Wedding update on my wedding obsessed friend !

[blissfulbride]

Well she did it, She bought a 5 thousand dollar gown without even being engaged. I knew she had issues, but this is alarming. She has only been with her new bf for 7 months. After only 1 month of dating she moved in with him. I can''t believe she did this, and am I the only one who finds this crazy. btw this is the second bridal gown she has bought and has been engaged before.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/friend-obsessed-with-getting-married.96438/ ( old post so you know the story lol )

 

[bee*]

wow, that''s a lot of money to spend on a dress without having a FI yet! She obviously desperately wants to get married. If they do get engaged, I''d definitely recommend a pre-marriage course to her.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I do not like that previous thread one bit. It seemed like all it was was people badmouthing couples who get engaged quickly.
Someone mentioned they knew a couple who got engaged 4 months after dating and then a year later were terrible together. That is basically how long FI and i were together dating before we got engaged, ugh. just makes me frustrated that''s all.

as for your friend, i can''t imagine spending that much on a dress even after dating someone for a gazillion years! haha

 

[angielea]

Well, the negative stories about couples who got engaged soon sort of outweight the positive ones. It doesn''t mean your relationship is "doomed" or anything else.

People were just sharing their experiences. I think in the case of blissful bride''s friend, the friend is far more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

 

[neatfreak]

I hope the best for her but wouldn''t count on it...

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I''ll bet she has stacks of bridal mags hiding under her bed, too.

 

[Blair138]

Personally I am a huge freak about not ''jinxing'' things so buying a gown before being engaged is not my thing... I picked up a free bridal mag before I was engaged and hid it under my bed because I was afraid I would jinx things by looking at it! haha...I can see buying a gown if it was a great deal...but $5,000

 

[decodelighted]

Have you heard the term frenemy? I hope this gal knows what you think of her ... & more importantly, what you *say* about her when she''s not around.

 

[honey22]

I would say it''s def a sign of something much bigger going on with her. She has issues that she needs to deal with. I feel for her bf, can you imagine the pressure that he and their relationship would be under. I can''t see how it could work.

And, smurfy, try not to take it personal sweetie. We are not saying that your relationship won''t work, it''s just that many of us, can''t understand the rush into marriage these days? In the time DF and I have been together (and copped so much flak and cruel gossip over why we weren''t getting married already) we have seen SO MANY friends get married/live in defacto marriages and then separate after only a few years. We know people that havn''t even stopped to ask whether they want to live together with this person, or if they are just in love with the idea of being married. When all the excitement and wedding stuff has gone, you are left only with that person. It''s scary to think how many people jump quickly into marriage and then haul arse out of it only a few months/years later. We have 18 houses in our street. Over half the occupants have either divorced or separated! That blows us away!

I honestly hope you go against the stats and have a long and happy marriage. But you have to understand you will always come up against the notion that people think getting married after a short time of knowing each other isn''t a great idea. You both have to be strong and overcome that notion. Ignore what people say and just prove them wrong

 

[Italiahaircolor]

There was just a new study out about how people that get engaged quickly have a better precentage of lasting marriages than couples that date for extended periods of time (5+ years).

 

[marchswallowbird]

Usually, men run as fast as they can from women who behave like this. It will be interesting to see if Blissful''s friend tells her BF she bought the dress, and if so, how he reacts.

 

[musey]

Date: 11/24/2008 6:02:54 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
There was just a new study out about how people that get engaged quickly have a better precentage of lasting marriages than couples that date for extended periods of time (5+ years).

Interesting! I'm sure there are other factors at play there (similar to the causal vs. correlative relationships between premarital cohabitation and outside factors) as well. I would be interested to see further studies on the different branches that can affect speed of courtship (usually age, religion, income bracket, etc.).

Agreed that you should not take it personally. Many people say that my age (24) is "too young" to get married. And it is, for many (arguably most) people. I don't believe that it was too young for me and our relationship, so those comments simply have nothing to do with me. It doesn't mean that someone saying "YOU are too young" doesn't bug me, but people saying "24 is too young" doesn't bug. Just like someone saying "YOU got engaged too fast" would be justifiably annoying (depending on the source), but "getting engaged after ______ months/years is too fast" is just a general comment that is not about YOU, just about that person's perceptions and personal ideas on relationships.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 11/24/2008 11:00:15 PM
Author: musey
Interesting! I''m sure there are other factors at play there (similar to the causal vs. correlative relationships between premarital cohabitation and outside factors) as well. I would be interested to see further studies on the different branches that can affect speed of courtship (usually age, religion, income bracket, etc.).

