Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comments?

[Robinelizaa]

Hey guys,

I recently found out that my boyfriend bought my engagement ring (yay) from James Allen. It was VERY important to him that he choose it and had the final say because he wanted me to be proud of him for choosing the ring in the end. I did not mind that at all and tried to coach him in the right direction on how to choose a great diamond. Well... He had sent the completed ring to his friend from his email and I happened to look at the diamond and I am a little concerned about the depth.

the diamond is a .76 ct cushion modified brilliant with a depth of 73.6 %. The deeper depth does make the diamond look smaller, which I am not as concerned about versus the brilliance and sparkle of the diamond. I want a diamond with sparkle!

Anyways, the great thing about JA is their 360 video of the diamonds.

This is the diamond my BF bought (you may have to copy and paste). If you scroll down to the bottom all the diamond specs are listed there as well.

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/cushion-cut/0.76-carat-h-color-vs1-clarity-sku-534298

Do you think the diamond will still look pretty good considering the deep depth? I know there is no way I can tell him to return the diamond without deeply hurting his feelings, so either way that is my diamond. I just wanted to know what you all think about it! Thanks!

 

[JackieBirdBurden]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

What were you doing in his email?

 

[PolarBear2006]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Well, I hate to tell you that you are absolutely correct that 73.6% is waaayyy too deep, it not only makes your diamond seem smaller but actually take away significantly from the brilliance and sparkle of the stone. I would seriously consider taking it back...it really isn't even close.

 

[PolarBear2006]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

What were you doing in his email?

Too true!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Well, it sounds like you're going to need to love it! There's really no point of us commenting, because yes, there were better choices and he clearly had no idea what he was doing. Most diamonds are pretty. It's just a shame this one faces up a lot smaller than it could for the weight.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I don't really see the point in commenting. It's a lose/lose situation.

1) You abdicated the right, IMO, to be involved in the engagement ring purchase process by your own choice. Now you are backseat driving. Hindsight is always 20/20. That doesn't mean it's a good idea.

2. Is there a good way the conversation is going to when you say, "by the way, I was in your email and clicked on the diamond and...?" No.

3. This isn't about the ring. So don't lose sight of the forest by fixating on the tree. This is about your relationship. That ring is a symbol of your commitment and that's the main point of it. Are his feelings worth hurting about this, when you specifically allowed him to use his judgement?

So, I'm not going to comment except to say, I would encourage him to propose in the return period. See it in person. Let him propose. And then if there is disappointment or you are unhappy, and decide that it's worth the conversation, then address it then. Otherwise, you need to appreciate that he did his best and love it. And keep in mind that JA has a trade up policy you can use in the future.

 

[toBnruG]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Hate to be judgmental but this one's got my pulse up.

You don't need advice on this diamond, you need advice on how to let go and give your boyfriend control. He wanted to do this for himself. You posted 3 weeks ago the exact setting and size of stone to get people's advice on the jeweler, now you're posting the exact stone to get people to tell you if your boyfriend already made a mistake before even giving you the ring!

Are you paying for the ring? Are you worried about your purchase? If not, this has nothing to do with you and you've already extorted your boyfriend's trust. To be honest, even if you were paying for it yourself, the fact remains that you agreed together that this was something he wanted to do on his own.

An engagement ring is for life. It symbolizes his commitment to an everlasting relationship and future marriage. It does not have to hold it's value - it will never be sold. It doesn't have to fulfill performance quotas - it represents his love and when you look at the stone (if it has one, this is not compulsory by the way) you should be reminded of his love, not a sheet of paper with percentages, angles and a price-tag.

Sorry to be so hard on you. But take a few moments to stop and think about this. Are you embarrassed to show people what your boyfriend lovingly and painstakingly chose for you, or are you just worried that after the divorce nobody is going to want to buy it off you?

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

You are undermining him by first getting the order number and tracking the diamond and then "happening" to look in his email to get the specs on the stone. A solid marriage is built on complete honesty and trust as the very foundation, so you can turn this around but you need to let go. Realize he is doing his best to make you happy and go with it.

 

[RockBrat]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

The diamond is fine. I like the profile view, I think it has a pretty profile and shape. I like a deep cushion. It will still throw off light and it will still shine. I think the way this whole thing is happening is sad. It was Important to him to be able to choose the diamond and ring, which you allowed him to do. But you still were giving him guidelines and input, direction, but were snooping and now you already feel disappointment before you've even seen the ring. So no matter what, you're going to be disappointed.

