upset...

[upsetmistress]

my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years proposed to me, he even let me pick out my ring...i instantly fell in love w/ a simple 2 karat ring. he told me it sparkled like my smile...(romantic right?) 3 weeks after i got my ring, he broke up with me for a girl i work with...this whole time he had been cheating on me!!!!!!!!

what an @$$

 

[KBerly]

3 1/2 yrs??? omg, i am so sorry. i would find a new job, give the ring back, and thank goodness you didn't marry him!

 

[Todd07]

Thank good you didn't get married.




Check out the web site www.theregoesthebride.com

 

[Brian Knox]

Some day you should be happy about this.

Try to make this some day sooner rather than later.

It is your decision to make.

 

[Yupi]

I'm sorry to hear that. But did you ask why he bought you that ring in the first place? If it was out of his love for you, you don't need to return the ring.

 

[Momoftwo]

I'm sorry he was such a heel. The rule of thumb on breakups is if he breaks up with you, you get to keep the ring. It was a promise to you that he broke. You owe him nothing. I would not give it back, but I would sell it, not to keep the money, but to donate to a charity.

 

[Todd07]

----------------
On 10/11/2004 8:32:25 AM Momoftwo wrote:





I'm sorry he was such a heel. The rule of thumb on breakups is if he breaks up with you, you get to keep the ring. It was a promise to you that he broke. ----------------

This is wrong advice.!! The general LEGAL rule of thumb is an e-ring is a conditional gift that becomes the property of the woman upon marriage. If you break-up, courts usually rule it's the guys property and must be returned regardless of who broke the engagement

 

[reena]

----------------
On 10/11/2004 10:03:33 AM Todd07 wrote:

----------------
On 10/11/2004 8:32:25 AM Momoftwo wrote:





I'm sorry he was such a heel. The rule of thumb on breakups is if he breaks up with you, you get to keep the ring. It was a promise to you that he broke. ----------------

This is wrong advice.!! The general LEGAL rule of thumb is an e-ring is a conditional gift that becomes the property of the woman upon marriage. If you break-up, courts usually rule it's the guys property and must be returned regardless of who broke the engagement

----------------

perhaps. but the overwhelming chances are, the creep isn't going to take her to court over it. ("well, your honor, i know i was cheating on her with her best friend, but i reallllly need that ring back . . .") i say screw him, honey. that's what he gets for cheating on you. i'm sorry to hear about your experience but you're much better off! hock that baby and go shopping!

 

[sevens one]

Oh my= I am so happy you found out about his ugly, dark side now.
Better now than 2.5 kids and 8 years later.

Time heals
Take some time for yourself. It's hard now but it will get better.

What a creep! (but you're better off!)

 

[kevinng]

Whatever you do, don't return the ring to him. A friend of mine returned the ring to her ex-fiance after he cheated on her while he was on a business trip, and then told her that 'he did not love her anymore'. Well... that's the last she saw of it. He took it back quite readily too.

 

[Todd07]

Upset,


I say keep the ring as collateral if you owes you any money what so ever!




If he doesn't owe you money then don't be vindictive as that doesn't help you heal. You could check with a lawyer as the laws on this vary by state. Only if your state deems the ring to be your property should you keep it.




I'm a little dissapointed in the advice from other PS members! I expect next you'll be telling her how to ruin his car by putting sugar in the gas tank - that would really teach the cad/loser a lesson!!

 

[JimDiamond]

Has the jerk had the guts to ask for the ring? I don't think I'd volunteer it in any event. You may want to throw it at him and you may not want even the money from selling because it may feel like dirty money. I like momoftwo's idea of donating the money to a charity. If you do just be careful that Todd07 is not right about legally having to give the ring back--or else you might have to pay him back and that would not feel good at all. Whatever you do save any PROOF you have of his cheating. I don't know about that legal point of the court's requiring the ring to be given back. Even if it is true, he'd have to decide to actually take you to court. So I say hold on to the ring for a while and see what happens. He was a colossal pig to give you a ring and be cheating all the while.

 

[kevinng]

What happens if you put sugar in the gas tank?

 

[kevinng]

Yes, there was this news in the local papers about a girl who dropped her diamond ring into a donation box. She was never identified. I suppose her story would be similar.

