URGENT - could be a show stopper

[Appreciative-of-expertise]

My girlfriend and I recently hit an all time low with a lot of things happening with children, ex''s getting remarried, job stress, etc. I had worked this forum for the past 6 mos to create the ring that I thought my girlfriend would never feel happier about. I anticipated a story book tale. The recent stress that has hit our relationship has made her question its strength. Therefore, I shared with her that I had been designng a ring for her based on what I knew that she liked from some general conversation about rings. We''ve dated for 4 years. Though she has expressed her desire to take the relationship further, we never formally talked about it. Therfore, I thought this would be the surprise of a lifetime.

Well, it has backfired. When she learned of this journey, she was angry and stated that "no body should pick a ring out by themself.....it''s something that should be discussed and done together...." This ring is being custom designed. I had thought that she would custom design the bands for both of us. By the way...the ring totals out at slightly over 4ct with a 3ct princess center.

I had thought that it was probably about a 50/50 split between those who surprised their soon-to-be fiancee vs. those who worked together on this. Can someone share some comments on this matter? It may mean a lot to my relationship.Thanks!
Frank

 

[pqcollectibles]

OH NO, Frank!!

There's no real statistics type of answer to your question.

There are a lot of guys that come on here, buy a fabulous diamond, and set the stone in a simple setting. Sometimes, that's the permanent setting. Sometimes the gal upgrades to her dream setting.

There are lots of gals that come here to choose their diamond and ring themselves. The guy could care less what she picks. He gives her his budget and lets her shop if she wants something better than a Maul store ring.

There are lots of couples that shop together. Both the guy and the gal are deeply involved in the whole process from beginning to end.

I do hope the rough patch you are experiencing in your relationship is something you both work thru.

 

[verticalhorizon]

That is a terrible story... and quite frankly (please do not take offense) that would make me a little upset at her reaction.

Here you are, trying to something romantic, and she scolds you?

Of course, on the other hand, I totally do not mind if our girls gently hint at what they like.

"Oooh, look at her ring," or "I like those Radiants over there," or "I hate that, I hope Enrique comes to his senses, he would never buy me that engagement ring."

There are all sorts of things girls can do to make sure we men don't screw it up.

Personally, I would rather select the ring myself (which I am doing). But I wish my GF would be a little more helpful. MAYBE I'm being a little TOO covert and she has no idea?!

I ALSO have no problem with women who want to design their own ring. Totally ok with that too. They have to wear it. But to get mad at you for it? I dunno.

 

[sumi]

My husband designed my e-ring with absolutely no input from me. I don't have many married friends, but of my two girlfriends who are married, only one woman had input in her ring.

My husband and I had discussed marriage a lot, but I was completely surprised by my engagement and my ring. I LOVE the fact that he put so much effort in to designing something for me that he thought I would love. I LOVE the fact that he came up with this all by himself, it makes the ring SO SPECIAL to me.

I certainly hope that your GF will come around. You were only trying to give her a wonderful surprise.

 

[strmrdr]

Run away

*Flame resistant suit on*
Who wants to marry a shrill controll freak?
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who reacts like that?
It sounds like the relationship is on the rocks anyway.

 

[mike04456]

Ouch. You have my sympathies.

For what it's worth, I did everything myself. My wife has never complained, and in fact, has said repeatedly that she loves her ring precisely because it's something I picked out and designed.




I kind of agree with strmrdr and diagonalman--I would be really hurt at that kind of reaction after all the months of work you've been doing here. But everyone is different--there is no right answer here. You may just have to chalk this up to bad luck.

 

[alexah]

Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly when she snapped at you?
You did mention you've both been under stress? Maybe it was a bad time?
And perhaps once she finds out how much time & effort you've put into it, she'll appreciate it...?

 

[Patty]

Oh no, Frank, I'm sorry to hear this!

You say you two have been having a lot of stress in your lives lately. Maybe some of that is coming out in her reaction. Maybe the fact that stresses out of your control are influencing your lives makes her crave some control over this whole engagement/ring process.

