update from a non lister

[Narwhal]

Hi ladies....
I've been a lurker mostly- posting here or there once in a blue moon. Never officially joined the list because I knew it would be a while.

I have read this forum since I first signed up. Its helped (and probably hurt) my LIWitis over the years.

But I've had progress. I posted once here and got a lot of - He is not that into you, he would propose if he wanted you, so he must be dragging his feet for a reason , etc. He claimed it was money issues. The forum ladies said there is no such thing, that he would find a way to marry me on nothing if that is what he wanted.

But we are still together. It will be 6 yrs this Oct. We are 29/30. We have moved half way across the county and back again to follow my jobs. New jobs and huge decrease in our debt has made things better on the money front. I think he really was hung up on being a stable guy that can provide. And finally he is ok with talking about things. We have talked ideal wedding spots, babies (and if we cant have babies, he quickly suggested adopting!) and still talking houses, because we could always talk about buying a house one day. But the biggest development is that we (he!) has agreed its time to start looking at rings! I want an OEC, so of course it cant be as easy as going to stores to start the browsing process or buy on GOG/BGD by the numbers. But we spend time looking over online stones. Nothing too definite yet, but lots of possibles.

Now the hard part is trying to decide if i just want to grab the first good looking stone in our price range and run with it. Or do i want to take a on a project stone ( has ugly setting but cheaper) or wait it out and hope all the stones dont get snatched up and no more good ones come around?

And of course, the OMG feeling of it actually being slightly imminent. Last night he said he would imagine by the end of the year. I did tell him even with us shopping together, he still has to do his proposal thing. Knowing him, he would rather avoid the center of attention.

so that is my EEEK update.

On side note, both our parents are in high grandbaby gear. My brother just had the first for our family and my mom wants me to get on it. His mom has wanted one for a while. Drunkenly told me last xmas that she would be ok with no wedding, just grand babies.
His sister just had her huge wedding and we got lots of you guys should be next. So maybe he finally heard them. And we just got back from his new work retreat in Puerto Rico where all his co-workers had great things to say about me.

I dont have any new friends at work/new city yet. And I feel bad venting over and over to my single friends. And i dont want the parents to know too much in case it takes longer. And i would like to surprise people too. I'm so afraid of the "ohhh its about time." I think i will delete those FB comments So you ladies get my update!

 

[amc80]

Congrats, it seems like things are really moving along. How exciting!!

 

[mjertl]

awesome, you must be very excited and happy! My dear BF and I are starting the browsing process now, and I'm not sure what to do about all the same questions you ask, since I also kinda want a unique-cut stone (rose cut, or antique cushion, or old mine or old european, or ascher (the last is not so unique, I know). we're planning on going to a store this weekend, but we live in a medium-sized city, and when I look at the websites of the "nice" jewelry stores in town I am VERY unimpressed. Lots of ugly diamonds with ugly gaudy settings. Anyway, if you figure out the right way to go about it, let me know the secret too!

 

[mary poppins]

Congratulations on the progress you and BF have made since your the other post you referred to. I didn't see the other post, but I'm glad you stayed with the guy you knew was the right one despite the naysayers. I think it's important to have finances in good shape before a couple takes big steps towards marriage, so I can understand your BF's position.

But your on your way and the anticipation stage is so fun and exciting. There are plenty of beautiful stones out there that are worth the wait. The knowledgeable PSers on RockyTalky would be happy to help you and BF find something fabulous in your price range.

Wow, that's a lot of baby pressure from both families!

 

[gem_anemone]

Congrats to you on sticking with your man and him finally suggesting ring shopping after all this time! I was the same way - no pressure - even though I would have liked a proposal last year. I wanted him to be the one who made the suggestions regarding moving forward with our relationship, that way I would know we were on the same page. My BF and I have talked about marriage since we first started dating in 2008. We talked about engagement last year, but I never pressed the ring issue and he didn't end up suggesting ring shopping until this year. Now he has the ring and I am waiting for the proposal. Good luck ring shopping! I'm sure you will find something beautiful in your price range.

 

[Narwhal]

Thanks!

I cant say i've been pressure less. there were some pretty teary late night convos which I rather forget. The silly thing is each time i tried to talk about things, it was to avoid what I had seen in other couples or read about. But we ended up going through it anyways.

I totally agree on money. We did have similar savings at points that would be the same budget as now. So i was confused on why we couldn't move forward at that time. But it seems like getting the credit cards under control was also a factor.

He did just take me on a work retreat to Puerto Rico and I hung out with the co workers and the "wives". They all had great things to tell him about me. So maybe our romantic work get away helped.

Definitely lots of baby pressure. I told my mom we were looking. Her comment (via FB message) "OHHH! the babies r not far behind! " I threatened to cut her off from updates if she continued If you knew my mom, her odd and poorly spelled FB chats are hilarious.
It is so odd for the pressure all of a sudden. We lived together for 2 yrs before moving to Chicago from Boston. Lived there for 3 yrs and then moved to Baltimore. It wasnt until we got here that the pressure started. They are skipping the marriage pressure and going right for baby.

I did tell him I want him to want to help shop (like Jennifer Aniston in "The Breakup" about the dishes) and he has made a point to ask questions. And he is learning! I told him I found a Q stone and he was like "what the..." ( i thought he wasnt going to know what stat that was) "...is it Purple!?" So he is paying attention. He also saw a very ugly "SI1" stone and said no way was that not an I2 or worse!
We also had a good talk about should we go to a "regular" store or not. He was confused on if i was looking at OEC just because they are cheaper or if that is what I really wanted. So we agreed if modern stones are not for me, then we shouldn't waste time. But that doesn't help fill the "shopping" need!

I ordered loupes, so once those get here and i've mastered them, i think we can start going to estate/antique/pawn shop like places.

 

[RebeccaMUA]

How exciting! Congratulations! I know exactly how you feel. The BF and I have been dating for 7 years and we are in the final stages of my custom sapphire engagement ring. I personally didn't feel the need to get married until almost 2 years ago, (I was 20 when we started dating so I had a lot of "living" to do before I wanted to settle down) so here we are. I don't think you should listen to what anyone says about how long you guys waited if that's what was good for you two as a couple.

In any case, have fun with the ring shopping! it's so amazing and fun, I'm ALMOST sad that it's almost over, but not too much because (hopefully!) soon I can wear it every day

Be sure to update us with pictures

 

[Cupcake28]

Congrats on getting closer!!! Every couple goes at their own pace, and money can be a legitimate concern. It sounds like things are moving right along now, though, and I can't wait to hear about your shopping!!

 

[Narwhal]

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/thoughts-on-this-ebay-oec.163632/

So we found one on Ebay that seemed to look good- eye wise/clean wise and was in our price range.

It is here and might be the winner. Its hard knowing there will be others on ebay, that its not perfect but works etc. And i am 80% sure this will work. But still feel weird making the call that this is it.