 

[Momoftwo]

My advice was not about vindictivenes. I thought the ring could be put to better use than back in the hands of someone who has no real use for something that stands for that type of commitment. I just don't get why someone would propose knowing he had no intention of following through. I've heard of these cases going to court before, but you really have to be evil to try to get a ring back after than kind of stunt. Also, I believe an engagement ring is a gift. Do you really think it's okay to ask for any gift back? I hope he's too ashamed of himself to do so.

 

[Todd07]

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On 10/11/2004 12:23:02 PM kevinng wrote:





What happens if you put sugar in the gas tank?

----------------

Heard of this revenge tactic many years ago when I was a teenager. It's supposed to ruin the engine, but I've also heard it has no ill effect long term but the recipient may need to have the gas tank flushed out.

Net, there are many ways to be vindicitive when you've been wronged but I don't suggest breaking the law. Personally, I'd let people know he's a liar/cheat/cad/loser. Then move on.

As I mentioned in my first post - www.theregoesthebride.com is a site dedicated to people in this situation. It's a much better site for support on this subject.

 

[Blueman33]

Be the better person.

Don't put sugar in his tank. Don't take the ring. Right or wrong, the law says the ring goes back.

Don't consider if he will sue you or not, do the right thing and obey the law. Not to mention avoid being called a theif by your ex and avoid ANY perception of ANY wrongdoing at all.

In the long run you will feel better for being the honest, upright person.

No revenge. Don't keep the ring. Move on.

EDIT: I don't know you are required to volunteer the ring. If he doesn't ask for it, I am sure there is a holding period (statute of limitations), that after which it would become yours. Sell it and give the money to charity, and there is a chance you will have to give him the value of the ring.

HEY, IF YOU WANT A TINY BIT OF 'AFFECT', WHY DON'T YOU RETURN IT TO HIS MOM..hee hee

 

[Blueman33]

<
Also, I believe an engagement ring is a gift. Do you really think it's okay to ask for any gift back? I hope he's too ashamed of himself to do so.----------------[/quote]



It is not a gift. Todd is correct. It is conditional upon marriage.

 

[Todd07]

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On 10/11/2004 12:44:25 PM Momoftwo wrote:





My advice was not about vindictivenes. I thought the ring could be put to better use than back in the hands of someone who has no real use for something that stands for that type of commitment. I just don't get why someone would propose knowing he had no intention of following through. I've heard of these cases going to court before, but you really have to be evil to try to get a ring back after than kind of stunt. Also, I believe an engagement ring is a gift. Do you really think it's okay to ask for any gift back? I hope he's too ashamed of himself to do so.
----------------

Regardless of what you or I believe is right, the law tends to recognize an e-ring as a conditional gift. The guy she described sounds capable of going to court for an expensive ring.

The other advice of keeping the ring until it's asked for seems fair. After 6 months it might be OK to sell or have the stone repurposed as a pendant, etc.

Even if she gives the ring back, the guy is out some bucks! The new GF will want a different ring and he can't sell it for what he paid.

Another aspect - my insurance agent said Chubb did not insure e-rings until after marriage since too many rings disappear with failed engagements. If he has insurance, he may just claim a loss and get a full refund. Better he keeps the ring and eats the resale loss.

 

[innerkitten]

If he was really that much of a jerk and cheated on you with a friend from work I say keep it.
P.S The woman he cheated on you at work with is a jerk too. What was she thinking?

 

[Alice in DiamondLand]

How awful. But what a blessing to find out sooner than later. It's been my experience that sometimes the worst things that we think are happening to us are the best things that happen to us.

Take care of yourself, and what ever you do, *don't* take the jerk back. You deserve better. In my opinion, his actions have spoken louder than his words. The quality of love that's sustaining for the long run doesn't do that sort of thing.

All that been said my dear, I am really sorry for the heart ache and confusion you must be feeling right now. Just remember that pain does have a beginning, middle and end. When you are going thru hell, remember to keep walking. You will get through to the other side.

 

[Momoftwo]

I didn't mean to open a can of worms, but I know a few women who may have "broken" the law by keeping a ring they were given. How funny that he gives her a two carat diamond ring and she has to give it back when he decides it's over, but, say he'd given her a car instead, he'd have a really difficult time getting that back if it was in her name.