I hope that she calms down and realizes how much time and care you have put into this because you love her.

 

[PMR]

Maybe she doesn't realize how much research you have done and she's worried that you will make the wrong decision. I often wish my husband would take control of certain situations and surprise me, especially if he did a lot of research beforehand. Good luck!

 

[glitterata]

It doesn't matter what WE say here--even if every single man here picked the ring without a word of input from his girlfriend, it's not about us. This is about the two of you. I bet it's not even about the ring, it's about what the ring represents in your relationship. Perhaps she feels as if she doesn't have enough say into your life together. Perhaps she feels as if her entire life is spinning out of her control. These are just guesses off the top of my head, though--the only way for you to find what's really going on out is to talk to her about it.

If you love each other, you can work things out. Just make sure you focus on what really matters--each other, yourselves, your families, your lives--and not on the external symbols, like rings. Be willing to see each other's points of view, and be willing to compromise.

I know this is very vague advice, but it comes from the heart. I wish you guys all the strength and love you need to get through this difficult patch.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Glitterata has made some good points.

 

[Robyn12]

I think it's very romantic for a man to surprise a woman with an engagement ring. Your intentions were good. You've spent months of your life trying to create a ring for her, that you thought she would love. You were trying to make her happy. IMO, she should love it even more because you put so much love into having it made for her.

I think most men surprise women with engagement rings. The majority of the women I know, had no say what-so-ever in the details of the ring, nor did they know it was coming. And they are all happy with their rings. I think traditionally, buying a ring is something for the man to do alone, and I don't think a man should be faulted for it.

In my case, I am very picky and into diamonds so I have let my boyfrined know what I like -- but I want the actual final ring to be designed by/picked out by him, so there is some of him in it too, and there is some surprise for me. A part of me wishes I had let the whole thing be a surprise... there are pros and cons either way...

But at the end of the day, there must be a lesson in this for your relationship. I really think you should be commended for your efforts, not the opposite, but next time I'd be sure to get her opinion on big things, before moving forward without it.

Good luck! I hope eveything works out for you.

 

[finerthings]

Oh no, I'm so sorry Frank, you must be just devastated. There has been some good advice given, all I can add is try not to over-react to her outburst because that will surely make matters worse. Over the next few days maybe things will become clearer in your mind as to what you want to do. Take care.

 

[Daniela]

----------------
On 3/18/2004 3:58:33 PM strmrdr wrote:

Run away


*Flame resistant suit on*

Who wants to marry a shrill controll freak?

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who reacts like that?

It sounds like the relationship is on the rocks anyway.----------------

I would like to point out that there have been hundreds of guys who have come through Pricescope wanting to take care of every little detail of the engagement diamond, ring, and proposal themselves, with no input from their girlfriends, and not once have they been called "shrill control freaks". (And I might add that the adjective "shrill" reeks of a gendered insult, for those who are interested). However, here we have a woman who would have wanted to voice her opinion on her engagement ring, and she gets labelled.

Bad Storm!

AOE, I think the tone of her response was likely fuelled by anger and frustration that may not have been related to the upcoming engagement at all, but as others have pointed out, rather to the other situations in your life together. Try re-broaching the subject when the vibe is positive and communicative, and it's possible that you might get a different response. Remember that you love her and give her the benefit of the doubt. And even if in all honesty she would have preferred to help with the ring, that doens't make her a bad person.

Daniela

 

[Mara]

Sorry to hear about this Frank

Very disappointed in her reaction actually. I would melt all over the place if my guy did something as special as you are doing for her. Maybe as the others noted it was just an overly emotional moment that backfired.




I think that most people (NOT Pscopers) choose and design the ring for the big surprise. Since when does the majority of people out there expect to be involved in something like this? It was a nice surprise for me to be involved, but everyone I know was engaged the old fashioned way, he proposed with a ring and she said yes. I think that it's more new age to have the couple be both involved, and most of us here on Pscope are nuts about that kind of thing, hence why the recent poll shows more involved doing it together...




