Vent: reflecting on my wedding makes me cry (long)

[VRBeauty]

Aprilcait:

I was hurt for you when I read about your disappointment with your father at your wedding, not to mention your sister''s abandoning you and your mother''s harping. And I gotta say... you should give yourself a great big pat on the back for having formed a solid, open, honest relationship with your hubby... and for having enough faith in yourself (and each other) to take that walk down the aisle... despite the messages you''ve been getting from your parents all these years and the examples they''ve given you.

Congratulations on your marriage!

 

[noelwr]

unfortunately you can''t change the past, but you can definitely make your own future!

I propose that on your 1st year anniversary you and hubby go and renew your vows (I know it''s a bit soon but hear me out) somewhere on a beach where you can wear a simple white dress and dig your toes in the warm sand. it will just be about the two of you and you''ll have a wonderful memory of the two of you loving one another.

 

[sunnygirl]

Aprilcait - I just read your post for the first time and I totally started crying. I completely understand what you are saying and don''t think you are out of line at all. I''m really really sorry you had those experiences. I don''t have a very good relationship with my dad either, although for some reason he doesn''t seem to realize this. He basically has caused some sort of drama and "ruined" every major event of my life - my high school grad, college grad, med school grad, etc etc. Why should I think my wedding will be any different? I am prepared for some sort of drama from him but I realize I can''t control him. All I can do is have fun with my FI and try to ignore anything he tries to stir up. (I also had a long talk with my mom about just ignoring him if he tries to rile her up too - they are divorced obviously.) I am having them both walk me down the aisle, although I would have it be just her if I didnt think it would just cause more problems. i dont want a father/daughter dance and I haven''t decided about the toast part. So bottom line, I really feel for you and I understand. There are many times when I wish I had a great relationship with my dad but then I remind myself that I have a fantastic mom, wonderful brother, and absolutely wonderful FI who is the complete opposite of my dad and that is a lot to be thankful for.

So I think it is fine to reflect and not feel great about it now - but just keep reminding yourself of the great things you have and in time, the sad feelings will fade.

PS Just to show you how fab my dad is - he got mad at me about something yesterday, ignored my phone calls, and called my brother to tell him he didnt want to see me (either of us actually - why punish my brother?) today for father''s day. Nice huh?

 

[ericad]

Perhaps this will help you feel better - like being part of a club or secret society - you're not alone!

Ten years later, I still cringe when reflecting on my wedding. We were young, DH was here on an expired visitor visa from France, everyone thought our marriage was a scam so he could stay in the country. When in all honesty, it was a love at first sight, whirlwind romance! I'll never regret the haste with which we decided to marry - I just wish I hadn't tried to please everyone around me with a traditional wedding.

No one took it seriously, and like your wedding my bridesmaids ditched out during dinner (with some single male guests) and crashed the reception next door (ours was a sophisticated small group of close friends and family whereas the wedding reception going on next door sounded like a rave).

The first 10 minutes of the wedding video guest interviews includes one of my drunk bridesmaids saying, "We made a bet and I say it'll last 6 months, but this marriage better last longer than that because I can't afford to be in another one of Erica's weddings!" Poor DH was mortified when he saw that

I could go on and on. Needless to say, I'm no longer in touch with any of these people and, 10 years with DH and one beautiful DD later, I look back on it all and feel grateful that I was able to see everyone's true colors. Those who supported us were our true friends, but sadly most did not. I still don't like looking at our wedding album, though, because it brings back painful memories. But I love looking at our honeymoon pics, and subsequent vacation/family photos of all our wonderful years together, proving everyone wrong.

I'm so sorry to hear that your wedding resulted in similar feelings. At first, thinking about my wedding day brought me to tears also, but that has long passed and I'm now at a place where I can (almost) laugh about it. Chin up - you are beautiful and have your future with DH to look forward to, so stay focused on that.