I would never suggest doing anything to his car. That is truly vindictive and vandalism at the very least. My feeling is that keeping something that's given to you is not. I also don't know that it's actually illegal everywhere, just some court decisions have come down that way.

Interestingly enough, in British Columbia, Manitoba and Ontario, whoever breaks up forfeits the ring.

Texas law states that the conditional gift rule assumes there is not a binding agreement should the marriage not occur, i.e., they agree that if they break up the ring goes back to the purchaser, otherwise the recipient keeps it if they didn't do the breaking up. Montana courts came down on the side that it's an unconditional gift and doensn't have to be returned. Pennsylvania and apparently also Kansas says the ring goes back to the "donor" regardless of the reason for the breakup. So, I guess the best thing to do is check the laws and/or court cases in your area. It seems that some jurisdictions don't have laws perse, but rules and previous court cases. And the only time I've everheard of anyone suing for the ring in a divorce was when it was a family heirloom.

It's pretty petty to sue someone you dumped, but hey you're better off in the long run for it to have happened now, not after the wedding.

 

[Jennifer5973]

What a creep. Both of them!

But better now than 10 years, a mortgage and 3 kids from now... I am so sorry. My father destroyed our family with adultery and I wouldn't wish that betrayal on any woman. I am happy for you that it was now--go on with your life and find someone who deserves to be with you.

As for the ring, my mind says you should give it back but my heart says keep it, sell it and go on a fabulous vacation with a REAL friend.

Whatever you decide, focus on the future and do not EVER, EVER, EVER consider taking him back, even if he crawls on his belly to your front door.

 

[Kamuelamom]

I say turn it into a toe ring, then if he has the audacity to ask for it back say "sure" then put it up his a$$ with a swift kick!

Whew, what a visual that is.

J/K. All kidding aside, I'm sorry about what happened to you. He is not even deserving of your love, much less a commitment to marriage. Be glad. When one door closes, another one opens.

Good luck to you.

 

[Jennifer5973]

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On 10/11/2004 4:18:09 PM Kamuelamom wrote:

I say turn it into a toe ring, then if he has the audacity to ask for it back say 'sure' then put it up his a$$ with a swift kick!

.----------------

Kmom, I knew I liked you.

 

[cflutist]

----------------
On 10/11/2004 4:18:09 PM Kamuelamom wrote:


J/K. All kidding aside, I'm sorry about what happened to you. He is not even deserving of your love, much less a commitment to marriage. Be glad. When one door closes, another one opens.

Good luck to you.----------------

Kmom speaks with much wisdom here. After 14 years of marriage, my ex husband cheated on me and ran off with a married woman (who was cheating on her husband). So those two broke up not just one, but two families here.

Right after this, a contractor who was working on my house at the time said just what Kmom said "When one door closes, another one opens". I didn't believe him at the time because he happened to be installing front doors for me. BTW, he met his current wife at the lost luggage counter in Hawaii.

Two years later, I met websailor who is now the best husband I could ask for. If it weren't for him, I would have never experienced camping, Yosemite NP, the Grand Canyon, Zion NP, Bryce Canyon NP, Death Valley NP, Sequoia NP, Lassen NP ... all very beautiful places, along with Maui, Kauai, the Big Island, Tahiti, the Caribbean, and Alaska.

Hang in there, the right guy will come who will love you to death, and will treat you with the respect you deserve.

 

[KBerly]

KMom-i second that

 

[reena]

third!

 

[websailor]

Hhhmmmm, guess my sense of honor is a bit old fashioned based on some of the previous posts....

Return the ring (though the evil side of me does admit to liking the returning it to his Mom), pick up the pieces of your life, and be very happy you didn't marry the dirtbag...

As others have said, you will find a man that is worthy of your love and affection.

 

[SeanSD]

Sell it and tell him you threw it off a bridge or into the ocean or whatever.

I'd love to see him try and sue you for an engagement ring while he was cheating on you. I'm sure he'll have hard enough time explaining the situation to his family and your mutual friends (who will know the real story from you).

The least you deserve is a nice vacation, courtesy of the sale of the ring.