But in no way can I justify her anger towards you on such an emotional piece (and at such an emotional time). After all the hard work you have done and all the excitement. Hopefully it was just a stressful moment that will pass, and you can both be happy once again. Relationships are difficult but just remember that you found each other in the sea of life and you should cherish each other and what you have found. Everything happens for a reason, including this, and I wish you both only the best in mending the relationship. If you have been together for 4 years, that takes a tremendous amount of love and strength, the past will help see you through the present and into the future. Love may not conquer all but if you have it, it helps you get through the tough times and once again learn to appreciate the good.

 

[ringbling17]

I have to say that although I did pick out this ring that I got, if my husband had picked it out and gone through as much work and detail as you and some other guys on this board have, I would be so impressed and speechless.

The only reason why I found this board is because my husband is so not into this type of stuff and could seemingly care less.
Although I know he loves me in his own ways and shows me in many different ways, I know jewelry is really not his thing.

So, I have to commend all you guys out there who have taken the trouble to do all this research and to finding the perfect diamond and setting for your fiancees'.


I am really sorry to hear that this is going on right now in your lives. I hope that you can work everything out and you can eventually give her the ring and marriage of her (and your) dreams.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Hi there,

First of all, your idea was wonderfully sweet and romantic, and I hope she comes around and can see that.

My boyfriend knows what setting I want, but he gets to pick the metal. He did ask once why he didn't get a say in it -- my reply was that it mattered A LOT to me, and I really didn't think it mattered as much to him (if it did, I would give him more say). However, where we live matters more to him, and what kind of music we have at the wedding and the reception matters more to him, so he has more say in those things. I just want veto power if I absolutely hate something, but I figure he will direct us to the options that he likes. So the point is, I think different things are right for different couples. My sister doesn't give two straws about jewelry, so her husband designed her an engagement necklace without any input from her.

[Note: I don't know you or your girlfriend, so my analysis is worth at most two cents] Does your girlfriend often react this way? I hope that there is something underlying this reaction -- like stress caused by something else. Because from the way you described it, it sounded absolutely inconsiderate. Maybe her doubts about your relationship are so strong that she is using this ring thing as an "out" or a test? However, if this is how she often responds, maybe her doubts about your relationship are founded. My boyfriends parents just divorced after thirty years, and his mother was a consummate overreactor. I saw her cry and yell about things that weren't anyone's fault many times, and that's just when company was there! His dad is so much better off without someone who manipulates and abuses others with her emotions.

My boyfriend and I have gotten to the point where even when we disagree, we can both see the other's side, and arguing is pretty moot. Sometimes you need to vent a little, but then you figure out what can be changed and what can't, and what should be revisited and what shouldn't. Having my boyfriend tell me that he had been designing a ring for me would have made me so excited (to know for sure he was planning to propose) that it would have outweighed my disappointment at not getting the setting of my choosing.

I don't really see how proving to your girlfriend that her blanket statement about how "nobody should buy a ring without consulting his girlfriend" is wrong will solve anything. First of all, who cares if that's what everyone does? This is jewelry, not life and death. Her statement was irrational to begin with. (This is why my boyfriend and I can't argue -- I'm like a Vulcan, so after maybe an initial minute of irrational grumpiness, I can no longer say anything that I know doesn't make sense even if it's how I feel).

However, if you really truly love her, and her overreacting is just a fluke or a lovable foible, then maybe you should consider chucking your design (if you can even do that at this point) and offering to let her in on the decision process. Now that you know that she isn't happy with it, you need to respond accordingly. I have always remembered that my dad told me that the key to a relationship is being able to recognize and respond appropriately when something is important to that person that isn't necessarily important to you. Of course, we can all hope that her response will be, "No, I was just taken by surprise, your plan sounds lovely. Let's do that," but I think you should acquiese as much as possible if you're totally sure that it's meant to be.

 

[diane5006]

Bummer Frank...hopefully she was just angry when she blurted it out...