Agreed that you should not take it personally. Many people say that my age (24) is ''too young'' to get married. And it is, for many (arguably most) people. I don''t believe it was too young for me and our relationship, so those comments simply have nothing to do with me. It doesn''t mean that someone saying ''YOU are too young'' doesn''t bug me, but people saying ''24 is too young'' doesn''t bug. Just like someone saying ''YOU got engaged too fast'' would be justifiably annoying (depending on the source), but ''getting engaged after ______ months/years is too fast'' is just a general comment that is not about YOU, just about that person''s perceptions and personal ideas on relationships.

I agree with you I think there may be other factors too. For instance age- most of the people I know that get married without being engaged long are actually older and just ready to settle down.

As for Blissful''s friend... hmmm I have a friend just like yours and while it''s not my place to judge, she seems unhappy now that she is married. My friend still doesn''t have an engagement ring (yes she wanted one, so it''s not like I''m implying you need one for a happy marriage). But basically, she went off with the wedding planning without the proposal. Now obviously he showed up to the wedding so he must have wanted to marry her, but it really seemed like she pushed him into the whole thing. He''s a nice guy but when she tells me about their issues I just keep getting the feeling that he hasn''t really committed to the marriage. Not sexually, but he does things like stay out all night and hang out with teenagers much younger than him. It seems like he wasn''t ready to be married.

 

[Deelight]

I don''t believe in buying wedding stuff before the wedding, heck I didn''t even buy bridal mags LOL but in saying that best of luck to them, hopefully she ends up happy.

smurfs I know stuff like that can bug people but try not to take it personal.

I am on the other end of the spectrum where FI and I were together 10.5yrs (we meet when I was 1 before getting engaged and had people will stay stuff even then about why your not married and what not, but what people fail to take into consideration is how young we were and now we are at about the age people START to think about settling down.

When we did get engaged (newly engaged) we had people ask us if we were going to be one of those couples that dated each other for like 10 years got engaged and then broke up

?

Yah you can''t win.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i know guys

i think i was just being a crabby pants that day
i hope i don''t run into anything like that at thanksgiving this year though *crosses fingers*

 

[mia1181]

Date: 11/24/2008 11:28:09 PM
Author: Deelight
I don''t believe in buying wedding stuff before the wedding, heck I didn''t even buy bridal mags LOL but in saying that best of luck to them, hopefully she ends up happy.

smurfs I know stuff like that can bug people but try not to take it personal.

I am on the other end of the spectrum where FI and I were together 10.5yrs (we meet when I was 1 before getting engaged and had people will stay stuff even then about why your not married and what not, but what people fail to take into consideration is how young we were and now we are at about the age people START to think about settling down.

When we did get engaged (newly engaged) we had people ask us if we were going to be one of those couples that dated each other for like 10 years got engaged and then broke up

?

Yah you can''t win.

Haha Deelight! DH and I are the same! When I told people I was getting married they would say "Oh you are too young" I would respond "well actually we are both 26 and have been together 9 years." Then they would do the math and say "Oh you''ve been with him since High School?" to which I would resond, yes and then they would go on to say "Oh you shouldn''t marry your highschool sweetheart. How can you know if you want to marry him if you''ve never dated anyone else."

Well I don''t take it personally because I do think it''s a little weird to marry your high school sweetheart. But I don''t consider DH my highschool sweetheart, since we met a few months before graduation and we only started dating a few weeks before graduation. Then we were about 500 miles apart in college and our relationship really grew during that period. But whatever, people are always going to have their opinions.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/24/2008 11:46:03 PM
Author: mia1181

Date: 11/24/2008 11:28:09 PM

Author: Deelight

I don''t believe in buying wedding stuff before the wedding, heck I didn''t even buy bridal mags LOL but in saying that best of luck to them, hopefully she ends up happy.


smurfs I know stuff like that can bug people but try not to take it personal.


I am on the other end of the spectrum where FI and I were together 10.5yrs (we meet when I was 1 before getting engaged and had people will stay stuff even then about why your not married and what not, but what people fail to take into consideration is how young we were and now we are at about the age people START to think about settling down.


When we did get engaged (newly engaged) we had people ask us if we were going to be one of those couples that dated each other for like 10 years got engaged and then broke up

?


Yah you can''t win.

Haha Deelight! DH and I are the same! When I told people I was getting married they would say ''Oh you are too young'' I would respond ''well actually we are both 26 and have been together 9 years.'' Then they would do the math and say ''Oh you''ve been with him since High School?'' to which I would resond, yes and then they would go on to say ''Oh you shouldn''t marry your highschool sweetheart. How can you know if you want to marry him if you''ve never dated anyone else.''

