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UPDATE for anyone who remembers I was on the fence about going to a wedding attended by a frenemy...

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by btrflygrl23, Aug 17, 2009.

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  1. btrflygrl23
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by btrflygrl23 » Aug 17, 2009
    I''m not sure who may remember my old post about whether FI and I should attend a high school classmate''s wedding due to the fact that a former girlfriend of mine was going to attend and we were no longer on speaking terms and had a really bad history and end to our friendship over the past year.

    WELL...for anyone who does remember and would like to know how it went down...here goes...so based on the advice of my family and of course the advice I got from my PSers I went!

    OK, so I should have known not to expect much but I figured she''s a grown up right??? We are in our late 20''s...she''s an attorney with a huge firm in my area BUT I was wrong!!!
    This particular wedding took place over 2 days so the first day was the traditional Hindu ceremony followed by a vegetarian meal and that took place on Friday August 14th at 6:30 in the evening.
    FI and I walk into the hall and head to our table she is already there (her DH was the best man). She is sitting at the table next to ours. She is sitting with her MIL, FIL, this girl we''ll call J (who FI and I both know, her DH is also a groomsman), and her other good friend S (I''m not sure if I told you guys this earlier but S is the one who told her when I was in her wedding party that she should expect ALL her maids to give her trouble closer to the day of the wedding as we would be getting jealous by then that it was not us getting married?? OK...), and S''s DH...

    SO I hold my head high and clasp FI''s hand and we head to our table, we of course have to pause at her table to say hello to all the other people at her table that we do know and do speak to. They all don''t know what''s gone on. So we stop and start saying hello and she IMMEDIATELY very obviously and rudely gets up from the table with S and they walk off after they both give me a very dirty look...OK not obvious or awkward at ALL..

    We take our seats...about 5 mins later she comes back with S and they are giggling and whispering to each other non stop and they walk behind my table and then stop to say hello to someone at the table behind us and linger and laugh and then go back to their table and start whispering some more and S then leans over and starts whispering to her DH who by the way attempted when we were at their table saying hello to introduce his wife (S) to my FI as he has not met her when she got up with miss thing and walked off HOW RUDE![​IMG]

    SO now we are all sitting but I am in her eyeline I guess and I say that b/c as soon as she sits down she MOVES her chair very obviously so that the centerpiece is in the way so she can''t see me and FI even noticed this.

    Anyway, I think whatever I am going to be the bigger person but let me tell you I do now feel uncomfortable and kinda alone and I tell FI let''s not stay too long and he agrees and he tells me he is so sorry this is happening and that perhaps we should not have come well too late I guess...

    All of a sudden the girl (J) that FI and both know who also knows HER comes over to my table and says let''s go to the washroom together...OK I don''t really have to go but fine I get up and go with her. By the way FI and I don''t know her very well we just know her.
    So we get to the bathroom and she says what''s going on?? Super curious...and I say nothing why? She goes well when you guys came over to say hello I noticed that miss thing didn''t get up to say hello to you and I was wondering what is going on b/c you guys used to be so close and you were in her wedding blah, blah, blah...
    I say well J you''ll have to ask miss thing, we have not spoken in ages, following her wedding she stopped speaking to me and I''m truly unclear as to why, I thought I fulfilled my duties as her maid and if I didn''t she did not discuss it with me. We just stopped speaking. I dropped the issue. I have so much going on in my life and there is so much serious stuff going on in the world that I try to expend my energy in a positive way and look to the future not the past and things I can''t fix.
    Oh I''m so sorry she says this is terrible I hope you''re ok kisses me on the cheek! Eek we are not that close and it was weird and I was like this chick is after info and gossip to start crap and be all back and forth I''m not playing honey...
    So I was totally right she practically RUNS back to the table and starts whispering with miss thing and I just know what I said is being repeated and then miss thing launches into what from my table looked like a hardcore verbal assault on apparently what I did to ruin her wedding and life b/c over the centerpiece I can see her horrible nasty facial expressions and terse hand gestures and they were at it for like 15 mins until the wedding started...


    ceremony starts, ceremony ends, buffet starts at two opposite side of this huge room (600 guests)and she waits until I get up to go get my food and then grabs S''s hand and they venture to the other side of the room.
    Her DH who is friends with FI walks by and FI say hey Scott and he snubs FI just looks past him and walks on so I guess she''s told him not to mingle with us...
    FI was upset, I was uncomfortable and all the while remember this chick owes me money but I''m never going to see that I have made my peace with it...

