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Update...and thanks to everyone for your hugs...

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dawn74

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
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20
Hey all -
Just thought I''d post a quick update, although I don''t have that much new to say. Thanks to everyone who took the time to send me your kind thoughts and warm wishes and words of support over the holidays.
They were rough. Very rough - but my mindset is a little better now that they are over. I did leave town over the New Year. Went to visit my sister and her husband and we just stayed in and watched the ball drop over Times Square.
I admit to crying a little bit at midnight. I just kept thinking that I had all these hopes and plans for 2007 - including, obviously, getting married - and now, I just have absolutely no idea what this year holds for me. Or what I want it to hold. I just am a little lost, I guess, cause I am not sure what to do with myself.
I''ve had some interaction with my ex, but I''ve tried to keep it at a minimum, because it seems like every time I talked to him, I just ended up feeling worse after I got off the phone. None of those conversations have solved anything anyway.

He still hasn''t told his family, or any of his close friends that we have split up, apparently. I ran into one of them at the gym today and he asked how my ex was and whether we had a good Christmas, etc. It was hard...this after all, was HIS friend, and not mine, and I felt like it wasn''t really my place to say anything.
It''s been officially five days since we talked last, and it seems like an eternity, but I am dealing with it the best I can.

Hope everyone had a good New Year''s. Thanks again for everything...
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
So sorry to hear about this, dawn. I know this probably won't make you feel much better, but New York can be such a lonely city in the holidays! That was what struck me the most when I visited NYC some years ago over winter break. I was in a similar place in my relationship with a guy that I knew was the exact wrong guy for me (not my current guy), and I felt so lonely and depressed even though I knew it wasn't going to work out in the end. I remember crying when the ball dropped over Time Square that New Year, and I could hear all the cheering and such from his cell phone...

But I really believe that NYC is also a place to clear your head... a place with so many people that you can't help but feel lost, but at the same time you feel like there's so much out there, if you know what I mean. There will be better men in your future, and I hope you know that! If he does not want to have you as his wife, nevermind having kids... if he doesn't even want to marry you, he never really cherished you. You deserve way better, and I'm positive you will find better. I'm glad you are taking the steps for yourself toward that goal.

Times are going to be tough, and they will probably remain so for a bit. Break ups like what you're describing are always like that, and it sounds like you are taking all the best courses of action -- not keeping much contact, limiting conversations, spending time with your family and friends. Take care of yourself, and think about the future! Hope all goes well for you...
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
do you live in NYC dawn?
thanks for the update, i was wondering how you were.
It is a painful time and I''m not so sure I''d have it as together as it sounds like you do. Does your ex express any regret or desire to meet/try to work it out? You''re very strong to cut off contact or minimize it, it''s the best option even though it''s brutal.
A friend of mine has been married for almost 10yrs (married mid 20''s) and I just found out they are separating b/c he doesn''t want kids and and that led him to not wanting to be married anymore. She is going through hell and I feel so bad for her. Not exactly a cheery thing to share, but I think it shows that marriage is not the answer always and sometimes it can be worse if the 2 aren''t speaking the same language so to speak. Be relieved you are dealing with this now. You''ll be stronger for it either way. Please keep us posted, even if it''s to vent and re-hash.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
Hi Dawn,

I''m so sorry that the holidays were difficult, there''s never a good time to break up it seems. Just wanted to offer you more support and an ear/eye, feel free to come here and vent if it helps you work through your feelings. Cutting off contact is extremely difficult but, in my experience, the best choice.
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
188
Dawn,

I feel for you as I was going through the same steps you are going through now and I know how bad it can get. I hope things get better for you;keep coming here and vent. You dont know how helpful it was to put my thoughts and feelings in writing. Also the amount of encouragemnt and support you get here is mind blowing. Listen to these women. Good luck and keep us in touch.

***hugs***
 

Becky P

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 7, 2006
Messages
272
Glad you posted an updated - sorry things are still so rough! I cannot even imagine what kind of a mess I would be if I broke up with my bf. You are a strong and amazing lady. I''m so proud of you for making such a tough decision. We''re here for you! Hugs!!!
 

~*Alexis*~

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 10, 2006
Messages
1,750
Hey-
I''ve been there. I know what you are going through. If you need to talk just say the word. I will give as much advice as I can and help you out however I can.
*Hugs*
 

dawn74

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
20
Ya''ll have been great.
Thanks for everything.
I actually don''t live anywhere near New York, although I could see how the way I typed my previous message was misleading. I just meant that I had gone to the East Coast to visit my sister, and we watched the ball drop over Times Square on TV. Left out that key little detail.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a good Friday and a good weekend. This is going to be my first weekend in town since "it" happened, so I am going to try to lay low, take down Christmas decorations, etc.
 

stretch4

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2004
Messages
4,360
Dawn, it''s good to hear from you!! Remember we''re here for you if you need anything at all!
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
dawn, you sound much better. good luck with your first wkend back. if you''re willing to share, i''m curious how your bf/ex-bf has handled all of this,...is he wanting things back as they were or being indecisive? do you think there''s a chance it could work? 3.5 years is a LONG time (i''ve been w/my bf that long too), please take of yourself and make sure you''re doing ok!!!
 

dawn74

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 18, 2006
Messages
20
To be honest, I don''t know how he''s handling it.
Initially, I''d say the answer was not very well. He called two or three times within the first few days of it happening, and came over a couple of times too. But he didn''t say anything to lead me to believe that he had had a massive change of heart about what he wants out of his life.
Basically, when he came over it was only going for a couple of minutes. He was going "stop by to pick something up." But each time, he''d end up staying until basically I was forced to kick him out.
He said he hadn''t been able to tell anyone we had split because it was "too hard." It was about a week ago that I put my foot down and said that having him around, having him come by, talking to him was only making things worse for me.
So it''s now been an entire week without any contact between us. I don''t know how he''s been the past few days, or even what he''s been up to.
That''s the part that''s killing me. It is taking everything in my power not to pick up the phone and call (one of the reasons I am typing here now, instead of dialing).
I know he''s only doing what I asked - staying away - but part of me hates the fact that he listened to me. Ugh.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,170
I know that exact feeling Dawn. You tell them to stay away but part of you wishes more than anything that they would just pick up the phone and say that everythings alright. It will start feeling easier and you will get through it.
 

KimberlyH

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 15, 2006
Messages
7,485
I think all women have gone through this at some point in a break off. I called off an engagement and he kept coming around, when he stopped, even though I wanted him to, I was stunned and a bit lonely. I didn''t miss us as a couple but I was so used to him being present in my life I didn''t know how to cope with his absence. I never wanted to be with him again, but something was missing and I wanted the void filled.

Work out, dive into a hobby, spend time with friends; whatever you do, don''t pick up the phone, it just prolongs the pain.

~K
 

IrishAngel7982

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 5, 2006
Messages
1,412
Thanks for the update Dawn. I''m so sorry you''re going through this difficult time. I think you made the right decision, as difficult as it is. I''m sure you''ll know down the road when you have children, since right now this relationship didn''t guarantee you would have children together. Stay strong! It sounds like you''re holding up very well so far. As for wanting to call him, one thing that I believe helps is deleting his phone number from your cell phone/speed dial. When you have the urge to call him, it will be more difficult to dial the entire number rather than press a speed dial button. Good luck and please let us know how you''re doing. *hugs*
 

Bunnifer

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 26, 2006
Messages
227
Hi Dawn,

I read your message to Mandarine asking her to take you off the list, and it promted me to bump your thread -- how are you doing these days? I still think you did the right thing for yourself. Now all that''s left to do is heal. *HUGS*
 
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