Well I don''t take it personally because I do think it''s a little weird to marry your high school sweetheart. But I don''t consider DH my highschool sweetheart, since we met a few months before graduation and we only started dating a few weeks before graduation. Then we were about 500 miles apart in college and our relationship really grew during that period. But whatever, people are always going to have their opinions.

mia1181 Like you I have only ever dated my FI, I am sure some people think thats weird LOL but I didn''t need to date a bunch of losers to know that I love him, he loves me and we are happy and he is the one , I just think of myself as lucky that I didn''t have to go through a bunch of losers to find a good one . Even though you don''t consider yourselves high school sweethearts I think thats sweet there is something to be said for growing together as individuals and a couple.

Personally I think High school sweethearts are sweet, actually anyone in love and happy to me is sweet I am a hopeless romantic .

Smurfs You may or may not get those comments but if you do try not to let them bother you, some people will say things that they shouldn''t or don''t realise just how bad things sound. Just water off a ducks back if it happens you guys know you what is right for you .

 

[mia1181]

Yeah deelighted I love the fact that we were pretty much kids when we met. We have both grown so much, it has been fun to do it together. He is starting to get gray hairs and I am always telling him "OMG you are turning into a man!" In fact that''s what I said on our wedding day, I kept telling him that he looked like a "grown up!" He had a couple month-long g/fs and I only had one before meeting him, but we both lost our virginity to each other wich is neat. Oh, that''s another one I get from people "how do you know if sex is good if you''ve only had it with on person?"

Oh well.

I guess we don''t consider ourselves highschool sweethearts because the ones we went to school were weird. Think Captian of the football team and cheerleader and on and off throughout HS always cheating on each other etc. Not that I think it isn''t sweet to meet "the one" so young.

 

[Deelight]

LOL we don''t have captains of the football team and cheerleaders here but that is really gross.


HAHAHA I tell my FI that I feel like a grown up now that we plan on getting married hehehehe

 

[blissfulbride]

Have you heard the term frenemy? I hope this gal knows what you think of her ... & more importantly, what you *say* about her when she''s not around.


I''m not a frenemy! to be honest I haven''t expressed my concerned about my friend to anyone except here, because I wouldn''t talk about her at all behind her back. I wouldn''t even mention that im really worried about her to her, because I would never want to hurt her feeling or lose our friendship. She just told me she bought this 5k gown without being engaged, and that just freaked me out. As far as her history, I kinda had to give everyone her backround.

Sometimes no matter how much you love a friend, you don''t always see eye to eye on what they do. So me talking about it here with strangers doesn''t make me a frenemy. It makes me a concerned friend who doesn''t agree with the way she is going about things, and who wouldn''t confront her about it. To spare her feeling. ugh

 

[AllieLuv83]

Bliss I understand why you might be worried but she is a big girl and people need to make their own choices and unfortunately sometimes mistakes, just be a good friend and be there for her if things fall apart which they very well might. But in all honesty who cares if she bought a dress, I have a feeling she feels pretty crappy right about now. Most of us have been there LIW syndrome and man I know the feeling of wanting to be Engaged and Married. I say...if this makes her feel better who are we to judge.

 

[blissfulbride]

yeah ur right allie, that''s why I have said anything. I Just complimented the dress when I saw the pic of it yesterday, even when I didn''t like it. lol

 

[Clairitek]

It does sound like this girl is really in love with the idea of a wedding. Hopefully in time that excitement will shift from the event to the relationship. Who knows, maybe she is equally as excited about being with her boyfriend but from the outside looking in all we see is a wedding obsessed woman.

Smurfy- I can relate to feeling like people are passing judgement on your relationship because they think that you are moving too fast. After only 6 months FF and I decided to buy a home together. I knew that my friends would think that we were nuts but the only people''s opinion that mattered were our parents and they all said that they were excited for us. Once we got the blessing from them we never looked back. Now we are on the verge of getting engaged and people STILL tell us they think that we were nuts for purchasing a home together after just 6 months. Its been 9 months since then and our relationship has only grown more stable and wonderful since we moved in together.

So in the end only really you and your FI know whats going on with you. I do listen to my friend''s concerns (or did back several months ago) and assured them that I took their thoughts to heart and appreciated their honesty but that I trusted my heart and my gut feelings about my relationship with FF and that I will follow them.

 

[SuiteLady]

Speaking as someone who has no ring, but has a gown (Hey...It was 95% off!) LOL. I don''t believe in bad luck or jinxing. I just don''t allow it in my psyche or into my beautiful and loving relationship. Heck, I consider it good luck that I found my fabulous gown at such a bargain!!!

As for your friend, I would let her do her thing. As mentioned before, she is a big girl. I learned that just because *I* don''t approve of something doesn''t necessarily mean that it isn''t right. I am sure that you will continue to support her and that you will be there for her if she needs you.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 11/24/2008 4:53:06 PM
Author: LaurenThePartier
I''ll bet she has stacks of bridal mags hiding under her bed, too.