Every couple is different...I did all the work for mine...and he was happy to let me do it...but that is us...and it worked for us

Some do 50/50...others have one party do all of the work

If her issue that she thought is was 50/50 and it wasn't she may be stressed as you say...or she may fell like you made a major decision without her...

Since we have been watching how hard you were working on this ring we know what your intentions were...as I am sure she does...at some level

Perhaps there is someway for you to share with her that you want this 'gift' to be from you solely as an indication of your love for her...or something like that...

Or if that doesn't work perhaps you can involve her in the process by showing her how much work you have done...and suprise her wiht the final product...

Best of luck

 

[Chas_T]

Frank,

I am sincerely sorry about the chaos and assaults in your life. It appears to me that you and your GF have directly or indirectly discussed various aspects of your relationship, which includes marriage. As you know, couples sometimes communicate in an indirect manner and only they can interpret what their partner's words and body language convey.

I've learned that material things such as diamonds do not make a relationship healthy nor are they an avenue to longevity. My best guess is you and your GF would have tastes that are somewhat similar when it comes to specific purchases in your life. I also would think in the area of jewelry after being together for a prolonged period, you'd have a handle on what she likes or dislikes.

I find it hard to believe that you would be chastised for spending time researching, being creative with the setting and providing your GF a total stone weight of 4 ct's that she would be disappointed or angry. This is where diffusion comes into play IMHO as relationships are about dedication, understanding, love and appreciating the other person's good intentions, no matter what the outcome. Your intentions from my perspective are honorable. Your intent was/is to show your GF that you love her and are willing to spend the time to research and purchase a ring. She should be happy you are not like many others who I know that may say, "Just pick out what you want and I'll pay for it."

Every relationship has it own set of unique dynamics and perhaps yours is much different from mine. However, the vast majority of women that I have interacted with in my life would never have reacted in this manner. Perhaps in time, she will realize that you wanted to surprise her. I just think if you do not have a feel for her acceptance of your proposal and how she would react to your purchase after 4 years, then communication skills need to be honed. Remember, it truly is not about the ring size or setting. It's about the love you share and the way you react to the game of life together.

Good Luck,
Charles

 

[pqcollectibles]

----------------
On 3/18/2004 4:05:14 PM alexah wrote:

Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly when she snapped at you?
You did mention you've both been under stress? Maybe it was a bad time?
And perhaps once she finds out how much time & effort you've put into it, she'll appreciate it...?----------------

This and many other comments are very good. We don't know the dynamics of both your past and present relationship. I can also understand the guys who expressed their feelings of hurt if this had happened to them. That's probably where you are right now.


At 5:01:41 PM on 3/18/2004, Daniela wrote:

"I would like to point out that there have been hundreds of guys who have come through Pricescope wanting to take care of every little detail of the engagement diamond, ring, and proposal themselves, with no input from their girlfriends, and not once have they been called "shrill control freaks". "


Yes, we do counsel guys that come here to purchase their e-ring. I can't count the times we've noted to fella's, "What shape stone does she like?" "What color metal does she like?" "Have a friend/sister/aunt help you by shopping with her to find out what she wants." "If you really don't know what type of setting she wants, go with a low cost, temporary setting and let her decide."


I learned a long time ago, don't fuss at Hubby when I'm not clear headed. It's too easy to say things I don't really mean in the heat of the moment. I have a temper that matches the red hair. Easily ignited and very firey. But, once the words are out, they cannot be taken back. That may be the case with your gal. The stress in your lives may have caused her speak without thinking. Neither of you can undo what has been done. I can well imagine the magnitude of hurt your gal's words have caused.

Take some time. Clear your head. Let her clear her head. See where things go from there.

 

[valeria101]

Just 0.2 more on the pile

It is not insignificant that you brought this up on an open forum... maybe things could get clearer once the heat of the moment dissipates? What can we know from this side of the screen? Wanting to take part in ring-making does not make anyone a 'control freak' (cited from somewhere above). I would not jump to conclusions to say that this 'project' is not the sum total, ultimate metaphor of your relationship. E-ring makers might wish that

No way!