    Again J comes over oh how are you feeling?? you poor thing and I say J you really didn''t have to come over here to pity me b/c miss thing hates me I''m fine I''m a big girl and I can deal...obviously she wants to see my reaction to her poison and if I am upset I''m not going to give her the satisfaction...
    We stay until dinner is done wish the groom and new bride and say we''ll see ya tmr and leave she is still there and I say to FI as we leave after tmr I NEVER want to see HER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    He agrees.
    I''m not going to lie to you guys even though I felt like I did the right thing and was the bigger person she did kinda make me feel alone and crappy and really like I was back in high school (I was bullied in high school so sometimes the old feelings of being with my back against a wall with people ganging up on me comes back)...
    Thank you all so much for even reading this long tirade I love you guys all everyone and appreciate all you have done for me in terms of advice. I''m sorry for any spelling errors and tmr I will be back with part 2 the western reception on the next day Saturday August 15...

    I''m glad it''s over and I''m trying to move on but this vent helps and I''m curious to see what you guys think....
     
  2. btrflygrl23
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by btrflygrl23 » Aug 17, 2009
    For anyone interested in the back story here is the link to my old thread...

    https://www.pricescope.com/forum/hangout/badly-need-advice-should-i-go-or-not-t121547.html

    I''m not sure how to make it clickable but maybe someone can fix it pls??
     
  3. cindygenit
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by cindygenit » Aug 17, 2009
    https://www.pricescope.com/forum/hangout/badly-need-advice-should-i-go-or-not-t121547.html

    Link is clickable.

    So sorry this has happened to you.

    I went through a similar thing when my best friend though I was being malicious (and really, I wasn''t) so I didn''t even know what she was mad about so she told me not to speak to her anymore on SMS!!!

    We''re ok now though, maybe you and her may fix things in the future?

    But i have to say, she sounds like a totally immature, rude person who can''t just tell you what''s wrong. Instead she is making everyone else turn against you too.
     
  4. bobbin
    Shiny_Rock

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    by bobbin » Aug 17, 2009
    Did you wear your gold shoes? [​IMG]
     
  5. tyty333
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by tyty333 » Aug 17, 2009
    Ridiculous! She is very immature and you did do the right thing! Sorry you had to deal with a person like her. She
    needs to grow but dont expect it anytime soon!
     
  6. Diamond*Dana
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Diamond*Dana » Aug 17, 2009
    This chic sounds very immature...she needs to grow up! It sounds to me like you handled yourself very well, kudos to you! She, on the other hand, acted like a spoiled brat...
     
  7. Sharon101
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Sharon101 » Aug 17, 2009
    You did the right thing and you probably pulled it off with class and poise even if you felt like crying inside. Your ex friend sounds venomous and someone to definately not have in your life. I dont envy you your night socialising at the same function, I know that I would be road kill in that type of situation. You proved to be the winner imo.
     
  8. Madam Bijoux
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Madam Bijoux » Aug 17, 2009
    You were the bigger person in this whole thing - you acted like a mature adult and she acted like a 2 year old. People will be laughing at her and admiring you for a good long time.
     
  9. tlh
    Ideal_Rock

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    by tlh » Aug 17, 2009
    You were the bigger person. It is hard sometimes to just keep your mouth shut when someone is spewing venom about you... it is natural to want to defend yourself... but I''ve always found, that it is best to just not say anything at all... even to strangers... for the old quote runs true...

    "When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars." ~Edgar Watson Howe

    Unfortunately by telling this stranger ANYTHING, she can run back and add fuel to the fire... but by snubbing her, she can run back and tell them how rude you were. Such a difficult place to be in... sometimes it is best to just say, "huh? really, I just hadn''t noticed." Sometimes being oblivious is the best thing there is, "Dance like no one is watching...."

    ((HUGE HUGS)) I hope the next night was wonderful and filled with happiness, not drama.
     
  10. setell
    Shiny_Rock

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    by setell » Aug 17, 2009

    All I can say is darn women and being witches!!! Sadly….I have encounter too many of them that I got more guy friends then female friends. That’s the depressing part. And this freaking woman is a lawyer!!!!!!!!!! ‘sigh’ those type of people make me mad and their husband/FI/BF also makes me mad. If you’re a man and your obviously b!tchy significant other is those type of people then for god’s sake take the higher road but of course their significant other is always right. (sorry for the strong words there but I get really mad at those type of women!)


    btrflygrl23, don’t feel bad. At least you only saw that woman for one night while I work with a woman like her everyday and she sits right beside me! Everybody at the office hates me cause of her and her manipulative ways (litterly nobody talks to me)!!! I believe that we’re the better people by taking the high road. Only very ignorant childish people will act that way and not adults!!! My parents taught me to be an adult and not act like children!
     
  11. somethingshiny
    Ideal_Rock

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    by somethingshiny » Aug 17, 2009
    Yeah, she''s psycho.

