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Badly need advice should I go or not??????

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btrflygrl23

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Ok I''m really torn about what to do in my situation and I am hoping that you lovely ladies and gentleman can help me make a definite decision.
I haven''t discussed this here before b/c honestly it was too upsetting.

Ok here goes pls bear with me...
2 year ago a friend of mine that I met through one of FI''s good friends asked me to be a maid at her wedding. I was suprised b/c we were not that close but she did put me on the spot (took me out to dinner and then popped the ques) I agreed but I did let her know that I work practically full-time and that I also attend school and that she and I don''t live close at all so that it would be tough at times to always be around for all the little things that invariably come with wedding planning. She said she knew this and still wanted me to do it.

There was one other maid her MOH and me that''s it.
Ok so long story short she turned into a total bridezilla...got mad that I could not make every fitting, got mad that I couldn''t go over the border with her one time during the winter to shop for wedding stuff, got mad and yelled at me when I couldn''t make the staggette which was in Vegas b/c I was having surgery to remove 2 ovarian cysts, she even had her other friends call me the morning of my surgery to see if I would sell my tickets to one of them after I told her I would be gone after 9 am to check into the hospital for my surgery and I asked her the week before if she needed me to sell my tickets to anyone else.
Kept having all these berating talks with me to tell me what a bad job I was doing as her maid. Had a huge fight with her MOH and kicked her out of the wedding and at the last sec added another MOH who she worked with.
Got mad that the cheese platter that I took to her shower did not include only gourmet cheeses.
Got mad that I did not fully pull off the Paris theme she picked for her shower, had a huge fight with her sis whose house we had the shower in so when I got there no one was speaking to each other and I felt really awkward...
On the day she berated us every time we didn''t hold her dress properly or fix her veil, she made me take her shoes on and off for these games they played at the reception and she made me get down on my hands and knees and clean the dirt from her dress from taking pics.
Final straw she asked me pick up and pay for the favors given out at the wedding which was this gourmet almond rocha. I did and about 2 weeks after the wedding when I had not heard from her I sent a friendly e-mail asking how married life was treating her and if her pics had come in and that I''m sure they turned out really pretty and oh if you have a chance can you pls send me a cheque for the money from the almond rocha or even just let me know and transfer it into my account. About a week after the e-mail I get an e-mail back: hello I see your e-mail but I am working from home and have not had a chance to check it, I''ll get back to you when I do, signed her name that''s it and I have never heard from her since.
She got married at the end of last June and this e-mail was in early July and that''s it she never contacted me again and I let it go b/c it wasn''t worth it.
Also I forgot to mention that she got mad that I wouldn''t let her hairdresser do my hair I used my own b/c she was much cheaper and my hair looked exactly as she wanted it to look and the new MOH was allowed to do her own hair but I had to use her hairdresser. She made us pay $150 to have air brush make-up and when we inquired about the price she flipped on us. She told me I couldn''t wear the gold shoes I had picked out under her instruction since the new MOH was wearing gold wedges and mine were heels so I had to find gold wedges too at the last minute.
Still I behaved well at the wedding I gave an appropriate speech and treated her like it was her day b/c it was but I was upset.

Ok vent over SO sorry so this is what I need advice about we are attending the wedding of a friend of FI''s and she is also friends with him and she and her hubby will be there and I don''t want to go but FI thinks I should. I''m honestly afraid this girl will be super mean or confront me or something and that I will get upset and more of the women attending are close with her and I''m afraid to feel isolated. I don''t know what to do. FI thinks I am being silly and that we should go and just leave her alone and have a good time and then leave.
What do you guys think?
 

somethingshiny

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Sounds like this woman is bitter and rude. She seems to have ruined enough of your life. Go to the wedding and have fun! Ignore her completely. The more you let her past behavior affect your current decisions the worse for wear you''ll be.

Weddings are times to celebrate. If she arrives and confronts you or is mean to you, just walk away. The other people will see right through her too.
 

btrflygrl23

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Thanks somethingshiny! You''re right of course...
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monarch64

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She sounds a little...psychotic? I''d be afraid of her, too! However, life is too short to let the presence of a bully control your decision of whether to attend another friend''s wedding! Put on your big girl pants and go. You''ll feel better and stronger for having gone than you would if you chose not to attend and let her get the best of you.
 

Lilac

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Date: 7/30/2009 4:55:46 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Sounds like this woman is bitter and rude. She seems to have ruined enough of your life. Go to the wedding and have fun! Ignore her completely. The more you let her past behavior affect your current decisions the worse for wear you''ll be.

Weddings are times to celebrate. If she arrives and confronts you or is mean to you, just walk away. The other people will see right through her too.