And I wouldn''t be surpirsed if there were a few registries out there in her name

My personal thoughts on your friend is this: as long as my money isn''t used for her $5,000 dress then

 

[marchswallowbird]

Interesting side topic on marrying your high school sweetheart! I say go for it if you are in love and are right for each other. It''s really nobody else''s business!!

I can tell you from personal experience how difficult it is to have several long-term relationships that ultimately failed for one reason or another before I found "the one." There''s no reason to put yourself through that just because other people think you should see other people before getting married. Dating is a pain in the neck.

On the other hand, I learned a lot and grew tremendously from each of my failed relationships. Probably the two most important things I learned is what it really takes to make a relationship work, and that no matter how horrible and hard it seems at the time, I am strong enough to get through it -- because I HAVE. So there is always a silver lining in the cloud.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/24/2008 4:13:36 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I do not like that previous thread one bit. It seemed like all it was was people badmouthing couples who get engaged quickly.
Someone mentioned they knew a couple who got engaged 4 months after dating and then a year later were terrible together. That is basically how long FI and i were together dating before we got engaged, ugh. just makes me frustrated that''s all.

as for your friend, i can''t imagine spending that much on a dress even after dating someone for a gazillion years! haha

Hun, don''t worry about what people say.

My parents got engaged after 2 weeks and married in under 5 - they''ve been together for 37 happy years. My grandmother was engaged to my grandfather after 2 dates and was crazy about him till the day he died.

I told my mother I would marry DH after 3 days of knowing him. He said he''d have asked me within 2 months if he hadn''t been so anti-marriage (parents had bad divorce) - instead it took him 2.5 years.

On the whole, I think there is nothing more odd about marrying someone after 4 months together than after 10 years together...

(That said, I would think that two 18 years olds who wanted to get married after 2 months were rushing things somewhat)

 

[zhuzhu]

I told my girlfriend I would marry my DH after 2 weeks of knowing him.
Sometimes you just know.
I did not read her "background thread" so I have no opinion on her either way.
Regarding the 5K dress, heck if she can afford it and if she will eventually wear it to get married (to this new bf or someone else), why the heck not?

 

[jcarlylew82]

blissfull - why i cannot imagine buying a 5k dress (although a 5k purse...bring it

) I can understand your friends behavior.

enter.. me.

I have had about 3 serious, lets get married boyfriends. and i think with the execption of 2-3 guys i have dated, i have loved every single boyfriend. and not just "love" as you do a friend, but whole heart, head over heals, love. And it is something i have had to grow to understand about myself, to not scare off future (and mr future) boyfriends. I am just the type of person to fall in love. Maybe your friend is too, except she hasnt realized it. I went through a lot of heart ache, thinking that these guys never loved me back. Some relationships were super fast, some slow. Even with E, i knew i loved him after a month. though this time i was smart and waited nearly 8 months to say.
My mother (and a good friend) have told me they have worried about me in the past (now, not so much) until i explained to them, this wacky (and i call it wacky..cus it is!

) way of me. I love. its who i am. as long as i love myself too, i will be okay no matter what.

so, hopefully that might give you an idea on why she can love so quickly. who knows if it is her feelings also, or if she really is jumping into things too fast, trying to fill a void (a very possible answer as well).

 

[honey22]

Date: 11/24/2008 11:28:09 PM
Author: Deelight
I don''t believe in buying wedding stuff before the wedding, heck I didn''t even buy bridal mags LOL but in saying that best of luck to them, hopefully she ends up happy.


smurfs I know stuff like that can bug people but try not to take it personal.


I am on the other end of the spectrum where FI and I were together 10.5yrs (we meet when I was 1 before getting engaged and had people will stay stuff even then about why your not married and what not, but what people fail to take into consideration is how young we were and now we are at about the age people START to think about settling down.


When we did get engaged (newly engaged) we had people ask us if we were going to be one of those couples that dated each other for like 10 years got engaged and then broke up

?


Yah you can''t win.

Dee, that''s terrible! I can''t believe someone would say that to you when you have just got engaged!!!!! Although I did have to point out on occasion that NO I WAS NOT PREGNANT! WE ARE JUST GETTING MARRIED NOW!!!!

Anyhoo, just enjoy that incredible feeling of being engaged. And know deep down that there is something special about waiting so long! Knowing that you have stuck it out this long, well it''s just something you have to experience to understand. The joy and satisfaction of knowing you have a rocksolid relationship that you have put time and effort into, and that it has already stood the test of time. You should be proud of that! And stuff what everyone else has to say - they are probably just jealous of your Leon!!!

I must admit, I was very proud when we went to sign of marriage license and the celebrant was telling us the 50% of Australian marriages don''t even last 3 years, and I was like - well, we have done that 4 times over already!!! I think we are good!!