    I''m sorry it was so uncomfortable. I do think you did the right thing, though. If she is still that uncomfortable to be around, the next time you won''t agonize about a decision to not go. Try to be done with her now. I don''t necessarily mean to avoid her, but don''t waste another second of your life reminiscing on her terrible behavior towards you.

    btw-I would''ve been totally put off my the kissy kissy. EWW!

    You didn''t mention about the next evening (unless I missed it), was she there? Were you able to have a good time?
     
  12. btrflygrl23
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by btrflygrl23 » Aug 17, 2009
    cindygenit THANK YOU SO MUCH for fixing the link! I''m so sorry you had to go through something similar and with your best friend no less but it is nice to see that some things are fixable. Unfortunately, I really don''t see that happening in my situation. I''m really hurt there are other details from before that I didn''t get into that make me feel that there is no going back for her and I and honestly if you had been there you would have seen how venomous she was...

    bobbin I DID wear the gold shoes on the first night the friday! They looked great, not sure if she noticed, don''t care[​IMG] LOL

    tyty I know she is immature but I agree with you she won''t change anytime soon. I guess I just figured with some age I mean we aren''t teenagers and with being an educated professional I sort of expected her to behave better. I knew she didn''t like me and that we were no longer friends I just didn''t think she would make everything SO obvious and try so hard to crush my spirit at someone else''s wedding...

    Diamond*Dana thank you for your support. During the night I felt bad but now I know I did the right thing...

    Sharon101 Thanks! I did feel like crying inside during the whole thing but I didn''t let it show and I''m glad now I held it together didn''t give her the satisfaction and you are SO right she is really venomous and a bit of a bully b/c she had all this support to treat me badly and I was alone with just my FI for support.

    Madam Bijoux Thanks so much and yes she did act like a 2 year old and it is amazing that people like her still get away with crap like that...

    tlh you are right the hardest part was NOT defending myself b/c it is human nature to stick up for yourself especially when you know what is being said about you is false and defamatory and wrong and all that stuff but yes, yes you are right it is best not to say anything at all...
    The quote is right and that girl was totally looking for particulars and to start more trouble I''m actually sorry I said as much as I did I should have taken the oblivious route and if there is a next time I will b/c this needs to be over...HUGS to you too[​IMG]

    setell I know right? Why are girls sometimes so mean to each other? I wish I had more male friends in fact it is sad but I don''t have a ton of female friends b/c of stuff like this. This girl used to be my friend...so sad in a way it got ugly but honestly I don''t feel it is on my shoulders I tried and I would have tried again if she had come to me and we tried to work things out not act the way she did and do and say the things she did...
    I''m really, really sorry to hear that you have to deal with a woman like my ex friend EVERYDAY! you poor, poor thing I can only imagine...and to have to sit beside her and have her turn the whole office against you, she''s horrible and you are such a saint for having to deal with this crap day in and day out how awful HUGS and dust that she will relocate to greenland and you can have your office back and have peace of mind at work...I''m really sorry you have to go through it...

    somethingshiny YES she is PSYCHO! You are correct next time IF there is a next time I''ll know what to do we won''t attend b/c now I know how things are gonna go down. I made sure I went this time and behaved well and showed her that she is not going to keep me from doing something I want to do and that I won''t let her make me feel uncomfortable (she did make me feel uncomfortable butt I don''t think she knew that given the way I acted).
    How funny my mom said the same thing to me about being done with her meaning not let her invade my thoughts and just let it go b/c it is bad energy for me and I''m trying and it can be hard. I''m going to forget her existence and live my life.
    I know right??? I mean I don''t know you at all, you have come over to glean info to take back and stir up trouble, and then you kiss me? And I mean full on make up smudging wet kiss grab my shoulders stuff eck and she was so fake about it too it was obvious and I was like do you actually think I don''t know what you are up to...

    I got tired yesterday so I didn`t add anything about the next night suffice to say I felt a bit more comfortable because I had already seen what I was in for and FI and I danced and ate and I socialized with the people at my table. The second night too she sat at the table next to us. She kept up the whole every 5 min dirty look thing and the whispering with S thing. At one point we were on the dance floor at the same time as her and her DH and it was very obvious she was whispering things about us to him and they were both looking over and laughing like idiots and behaving badly I mean he should grow up too. I think someone else said how he should be a man and I agree he didn`t have to be so silly just because she was being silly and immature but I guess birds of a feather right...
    Thank you all for your wonderful support and advice and now I am going to let this bad chapter rest and try to forget and move on and hopefully I do not have to see or deal with her again anytime soon so the next century is fine with me LOL [​IMG]
     
  13. Tuckins1
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Tuckins1 » Aug 17, 2009
    Beeach! [​IMG] You are the bigger and better person. Period.
     
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