Actually, getting to talk 'business' at a delicate moment might have made things sound much worse. Do you think it would be a good idea to establish whether talking about the ring was just that: a discussion about a piece of jewelry? It may be that your girl did not make it clear that she wanted to take part in this. Maybe she is not a gem and jewelry loud mouth such as myself... but quite particular about this one piece.


Four years... it is along time. Given that you disclosed the ring-making before it is finished there seems to be at least some hint that she can make a choice about it. If offered such opportunity, I would probably try to negotiate to have some input - because jewelry is my terrain. I have not witnessed your discussion, to pick up slight connotations, no one here did.

All I know is that there must be a reason why engagement rings have such 'standardized' characteristics: it is hard to pick the perfect surprise so being traditional helps consensus. Maybe lots of women would like something else than round diamonds, but few would actually insist they hate a round stone. A huge princess cut in a wonderful, but very personal custom ring is no longer a standard decision. And she will be wearing the thing while most people would think the unusual ring is an expression of the wearer's personality and taste.

 

[icelady]

Dear AOE,
I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in at this time.

As hurtful and upsetting as it is right now, you also stated that ex's have gotten married and many other upsetting things have occured causing a lot of turmoil. Give this some time.

As you stated, you have been together for four years. None of us know you and your girlfriend personally, so as some one else pointed out, we don't know the dynamics or history between the two of you. I do know that people do not usually date for four years for no reason at all. There has to be a special bond between you. At least it is worth giving it some time to settle.

When the time is appropriate, have you thought of showing your girlfriend the thread on MM that you started? Now or at least soon would be the time to bring her into it, especially if there are any changes that need to be made!

I am very particular about my jewelry, since I am the one wearing it, it is important that it reflects my expression. I am also very independant, and always have been. That is not to say that if my husband had done the research and had the forethought that you have put into this, that I would not appreciate it. I really would, but I also would appreciate being able to give my input as well.

I hope things will work out between the two of you, just give it some time.

 

[luvmysparklies]

I am very sorry about this turn of events. I have to agree with others who have stated/suggested that maybe your girlfriend spoke in the heat of the moment. I have been following your threads, the ups/almost downs and back ups again and really enjoyed the photos. You have picked one of the top men in his field to actually make the ring and the stones are nothing short of breathtaking. I sincerely hope things can work out for both of you.

To answer your question, I strongly advised my fiance on the things I liked. I selected about 7 different settings and gave him a range in diamond size. He and I both knew nothing of diamonds, cut quality etc. until I began researching online. He and I now have a better appreciation for well cut stones. I wanted to be surprised, but within a clear range of the things I indicated that I liked. It was a tricky feat to strike a balance between giving him specific examples of what I liked vs. "dictating" and not leaving any room for him to feel like a major part of this process too. It was tough to know when "enough was enough" with all the information feeding and let him do his thing.

Again, I am very sorry to learn of this situation and am sending best, and hopeful wishes your way. Take care.
Luv

 

[honeynut]

I have to say... I would not like a 4 carat ring myself , at least not at this point in my life. I have NO idea what your SES is, and I am just a poor student by night, health insurance team leader by day, so anything more than 1, 1.25 carats would be totally overboard. In fact, if my FI bought me 4 carats, I would kill him. We could buy a home (or at least a sizeable portion of one) for that.
That being said, I think the setting matters an awful lot. I went to Robbins Bros to try on settings just cause their selection is so huge (don't worry folks! We didn't buy anything), and out of the thousands of rings in the store (thouuuuusands. What a selection) there was only ONE I wanted. Some I thought I'd love, I didn't like anymore when I tried them on. I may upgrade my diamond at some point, if my life situation changes, but I am going to keep this setting for life because it is a true expression of my tastes, it is classic and elegant and will look beautiful even with a massive hunk of rock in the middle, someday after I get out of law school

I would be worried if I didn't get a say in my ring, because I will be wearing it for the rest of my life. I would have a heart to heart with your honey and ask her what is really on her mind. Hopefully it's not that she doesn't want to get engaged, but just that she would ahve liked to be part of the process, and always assumed she would be. I think a ring is a small thing compared to a marriage, and that is what you're really after, in the end. I hope it works out between you two. Who knows, maybe designing this together will end up being one of the most wonderful experiences of your lives! As a symbol of your relationship, just like the love you share, it's only natural that it comes forth from the both of you.