+1. Go and have fun! If she really causes problems, you can always leave, but don''t let her have any more control over your life!
 

Circe

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One of my favorite quotations comes from Eleanor Roosevelt: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Go to the wedding! If she has the gall to "confront" you (over what? having been much nicer than she deserved?), use it as the opportunity to give her the telling off that she so richly earned two years ago. Oh, and ask for your money again.
 

zoebartlett

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I''d go as well. If you see her, you can be cordial but you don''t have to be buddy buddy or hang out together.
 

purrfectpear

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Yeah, you''re being overdramatic about not going.

You don''t go to meet up with HER, you go to accompany your FI and have fun with HIM
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BTW, life''s too short to go around avoiding confrontation and weird people. Don''t let other''s determine where you go and what you do. It''s YOUR life...they''re just bit players.
 

tlh

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Wow, that is some history. I''d go, have a great time. Before she has a chance to start any mean stuff... if she comes up to you kill her with kindness. She may be embarrassed that she let so much time pass... and distance go in your relationship, and you could be the saving grace. If she is a bitty... tell her how great it was to see her again, and walk away... straight to the dance floor... kick off your shoes and boogie! (Or whatever you do for fun at weddings, and I''ve found... sometimes it just takes 1 or 2 people to encourage a group to come out.)

Don''t sweat the small stuff. If she is evil with an entourage.. remember you''ve got one too - in your man. And he''s a hottie, right!?!... so make everyone jealous by having fun with your hottie man!
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QueenB29

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Sounds like a perfect opportunity to ask her for your money (in front of her hubby, and maybe her entire table, of course)
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Seriously--If you want to go to the wedding and think you''ll have a good time, go. If she confronts you, so be it. YOU haven''t done anything wrong and she''ll just end up looking like a fool. If she was sane, she would be too embarrassed to go anywhere nere you.
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atroop711

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you are being silly. You are going with your FI..why care who''s there or not? If she''s rude and immature to start something at someone''s wedding...smile and walk away. PAY NO MIND TO HER...She may shock you and have taken her meds...so she actually may be normal and nice to you.

You gotta have an I don''t give 2 sh!ts attitude...enjoy yourself...eat, dance, laugh and have a good time. Life''s too short...enjoy it now!
 

Italiahaircolor

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Oh, I would go...and I would wear my gold heels.

Listen, the thing is, she''s a bully not just a bridezilla. I think some people just walk through life with a sense of entitlement--those are people that need to be stood up against. You didn''t offer to buy her freakin'' favors...you did back bends to help her out...you did the best you could. If she wants to confront you...I say it bring it on, b****! You have nothing but the truth and the facts on your side...no one, no matter how insane, can argue with logic. If she wants to make drama on the day of wedding, politely disengage her...tell her that if she wants to go tit for tat, you''re more than happy to...but this isn''t the time or place...this day is about someone else--you can even throw in finally for good measure. Tell her you''d happily be available to talk tomorrow, or even in the parking lot after the wedding.

Do not allow yourself to be bullied. Don''t do it. Who cares if she hates you forever, she certianly doesn''t sound like the type of person who you''d want a long time friend anyway.
 

swingirl

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Date: 7/30/2009 5:41:55 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Yeah, you're being overdramatic about not going.

You don't go to meet up with HER, you go to accompany your FI and have fun with HIM
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BTW, life's too short to go around avoiding confrontation and weird people. Don't let other's determine where you go and what you do. It's YOUR life...they're just bit players.
Yep!

Oh, and wear the gold shoes!
 

Indylady

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Hehe, listen to Swingirl, wear the shoes, look dazzling and have a fantastic time! If she approaches you, be cordial; if she does anything to upset or bother you, excuse yourself from the situation. Its never too late to stand up to a bully.
 

purrfectpear

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Heck if she was silly enough to approach me, I''d ask loudly "do you have your checkbook with ya?"
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Clairitek

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Date: 7/30/2009 9:47:03 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Heck if she was silly enough to approach me, I''d ask loudly ''do you have your checkbook with ya?''
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As trillionaire would say, co-sign.
 

steph72276

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I think it is just up to you. Do you want to go see the wedding? If so, go and ignore her. If not, don''t go....but don''t let her rule your plans!
 

jcarlylew

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Date: 7/30/2009 5:03:30 PM
Author: Lilac

Date: 7/30/2009 4:55:46 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Sounds like this woman is bitter and rude. She seems to have ruined enough of your life. Go to the wedding and have fun! Ignore her completely. The more you let her past behavior affect your current decisions the worse for wear you''ll be.

Weddings are times to celebrate. If she arrives and confronts you or is mean to you, just walk away. The other people will see right through her too.