You will need to compromise in marriage, allow your husband to have say over some things, allow him to have his way over some things, and allow him to have some control over his wants and feelings. Allow this ring to be a symbol of that and love it for what it is, a symbol of his feelings for you and a symbol of you letting go of some things and giving him the wheel. Instead of being disappointed he didn't choose what you feel is the best one, be happy that he wants to be a part of your life. Let him have this and be happy in the sentiment and gesture and enjoy that he is proud of what he chose. You should be proud of him.

If you go through his emails often you might want to evaluate how much you trust him. After all, you're not really trusting him to do a good job in choosing a diamond ring for you.

I hope you love your ring and have a happy marriage.

 

[telephone89]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Are you embarrassed to show people what your boyfriend lovingly and painstakingly chose for you, or are you just worried that after the divorce nobody is going to want to buy it off you?

Okay I think this is way too harsh.

But OP, overall I agree with everyone else. If you wanted to be involved, you should have pushed for that in the beginning. Going behind his back is not a great idea.

 

[flyingpig]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I will just comment on the stone and your options.


1. All diamonds are pretty to a certain degree. You can learn to like it.
2. Return within 30 days.
3. Upgrade later in life, which should not be a problem given the price of the original stone

 

[Sagefemme]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Ouch!! This is painful. BUT it can be made right, and might be a fantastic personal growth opportunity for this couple (I'm sort of joking because I hate terminology like "personal growth opportunity" but in fact that's exactly what could happen here).

I know the OP is getting a lot of advice she never wanted, but I'm going to chime in. First, a full confession, with tears and remorse, usually goes pretty well; I bet you will be forgiven. Second, it's your boyfriend who needs to be spending time on this forum, not you. He can choose a stone all by himself with the help of the experienced diamond choosers here, and you will have a lovely surprise and a beautiful ring.

 

[kenny]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I don't really see the point in commenting. It's a lose/lose situation.

1) You abdicated the right, IMO, to be involved in the engagement ring purchase process by your own choice. Now you are backseat driving. Hindsight is always 20/20. That doesn't mean it's a good idea.

2. Is there a good way the conversation is going to when you say, "by the way, I was in your email and clicked on the diamond and...?" No.

3. This isn't about the ring. So don't lose sight of the forest by fixating on the tree. This is about your relationship. That ring is a symbol of your commitment and that's the main point of it. Are his feelings worth hurting about this, when you specifically allowed him to use his judgement?

So, I'm not going to comment except to say, I would encourage him to propose in the return period. See it in person. Let him propose. And then if there is disappointment or you are unhappy, and decide that it's worth the conversation, then address it then. Otherwise, you need to appreciate that he did his best and love it. And keep in mind that JA has a trade up policy you can use in the future.

You have commented, a lot.

I have no problem with any of your comments.
But why say you're not going to comment?

Comment.
Own it.

 

[MollyMalone]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Ouch!! This is painful. BUT it can be made right, and might be a fantastic personal growth opportunity for this couple (I'm sort of joking because I hate terminology like "personal growth opportunity" but in fact that's exactly what could happen here).
I know the OP is getting a lot of advice she never wanted, but I'm going to chime in. First, a full confession, with tears and remorse, usually goes pretty well; I bet you will be forgiven. Second, it's your boyfriend who needs to be spending time on this forum, not you. He can choose a stone all by himself with the help of the experienced diamond choosers here, and you will have a lovely surprise and a beautiful ring.

The problem, as I see it, is that the converstion would be a triple whammy for him: that she told him a surprise e-ring was fine when that is not what she honestly wanted (in her other thread, she told us she hates surprises); that she snooped through his emails (I know that not everyone views that as much of a transgression as I do); and more importantly, that she would be, in essence, telling him she thinks he is incompetent -- surely a blow to a man who views the purchase of the e-ring as a reflection of his abilities ("he wanted me to be proud of him [because of his choice]", a view she seemingly endorsed.

So in this instance, I'm inclined to say that the personal growth opportunity is hers alone, I.e., that in the future, she will be more transparent about her needs and wishes & she allows him to be blissfully ignorant of her opinion that he could have done better in selecting the diamond (unless he himself voices doubts as to whether it's a keeper, and even then, I would tread lightly).