 

[Mara]

One more thing occurs to me and I don't know if this was mentioned already, but the fact that she flipped out over what to me seems to be not flip-worthy speaks to much deeper underlying issues. You mention relationship issues and stress, I don't know what is going on but that kind of strong reaction seems completely inappropriate to what you were telling her. I could see her wanting to be more involved but to be *angry* about it would completely take me aback. Sometimes people internalize things and then they just explode with no warning.




I would venture to say that the reaction was not really about the ring, but rather possibly about other deeper-seated issues. Maybe she feels like you don't listen to her or don't take her feelings into consideration? Honestly, who knows....but I think you need to sit down and figure it out, definitely. Also, this may sound insane and I don't want to generalize about 'women', but maybe she is PMS'ing. I know some people scoff at that, but I do know people who become entirely irrational and irritable during that time, because their bodies are really affected physically, and heat-of-the-moment things could easily be said, etc.




So there could be a much deeper issue or maybe she just had a really bad day or wasn't feeling well. Only you know and I wish you all the best in sorting things out and hope the end result is a very happy engagement. Good luck Frank!

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Sorry to hear about this- I know I would've been devastated with a similar reaction from my fiance. Designing a ring is so very thoughtful and romantic.

Here's a thought for you- you said that although she'd expressed a desire to move your relationship forward, you guys had never formally talked about it. Perhaps this is why she reacted (undoubtedly in part due to all those stressors you mentioned) the way she did- because to go from never really discussing marriage seriously to all of a sudden hearing that you're designing a ring for her is a big step in my opinion. I'm not excusing her reaction and the hurt she caused you, but I know if I were her, I would feel like a MAJOR life-altering decision (to get married) had been made already without my knowledge, consent, input, etc., and yes, that would make me feel really upset, pressured, and helpless. And so she lashed out at the ring. Just like those other stressors- exes remarrying, job stress, children- are out of her control as well.

But, like other people here have said, this isn't about anyone else but the two of you. Good luck to you and I really hope things work out for you!

 

[Buena Girl]

Just a thought:
(Sorry, short on time, I really hope this does not come out blunt!! Also, did not read all posts)

I think I read in the MM thread that you were surprised by an email from MM that you weren't seeing eye to eye and that you should discontinue working together. Turned out to be miscommunication. However, you seemed shocked and a tad dramatic. Your personality, as it comes out in your writing, seems easily swept into the highs and lows of life. Highs are very high. Lows are very low. Maybe it's just how I read the words?

Do you ever get so focused on a project it's hard to concentrate on anyone else's oppinions or thoughts? Sometimes you think they are agreeing with you when they are not? I have a friend like this, and she is completely surprised sometimes at people's reactions. It takes very harsh and dramatic statements and actions to get her attention sometimes. She gets caught up in the highs and lows of life and it takes something big to get her attention, especially when she is trying to do something for you.

Maybe you dramatically over reacted to something your girlfriend said, causing her reaction, etc., etc. Possibly the same thing happened while you were trying to work with MM?? It's easy to get caught up in my friend's drama, even when I try not to. Other people can sometimes be swept along for the ride.

Maybe sit down with your girlfriend, let her say anything she wants to say, hold her hand and just listen to her. Have your full and complete attention on her. Don't say a word, not one word. Just have a calm, placid face. Stoic, but with a caring smile? Very relaxed and non reactionary.