+1. Go and have fun! If she really causes problems, you can always leave, but don''t let her have any more control over your life!
+ another one. plus you can always say (if she gets in your face) "We are here to celebrate X''s wedding today, please do not tarnish their day by hurtful sayings/comments/etc"
 

btrflygrl23

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Thanks so much all you guys for the responses and good advice...you are all right I am giving her too much significance in my life and in how I make plans. I do want to attend the wedding the groom is a friend of both FI and I and I like him and I should get to go and celebrate with him on his special day.
I''m going to have a good time and eat and dance and be a grown up. I will be cordial if I need to be and if she confronts or is weird and mean I''m going to rise above and NOT ruin another couples special evening.
I am happy to deal with the issue later if she wants but not at a wedding.
I will keep you posted the wedding is on the 14 of Aug at 6pm.
I may need advice on what to wear so stay tuned. It is never too late to stand up to a bully and I''m too old now to let some petty crap keep me away from where I want to go and who I want to spend time with!

Thank you again to:
somethingshiny
Monarch
Lilac
Circe
Zoe
purrfect - I LOVE your idea of asking if she brought her checkbook! I mean really the favors were $152 and I attend school full-time and I could use that money not to mention I drove a long way to get them on my gas dime and I did I mention I put in the labor to box all 135plus favors??? Geez!
tlh
QueenB
atroop - thanks you`re right I was being really silly now that I see what you all have to say it makes sense that I was being too sensitive.
Italian and swing - LOL and I heartily agree I will plan my outfit around those gold shoes tee hee! Thanks ladies!
shz,Claritek,steph,and jcarly a big thanks!

I`ll let you know how it goes...
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Dannielle

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Date: 7/30/2009 8:42:02 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Oh, I would go...and I would wear my gold heels.

Listen, the thing is, she''s a bully not just a bridezilla. I think some people just walk through life with a sense of entitlement--those are people that need to be stood up against. You didn''t offer to buy her freakin'' favors...you did back bends to help her out...you did the best you could. If she wants to confront you...I say it bring it on, b****! You have nothing but the truth and the facts on your side...no one, no matter how insane, can argue with logic. If she wants to make drama on the day of wedding, politely disengage her...tell her that if she wants to go tit for tat, you''re more than happy to...but this isn''t the time or place...this day is about someone else--you can even throw in finally for good measure. Tell her you''d happily be available to talk tomorrow, or even in the parking lot after the wedding.

Do not allow yourself to be bullied. Don''t do it. Who cares if she hates you forever, she certianly doesn''t sound like the type of person who you''d want a long time friend anyway.
Italia, You are awseome!
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Porridge

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 27, 2008
Messages
3,267
Go, be civil, if anything is said just roll your eyes and make your excuses to leave. Everyone will find out what a b*tch she is sooner or later. Don''t waste another minute worrying about her.
 

gwendolyn

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6,770
Yay, glad you're going!
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And seriously, if she's there, ask for your money back. Seems like she might just 'disappear' again after this encounter, so if you want your money back, could be the best way to get it!
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,105
It constantly amazes me that there are so many people who will be so abusive, and so many of you who will tolerate it. By tolerate, I mean put up with ANY amount of BS these folks dish out. Who do they think they are? And why is it your job to take the abuse? Had this been my problem, I would have solved it long before her wedding. She would have had to treat someone else like crap.

As for your FI, he should be listening to you. If he was, he would insist that the two of you not go to the upcoming wedding of a mutual friend. It would not just be awkward. As upset as you are, as nasty as she has been, it really could be a problem. A problem the marrying couple do not need at their nuptials. Skip it.

And kick her ''friendship'' to the curb. Oh, and assume you will never be paid for the favors. Frankly, I''d send her a bill.
 

HollyS

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2007
Messages
6,105
I see I''m the only one who told you to skip the wedding. Hmmm. . .

Almost everybody sees it as an opportunity to be confrontational if the opportunity arises. THAT is exactly what I''m talking about. Don''t get into anything at someone else''s wedding. If you can''t go and ignore her, then don''t go. That means, no asking for money, no responding to unkind words; if you can''t walk away without any scene whatsoever, stay home.
 

Madam Bijoux

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 15, 2005
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5,379
That woman is a psychotic creep, but I wouldn't let her stop me from going somewhere with my fiancee'. I would go to the event and deliberately turn my back on her at every opportunity. If she has the gall to approach you, just keep asking "Do you intend to pay me the money you owe me?" in a dignified way.
Tennessee Wiilliams once wrote "A b**** is no match for a lady, especially in bed.".
 

QueenB29

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Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
440
Good for you. Good luck and have a fabulous time. Remember: living well and looking good is the best revenge there is! You never know, she might have gained 100 pounds or spent too much time in the tanning booth and turned orange!
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