upset

[seriously obsessed]

okay so my best friend just got engaged... im happy for her, but i am also supposed to be getting engaged soon. we have the ring and everything and i know its coming soon! would it be really weird if my b/f proposed soon? i told him to wait bc i didnt want the two engagements to happen too close together... She said she will be engaged for a while, and we plan on getting married next october... any advice? i just feel upset that its not me and it makes me feel horrible i dont no how or what i should be feeling

 

[April20]

First off, I'm sorry your'e feeling this way. Waiting to be engaged and have things be "official" can be stressful. I'm not a LIW, wasn't one very long when I was dating my DH, so I really hope I don't come across harsh, but I just don't understand this concept of not being able to become engaged because someone else just became engaged. What does your friend's relationship status have to do with yours? Shouldn't there be enough happiness from everyone to go around to everyone? You sound like you're very secure in your relationship and where it's going- he's got your ring, you've obviously discussed marriage to the point that proposing is a bit of a formality. I think you need to be happy for your best friend and let your boyfriend propose to you when he's ready. Don't let what's going on with others have that kind of influence on YOUR relationship.

 

[shihtzulover]

I can imagine how you're feeling. It's tough, because you feel like it's supposed to be your time - but now you don't want to take the attention away from her, or at least not for a little while.

My FF has the ring, and he has had it for about a month now. We waited at first because his cousin was about to get married, and he didn't want to take attention away from their wedding. Looking back though, I'm not sure how much it really would have. Most of the people who attended did not know us, so it would only have been an issue with the mutual family members - and they would have had plenty of time to be happy for us way before the wedding.

Then my FF went on a business trip, and I didn't want to get engaged right before he left. Now, both my dad's and my cousin's birthdays are coming up very soon - one in a week, and one at the end of the month. On the one hand, I don't want to take away from their special days in any way, but on the other hand, I want for our engagement to happen naturally, when it's supposed to. I'm sure that if we continue to wait, more issues will arise. Also, my FF wants for the proposal to be a surprise, and I think it's kind of silly to give him tons of dates/events to work around.

We have actually been talking about engagement since around February/March, and we started looking at rings then, but I knew it would still be awhile. Ever since then, every time one of my facebook friends gets engaged, I have mixed emotions. I am happy for them, but I'm also anxious for our time. I keep thinking that we will be next, and then a few days later, someone else gets engaged.

I'm not sure if it's just the age group or what, but sooo many of my friends are getting engaged and married, and/or having babies. I heard on TV that things tend to happen in spurts, and that groves of people tend to get engaged at the same time, or to get pregnant at the same time. I guess now is just one of those times.

Anyway, I'm just trying to be happy for everyone, knowing that our time will come soon. I can see your point about waiting for awhile since she is your best friend, but I'm not sure that it's necessary to wait a super long time.

Good luck, and I know that when the time is right, your engagement will be wonderful!

Edit: I JUST logged on to facebook - and someone new is engaged. Typical - lol.

 

[seriously obsessed]

i just feel like i dont want to take away from HER time and that she will get upset that it happened when hers did...

i also just logged onto facebook and someone i no is now engaged!!! haha i do feel like it happens in spurts. and i cannot wait for it to be my turn... im starting to feel a little better thanks for your answers!!

 

[paris29]

In all honesty you cannot wait for others to do something, you never know what is going to happen to other people and you don't have control over that but you do have some control over what happens in your life. I hope this doesn't sound to harsh but when it come to this worry about you, do what is best for you and in the long run trust me you will be happy. What if people you know keep getting engaged left and right are you going to keeping telling your FF to postpone your proposal, NO you shouldn't. Tell your FF that when he is ready he should propose, you'll be happy whenever it happens even if it happens close to someone else's proposal. This should be a special moment for you and your friends should be happy for you and if they are not not maybe you should reconsider the relationship. Friends come and go but marriages can last forever. You don't want to give your FF the idea that you don't want to marry him or that you are getting cold feet or anything along those line. Do what is best for you not others.

 

[Nashville]

Just let your boyfriend decide when he wants to propose, Seriously Obsessed.

It's not like you're going to get engaged in the middle of your friend's wedding.

 

[yssie]

SO, since your proposal will be after hers, "stealing her thunder" is much less of an issue. Paris is right, so long as you're not treading on other people's toes, you should do things on your (and SO's) own time - and you're obviously being very considerate, so I'm quite sure you're not going to do anything carelessly thoughtless.

 

[beezygal]

I totally understand your feeling. Last year, I told a friend that my bf wasn't ready to be married. She rubbed it in my face saying they'll get married in 2 years and stuff. That means she and her bf will probably be engaged this year. Then when my bf was "kinda" ready, he took me ring shopping and that friend called me DESPERATE. Now that my bf is ready to get married and has a ring, I didn't tell her about it. My bf will propose any day now. However, I'm worried if she's engaged before me, THEN I get engaged, she'll probably think I'm a copycat. I really hope I'll be engaged first. I know this is not a competition. I can't control my feeling.

I'm sorry you have to wait to be engaged because of this!

HUG!!!! DUST to you!!!

 

[MissMina]

Every day is a "special day" for someone.
You could go crazy trying to work around them
Other than announcing your engagement at a wedding
I think anyone should be free to propose at any time.

 

[ms.halo]

I have two best friends from college and we got engaged three weekends in a row. I was the third weekend and by the time I called my friends to tell them we all couldn't stop laughing! What's better than being able to share engagement planning with your best friend?

 

[Pushin40]

I seriosly wouldn't' be concerned about this at all.
Let your BF propose when he wants to!!!

 

[shihtzulover]

Beezygal - I totally understand the 'copycat' feeling. Hopefully, your bf will propose first! Luckily, no one that I am very close to has gotten engaged recently (at least not yet, lol), so hopefully I won't have to deal with this. Tons of people that I know are getting engaged, but mostly just distant friends.

Ms. Halo - That's a great story!

 

[Indylady]

Every day is a "special day" for someone.
You could go crazy trying to work around them
Other than announcing your engagement at a wedding
I think anyone should be free to propose at any time.

+1 When I read about thunder-stealing posts, I always wonder what going to be the next big "its MY day" sort of thing. Having a bat mitsvah, turning 16, then 21, then getting engaged, and then getting married, and then having kids..are all huge life events, but they're also events that most people do go through at one point or another. I am excited about getting engaged, but I don't get the whole "MY day" and "MY time" sort of mentality. If your friend told anyone that you copied her, I'm CERTAIN she'll be in for a bunch of eyerolls. You can copy a bag; you can't copy an engagement. Everyone will know she's behaving ridiculously.

 

[sillyberry]

Yep. As I'm reading this I've been wondering if I'm an awful friend because it would never occur to me to hold back on something like an engagement just because someone else just got engaged or is just about to. The more the merrier, I say! Love all around!

 

[seriously obsessed]

thank you so much guys... i really do feel better and i also really like what Ms.Halo said... your right, planning together would be a great experience... haha it reminds me of bride wars.... maybe ill go rent that tonight

i do feel alot better about everything. whenever my time comes ill be extemely happy and hopefully my friend will be happy for me too

 

[beezygal]

thank you so much guys... i really do feel better and i also really like what Ms.Halo said... your right, planning together would be a great experience... haha it reminds me of bride wars.... maybe ill go rent that tonight

i do feel alot better about everything. whenever my time comes ill be extemely happy and hopefully my friend will be happy for me too

I like that movie!!!

You shouldn't be upset. You should just get engaged!!! The reason I'll be upset if my friend got engaged first is because she rubbed it in my face about they're ready for marriage and we're not.