Sorry-> long and confusing post. I hope some small part of it is helpful. Maybe I should not post it?? It's just, your personality sounds so much like my friend's and your situation is very serious. I typed quickly, so I hope this did not come out blunt or tackless. I don't know you personally. I just thought explaining a little about what I have seen and experienced may help.

Good Luck!!!

 

[Appreciative-of-expertise]

Hey all!
I want to gratefully say "Thank You" for all the advise and kind words that you all have provided. My intent when I published this thread was to gain a better understanding of my feelings, which I did. My intent was not to build a case to argue with my girlfriend but perhaps to help bring some broader perspective to her thoughts.

The funny thing about this whole scenario is that I never became mad at her. I did feel hurt by a number of things but your posts helped me to focus on the two of us and not just on the symbolic. Some of you suggested that some of the stress outliers may have played a direct part in her response to me. I suspect that they do but I guess there is also an opportuniting for us to shore up our relationship. We've talked a lot lately and we will continue to work this out together.

The past few days have granted me time to do a lot of soul searching along with reflecting on the posts to this thread. In turn, I have now formed my personal feelings on this whole issue on who does what with an engagement ring. As I have often said to others - feelings are just that - feelings. There are no right feelings or wrong feelings, so please accept my following comments as just "my feelings."

I thought of many analogies to help explain the lens that forms my feelings......
When a musical artist writes a love song for another, it is his or her emotions and love that form that song and it is based on what that songwriter knows of the other....When an artist paints a masterpiece and dedicates it to someone, it is created with the painter's emotion and his or her knowledge of the likes of the recipient....When a sculpter uses his or her hands to form a piece of art to forge a gift to another, it is done with emotion and knowledge of what the sculpter believes the recipient would enjoy. I believe that when a man offers a woman a ring to be his fiancee, it too is similar to the above. It is a gift and it should not matter of color, size, cost but be accepted as the symbolic gesture of what it is intended to be. None of these examples are a business deal, a joint venture, etc They are simply expressions of love and feelings.

I also thought a lot about the above analogies and what it would feel like if the recipient said - hey wait, this isn't right because we didn't do this together. Or, this isn't big enough or expensive enough or whatever someone could muster up. Now for some of us males who know they generally miss the boat or lack the desire to do this stuff, then I think it is perfectly fine to reach out to others or to relinquish the whole kibbittle. I, personally, just don't see "the ring" as being a piece of jewlery - like some accessory piece to what one is wearing. And, I don't think my girlfriend does either. This is why I agree with the forum's advise that I'm most likely facing a symptom of the problem and not the root of the matter.

As it related to our situation, I worked off what she had shared with me and others regarding her likes and dislikes and I've always been praised by her for knowing her likes so well. As we work through our challenges, I am sure we will have a heart-to-heart talk regarding my "feelings" as well as her "feelings." Thanks again, all, for being there! Regarding the next steps with the ring, only time will tell. I may have some interesting pics to post in the future of ring options- LOL--

I've attached a pic of myself and of my beautiful girlfriend to bring some faces to our names.

Regards,

(PS - just came back from an awesome picnic with the sweetie

 

[valeria101]

----------------
On 3/20/2004 6:48:50 PM Appreciative-of-expertise wrote:


When a sculpter uses his or her hands to form a piece of art to forge a gift to another, it is done with emotion and knowledge of what the sculpter believes the recipient would enjoy.

----------------

Wow, there are not too many 'faces' we know on Pricescope

You seem to have allot on your hands, including a great ring

The sentence cited above caught my sight. The metaphor could be coldheartedly brought one step deeper, I guess. There are so many art gifts which end up in storage: art is probably the most difficult and delicate gift to give. If the artist is the giver, all is even more complicated - since the giver's sensibility is also of concern, not just his taste. Trust, taste, courtesy make a difficult but rewarding negotiation terrain.

I don't know if you have the occasion to ask a painter about such gifts: they would have terrific stories to tell

 

[Mara]

Frank, you both look incredibly happy in that picture! Your girlfriend is very beautiful. Wish you both the best of luck..keep us posted.