Odds are that this stone will compare quite favorably in appearance to the less than 1-ct cushions typically seen in chain or mall jewelry stores, where most e-rings are purchased, and because I think she steered him towards the selected setting, I'm hoping that the ring, which she has yet to see in person, pleases her even tho' the center stone isn't one that would have been recommended on this forum.

 

[Coralfish]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

It was VERY important to him that he choose it and had the final say because he wanted me to be proud of him for choosing the ring in the end. I did not mind that at all

Hi Robinelizaa

It is okay if, even if it was VERY important to him as you state, that it was MORE important to you to have some more control in the process. It is also okay if you didn't realise this till after the fact. Communication is the key, I think.

Re the diamond. To answer you truthfully, as you asked the question and I do not want to patronise you by skirting the issue. It is not good. Not good at all, sorry. The depth as an abstract number is almost incidental to how it will perform, which is, by PS standards, not well.

This is rather useful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O7H8E_MYRM

 

[Sagefemme]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I think you're right, MollyMalone, and I didn't put it in my post, but I absolutely think she should be proposed to with the current ring. It is likely head and shoulders above the average ER, and she should give herself the chance to love it. And yes, the confession would be HUGE (IMHO) and multi-pronged.

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I don't really see the point in commenting. It's a lose/lose situation.

1) You abdicated the right, IMO, to be involved in the engagement ring purchase process by your own choice. Now you are backseat driving. Hindsight is always 20/20. That doesn't mean it's a good idea.

2. Is there a good way the conversation is going to when you say, "by the way, I was in your email and clicked on the diamond and...?" No.

3. This isn't about the ring. So don't lose sight of the forest by fixating on the tree. This is about your relationship. That ring is a symbol of your commitment and that's the main point of it. Are his feelings worth hurting about this, when you specifically allowed him to use his judgement?

So, I'm not going to comment except to say, I would encourage him to propose in the return period. See it in person. Let him propose. And then if there is disappointment or you are unhappy, and decide that it's worth the conversation, then address it then. Otherwise, you need to appreciate that he did his best and love it. And keep in mind that JA has a trade up policy you can use in the future.

You have commented, a lot.

I have no problem with any of your comments.
But why say you're not going to comment?

Comment.
Own it.

What I.meant was not going to.comment on stone.

 

[kenny]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Ah, now it's clear.
Thanks.

 

[sivyaleah]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I will refrain from commentary on looking through his email other than to say hopefully this is a lesson learned for you.

From my own experience in having received diamonds which were obviously poor in quality - wait until the ring is given to you and make your judgement on it then.

Two personal stories. The e-ring my ex bought me had an inclusion in it which the jeweler swore he could hid with a prong. He did his best, but it was noticable to me although anyone looking would have had to get within inches of the ring to see it. It always bothered me but he had chosen it, and did his best. The ring was sparkly nonetheless and I really did like it overall and never felt bad about wearing it.

Some years later, he bought me a pair of diamond earrings which were just awful. I wore them for a week and even had friends comment that they looked dull and gray. I finally had to have a very loving conversation with him that the earrings, while a lovely gift, were not good stones. It was very difficult but had to be done.

He was somewhat crushed but at least he took it to heart and returned them. Bought me another MUCH better pair. Yea, he had crap taste in what kind of jewelry was decent but his heart was in the right place and so was mine (well, at that point anyway LOL). Suck it up unless it's truly terrible and if it is, talk to him about it.

 

[susief]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

"An engagement ring is for life. It symbolizes his commitment to an everlasting relationship and future marriage. It does not have to hold it's value - it will never be sold."

Are we on the same Pricescope?

OP, I would talk to him, own up to everything, and start from scratch together. Honesty and the ability to compromise are good foundations for marriage.

 

[soxfan]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

"An engagement ring is for life. It symbolizes his commitment to an everlasting relationship and future marriage. It does not have to hold it's value - it will never be sold."

Are we on the same Pricescope?

RIGHT?????

 

[soxfan]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

OP, I would talk to him, own up to everything, and start from scratch together. Honesty and the ability to compromise are good foundations for marriage.

I agree with the above!

