excited because of the possibility of rupturing her eye. That is a big big big no no right now. I know myself and I know when I see her little face I won't be able to keep it together seeing her eye like that. I will be a mess. I don't want to upset her. I want her to just stay calm and relax even though my kisses to her would mean the world.

I sat in the back today during the orientation and cried a couple of times. Glad nobody saw.

I came home to Pumbaa and he is busy sleeping right next to me right now. Cried when I saw him too, just thinking about having to possibly give him up is killing me.

I won't make any decisions until I clear my mind.

I just hope and pray that this can all work out and we can all be happy together. All of you who have two dogs have given me hope.

 

[Laila619]

Aww, I'm just so sad for Layla, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. How is your DH taking this?

 

[mrs jam]

AN, big hugs to you and both your babies. I went through this about seven years ago with my shih tzu, Guinevere. To ths day, I still have no idea how she lost her eye. I came home from dinner one night after just moving to Portland, and she came running up to me as soon as I got in the door to press her squeaky bunny against my ankle. When I bent down to pick up her bunny and play our usual game of toss-the-bunny, I almost passed out. One of her eyes looked like it was about to fall right out of its socket. It was the most terrible sight I have ever witnessed. It seemed a long, long ride to the emergency vet that night.

Long story short, we spent a couple of weeks trying to save the eye. After surgery, the emergency vet stitched the eye closed. It looked like Gwenny had a golf ball inside her little head. I've never cried so much in my life, even more than when my mother passed away. After a week or so (I can't quite remember the timeline), they removed the stitches except at the two corners. It was round-the-clock drops and ointment for quite some time. It was obvious after a while that she had not regained sight in that eye, and we kept battling infection, so her vet removed the eye. For months afterwards, and even to this day years later, I fought back tears every time I looked at her sweet little face. She is my baby and my whole world.

The good news is that dogs have no vanity or self pity. As soon as she was able to ditch the e-collar, she was her bouncy, happy self again. It was only her mama that continued to feel sad! She is almost 15 years old now and has a cataract in her remaining eye, so she is basically blind now. She's not a candidate for cataract surgery according to her opthomologist because of the shape of her cornea. Even blind, she is such a happy little girl. I us usually put her e-collar on when she goes outside to play to keep her from bumping into things and possibly hurting her eye. We've had to deal with corneal ulcers from her bumping into things, and that is no fun! She actually uses the e-collar as an antenna and moves her head to and fro as she's walking to feel her way around. My husband calls her our little tank!

You and your baby will get through this, I promise! Yes, you're going to experience some sad moments, but remember, she has no sense of self pity and will be her happy self again! Just love on her like I know you will.

The emergency vet told me that this is scarily common with dogs that have shallow eye cavities. She told me that it has even happened to dogs when they sneeze! The only thing that I can figure is that Gwenny must have jumped from the sofa and landed wrong. She has always been quite the jumper. After losing her eye, I had nightmares for the longest time about her losing her other eye. Whenever she would get frustrated with me, she would bark and open her eye as wide as she possibly could, like she knew exactly how to get me to give her her way!

I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but all will be ok.

 

[Autumnovember]

Aww, I'm just so sad for Layla, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. How is your DH taking this?

Yeah...I'm very, very sad too. He cried when the vet said she would lose her eye but I haven't seen him cry since then. He is upset but I don't think he is upset as I am. Probably because he doesn't feel like this is his fault since he tried to discourage me from getting the puppy.

Here are some pictures:

 

[mrs jam]

Here's a pic of my baby after she recovered from losing her eye:

 

[mrs jam]

Here's a pic of her with one of her big brothers. A difference in size between your two dogs is going to be perfectly ok.

 

[mrs jam]

I hope you don't mind me posting pics here. I just want to show you that your baby will be completely ok once she's healed! You can probably tell from the pics that my dog was as full of mischief as she ever was following her eye surgery!

 

[Autumnovember]

No, I don't mind at all. It is helping me tremendously. Look at her! Still as cute as a button and happy Thank you so much. Post more

 

[Autumnovember]

mrs. jam, how long did the recovery take? did it look really scary? I'm such a whimp

 

[mrs jam]

mrs. jam, how long did the recovery take? did it look really scary? I'm such a whimp

The only really scary part was when they first tried to save the eye. After that surgery, they stitched the eye closed while it healed. It was so swollen, it literally looked like she had a golf ball sewn in her head. After it became obvious that she was not going to be able to keep the eye because of constant infection and the loss of vision in that eye, we had it removed. Honestly and weirdly enough, that was such an easier process. No swelling or constant battle with infection. I don't remember that part taking very long to heal. Now I wish we had just gone ahead and had the eye removed as soon as it had happened to make it easier on her, but of course hindsight is 20/20. It won't look scary; it just takes a while to get used to not seeing TWO big eyes looking up at you, you know? It will be easier with your baby, too, because like Gwenny, she has such a hairy little face.

 

[Autumnovember]

mrs. jam, how long did the recovery take? did it look really scary? I'm such a whimp

The only really scary part was when they first tried to save the eye. After that surgery, they stitched the eye closed while it healed. It was so swollen, it literally looked like she had a golf ball sewn in her head. After it became obvious that she was not going to be able to keep the eye because of constant infection and the loss of vision in that eye, we had it removed. Honestly and weirdly enough, that was such an easier process. No swelling or constant battle with infection. I don't remember that part taking very long to heal. Now I wish we had just gone ahead and had the eye removed as soon as it had happened to make it easier on her, but of course hindsight is 20/20. It won't look scary; it just takes a while to get used to not seeing TWO big eyes looking up at you, you know? It will be easier with your baby, too, because like Gwenny, she has such a hairy little face.

Ok, good. This gives me hope that she will quickly recover. I know there will be some heart wrenching moments at first...like when she bumps into things but I hope eventually it won't be so sad for me to see. And yes, getting used to not seeing her two beautiful eyes looking back at me will be very difficult for me. Everyone always used to comment on how pretty her eyes were. She has the longest lashes I have ever seen in my life on any dog. I wonder if she will still have some lashes there. I'm thankful she is so furry...that really does help a lot with the way it will look, except I have to wait for it to grow back since they're shaving around her eye

 

[mrs jam]

Here's some more

 

[mrs jam]

My little toughie!

 

[Autumnovember]

Oh my gosh, I love!

Those pictures made me smile. Still so happy, the most important part of it. Screw the eye..shes so cute either way.

 

[JewelFreak]

Mrs. Jam, you are an angel! What adorable pics & wonderful illustration that Layla will live just as happy a life as your little lover. She looks like a joy.

Layla probably won't do very much bumping into things, AN. Depth perception is affected with one eye, but she'll still be able to see ok. The brain also compensates to a degree, learning to interpret depth via the other eye, and hearing enters into that some too.

I've seen articles about one-eyed dogs who do Agility -- running a course, jumps, going through tunnels, climbing, etc., believe it or not -- and that takes real depth perception; they manage. I hate to see you stress (easy to say!) because I guarantee that in a month or less, your girl will be as happy & full of fun as ever.

Big hugs!

--- Laurie

 

[mrs jam]

I'm so glad Gwenny's pictures help to ease your fears a bit! It will be ok, I promise. It will really take more getting used to for you than for her. Like Laurie wrote, I didn't notice Gwenny bumping into things anymore than she did before she lost her eye.

Dogs are amazingly resilient and quick to find joy. We can learn a lot from our fur babies!