 

[MollyMalone]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Would you like suggestions, Robinelizaa, as to how to initiate a "Let's return this ring to James Allen" conversation -- if it doesn't appeal to you in real life? Since the halo'd cushion ring reflects the guidance you gave him re your specific ring preferences, I'm kinda stumped as to how to best open the door. But perhaps sivyaleah and others can offer specific suggestions for broaching the topic in such a way as to cushion the blow that you don't like the cushion; minimize the potential that he will hear what's said as "I think you were a boob for buying it".

That the cushion doesn't live up to PS light performance standards shouldn't be the driving force here imo & I hope the critical comments about this cushion haven't "poisoned the well", that you will give the ring a chance, receive it with an open mind and heart. On the other hand, I hate to see anyone feel consigned to wearing an engagement ring or wedding band that gives little-no pleasure.

 

[sassy_pants]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

Did he tell you that he already purchased a ring? If not, maybe have a heart-to-heart where you let him know that you've realized how important it is to you that you choose the ring together. You don't have to mention that you saw what he bought and disapprove of his choice. And I know everyone is ganging up on you for going through his email...in most circumstances I would say it's a bad sign if you feel the need to check your boyfriend's (or husband's) email or phone behind his back. But I will cut the OP some slack here because maybe you were just very excited about the ring and impatient to know the details, versus untrusting. So, this conversation could be presented from the vantage point that you think the ring is an important symbol of the start of your life together, and you think it should be a joint project. Initially, you respected his desire to do it on his own and you were even charmed by the sentiment, but after further reflection really want to do this together. Just an idea. And JA has an awesome return policy. He could put the brakes on this order now, no need to wait for it to come and see it first, just stress you want to start from the beginning and do the whole thing together.

 

[Scandinavian]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

It will be fine! It is a diamond and your BF has bought it for you for your engagement ring!

 

[Sphene]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

He could have done a lot worse but if you normally view diamonds in local B&Ms I think you will be pleasantly surprised

and if not insure it then lose it just kidding lol

And IMO if you were snooping just because you wanted to see the ring ok but if you regularly snoop on him don't get married it probably wont last without trust I speak from experience

 

[nala]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

It's just a ring. He's not giving you his kidney. If you don't like it, kindly share your thoughts and ask for an exchange. People on this thread are making you feel bad and judging you for going thru his email and condemning you for not trusting him. Who are they to judge? You are gonna marry the guy so why should there be any secrets? If he's mature enough to choose a ring for you then he's mature enough to handle sincerity. Why should you be miserable if you don't like it BC he didn't do his research better? This is PS, of course we care about the diamond! Now stop wasting time and get to it, before you lose your chance to exchange! And this board needs to realize that people come here for advice on diamonds, not relationship advice.

 

[acaw2015]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

It's just a ring. He's not giving you his kidney. If you don't like it, kindly share your thoughts and ask for an exchange. People on this thread are making you feel bad and judging you for going thru his email and condemning you for not trusting him. Who are they to judge? You are gonna marry the guy so why should there be any secrets? If he's mature enough to choose a ring for you then he's mature enough to handle sincerity. Why should you be miserable if you don't like it BC he didn't do his research better? This is PS, of course we care about the diamond! Now stop wasting time and get to it, before you lose your chance to exchange! And this board needs to realize that people come here for advice on diamonds, not relationship advice.

+1

 

[yssie]

Re: Unsure about the diamond my BF chose. Any Input or comme

I don't really see the point in commenting. It's a lose/lose situation.

1) You abdicated the right, IMO, to be involved in the engagement ring purchase process by your own choice. Now you are backseat driving. Hindsight is always 20/20. That doesn't mean it's a good idea.

2. Is there a good way the conversation is going to when you say, "by the way, I was in your email and clicked on the diamond and...?" No.

3. This isn't about the ring. So don't lose sight of the forest by fixating on the tree. This is about your relationship. That ring is a symbol of your commitment and that's the main point of it. Are his feelings worth hurting about this, when you specifically allowed him to use his judgement?

So, I'm not going to comment except to say, I would encourage him to propose in the return period. See it in person. Let him propose. And then if there is disappointment or you are unhappy, and decide that it's worth the conversation, then address it then. Otherwise, you need to appreciate that he did his best and love it. And keep in mind that JA has a trade up policy you can use in the future.

I agree with all of this, including the futility of indulging OP's request for commentary on the specifics of the stone.